Across The Way
by n7agentbartowski
Summary: Pamela buys a flower shop in Gotham City to try and move on from the trauma she faced in Seattle. What she doesn't expect to find in Gotham is another chance at love and friendship and even more surprising than that, is the bubbly tattoo artist that brings it to her.
1. Welcome to Gotham

_A/N: Taking a quick hiatus from Chuck fics to dive into the world of Batman. I know, I know! Another Flower Shop AU. But don't tell me that if Batman wasn't about superheroes, a flower ship is not EXACTLY where you would find Pamela. I am also one of the few that had a good time with Suicide Squad, particularly the character designs. So I took the prompt and ran with it._

 _Thanks for giving this a shot, I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Gotham and Seattle weren't all that different, Pamela decided as she peered through the shop's window at the angry black clouds gathering above the city. In fact, it rained so often in Gotham that Pam sometimes felt she hadn't left home at all. But Gotham was a fresh start. An escape from her unassuming life in Seattle-and from the ghosts that seemed to be waiting for her around every corner. Things weren't much more 'assuming' here in Gotham, but that was the way Pam preferred it. She thrived on routine. And everyday, for three weeks, she'd risen with the sun, left her dingy-but affordable-apartment and walked the three blocks to the small shop she'd procured with the help of her parents. They hadn't been particularly supportive of her choice of residence, but even her emotionally distant parents understood that Seattle was no longer a safe place for her. After what had happened with Woodrue…the entire Isley family needed a fresh start. At least, that was how Pam's mother had phrased it.

Nonetheless, Pam loved her little flower shop, even if it was small and quaint. If she was honest with herself, Pamela would rather live in the flower shop than her dank apartment, but at the moment, the backroom was barely large enough to hold her office, let alone a makeshift bedroom.

Pamela pulled herself out of her thoughts and continued through the shop, hefting her watering can with her as she gave each plant inside the store dedicated time and attention. She stopped in front of the Trailing Ivies , her favorite, and ran her fingers along the vines, smiling when they swayed towards her touch, almost as if they could feel her.

The doorbell chimed and Pamela turned around to see Mrs. Pembroke hobbling into the store, leaning heavily on her cane. Pam hurried to help her inside, just as the steady pitter-patter of raindrops on the window panes began.

"Good morning, Pamela." Mrs. Pembroke greeted the red head with a warm, slightly toothless, smile.

"You made it in just in time," Pam said, nodding to the rain outside with one hand while supporting Mrs. Pembroke with the other. She led the old woman into the store towards the shelf of Magnolias that she knew were her favorite. Mrs. Pembroke came in almost every afternoon like clockwork to buy fertilizer, or seeds, or tools for her garden and often stayed around for hours, content to spend the day chatting with Pamela. At first, Pam had found it slightly off-putting. But it was impossible not to warm to the old woman's charm, and now Pam looked forward to her visits.

"A little rain won't stop me from visiting my favorite florist," Mrs. Pembroke said, gently removing Pam's hand from her shoulder. Pam was almost certain she was the _only_ florist in Gotham-not exactly a city suited for life and growth-but she decided to accept the compliment without argument.

"Can I help you find something special today?" Pam asked, watching the old woman peruse the shelves of Magnolias.

"Oh don't worry about me, dear. You go about your business; I'm just browsing today. I'll holler if I need you." Pam smiled and nodded. Most days, Mrs. Pembroke was the only customer the shop ever saw, and while that wasn't the most conducive to business, Pam didn't mind not having to deal with people that often. On the days that she did receive new customers, she tended to stay behind her desk, instead of wandering the shop tending to the plants.

Pam began her rounds again, offering the occasional murmured reply to Mrs. Pembroke as she chattered away animatedly. The rain continued falling outside, the pitter patter creating a drowsy atmosphere inside the tiny flower shop.

"It's always so peaceful here, Pamela," Mrs. Pembroke commented. "A shame more people don't know about this place."

"I don't mind so much," Pam shrugged.

"Oh I know you don't, dear. But a store like this deserves more attention. Gotham could certainly use the change in scenery. Instead of the pubs on every corner. You've even got one next door, see? Every corner."

Pam knew the store next to hers wasn't a pub, but a tattoo parlor. One that tended to attract the rowdier citizens of Gotham. Sometimes, on weekends, the music they played-or rather, blasted-could be heard through the shop's thin walls. Luckily, it was often just Pamela who was subjected to the noisy next door shenanigans. But if the day ever came where she ever had more customers coming in….Or even Mrs. Pembroke for that matter…

"Obnoxious," Mrs. Pembroke said, as the booming bass began to throb through the air right on cue. "A horrible way to run a business," she continued, almost to herself. "This is a public city block; you'd think that they'd have the common decency to observe some peace and quiet!"

"I could talk with them," Pamela said, setting her watering can down and untying the gardening apron she wore. Pam didn't enjoy any sort of confrontation. Not for lack of confidence on her part, or course. But when arguing with people of lesser intelligence, Pamela often found herself subjected to nothing more than petty insults. In Pamela's opinion, it was better to ignore and abstain than confront and bicker. But Mrs. Pembroke had made a fair point. The noise was obnoxious as were the people playing it without regard to the neighboring shops. She'd dealt with the noise for three weeks. It was about time she spoke up.

"Why bother with thugs like them, Pamela? Would they even listen?" Mrs. Pembroke muttered, glaring angrily at the shop through the window.

"Couldn't hurt to try," Pam shrugged, trying to ignore how badly she didn't want to speak with the people next door. "I'll be right back."

The door swung open with a _ding,_ and Pam stepped out into the rain. It was a brief walk to the tattoo parlor, the main door just a few yards away from her own. Still, the rain was coming down harder now, and Pam quickly realized that she should have brought her jacket with her. She would probably be taken a bit more seriously if she didn't look like a drowned rat when she approached the parlor's owner.

 _Too late now,_ she mused, pushing open the large wooden door and stepping into the tattoo parlor. The shop was much larger than hers, filled with tables and chairs, tattoo guns, inks and mirrors. There were dozens of designs decorating the walls around her and a large sign that said ' _Welcome to Squad INK'_ hanging off an ornate wooden desk just inside the door. Pam approached the desk, raising her hand to ring the golden bell on its surface when a woman popped up from behind the desk, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Hiya!"

Pam's heart nearly leapt out of her chest and she stumbled backwards a few feet, unable to hide her shock. The woman giggled at the startled expression on Pam's face and offered her hand.

"Sorry, didn't meant to scare you. Name's Harley. Harley Quinn," Pam eyed the girl's hand warily, taking in the red and black chipped nails and spiked bracelets. Carefully, she took Harley's hand, surprised by how soft and warm her skin was.

"Pamela." She cleared her throat, releasing Harley's hand and electing to smooth down her jumper instead. Harley cocked her head, her pink and blue tipped pigtails swaying with the movement. She narrowed her bright blue eyes and pursed her lips as if deep in thought. Pam was just beginning to squirm under Harley's scrutiny when suddenly her eyes lit up and she beamed widely.

"I know you! You run the flower shop next door! I've seen you lockin' the place up sometimes." Harley paused and squinted, tapping her chin with a red tipped finger. "Ivy's…uh..em—"

" _Ivy's Green Garden,_ " Pamela finished for her, a little impatiently. Harley snapped her fingers.

"That's it! Say, why do you call it 'Ivy's' when your name is 'Pamela'? Shouldn't it be _Pam's Plant Emporium? Pam's Plants?_ "

"That's-I…." _What? No._ "Look, I'm not here to talk about my shop."

"Right!" Harley agreed, planting her elbows on the counter and leaning forward, her blue eyes boring into Pam's. "So, how can I help ya?"

"I need to talk to someone about the," Pam lifted her hand and gestured to the air around them where the bass was still throbbing loudly, "the noise." It was louder inside the shop, but Pam had been too distracted by Harley to notice, until now.

Harley glanced over her shoulder, her demeanor suddenly a little nervous. "Ah, the music. Yeah, that's just the way Mistah Jay likes to relax during his lunch breaks."

"It's disturbing my customers," Pam said resolutely. _My one customer._

Harley's lips thinned into a grim line, her fingers drumming nervously against the desk. She opened her mouth to respond when a tall, muscular black man with a carefully crafted goatee and beard approached the two of them.

"Harley, you got a problem here?"

Harley waved a hand and shook her head, her pigtails bouncing. "No, no, Floyd. No problem at all. Pammy here just wanted to see if she could talk to Jay."

 _Pamela._

Floyd looked Pam up and down once and then grunted. "Good luck, lady. Jay doesn't talk to anyone without an appointment. The guy's an asshole."

Pam smirked and Harley gasped, punching Floyd's arm.

"Floyd!"

"It's the truth and stop calling me that," Floyd grumbled, shoving Harley's hand away and moving back into the shop. Pam watched him go, catching a glimpse of a young woman organizing her tools at a far corner seat. She looked up, locking eyes with Pamela for a moment underneath her dark bangs. She looked away when Floyd approached and Pam returned her attention to Harley.

"So," she said, clasping her hands behind her back casually. "May I speak to Mister Jay?"

Harley chewed on her bottom lip for a moment and then relented, gesturing for Pamela to step around the desk. She led her into a cramped hallway with a single door set at the very end. The bass throbbed louder with every step they took toward it.

"Jay doesn't really like unexpected visitors," Harley explained loudly over the music. "Like Floyd said…But since you're our next-door neighbor, I'm sure he won't mind making an exception." The smile Harley forced didn't exactly serve to reassure Pamela. Harley knocked quietly on the door when they approached. So quietly in fact, that Pam wasn't sure Jay would be able to hear it over the music.

"Puddin?" Harley squeaked, pressing her mouth close to the door. The nickname surprised Pamela. It seemed strange for Harley to be so intimidated by someone she appeared to have a relationship with. Or maybe not, Pamela quickly corrected herself. She had first hand experience with awful, power hungry men. This 'Mister Jay' might not be too different than Woodrue.

There was no response. The bass continued to boom and Harley didn't look ready to risk knocking again. Pam stepped forward, pushing Harley aside and shoving the door open roughly. Ignoring the strangled noise of protest Harley made, Pam stepped inside the small office and strode up to the desk that sat in the middle of it.

The man, who must have been Jay, sat with his feet propped up on the old, beat up desk, his hands laced behind a head full of shocking green hair. His arms were covered in various tattoos all the way up to a gaping, toothy smile tattooed on his left hand. His green eyes shot open when the door opened, a snarl twisting his features. Pam straightened, raising herself to her full height and lifting her chin to meet Jay's sharp gaze. He glanced over her briefly, his eyes calculating, and then he looked over Pam's shoulder at Harley and his lips stretched into a dangerous grin.

"Harley," Jay's tone was light, welcoming, but there was a layer of thinly veiled fury laced in his voice. "Can you recall the conversation we had about inviting guests into my office without an appointment? Do you remember what I told you?"

"Course I do, Puddin," Harley replied meekly, the fear in her voice making Pam stiffen. "But Pam is from the flower shop next door! She just wanted to drop in and—"

"-And ask you to be more considerate of the other shops in this area," Pam finished, shifting slightly so that Jay was forced to look her in the eye. "The music you blast on weekends is so loud that we can hear it in my shop. It's disturbing my customers. It's not my place to decide what sort of music you play in your shop, but I do have the right to ask that it _stays in_ your shop."

A slow smile spread across Jay's lips, growing so wide that his green eyes were forced into a squint. "You are absolutely right, Pammy. I've been incredibly inconsiderate."

"Pamela," she corrected out loud this time.

Jay ignored her and made a show of fumbling with the knobs on his stereo speakers. "You'll have to apologize to your customers on my behalf. To be honest, I hadn't even realized that someone had procured the building next door!" Jay laced his fingers underneath his chin. "So quaint. So unassuming. Just like it's owner."

He gave Pam another slow smile. Pam resisted the urge to claw the self-righteous smirk right off his face. He turned the knob on the speaker again until the music was hardly louder than a small thump. "Better?"

"Much," Pam said through gritted teeth. Jay clapped his hands.

"Wonderful! Harley dear, if you would be so kind as to show Pammy here the door," he gestured for Pamela to rejoin Harley who had practically folded inward on herself. "And then I would like to speak with you in private."

"Sure thing, Mistah Jay," Harley's voice quavered just slightly. Pam felt sick with the knowledge that her decision to confront Jay was likely going to lead to trouble for Harley. Although what kind of trouble, Pam couldn't say. Harley touched Pam's elbow to grab her attention away from Jay, who was still leering at both of them. Slowly, throwing one last hard glance at Jay over her shoulder, Pam followed Harley out into the hallway. Once outside the office she turned to Harley, who now stood sandwiched inside the doorway, one hand on the knob.

"Thank you, Harley. I hope I didn't cause any trouble." _Sincerely._

Harley grinned so hard that the dimples in her cheeks stood out. "No trouble I can't handle, Red." She paused, her smiling softening a little. "It was good to meet ya, today."

"Yes," Pam replied slowly, as Harley took a small step back into the office. "It was."

Harley smiled again, gave a little wave goodbye and shut the office door, leaving Pam alone in the hallway. For a moment, she considered eavesdropping. But ultimately, she decided against waiting outside the door. She had no right poking her nose into Harley's business. After all, Pam hardly knew the woman past her name and the heart tattooed on her cheek, and her bright, baby blue eyes and wide smile and- _Stop it, Pamela. Get a hold of yourself._

Straightening her already smooth jumper, Pam continued down the hallway to the front desk, where she waved goodbye to Floyd and the dark-haired woman, who just stared at her in response. The rain had begun to wane and, by the time Pam stepped back inside the flower shop, the sun was peaking through the heavy cloud cover.

"You're back in one piece," Mrs. Pembroke teased, watching Pam cross behind the counter to grab a towel from her office. "And it appears they listened to you."

But Pam thought the quiet in the flower shop felt heavy somehow. "Mmm," was her carefully thought out reply.

"Are you alright, dear?" Mrs. Pembroke asked. But Pam didn't hear. She stared out the shop window, her mind still spinning around the expressive blue eyes and cotton candy pigtails of one Harley Quinn.

* * *

 _Until next time..._


	2. Goodbye Until Tomorrow

It had been two days since her confrontation with Jay and Pam hadn't heard so much as a peep coming from the parlor. It was a pleasant surprise considering she hadn't expected Jay to keep his word. Then again, she reminded herself, it _had_ only been two days. She'd give it a week before determining if Jay actually intended to stick to his promise permanently.

Pam looked up from arranging the new shipment of peonies that had arrived that morning when she heard the door chime. It was barely noon, still a little too early for Mrs. Pembroke to be visiting again. Then Pam saw the two bouncing blonde pigtails over a row of Baby's Breath and knew immediately who her newest customer was. A little flutter of excitement erupted in the pit of her stomach.

"Harley?" she asked, just to be sure, as she stepped around the endless rows of green. Harley spun around, the backpack she had slung over one shoulder nearly knocking a pot of roses to the ground.

"Hey, Red!" she exclaimed, a wide grin spreading across her cheeks. It faded almost immediately though and Harley clasped her hands behind her back, shuffling her feet nervously. "I just wanted to stop by and apologize for the other day. You know, with the music and everything."

Pam didn't know how to respond at first. She hadn't been expecting the apology. "I—Thank you, Harley. But if anyone should be apologizing to me, it's Jay."

Harley's brows pulled together and she rubbed the back of her neck, struggling to formulate a response. That was when Pam saw the bruises. They covered her forearm, all the way up to the diamond pattern tattoo on her wrist. Pam felt her stomach twist, those marks certainly hadn't been there two days ago. _Jay?_ It was possible she was jumping to conclusions, but after seeing the way Harley folded in on herself around him, Pam was almost certain that it had been Jay. Horror was quickly replaced by burning rage that anyone would lay a hand on someone as sweet as Harley. Or lay a hand on _anybody_ , for that matter. But Pam caught herself before she could say anything she wouldn't be able to take back. Pointing out the bruises would no doubt make Harley uncomfortable, and Pam didn't want to scare her away. Briefly, Pam's mind drifted back to Woodrue, but she pushed the thoughts away before they could consume her.

 _Leave it for now, Pamela._

It was then that she realized Harley was staring at her, waiting for a response to some question that Pamela had missed _._

"I'm sorry?"

Harley giggled at Pam's muddled expression. "I said, your shop is really pretty. It's nicer than the city park downtown!"

Pam agreed. She'd visited the park during her first week in Gotham, and the state of it had made her stomach turn. Litter, graffiti, nature stomped on, uncared for….

"I know," she said. "But that's because I actually care for the plants in here."

"What are these ones?" Harley asked, sticking her nose into a bouquet of pink and purple flowers.

"Chrysanthemums," Pam answered, watching Harley begin to wander around the shop, stopping every now and again to examine various flowers.

"I could spend hours in here," she mused, running her fingers lightly along one of the peonies petals. "Everything's so colorful."

"Well, you're welcome to stay as long as you like," Pam said before she'd processed her own words. "The shop doesn't see too many customers."

Harley's pink lips turned down into a frown. "Really? That's awful."

"I don't mind the quiet."

Harley mulled that over for a moment and then her eyes fell on the trailing ivies and her face lit up. "Say, Red, would you mind if I did some sketching? Today's my day off and I was gonna head down to the park, but your plants are so much prettier. I'll be real quiet and I'll stay out of the way while you work." Pam made the mistake of looking into Harley's eager face and her impossibly bright blue eyes.

"You can sketch." Harley grinned and reached into her backpack, nearly knocking over _another_ pot in the process, and retrieved a bright yellow sketchpad from within.

"Thanks! I saw the vines and figured I might as well get some practice in. Customers come by the parlor all the time askin' for roses or vines or petals. Guess I'm lucky you moved in when you did, huh?" Harley finished with a meaningful wink and Pam felt heat rise in her cheeks.

Harley pulled a stool up to the ivies and plopped down with her sketchbook. She went quiet almost immediately, her tongue poking out between her lips as her hand flew nimbly over the paper. Pam watched her for a while, charmed by the way she frowned at the pad and then the ivies and then the pad again, her hand never stopping its dance across the page. Eventually, Pam went back to her work, shuffling through the shop. And to her credit, Harley kept her word. The shop was silent save for the scratch of her pencil. Pam made her rounds with the watering can. After a while, she moved around to the row of lavender behind Harley. She couldn't resist sneaking a glance at the sketch over Harley's shoulder and was shocked by the intricate design she saw.

"That's beautiful," Pam breathed, her eyes following the delicate pencil lines across the page. Harley jumped at the sound of her voice. Luckily she'd lifted her pencil off the paper, otherwise Pam was sure she would have just ruined the drawing Harley had spent a considerable amount of time working on.

"You think so?" She swiveled to give Pam a better view. "It's turning out alright, I guess."

"Alright?" Pam's tone was indignant. Her eyes flickered over the small daisies Harley had sketched around the edges of the page. "Harley, this is gorgeous. You're an incredibly talented artist."

Harley's blush spread all the way to the tips of her ears. "Thanks, Red," she said softly. "Hey, you don't mind, right? That I call you, Red?"

 _Well actually…_ Pam had been raised almost entirely by her mother. She'd been Pamela since the day she was born, never Pammy, rarely Pam, certainly never Red. Normally, a nickname that played on one of her physical attributes would have aggravated Pam, but coming from Harley, it felt sincere. Affectionate.

"I…I don't mind."

"Good!" Harley exclaimed, patting her sketchpad. "I probably shoulda asked earlier, but names just kinda come to me. Yours was pretty easy." She reached out and twirled a loose lock of red hair around her finger. Pam's breath caught in her throat as Harley played absently with the ends of her hair. After a moment, Harley glanced up, her eyes meeting Pam's. Another light blush tinted her cheeks as she pulled her hand away. She offered a nervous smile before returning to her sketch pad. "Anyway, I'm gonna keep doodling if that's alright with you."

"Absolutely." Pam picked up the watering can to still her trembling hands. She couldn't stop herself from studying Harley a moment longer. Her t-shirt had ridden up on her hips, allowing Pam an unabashed view of looped lettering tattooed on her lower back. She squinted to better read the print.

' _I'm watching'_

Pam's cheeks flushed when she realized she'd been staring at what was essentially Harley's ass for far longer than was appropriate.

 _This is getting ridiculous._

She spun away and hurried to her office, feeling Harley's eyes on her back as she retreated. Ignoring the unwelcome flutter in her stomach, Pam spent the next few hours bouncing between processing the shipment she'd received and catching up on the shop's paperwork. The tasks took her far longer than they normally would have because, for as quiet as Harley was being, Pam, for the life of her, could not seem to focus with the other woman so close by. Tedious record keeping was interrupted by images of Harley's various—well-placed-tattoos. Tending to the flowers led Pam's mind back to the beautiful designs she'd seen on Harley's sketchpad. Harley, however, seemed mostly oblivious to Pam's presence. She moved around the shop, stopping to sketch different flowers and Pam made a point to catch a glimpse of every new drawing before she moved on.

Eventually, Pam looked up at the clock above her office door, realizing with a start that it was already ten minutes past closing time. Grabbing the store keys from her office drawer, Pam locked the doors from the inside to ensure no other customers could wander into the store—as if that was an actual concern-and flipped the 'Open' sign to 'Closed'. She strolled towards the shelves of lilies where Harley sat hunched over her sketchpad.

"Harley?" Pam tapped the blonde's shoulder, gently, so as not to startle her. It didn't work. Harley jumped and whipped her head around, eyes wide, as if she'd forgotten that Pam had spent the entire day in the store as well. "Sorry," Pam amended. "I have to close up."

"Oh! Gee, I'm sorry, Red. If you needed to kick me out sooner, you could have just said. I don't wanna keep you." Harley stood and stretched, doing a little dance/shuffle to loosen her stiff legs. She glanced over Pam's shoulder at the clock on the wall. "Wow! Six hours!"

Pam nodded, just as surprised as Harley. The hours had flown by even though the two hadn't talked much during that time. Which was practically a crime, Pam realized. Because she wanted to know more about Harley apart from the tattoos, the spiked bracelets and the dyed hair.

"I know, it's getting late…." Pam began as Harley gathered up her things. She straightened her backpack on her shoulder and snorted, cocking a single brow.

"Late? You think 6 o'clock is late? You're probably one of those gals that eats dinner at four and is tucked in, all ready for bed at nine too, huh?" Harley dissolved into a fit of giggles that made her nose wrinkle.

"Occasionally," Pam replied matter-of-factly. Harley's giggling only intensified when she saw Pam's serious expression.

"I like you, Red. You're funny," she said, her lips quivering as she struggled to smother her own laughter.

 _Unabashedly honest_ , Pam thought, battling _another_ blush. No one had ever connected the dots between Pamela Isley and funny. Harley just had an odd sense of humor.

"Anyway," Pam continued nervously, trying to redirect the conversation. "If it's not too inconvenient, I was wondering if you'd like to grab a coffee with me."

"Now?" Harley looked pleasantly surprised by the offer.

"If it's not too late," Pam teased, her lips quirking into a smirk. It took Harley a second to catch up with the banter and then an enormous grin broke out on her face. She laughed again, the sound reminding Pam of a wind chime.

"Sure, I'd love to!"

Pam quickly finished her cleaning duties, grabbed her bag and led Harley to the front door. She laughed when Harley tried to push it open only to realize, with a sheepish grin, that Pam had locked it. Once they were both outside, the doors dealt with, Pam looked up at the sky. The dark clouds that usually hung over Gotham had been replaced by wispy white ones this evening. Pam almost wanted to take it as a sign.

"So," Harley began as the two headed down the street, away from the tattoo parlor and flower shop. "How are you liking Gotham?"

"It's not too different from Seattle, actually. Gotham is…pleasant, I suppose. But three weeks is hardly enough time to judge," Pam replied.

"Why did you move away from Seattle?" Pam was silent for a beat too long. Harley noticed and prompted, "Family stuff?"

A grim smile twisted Pam's lips. "Something like that."

"My family lives in Brooklyn," Harley offered, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder. "I haven't seen 'em in a while."

Harley somehow looked defeated by the admission, so Pam decided not to push that particular conversation. "Why did _you_ come to Gotham?"

"I got a scholarship to the University." Pam was relieved to see her demeanor brighten almost immediately. "I used to be a gymnast!" She set her backpack down and spun ahead of Pam to do a little cartwheel as if to prove it. Pam picked up her backpack and handed it to her after Harley gave a little bow.

"Impressive."

Harley waggled her eyebrows. "Oh that's nothin'. You should see my split."

Pam wouldn't have been so affected by the innuendo if Harley hadn't been pinning her with such a pointed stare. Clearing her throat, she turned and led Harley down another narrow sidewalk.

"So, your major? Sports Sciences?"

"Nope," Harley popped the 'p' and scurried to catch up with Pam. "I was studyin' Psychology."

Now that was an answer Pam hadn't expected. It was no wonder she found this woman so intriguing. Harley was an amalgamation of contradictions. An enigma in every sense of the word.

"Psychology?"

"Yeah, I've always had an attraction for extreme personalities, ya know? I like gettin' into people's heads. Seein' what makes 'em tick."

 _That explains Jay,_ Pam mused mirthlessly. She paused the conversation now that they'd reached their destination. Pam opened the door of the homey coffee shop, standing aside for Harley, who thanked her with an exaggerated gasp and a flutter of her eyelashes.

"Chivalry is alive and well in you, Pammy," she teased. Pam just rolled her eyes and followed Harley inside. The coffee shop, Pam knew, was owned by a young woman named Barbara Gordon, the Police Commissioner's daughter. Barbara had been extremely welcoming to Pam during her first few days in Gotham. She'd even been the one to suggest that Pam visit the City Park upon learning that she'd opened a flower shop. The suggestion was one Pam still appreciated, even if the park had turned out to be an utter disappointment.

"Pam, hey!" Barbara greeted the other red head excitedly from her chair behind the counter.

"Barbara."

"Hey, cool chair!" Harley exclaimed, planting her hands on the counter and leaning over the edge to get a better look at Barbara's wheelchair. Pamela paled, her eyes locking onto Barbara's face, waiting for the moment that she would undoubtedly take offense to Harley's offhanded comment. But Barbara seemed to take Harley's unbridled enthusiasm in stride. She laughed and patted the wheelchair's handle bars.

"Thanks. I'm thinking about adding some racing stripes to it."

"Yes! You totally should!" Harley agreed, nodding her head rapidly. Barbara laughed again and Pam finally relaxed.

"So, what brings the savior of all things green in Gotham here today?" Barbara asked, her attention returning to Pam.

"Just a chat with a new friend." Pam watched as Harley pressed her face against the pastry case glass, visibly salivating over the goodies.

"Gotcha. The usual?" Barbara asked, rolling over to the display of teas and grabbing a bag of organic red rooibos for Pam.

"You know me well."

"And for…"

"Harley!" Harley dragged herself away from the pastry case and held out her hand for Barbara to shake. "Harley Quinn. Pleased to meetcha."

"Barbara Gordon," Barbara set Pam's tea bag in a mug and shook Harley's outstretched hand. "Good to meet you too, Harley. So, what can I get for you?"

Harley looked up at the board of drinks displayed above Barbara's head, looking completely overwhelmed.

"Uh, good question. Everything looks good."

Barbara eyed Harley up and down, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "I think I have just the drink for you. Care for a surprise?"

"Hit me," Harley replied with a clap of her hands. Barbara cracked her knuckles and rolled to the espresso machine nearby while Pam set a few dollars down on the counter.

"This place is so cute," Harley whispered, gazing around the shop at the tiny tables decorated with little flower vases and paintings hung on the walls. "If you and Babs joined forces you'd have the most adorable shop in all of Gotham."

"Plants with coffee?"

"I mean she's got the vases right there, Red! It could work!"

Pam smiled and shook her head as Barbara returned with a large mug of something dark, probably filled with syrup, and covered in whipped cream and candied salt. Harley's eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

"Wow! What is it?" She picked up the mug and took a giant whiff of the drink, whipped cream dotting the end of her nose.

"A white chocolate, caramel syrup, breve mocha, with whipped cream, chocolate drizzle and salted caramel sprinkles. 'The Harley'," Barbara finished with a wink. Harley's mouth fell open and she stared at Barbara with enormous eyes.

"You named a drink after me?"

"Oh yeah." Barbara waved a hand nonchalantly. "I've got 'The Pam' too." She pointed to the mug of tea in Pam's hand. "Hers is just much easier."

Harley began to blubber her thanks and Pam grabbed her elbow, gently pulling her away from the counter after giving Barbara a grateful nod. She led Harley outside and took a seat at one of the tables in front of the shop. The sun was setting now and an orange glow colored the sidewalk and tables. It lit Harley's blonde hair, darkening the pink and blue tips.

"So," Pam said after Harley had taken the first sip of her sugar filled drink and 'ooohed' over it. "Psychology."

"Mhmmm. I wanted to be a psychiatrist." Harley's tongue darted out and caught a smudge of whipped cream on her lower lip. Pam was mesmerized for a moment before looking away.

"Are you still in school then?"

"No," Harley's voice was suddenly despondent. "I dropped out three years ago when I met Jay. He wanted help running the tattoo parlor and I just couldn't say no to him."

"You dropped out?" _For a man? For him? Just like that?_ Pam didn't try to hide her disapproval and Harley must have sensed it because she shrunk in her seat.

"I….Well, yeah. I was havin' a little trouble in school and Jay needed help and I loved...love him…and it just felt right at the time, ya know?

"Hmm," Pam murmured noncommittally, taking a sip of her tea. "Do you think you might go back to it someday?"

"I dunno," Harley ran a finger around the rim of her cup. "It's been such a long time; I don't think I could. Plus, I'm older now. Goin' back to school at my age—"

Pam nearly choked on her tea. "At _your_ age? How old are you?"

"I turn twenty-five in two weeks."

"Turning twenty-five does not make you too old to go back to school. There's no cutoff for getting an education. If you want to go back, then do it. Pursue your dreams, Harley." Harley was staring at her with an expression Pam couldn't interpret.

"You really think I could go back?" she asked quietly.

"Of course I do. If you want to, there's nothing stopping you." _Except for Jay apparently._ "You seem like a very intelligent woman, Harley. Struggling with schoolwork isn't uncommon. With the right motivation, you could easily go back and get your degree."

"Gee, Pam," Harley began softly, surprising Pamela when she neglected to use a nickname. "No one's ever said that stuff to me before. No one's made me feel like goin' back to school was something I could do." She paused and locked eyes with Pam. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me," Pam replied, her eyes falling on the bruises that dotted Harley's forearms. They were darker in the light of the setting sun. "It's the truth."

"Well, I'm gonna thank you anyways." She grinned and placed her hand on top of Pam's for a moment. Her fingers were soft and they traced a small circle on Pam's knuckles before moving away.

"So what about you?" Harley asked, returning to her drink before Pam had a chance to be flustered by the contact.

"What about me?"

"School, Pammy! A lady as smart as you has to have gone to school."

 _Right. Focus Pamela._

"I went to school in Seattle. I have a PhD in Botany and Plant Science," Pam explained toying with the string of her teabag.

Harley slammed her hands on the table so hard it made Pam jump. "You're a doctor? You got a PhD and you're runnin' a flower shop?"

Pam shrugged, a little offended by the insinuation that she wasn't doing enough. "I prefer the shop right now. Maybe someday, like you, I'll go back to it." Maybe someday when labs didn't make her envision Jason's awful sneer, or feel his rough hands all over her body or hear— _Stop, Pamela. Breathe._

Harley was studying her face. Pam hadn't been able to hide the fact that their conversation had triggered something deep inside her.

"You…Okay?"

"Fine, sorry." Pam forced a tight smile. Eager to change the subject, she pointed to the small tattoos on Harley's legs. "Did you do these?"

Harley looked down at her legs. "Huh? Oh, yeah! I like to doodle and sometimes I doodle on myself…in permanent ink." She giggled at her own joke. Pam looked at the tattoos more closely. Diamonds, hearts, hatch marks, but one word in particular caught her attention.

 _Puddin_

Pam couldn't quite decide what was more disturbing, that Harley willingly stayed with a man who clearly mistreated her, or that she marked her own body with his name whenever he didn't.

"You know what's funny?" Harley asked suddenly, pulling Pam out of her thoughts. "I actually hate needles."

"You hate needles? That sounds like an occupational hazard."

"I know, right? I can't stand 'em," Harley giggled. "But when I'm tattooing, that fear just disappears. Poof. I guess knowin' that it's not just pain for the sake of pain, that there's somethin' beautiful that's goin' to come from it, makes me less afraid."

Pam's brows bounced upwards as she considered Harley's analysis. "That's quite astute, Harley."

"See? I'm still puttin' my schoolin' to good use," Harley teased, poking her tongue out at Pam. She smiled back, and it was only when her cheeks hurt from the movement that she realized how much smiling she'd done around Harley in the past few hours. It was the most that she'd smiled, or laughed during her three weeks in Gotham put together.

The two continued to talk for another hour, Pam making sure to steer the conversation away from any deep-seated issues on either of their parts. There would be time for that later. She certainly planned on spending more time with Harley in the future. Pam stood as the sun finally dipped below the horizon, the outside of the shop now lit solely by the streetlamps.

"We should go. It really is getting late now," Pam said, watching Harley use her finger to clean her mug of the rest of the sugar and whipped cream combo.

"After you, Pammy," she said, hopping to her feet. Pam took their mugs inside and bid Barbara a goodnight. When she came back outside, there was a considerable chill in the air. Unfortunately, neither she nor Harley had thought to bring a jacket. However, the walk to Pamela's apartment wasn't far, she could make it in ten minutes if she walked quickly.

"Come on," Harley said before Pam could part ways with her. She curled her fingers around Pam's wrist and tugged her forward. "I'll walk you home."

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I don't live far."

Harley looked aghast. "Pam! What kind of a date would I be if I didn't walk you home?"

"Oh, was this a date?" Pam cocked a single, slender brow. She could swear she saw Harley's cheeks turn pink in the darkness.

"Well, I dunno what else we would call it."

"Date it is then." Pam smiled and Harley perked up immediately, laughing and wrapping her arms around herself as the cold night closed in on them.

They walked for a good five minutes in comfortable silence, their shoulders brushing occasionally as they huddled close together for warmth. Finally, Harley broke the silence.

"You know, I was thinkin'. How would you like to come to the party?"

"Party?"

"Yeah! My birthday party!"

 _Right. Twenty-five. Two weeks. Keep up, Pamela._ It was difficult, however, considering Harley's mind seemed to jump from subject to subject faster than Pamela could blink.

"It's not gonna be anything crazy. Just me, Jay and the guys from the shop. Tatsu said she'd be there too but she's so quiet I don't even think I should count her." Harley continued without Pam's input. "You can meet Boomer, too. Although…now that I think about it, the two of you might not get along that well."

"Is his name really Boomer?"

"Nah, it's George," Harley explained. "But we all call him Boomerang."

"….Why?"

"He really likes 'em."

"Likes what?"

"Boomerangs."

Pam stared at Harley for a few solid seconds and then shook her head and chuckled to herself.

"What?"

"You certainly have some colorful friends."

Harley nodded in agreement. "They're just like the flowers in your shop. Colorful. But some are kinda prickly and don't smell as nice as, say, your chrysanthemums."

Pam laughed again and leaned slightly into Harley's shoulder. She felt the blonde press back and nudge her gently.

"So, what do you say? Will you come?"

Pam mulled the offer over. Spending the night conversing with men like Jay and 'Boomerang' sounded like absolute torture. Alternatively, spending the night celebrating with Harley sounded much more pleasant. She supposed she would have to take the bad with the good.

"I'd love to."

Harley squeaked in excitement and pressed herself more firmly against Pam's side. They walked a few more blocks until they reached the apartment complex and Pam found she was loathe to move away from Harley's warmth.

"This is my stop," she said, forcing herself to take a few steps away from the blonde. Harley looked up at the old building, squinting to see it better in the darkness. She paused for a moment, disconcerted by the butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

"Would you like to come in and warm up a bit?" Pam blurted, not wanting to leave Harley's company just yet. "Or at least take a jacket with you."

Harley shook her head, pigtails flipping around her face. "Nah, that's alright. I should get back as soon as I can, Jay's waiting for me."

"Ah." _Of course._

"I had fun tonight," Harley offered, reaching out to take Pam's frozen fingers. She squeezed them deftly. "Next time we go out it's my treat."

Pam smiled and looked down at their hands, surprised that Harley's were still incredibly warm. When she looked back up, Harley's eyes locked with hers. They were close. Too close. And yet neither made a move to step away. Pam held her breathe, the pounding of her heart was nearly deafening. And then Harley squeezed her fingers again and bounced away, waving frantically as she bolted off into the night.

"Good night, Red!"

Pam was rooted to her spot on the sidewalk. She stood stock still, waiting for the pounding of her heart to wane. When it did, Pam turned and walked slowly into her apartment building, a small smile growing on her lips.

 _Good night, Harley._


	3. I'll Cover You

_A/N:In which Pam meets more of the Squad and confronts Harley about her relationship with Jay. Feelings ensue._

* * *

"My name's not really Harley, you know."

"Oh? What a coincidence. My name's not really Red." Pamela dodged the gardening glove that Harley threw at her and continued watering the lavender.

"Paaaam." Harley whined, clutching at the edges of the seed order magazine she'd been perusing. "I'm bein' serious!"

Pam stifled the amused smirk that threatened to surface and donned her best apologetic expression. "So what is it then?"

"Harleen." Harley pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes as if daring Pam to judge her for her answer. "Harleen Francis Quinzel."

"That's…quite a unique name."

Harley threw her hands up in the air, the magazine fluttering onto her lap. "Unique? Please! It's an awful name, my parents didn't even give me a chance!"

"It's no more awful than Pamela."

Harley pondered that for a moment, squinting at Pam with her bright, blue eyes. Finally, she shrugged and said, "I guess that's true. Looks like we were a match made in heaven, Red." She rocked back in the stool she sat on and spread her hands in the air. "Pamela Lillian Isley and Harleen Francis Quinzel. Gotham's dynamic duo. Queens of unfortunate names."

Pam just rolled her eyes and pulled a pair of clippers out of her apron pocket, moving over to the roses.

"Anyway," Harley continued, picking up the magazine again. "I changed it as soon as I could. Harley just fits better, dontcha think?"

"A name does not a person make," Pam replied, beginning to trim a few dead stems off the rose bushes. _A rose by any other name would-_

"In that case, why don't you officially change your name to Pamb-a-lamb?" Harley challenged, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Not if I want to be taken seriously by _anyone._ "

"My point exactly! No one takes Harleen Quinzel seriously! She sounds like she belongs in a circus!"

"And Harley Quinn doesn't?" Harley's jaw dropped. "I'm teasing, Harl."

Harley huffed and looked away. "So mean today…" she mumbled, loud enough for Pam to hear.

"Am I being mean?"

"Pam from yesterday wouldn't have made fun of my name!"

Pam blinked, trying to determine if Harley was actually offended. After a moment, she decided the best course of action would be to apologize, whether it was necessary or not. "I'm sorry." Banter wasn't Pam's strong suit. She knew she could be abrasive. It was entirely possible she'd pushed the conversation too far.

Harley perked immediately and smiled at Pam. "S'ok, Pammy. I can't stay mad at you. Besides, I know you were only teasin'."

Pam nodded and returned to the roses while Harley went back to the magazine. For nearly a week, Harley had been spending her lunch breaks in the flower shop. She'd even met Mrs. Pembroke, who had been wary of the blonde at first, upon learning of Harley's connection to the tattoo parlor. But she'd warmed quickly to the girl's charms, just as Pam had.

Pam enjoyed Harley's company, she looked forward to her daily visits and yet…Everyday, Harley came into the store sporting new bruises, and it began to worry Pam that she was facing the brunt of Jay's scorn…because of her. Jay didn't care for her. And Pam knew that he was probably still bitter about their confrontation regarding his music. She imagined it wasn't sitting well with Jay that one of his employees, and girlfriend no less, spent most of her free time in the shop of his 'nemesis'. Part of Pam felt guilty for the marks she saw decorating Harley's skin. The other half wanted to skin Jay alive. And the last bit wanted to wrap Harley in her arms and never let go. She looked up, studying the deep purple bruise on Harley's cheek that she'd obviously tried-and failed-to cover with makeup.

Pam knew she should speak up. Say something to let Harley know that she could help, that she was willing to be a safe haven for the other woman should she ever need it. But she was worried that pointing out the marks would scare Harley off, or make her throw up walls. It would be better to wait until she'd established a deeper sense of trust with Harley. Then again, the longer Pam waited the more likely it was that Jay would continue to hurt her. And who knew how long it would take before he did damage that was irreversible.

"Hey, Red," Harley said suddenly. "You should get some of these."

Pam moved around to Harley's side, peering at the picture she was pointing to.

"Daffodils."

"Daffodils," Harley repeated almost reverently. "They're pretty."

Pam nodded, her eyes flickering to Harley's soft blonde hair and then back to the yellow petals in the picture. "I could find some space for them here." Harley looked up at her just as Pam reached out to brush a stray curl behind her ear. She let her fingers trail along the bruise as she drew away, her gaze locked on Harley's.

 _I'm here. I know. Let me help you._

A flicker of panic passed through Harley's eyes. Her face tightened and she forced a small smile, quickly returning her attention to the magazine. Pam sighed and went back to the plants. They were easier to care for than humans. Humans were complicated, they kept secrets, they lied, they hid. They were so small in the grand scheme of things and still capable of causing so much damage and pain. There were nuances to dealing with people. Plants were simple, there was a routine in caring for them.

Harley looked up at the clock after a few minutes of silence and began packing up her things with a heavy sigh.

"I should get goin'," she said, stuffing her sketchpad into her backpack and placing Pam's magazine on the front desk. "Hey, Red? Wanna come with me to the coffee shop after work? I was gonna invite Babs to my party."

"You're inviting Barbara? You hardly know her."

"Well, what better way to get to know her than a party?"

Pam pondered that logic for a moment. "Fair point."

"So," Harley drew out the word, rocking back on her heels. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course I will."

Harley grinned and practically skipped to the front door. "Great, see ya Red!"

The door chimed and Harley was gone. Pam didn't have time to continue brooding over the situation with Harley because as soon as she left, three anxious looking young men took her place. Pam found it slightly amusing that the boys had decided to travel to the flower shop in a pack, as if they were afraid to be caught in there alone, and she spent the next hour helping the tallest one find the right roses for his girlfriend. The other two boys followed them around the shop like sad puppies, casting glances Pam's way every time they thought she wasn't looking. But Pam didn't miss a single one. She couldn't help herself from toying with them; releasing her hair from its bun and fluffing it occasionally, or shifting so that the green sweater she wore rode up on her hips. The game was over once one of the boys tripped over the watering hose while staring at her and almost toppled headfirst into the shelf of rose bushes. Eventually, the tallest boy made his purchase and Pam waved the boys out, shaking her head as the younger two stumbled out the door in a daze.

Fortunately, the shop was quiet for the rest of the evening, and as soon as the clock struck six, Pam was out the door. She waited outside the tattoo parlor, debating whether to meet Harley inside. But then she risked encountering Jay. If he really was releasing his frustrations with her on Harley, then Pam knew it would be best to keep her distance…. for now. Luckily, she didn't have to wait much longer. Ten minutes after Pam had locked up her shop, Harley stepped out the front door of the parlor. Her face brightened when she saw Pam and she bounded down the three small steps in front of the building, launching herself at the red head and throwing her arms around her neck. If Pam hadn't grown so used to Harley's inclination for touch in the past week, she would have been too startled to respond. Even still, it took her a few seconds to decide if returning the hug right outside the tattoo parlor was a good idea.

Throwing caution to the wind, Pam wrapped her arms around Harley's waist, pressing her nose into blonde hair and breathing in the scent that was so uniquely her. Harley's body practically vibrated against hers and she pulled away much too soon for Pam's liking.

Pam cocked her head in a wordless question as Harley took a step back and adjusted her shirt. _Why the hug?_

Harley giggled, her blue eyes sparkling with mirth. "I missed ya!"

"It's been five hours."

"I know! That's way too long!" Harley didn't wait for a response. She grabbed Pam's hand and dragged her down the street towards Barbara's coffee shop. Pam decided not to question Harley's blatant displays of affection…even though they made her heart pound and her head spin. Even though they made her feel warm all over in a way not even tending to her plants could do. It couldn't mean anything, Pam reminded herself. Not with Jay in the picture.

As they walked, Harley talked animatedly about a client she'd been tattooing who had asked for a rose design. The success of which Harley attributed to the hours she'd spent sketching in Pam's shop.

"You ever thought about getting a tattoo, Red?"

Pam had, once. Back when she was a teenager and she'd had a particularly prickly argument with her mother. The thought of coming home with a tattoo, or multiple piercings, just to see the shock on her mother's face had been incredibly tempting.

"No."

"Well, I think you'd look great with one."

"I wouldn't know what to get," Pam protested, disconcerted by how much she liked the idea.

"Ivies, duh!" _Good point._ "And I know just where you could put 'em. Here…" Harley traced her finger from just below Pam's right shoulder blade and dragged it slowly to the front of her right hip. "…to here."

Pam couldn't suppress the shudder that ran down her spine. Harley didn't seem to notice, or at least if she did, she didn't let on.

"I don't know," Pam said slowly. "It's not exactly a decision that should be made flippantly."

"Well, if you change your mind, let me know. I know this great tattoo parlor." Pam chuckled when Harley gave her an exaggerated wink. They made it to the coffee shop a few short minutes later and Barbara greeted them again with unreserved enthusiasm.

"Welcome back, ladies."

"Babs!" Harley bounced towards the counter and all but pounced on top of it. "Come to my party next weekend!"

Barbara blinked. "I'm sorry, what?"

"My birthday party! Come to it. I'm inviting you!"

Barbara looked at Pam, bewildered. Pam just shrugged and offered a sympathetic smile.

"You want me to come to your birthday party?"

"Yeah! You don't have to get me anythin', don't worry about that. Just come and hang out with me and the squad! Please." Harley pinned Barbara with her best puppy dog stare.

"I'll be there," Pam offered and Barbara looked a little more relieved.

"A-alright. I'll come."

Harley whooped and beamed at Barbara. "Great! So, hey, can I have another 'Harley'?"

"Sure thing," Barbara chuckled, already wheeling towards the espresso machine. "Pam? The usual?"

Pam nodded, preparing to set some money down on the counter when Harley stopped her.

"Oh no you don't, Red. I promised to pay this time." Before Pam could react, Harley reached into her backpack and pulled out a small diamond patterned wallet. She scrounged around inside and laid a few dollar bills on the counter just as Barbara returned with their drinks.

"Thanks, Babs. See ya next Saturday!" Harley turned to lead the way out of the shop, but stopped so suddenly that Pam bumped into her.

"Harley-"

Harley scurried to one of the tables in the corner of the shop where a young woman with dark hair sat across from a man who put Harley's tattoos to shame. They covered every inch of his face, most of them forming a skull pattern that darkened his temples and eyes.

"Chato! Tatsu! What are you two doin' here?" Harley asked, setting her drink down at their table and hovering over the pair. Tatsu glanced at Harley from the corner of her eye and continued sipping her tea.

"It's a public coffee shop, loca. We're allowed to be here."

"Of course you are, I just never took you two for sit down, coffee shop, sorta people."

"Tea," Tatsu corrected and Chato just shrugged.

Pursing her lips, Harley grabbed Pam's wrist and dragged her forward so that they stood shoulder to shoulder.

"This is, Pam!"

"Pamela."

She extended a hand, which Chato shook. Tatsu-who Pam now realized was the same woman she'd seen the day she'd gone to complain about the music-simply stared at her.

"I know you," Chato said. "You run the flower shop next door."

"I do."

"I should come by there sometime. Pick up something nice for my old lady."

"You're welcome anytime," Pam said, straightening her sweater sleeve where Harley had ruffled it. "I can help you find whatever you need."

"You know, Jay's got it in for you," Chato said matter-of-factly, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Good." Let Jay come at her with all he had. Pam wasn't afraid of him. In fact, for as non-confrontational as she tended to be, she felt more than prepared to fight Jay tooth and nail should the moment ever arise.

Harley made a nervous noise somewhere between a squeak and a whimper, but Chato just bobbed his head. He didn't smile, but something in his expression told Pam that she'd earned his approval.

"You both work with Harley?" Pam asked.

"We do."

"And are you still comin' to my party next week?" Harley questioned.

"Sure."

Silence. _Not the most talkative pair._

"Well, Pam and I gotta head out now," Harley said, clearly bored and probably eager to avoid further mentions of Jay. "Don't get too crazy, kids." Taking Pam's hand again, she led them out of the coffee shop and onto the streets of Gotham. They wandered aimlessly for a while, sipping their coffees, before Harley suggested they head to the park.

It was just as polluted as the first time Pam had been there. Trash bins overflowing with garbage, litter crammed between dead flower stems, cigarette butts lining the sidewalk…

"Yeesh, this place really is a dump," Harley said as she tried to stuff her empty coffee cup into an already full trash can.

"Unfortunately…"

"I bet you could do something about it, Red!" Harley had successfully disposed of her paper cup and she slammed the lid of the garbage bin down to keep it there. "Make up a petition or somethin' to clean up the park.

 _Hm. A petition. A meeting with the parks and recreation department. A movement to clean up the entire city. Green for Gotham. Something like that. It's an idea…_

"Not a bad thought, Harley," Pam admitted, tossing her own cup into the bin when she was unable to find a recycling can.

 _Better fix that too._

Harley practically glowed at the praise. As they walked, Pam kept her eyes fixed on the other woman's face, watching her expression shift as she described working with Chato and Tatsu in detail. The afternoon sun cast shadows on Harley's face, darkening the purple bruise on her cheek. After a while, Pam stopped listening to her talk and simply focused on the mark, her mind whirling with the possibilities of exactly how it had gotten there. What had Jay done to her? Where were they when it happened? Why? Running through these questions made Pam angry all over again. She had to find a way to broach this subject. Considering they were alone in the park, it seemed as good a time as any to try to find out a little more.

"So how is Jay?" Pam asked suddenly, interrupting Harley's stream of consciousness. Harley's smile slipped and she began playing with her fingers..

"He's doin' alright," she began. "We haven't had a lotta customers lately, and business is slowin' down. It's made him a little grumpy."

"Grumpy?"

"Yeah. He got into an argument with Floyd the other day…and Chato stuck his nose in too, and things got kinda rough." Harley smiled wanly. "Everyone's just a little stressed at work right now. It'll clear up."

"And how are things between the two of you?" Pam continued, careful to keep her cadence neutral.

Harley hesitated a beat too long. "Good!"

Pam stopped walking and reached for Harley's hand, forcing her to turn around. She studied her shoes, seemingly unable to hold Pam's gaze. Gently, she rubbed her thumbs across the back of Harley's hands and laced their fingers together, in a quiet attempt to soothe her. She knew Harley didn't want to discuss her relationship with Jay. But she showed up to the flower shop with new bruises so often that Pam couldn't keep quiet anymore. Not with a clear conscious anyway.

"Harley," Pam sighed. "You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lyin', Red." Harley looked up, her eyes just a little too wide. It gave her a wild look. Like she was a caged animal backed into a corner. Which, Pam guessed, probably wasn't far off. "Things are good."

 _It's now or never, Pamela._

" _This_ is good?" Carefully, she cupped Harley's cheek, gently running her fingers over the bruised skin. Harley flinched away, pulling her eyes away from Pam's and looking down at feet again. "Harley, I know he hurts you."

"It's not like that." Harley bit her lip and pulled her hands away from Pam's. "He doesn't mean to. My Puddin just gets a little rough sometimes. But he loves me, really."

Harley sounded like she was trying to convince herself as much as she was Pam. "This isn't love, Harley."

Pam half expected Harley to retaliate, maybe even angrily defend Jay, but instead she just ducked her chin to her chest, still refusing to meet Pam's gaze. Pam bit back the frustration that threatened to surface. How could Harley be so deluded?

"He always apologizes," Harley murmured.

Pam's gut twisted with anger...pain…. sympathy. She corrected herself; Harley wasn't deluded. She was caught in an endless cycle of abuse and manipulation at the hands if Jay. She was trapped.

Carefully, so as not to startle her, Pam reached for Harley's hands again, lacing their fingers together. Finally, Harley looked into Pam's eyes again, her own shining with unshed tears.

"Your relationship with Jay is not any of my business, I understand that," Pam began, squeezing Harley's fingers reassuringly. "But if there ever comes a time where you feel like you need some place to escape to…my shop, my apartment, they're both open to you. Anytime. No one can hurt you there."

Harley's lower lip trembled and, slowly, she leaned forward until her face rested in the crook of Pam's neck. She could feel the warm tears dripping onto her skin as Harley wound her arms around Pam's waist. They stood in silence, wrapped around one another for what felt like an eternity. Harley clung to her, not unlike a koala, her smaller body fitting against Pam's like a missing puzzle piece.

Pamela didn't say anything, simply rested her chin on top of Harley's head and stroked her fingers through her hair. Not for the first time in her life, Pam wished she was more capable of providing comfort; of understanding the intricacies of interactions with other people. She couldn't say that she understood Harley's dedication to a man who abused her, but she wanted to. She wanted so badly to be able to help. Finally, Harley sniffed and stepped away; the sudden lack of warmth hit Pam square in the chest.

"Thanks, Red," she mumbled, her voice still choked with emotion. Pam could only nod in response. They continued through the park in silence, Harley lacing her arms through Pam's and resting her cheek against her shoulder. They walked slowly enough to keep the position from being too awkward to maintain. More than once, Pam closed her eyes and pressed her lips against the top of Harley's head, wishing that their situation was different. Wishing that she hadn't had to confront her friend about the abuse she was facing at the hands of her boss and boyfriend. That she could wrap Harley in her arms again and shield her from anything painful. And hoping that this moment was enough for Harley.

Eventually, they wound their way back to Pam's apartment and once again Harley rejected her offer to come inside. This time however, before she left, Harley smiled sadly and asked, "Why are you so good to me, Red?"

 _Because you're my friend. Because I care about you. Because no one should have to suffer through what you do._ "Because you deserve it, Harl."

Harley's expression softened, her smile turning into something a little more hopeful. Before she could respond, Pam leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. She heard Harley's breath hitch and her hands came up to rest on Pam's waist, fingers twisting in the soft fabric of her sweater.

Harley blinked her eyes open when Pam pulled away, her mouth opening but apparently incapable of forming words.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Pam offered.

"Y-yeah." She had never seen Harley so flustered and it filled her with an odd sense of pride. Maybe she wasn't imagining things after all. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Hesitantly, Harley turned away and disappeared into the darkness. Pam watched her go and suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks. Her chest tightened painfully with the realization that it wasn't just friendship that made every moment spent with Harley feel special. It was something much deeper than that. Something much more complicated. Pam was falling for her.

She plodded up the stairs to her apartment, feeling like her feet had turned to lead. Turning the key in the lock, Pam went through the motions of preparing for bed mechanically, her mind spinning with her newfound realization. Eventually, Pam curled underneath the bedsheets in her darkened room, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Sleep didn't come easily, but when it did, Pam's dreams were haunted by a pair of sparkling blue eyes and ringing laughter.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading! Until the next update..._


	4. Between The Lines

_A/N: You know what's hard to write? The Joker. And you know what's harder than that? Well-crafted angst. And you know what's harder than that? Domestic abuse. You know what I did? All three! Enjoy this long ass chapter ya'll._

* * *

"Damn it,"Pam cursed for the hundredth time as she accidentally pushed the red paint outside the lines of the diamonds she'd drawn. _I'm no artist. Why did I think this would be a good idea?_

Sighing, Pam set her paintbrush down and held up the pot she'd spent hours painting. The layers of black matte paint that covered its surface were applied in perfectly straight, even brush strokes. The red diamonds, on the other hand, were giving Pamela a considerable headache. They kept coming out uneven or undersized. But Pam had always been a perfectionist. She was determined to finish her gift for Harley, if it was the last thing she ever did. The color scheme hadn't been her first choice, but she'd seen it on Harley's person so often-her wallet, her backpack, even her chipped nail polish-that she couldn't think of a better design for the pot. And inside, sat several bright yellow potted daffodils.

Harley hadn't been happy when Pam told her to stay away from the shop for a day, until she'd mentioned the word 'gift' and Harley had gathered her up in a hug that nearly crushed the air from her lungs. Pam set the pot back down on the counter and began attacking the diamonds again, her tongue poking through her teeth, not unlike Harley whenever she sketched. She was so engrossed in her work, that she didn't look up when the door chimed. Not until she heard a voice that made her skin crawl.

"Beautiful place you have here, Pammy."

Pam's head shot up and she came face-to-face with Jay's toothy leer.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, no small amount of venom in her voice. Jay leaned back on his heels, his face a mask of shock.

"Why, that's no way to treat your customers."

"You're not here to buy anything."

Jay wagged his finger and tsked. "Not true. I'm here to find a nice bouquet of roses for Harley."

"For…Harley?"

The sneer grew on Jay's face, his green eyes flashing. Pam tried to ignore the shiver that passed down her spine. So, he did know that she'd been spending an ample amount time with Harley. He knew and he was angry. Pam wasn't fooled by the mask of civility he wore. He'd come here to torment her.

 _Give me a reason, you bastard. I know what you do to her._

"That's right. For Harley. You see, she and I got into a nasty argument the other day and I thought, 'what better way to make it up to her than to gift her flowers from her best friend's shop'." Jay planted his hands on the desk and leaned forward. "Do you think you can help me?"

Pam's jaw clenched and she rose from her seat behind the desk, gesturing to the shelf of rose bushes. "Help yourself."

Jay's smile faltered, but he recovered quickly and spun on his heel, running his hand across the rows of planter pots. Pam watched him through narrowed eyes, ready to lunge at him if he so much as nudged a single flower out of place.

"Are you coming to the party tomorrow, Pammy?" Jay asked, sticking his pointed nose into a bright red rose. Pam prayed silently that he'd prick it on a thorn. "Surely, Harley invited you."

When Pam didn't reply, Jay turned around and pointed to the pot she'd been painting. "Beautiful work. I'm sure Harley will love it."

A blush colored Pam's cheeks. Suddenly, she wished she'd had the chance to hide the pot of daffodils from Jay's sight.

"You know what?" Jay moved away from the roses suddenly and sauntered back towards the desk. "Flowers are so overdone." He leaned over the counter again, leering at Pam, but she didn't flinch away. It wasn't until they were almost nose-to-nose that Jay said, "I have other ways of making it up to her."

Pam's stomach clenched as Jay's eyes bored into hers. She felt her face growing warm as an image of Jay's pale lanky body tangled with Harley's filled her mind. Angrily, she pushed it away, trying desperately to ignore the pang of jealousy that coursed through her. Jay watched Pam's expression, his menacing gaze melting into a dazzling smile. He spun around and pranced towards the front door.

"Toodle-ooh, Pammy. I'll see you at the party tomorrow."

The door chimed again and Jay was gone. Every muscle in Pam's body relaxed at once and she sunk tiredly into her chair. Jay's visit had been anything but reassuring. He was obviously very aware of her connection with Harley. And he didn't like it. She didn't know much about him, but she sensed quite clearly that Jay wasn't the type of person who enjoyed sharing. Especially sharing someone he considered his property. Pam knew now, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was releasing his annoyance with their relationship on Harley. And there was nothing Pam could do about it.

 _That's not true,_ Pam corrected. _You've given Harley a safe place. You've extended a hand; all she has to do is reach out and take it. That's all you_ _ **can**_ _do._

Pam returned to the flower pot, picking up her brush with shaking hands. If Harley was ever going to be free of Jay's manipulation, she would have to make the decision herself. All Pam could do was be there to pick up the pieces.

/

Pam arrived at the party at exactly 8'o clock. She expected to be the first one there but, judging from the noise coming from inside the apartment, the party had already gotten started without her. Adjusting the flower pot on her hip, Pam rapped her knuckles against the door, stumbling backwards when it swung open immediately.

"Red!" Harley was wearing a white cut off t-shirt that Pam hadn't seen before with the words _Daddy's Little Monster_ written in large, looped font.

 _A gift from Jay?_ _Another message for me? I wouldn't put it past him._

"Hey, what's the face for?"

Pam only realized she'd been grimacing openly at the shirt when Harley pointed it out. Schooling her features, she straightened and held out the painted pot.

"These are for you. Happy Birthday."

Harley's eyes fell on the flowers and her entire face lit up. "Daffodils!" She grabbed the pot out of Pam's hands and took a deep whiff of the yellow petals. "Oh Red, you shouldn't have. Thank you!"

The absolute joy on Harley's face melted Pam's previous frustration and she smiled as Harley 'oohed' over the diamond pattern. Setting the pot down, Harley launched herself at Pam, throwing her arms around her shoulders and nearly sending them both to the ground.

 _Never a gentle hug with this one._

"Easy, Harl," Pam wheezed, trying to regain the breath that had been knocked out of her. Harley pulled away, squeezing Pam's shoulders apologetically.

"I'm sorry. It's just, I wasn't expectin' somethin' like this and you got me those daffodils I saw in the magazine and you painted the pot with diamonds and you didn't even have to get me anythin' at all, but you did and it's the greatest gift I coulda—" Pam held up a hand, silencing Harley.

"I'm very glad you like it," she chuckled.

"I _love_ it! Come on, everybody's already inside." How she'd arrived last, Pam would never know. She was nothing if not extremely punctual.

Picking up the pot with one hand and grabbing Pam's with the other, Harley dragged her inside the apartment, kicking the door shut with her foot.

"Pam's here!" she shouted, drawing the attention of every person in the open flat. Four pairs of eyes landed on her at once, and Pam had never wanted the power to become invisible more than she did in that moment. Harley grinned victoriously and moved to set her daffodils down on the kitchen table.

Floyd stood nearby pouring drinks behind the kitchen counter. Tatsu sat across from him on an old bar stool, watching as Floyd measured out a shot of some dark liquor for her.

"Hey, it's the plant lady," Floyd said as Pam approached. He shoved the shot glass at Tatsu, who acknowledged Pam with a small nod.

"Pamela." _What is it with these people and names?_

"Glad you could make it." Floyd ignored her correction. "This party could use a little more class." He jerked his chin towards the living room where Jay sat drinking a beer and laughing loudly with a man Pam didn't recognize.

Floyd leaned against the counter and lowered his voice. "Jay's been real antsy since you waltzed into the store and put him in his place."

"Has he?" Pam hoped her tone sounded viably nonchalant. "I suppose it was too much to ask that he behave like a rational, considerate adult."

Floyd snorted. "You got balls, lady. What are you havin'?"

"Excuse me?"

"What are you drinking?" Floyd gestured to the bottles of alcohol set haphazardly on the counter.

"Oh, I don't drink."

He cocked a brow. "You don't drink…"

"Hey deadhead," Harley interrupted, having finished centering her flowers on the kitchen table. "If Pammy doesn't want to drink, she doesn't have to drink. Leave her alone."

"Relax, dollface." Floyd sighed and grabbed a clean glass, filling it with water from the kitchen sink. "Water alright?"

"Fine." Pam didn't suppose that Harley and Jay kept filtered water in their apartment, so she accepted the tap water and sipped it tentatively, ignoring the haughty smirk Floyd gave her.

She nearly choked when a booming voice from behind her said, "Oi! Whadda we have here?"

Reluctantly, Pam turned to see where the obnoxious Australian accent was coming from.

"Red, this is Boomer. He's the one I was tellin' you about," Harley said helpfully, gesturing to the tall, unshaven man that stood before Pam. He wore a dirty looking beanie and a long tattered trench coat lined with fake fur. Pam resisted the urge to gag at the mere sight of him.

"Aww, Harley. Are you tellin' people about me? All good things I hope?"

Pam rolled her eyes and Harley snickered beside her.

"It's a pleasure ta meet ya," Boomer said, extending a grubby hand that Pam took hesitantly. "Like Harley said, name's Boomer." Boomer released Pam's hand and leaned against the counter, propping himself up with one arm and smirking. "Didn't know Harley had such nice-looking lady friends. Where you been hidin' at, love?"

 _I'm going to murder him. This is the night I go to Arkham Asylum._

"I just moved here."

"Ah, a newbie. Why don't you let me show you around Gotham sometime? I know a lot of dark corners." Boomer chuckled to himself and winked. Pam set her glass down so hard that both Floyd and Tatsu- who had been watching the proceedings with morbid interest-jumped.

"Not interested."

Boomer stared at her, baffled.

Undeterred, Pam continued, "Do you really expect any women to respond positively to the offer to 'meet you in a dark alleyway'?"

"Well, it's just an expression…" Boomer mumbled.

But Pam didn't stop there; the frustrations of her day and her encounter with Jay were still fresh on her mind. "Men like you are the reason penitentiaries exist. You, 'Boomer', disgust me and if you so much as utter another word to me tonight, I won't hesitate to shove your own scrotum down your throat."

Boomer's eyes shot wide open, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. Pam returned to her water while Floyd began clapping loudly; even Tatsu wore an amused smirk.

"Now wait just a second….." Boomer began to blubber, but Harley shooed him away before he could try to defend himself.

"Yeesh, Red. You don't hold back do you?" Harley whispered once Boomerang had wandered back to his spot on the couch next to Jay, shooting Pam a venomous look over his shoulder. Jay's green eyes locked with Pam's and she felt a snarl twisting her lips.

"No. I don't."

"Damn girl," Floyd interrupted before Harley could notice the staring match between Pam and Jay. "Putting all of these jackasses in their places. I love it. Next round is on me." He winked and tapped the side of Pam's glass. Harley had just opened her mouth—probably to defend Jay-when another knock on the door interrupted her.

As Harley scurried to answer it, Floyd gestured for Pam to lean over the counter. "How many more notches do you think you can take Jay down tonight?"

Pam couldn't fight the proud smile that tugged at her lips. This Floyd character wasn't so bad. But Harley returned to the kitchen before she could respond, leading Chato and—to Pam's surprise-Barbara.

"You made it."

"Yup, wouldn't have missed it," Barbara grinned, waiting until Harley was out of earshot before she grabbed Pam's arm and tugged her down to whisper in her ear. "You don't leave my side tonight, got it?"

Pam nodded resolutely. Having Barbara as constant company was preferable to dealing with Harley's rambunctious crew for the rest of the night.

"Love the dress, by the way."

"Oh, thank you." Pam had almost forgotten the sheer, green halter dress she'd picked out for the night. It explained, in part, why Boomer had been so insistent. Not that she'd worn it to impress him….or anyone at the party for that matter. Except for maybe Harley…. Okay, definitely Harley. Unfortunately, the blonde was too busy bouncing around to each of her guests to notice.

"Good to see you again, Pam." Chato approached both women, nodding cordially to Barbara. He looked around at the small group assembled by the bar, seeming to sense the tension that hung in the air. "What did I miss?"

"Pam here just destroyed Boomerang," Floyd explained, and Pam figured it was a good sign that he'd used her actual name. "Honestly, it almost brought a tear to my eye."

Chato's shoulders bounced once in a short chuckle. "Wish I'd seen that."

"Well, stick around. Jay's next." Floyd raised his eyebrows at Pam, wordlessly asking for confirmation. A coy smile was her only response.

A few minutes later, Floyd was handing Barbara her own glass of water when Harley dragged everyone into the living room for present opening. Pam stood awkwardly next to Barbara while the rest of the group knelt around the coffee table. Jay sat close to Harley on the couch, his feet propped up on the table beside the small pile of gifts. He caught Pam's gaze and wiggled his fingers at her in a little wave. Pam clutched her glass tightly and imagined it was his neck.

Floyd and Chato had combined forces to buy Harley a new tattoo gun. Both men looked supremely uncomfortable when she pulled them into a crushing group hug. Tatsu had gotten Harley a small, yet intricate, china tea set. Pam wasn't sure how often the little teacups would be put to use, but Harley looked enamored and she thanked Tatsu enthusiastically. Boomerang hadn't gotten her anything.

 _No surprise there._

On the other hand, Barbara, who still hardly knew the blonde, had offered her free 'Harley's' for an entire month. She was also subjected to a Harley hug, made a little more awkward by the wheelchair she sat in. The last gift was Jay's. He kept his sharp green eyes on Harley as she tore open the package and pulled out a pair of metal handcuffs. Pam felt her heart skip a beat…or five... as silence fell over the room. Jay leaned forward and whispered something in Harley's ear. She flushed a deep red and shoved the cuffs back into the box they'd come in. Jay laughed and glanced at Pam, the victorious look in his eyes unmistakable.

Pam couldn't breathe. Her chest tightened and she gripped her glass so tight that she heard the glass creak. Finally, Floyd cleared his throat, shattering the awkward silence that had filled the room.

"So uh…. Who's for cake?"

"What the hell was that?" Barbara muttered to Pam as the group shuffled back towards the kitchen. "I mean, I'm not saying it's my job to judge anyone's…intimate relationship. But in front of everyone, really?"

"I'm going to step outside," Pam breathed, relinquishing her glass to Barbara and heading for the sliding glass door that led to the small balcony.

"Pam?" Barbara called after her, but she didn't seem to hear.

Stepping out into the cool night air, Pam shut the glass door behind her and leaned against the railing at the edge of the balcony, trying to clear the dizziness that had come over her. Her face felt warm and the tightness in her chest was making it hard to breathe.

Jay's gift had been a message. A sign that said, 'I own her' and ensured that Pam understood she didn't stand a chance when it came to earning Harley's affection. The worst part was that he'd publicly embarrassed Harley in order to get the message across. Jay wasn't just a physical abuser, but a mental and emotional one as well.

As Pam stewed in her own thoughts, she began to worry. It had been a fleeting concern since the day she'd confronted Jay about the music in his shop, that he would release his anger with her on Harley. And if tonight had been any indication, she was right. Jay was well aware of their relationship and he didn't like it. Perhaps, Pam realized, it would be better to distance herself from Harley. She'd spent three weeks on her own in Gotham before meeting the blonde and she'd survived just fine. And as long as Jay didn't see her as a threat, then it was safe to assume Harley wouldn't be subjected to his temper…. probably. Then again, who could say what would set Jay off. If Pam stepped away, maybe she would be removing the last safeguard Harley had against her abusive boyfriend.

 _Am I a help or a hindrance?... And why do I care so much?_

Pam was used to self-sufficiency. She'd never needed anyone before and she didn't need anyone now. Harley was just a girl who worked next door. It was Jay who made things confusing and complicated.

 _You sick bastard. Twisted, stinking piece of-_

"Pammy?" Pam whirled around to see Harley stepping out onto the balcony, leaving the door open just enough so that they could still hear the murmurs coming from inside. "You alright?"

"Yes, yeah, I'm fine." Pam cleared her throat. _Get ahold of yourself._ "I just needed to get some fresh air."

Harley moved to stand beside her, bracing her forearms against the railings. Pam could see that her cheeks were still flushed even in the darkness. "Are you havin' a good time?"

"Yes." Pam knew her tone had come out a little more harshly than she'd intended when Harley's tentative smile faded. She reached out quickly, laying a hand over Harley's forearm. "I am, Harley, really. I just…needed a moment to myself. It's been a long time since I've been in a room with this many people, and your friends are a little tough to take all at once."

Harley chuckled, glancing down at Pam's hand. "Yeah, they can be." Slowly, she lifted her eyes to Pam's. "But I'm really glad you came."

"I am too." _Despite Boomerang's disgusting attitude and Jay's vindictive little gift._ "Are…You having a good time? This is your birthday after all."

Harley nodded, pigtails bouncing around her face. Suddenly, she leaned in closer to Pam, her eyes lit by the moon. They seemed to pull Pam in the longer she gazed into them. And it struck her how lost she really was when it came to this woman. Harley _wasn't_ just some girl who worked next door. She was special. She was sweet and kind and she made Pam laugh and she had a voracious appetite for life that was absolutely infectious. She was the only thing Pam cared for more than her little flower shop.

Pam knew Jay would be relentless in his quest to interrupt the connection she had with Harley. But Pam was determined to be just as relentless when it came to protecting this woman that had wriggled her way into Pam's heart with her bright smile and laughing blue eyes.

"But you wanna know what the best part of tonight was?"

 _This. Right now. This is perfect._

"What's that?"

"Gettin' those daffodils from you," Harley said, her voice reaching a timbre that made Pam's heart pound. "I don't think I've ever gotten a gift like that before, Red. You obviously put a lotta thought into it."

Pride filled Pam's chest and she smiled. _She'd_ been the highlight of Harley's night. Not Jay and his stupid handcuffs or obnoxious laugh.

"It was the least I could do. You've been a very good friend to me since I moved here." Pam paused. "I…don't make friends easily."

"Why the heck not?" Harley took a step back, astonished. "You're amazing, Pamb-a-lamb!"

"I'm not," she corrected in a manner that wasn't entirely self-deprecating. "And I can be a bit…. abrasive. I've only really ever known one other person who considered me a friend."

"Who?" Pam had to smile at the crinkle in Harley's brow, as if she were annoyed that someone else was stepping in on her 'friend territory'.

"Her name is Selina. We've been friends for a long time. Even before I moved to Gotham."

"Is she from Seattle too?"

"Originally, yes. But she and her family moved here long before I did," Pam explained. Harley pursed her lips, still a little wary.

"Can I meet her?"

"Absolutely. I'm sure you two would get along very well. As soon as she gets back from her trip, I'll introduce you," Pam promised. Harley relaxed and shuffled closer to Pam again, their shoulders brushing. A companionable silence fell over them as they listened to the breeze, the chorus of chirping crickets, and the rush of fallen leaves skittering across the sidewalk below. Harley sighed softly and rested her head against Pam's shoulder. Pam couldn't help but think how absolutely perfect this moment would be if it were not for what was happening behind her.

"You look really good tonight, you know," Harley mumbled. Immediately, she jolted, lifting her head off of Pam's shoulder, her eyes widening. "I mean you look amazing all the time, not just tonight. I just meant with the dress and all, it sorta pops with your hair and—"

"Thank you." Pam interrupted by reaching out and pushing a lock of stray hair behind Harley's ear, allowing her fingers to drift across her smooth cheek and down her jaw. It struck Pam a second later that the move may have been too forward, until a lopsided grin grew on Harley's face and she snuggled up against Pam's shoulder again, the tip of her nose brushing lightly across her skin.

Pam closed her eyes, listening to the rush of blood in her ears and the rapid thumping of her own heart. As much as she wanted to enjoy this intimate moment, images of the handcuffs and Jay's malicious grin kept popping into her mind. It was then that they heard his booming voice through the small crack in the door. Pam glanced over her shoulder, watching the proceedings through narrowed eyes.

"Give us a joke, Jay," Boomer insisted.

"A joke?" Jay paused, tapping his chin exaggeratedly. "Alright, I've got a good one for you all."

Silence accompanied by the occasional clink of a glass.

"What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?" he asked, spreading his arms wide as if awaiting an answer from the party guests scattered around him. No one replied, except for Boomer who shouted, "What?"

"Nothing, she's already been told twice!" Jay erupted with laughter while the rest of the guests exchanged uncomfortable glances. Harley stiffened as Pam took a deep breath through her nose, trying desperately to keep from exploding. But memories of Woodrue rushed through her, swirling with her hatred for the green haired man who was still bellowing with laughter in the living room. Pam's internal battle was short lived.

"How can you stand him, Harley?" She whirled on the blonde, anger twisting her features. Harley took a step backwards, her eyes wide, almost fearful.

"I—"

"He's a monster. Crass, manipulative, cruel. He _beats_ you." Pam knew the next words to come out of her mouth were awful and fundamentally wrong but she couldn't stop them. "And you let him. You stay and you take it. And for what? What is it going take for you to see that what he does is wrong? Is he going to have to kill you before it sinks in?"

"Red—"

"And what's worse, you act like you want him to own you. The tattoos, the nicknames, even your clothes." She gestured to the shirt Harley wore. "Don't you get it? You're his plaything. His toy. He doesn't love you, Harley. He's using you!"

Harley's face was a mask of shock, anger and pain. Pam could plainly see how deeply her comments had cut, but her anger prevented her from backing off. Harley blinked rapidly, forcing back tears, and meeting Pam's furious gaze with a devastated one of her own. "Y-you don't understand—"

"No. You're right, I don't. I don't understand why you stay with him when it's clear he only wants you for his own entertainment. And I certainly don't have to be in a relationship with him to know that he's a rotten excuse for a human being. Neither should you."

Silence engulfed them, and only then did Pam realize that her tirade had probably been heard by everyone inside. Harley was staring at her in disbelief, her expression that of a broken woman. And Pam realized she had been the cause of it. In that moment, Pam couldn't say she was much better than Jay. She hadn't used her fists, but she'd torn Harley to shreds nonetheless. She'd shattered the trust they'd established over their two weeks together. Even still, she bit back the apology that threatened to surface. If it was pride or anger that held her back, Pam didn't quite know, but she didn't relent.

"I should go," Pam said quietly, averting her eyes and moving towards the glass door.

"I guess it's no wonder you don't have any friends," Pam heard Harley mutter bitterly before she stepped inside. She tried to pretend the comment hadn't cut like a knife, but it did, and now Pam just felt sick to her stomach. Everyone in the room was staring at her as she gathered her bag and headed wordlessly for the front door.

Jay watched her go, his expression gleeful. Pam resisted the urge to punch it right off his face, she'd already ruined Harley's night as it was. Casting an apologetic glance at Barbara, who was staring after her like a lost puppy, Pam opened the front door and stepped out into the night.

To say that Pam was frustrated with herself would have been a monumental understatement. She knew what she'd said to Harley had been unnecessarily cruel. Harley wasn't responsible for Jay's abusive behavior. The man was perfectly capable of controlling his own actions and he chose to hurt the woman who loved him.

But was it love that kept Harley with him, Pam wondered. Or was Jay keeping her trapped? Did he force her to stay with threats? Or did Harley genuinely believe he cared about her somehow? Pam couldn't wrap her head around it. But that wasn't the point. She'd promised to be someone Harley could rely on, trust. She'd promised to be a safety net and yet Pam had torn into Harley the second Jay pushed her over the edge, brutally, as if it were somehow all her fault.

She'd made a mistake, allowed her emotions to get the better of her and hurt one of the only people she truly cared about. Pam wasn't sure how to even begin reversing the situation, but it certainly wasn't happening tonight.

/

 _Selina?_

 _Pam! Good to hear from u. Where are u what have u been up to how are you liking Gotham?_

 _Gotham is fine. It rains quite often._

 _Astute observation Pam. Now what's up? It's not like you to text me out of the blue_

 _I just wanted to see how your trip was going. I've heard Spain is lovely this time of year._

 _God, Pam. Spit it out. What's the matter?_

 _Can I call you?_

Pam's phone rang a moment later. She set her coffee cup down and rocked back in her seat at the kitchen table before picking up the call.

"Selina?"

"Duh. Now tell me what happened? Do I need to fly back to Gotham and beat someone up for you?"

Pam smiled wryly. It faded quickly and she leaned against the kitchen table, resting her chin in the crook of her arm as she spoke. "I did something awful."

"Pamela Lillian Isley? Awful? Impossible." Selina's sarcasm didn't go unnoticed.

"Selina, please."

"Alright, alright. I'm listening. Go." Pam heard a shuffle and then the click of a door closing and assumed Selina had moved somewhere more private to talk. Taking a deep breath, Pam exhaled the story of all that had happened since she'd come to Gotham. From confronting Jay in the tattoo parlor, to her 'date' with Harley at the coffee shop, the frequent lunchtime meetings, and finally, the party that had all but exploded in her face nearly a week ago.

"I blamed her for what that horrible man has been doing to her. I all but told her she plays the victim. That she asks for what he does," Pam murmured, running her fingers through her hair nervously. Selina had been her friend for a long time, but even she had to see how badly Pam had screwed up.

"Jesus, Pam."

"I know. I didn't mean to. It just came out. I was frustrated and Jay made this awful joke and I couldn't stand to see her suffer with him anymore—"

"Because you're in love with her?" There was smile in Selina's voice.

Pam blinked at the phone. "Excuse me?"

"Come on, Pam. It's pretty damn obvious. And now you feel guilty because not only did you shove her back into the arms of this Jay guy, but you royally screwed up any chance _you_ might have had with her."

"This isn't about me." Pam was having trouble forming a coherent argument, Selina had gotten her so flustered.

"It's entirely about you," Selina retorted. "It always is and that's why you said the things you did at the party."

Pam stayed silent, letting that sink in.

"You were hurt and angry, and instead of considering how bad Harley must feel, you lost control and let out every frustration you had on her." Selina's tone softened. "That's always been your problem, Pam. Sometimes you stay so locked inside your own head, you miss what the people around you feel. Trust me…I would know."

Pam's lips thinned into a firm line as she fought back the emotion gathering in her throat.

"But," Selina continued. "You're also one of the most dedicated, self-assured, and downright powerful women I know. Harley actually has a chance at a life without this guy if you stick with her."

"It's been a week, Selina. I haven't even seen her. Our shops are _right next_ to each other." Pam sat back in her chair and sighed. "She's avoiding me."

"Well can you blame her? I've seen you angry. You probably scared the living hell out of her." Pam couldn't argue that. "Look, if you want to fix this, you're going to have to bite the bullet and apologize. Let her know that you're still there for her. That she still has a friend."

Pam nodded slowly although Selina couldn't see it. "How's Bruce?"

Selina laughed. "Peachy. Now stop trying to change the subject and go do what I said."

"…Thank you, Selina."

"Of course."

"When will you be coming back?"

"Another week…or two…maybe three," Selina replied coyly. "Like you said, Spain is lovely this time of year and so are the men."

"You're there with Bruce."

"I can look! It doesn't hurt anyone."

Pam rolled her eyes, a smile tugging up the corners of her lips.

"Listen, when I get back I want to see you and Harley on good terms again…preferably excellent terms. Like…terms that would leave me shocked and disgusted if I knew the intimate details."

"Selina!"

"You have three weeks, Pam. Make it happen!" Selina laughed and then the line went dead. Pam set her phone down, staring at the cream swirling in her untouched coffee cup. After a minute, she picked up her phone again and pulled up Harley's number.

 _Meet me at the park?_

Pam waited for the phone to buzz, tapping her fingers on the kitchen table methodically. When no reply came, she sent a follow up text.

 _I'll be there at noon._ She hesitated, fingers hovering over the keys, trying to think of what she could say to convince Harley to meet with her. Eventually she settled on: _Please come._

She refused to offer Harley an apology over text. It needed to be heartfelt, face-to-face. She needed to look Harley in the eye and make her see just how sorry she was. And she needed to do it before the recurring image of Harley's devastated expression tore her apart at the seams.

/

Pam couldn't focus while she was at work. Mrs. Pembroke visited and spoke with her for over an hour and by the time she left, Pam couldn't recall a single thing she'd said. The hours dragged and Pam already had one foot out the door by the time the clock struck eleven. Flipping the 'Open' sign to 'Closed', Pam bolted to Barbara's coffee shop so quickly, she was panting for breath by the time she arrived.

"Hey," Barbara said when Pam approached the counter, her voice chilly. "What can I get for you?"

Pam was confused by Barbara's cold behavior until she remembered the party. "You're angry with me."

"You abandoned me at that party with people I hardly knew! That Boomerang guy hit on me all night, it was so uncomfortable. And god Pam, the second you stormed out the entire party just took a dive. Everybody was ready to just cut and run." Barbara paused for breath and Pam took the opening to speak.

"I'm very sorry, Barbara. I didn't even think about how my leaving the party would affect you. I just…I was angry," Pam looked down at her hands, wringing them in an uncharacteristic display of nervousness.

"Yeah, clearly," Barbara said. "We all heard what you said to Harley. Harsh."

Pam debated about whether to ask Barbara what Harley had done after she'd stormed out, but decided against it. She didn't want to know; it would only make things hurt more than they already did.

"Harsh doesn't even begin to describe it. I'm going to apologize to her right now." Barbara raised a questioning brow. "It was…Just hearing Jay speak sets my teeth on edge. I can't stand him. And that joke…"

"I know," Barbara stopped her with a weary sigh. "It's alright, Pam. I get it."

Pam paused, shifting her weight onto one hip. "So…are we...?"

"We're alright," Barbara smiled. "I really can't blame you for wanting to get the hell away from that party. So really, what can I get for you?"

"A 'Harley'." Barbara looked confused until Pam clarified. "The drink. I'm meeting her at the park."

A look of understanding dawned on Barbara's face. "Gotcha. Coming right up."

Pam glanced around the shop as Barbara wheeled away. No Chato, or Tatsu…luckily. Pam wasn't sure how many apologies she could handle giving out today.

"It's on me today," Barbara said, returning with the drink and pushing Pam's money back across the counter. Pam nodded, turning for the door when Barbara's knowing grin stopped her.

"What?"

"Leaving already?"

"I promised to meet Harley at noon."

Barbara looked at the clock on the wall. "Well…You've still got forty-five minutes…."

Pam glanced at the clock too, flushing with embarrassment when she realized that Barbara was right. "I…Well, I just wanted to be…" She trailed off, unable to come up with an excuse that didn't make her sound desperate.

Barbara just smiled again and gestured for Pam to go. "Good luck."

Pam hurried out the door as quickly as she could with her drink in hand. In spite of her detour, she was still fifteen minutes early by the time she reached the park. She waited anxiously at the entrance, checking her watch occasionally, before deciding to search the park in the hopes that Harley was waiting for her inside.

After two laps around the area, Pam concluded that the park was empty save for a few homeless men and women huddled around old benches. She made three more rounds around the park just to be sure. By the time she'd finished searching for Harley, the drink had gone cold in her hand and it was well past one o'clock.

Pam set the drink in front of one of the homeless men wordlessly. She wasn't sure how good it would taste cold, but at least it was something. It wouldn't do any good in the trash can anyway. The man looked up at her through bloodshot eyes, watching as she trudged out of the park.

Pam knew that it was foolish of her to have expected Harley to show up after what she'd said at the party. She certainly wouldn't have wanted to speak with herself after such a verbal lashing. It hurt more than Pam would like to admit that she'd very likely ruined her budding relationship with Harley before it even had a chance to get off the ground. It had been nice having a friend in Gotham, nice to have another person to connect with, and even nicer to have someone that made Pam feel the way she did whenever Harley was around. But Pam was a disaster when it came to navigating complicated relationships with people. And Harley was nothing if not a bundle of complications.

 _It was really only a matter of time…_ Pam thought bitterly.

As she approached the entrance to the flower shop, her eyes fell on the front doors of the tattoo parlor. She was tempted to go inside and find Harley, but if the park had been any indication, she clearly didn't want to see Pam. Still, Selina's words rung in her ears. She had to find a way to apologize.

It took Pam the rest of the day to gather together the arrangement of various flowers, mainly daffodils. But by the time the clock struck six, it was ready. Locking up her shop, Pam hoisted the heavy flower pot and made her way to the tattoo parlor. She stopped in front of the doors, glancing down at the arrangement on her hip and the small note attached to it. Suddenly, Jay's words came back to her.

 _Flowers are so overdone._

Not entirely incorrect, but it was all Pam could think to do since Harley wouldn't even talk to her. If they'd moved her to near tears at the party, maybe they would have the same effect this time. Pam had just reached for the knob when the door swung open and Floyd appeared, lifting his bag over his shoulder. He looked just as surprised to see Pam, but schooled his features quickly and closed the door behind him before greeting her.

"It's been awhile. Didn't expect to see you around here after the party."

"I need to speak to Harley," Pam said, hoping her voice didn't sound as weak as she felt.

A look of pity flashed across Floyd's face and he shrugged. "Sorry, she's not here. Didn't come into work today."

"Oh."

Floyd was silent, studying Pam. "She's been real quiet this week. I thought I'd enjoy not having to listen to her constant babbling, but honestly it's been kind of terrifying."

"Can you give these to her?" Pam held out the pot of flowers, which Floyd took hesitantly.

"You know," he said slowly, examining the note attached to the pot. "For what it's worth, all of us agree with what you said about Jay." A wave of relief washed over Pam. She hadn't realized how worried she was about falling out of favor with Harley's coworkers until this moment.

"We just think that maybe, there was a better way to tell Harley than…you know…reaming her." Pam nodded once, a jerky movement.

"I agree. That's why I need to speak with her. I want to apologize."

Floyd bobbed his head and lifted the pot of flowers.

"I'll make sure she gets these," he said, turning to head back inside the parlor. "See you around."

Pam watched him go, waiting until the door clicked shut before she turned on her heel and wandered back to her apartment, defeated.


	5. Begin Again

Another three days passed and Pam still hadn't heard anything from Harley. Now she was beginning to worry. She sent messages every day after having failed to find Harley at the park, and prayed that she would answer at least one.

 _It's too quiet in the shop today. Come by?_

 _My offer still stands, if you need a place to go._

 _I'm here. I'll wait._

Nothing. Briefly, Pam entertained the idea that Jay had done something to intercept their communications. And then she realized how neurotic that sounded. More than likely, it was Harley's own decision to avoid Pam at all costs. And Pam couldn't blame her. If she was having trouble forgiving herself, she couldn't even imagine how deep Harley's resentment ran. Even still, she couldn't shake the feeling that Jay may have been playing a significant role in the radio silence.

"Still nothing?" Selina asked, having taken a vested interest in Pam's dilemma, despite the fact she was still on vacation with her billionaire boyfriend.

"No. I'm worried about her." Pam paced around her apartment, circling the small coffee table until she banged her shin on one of the legs. She swore loudly and fell back onto the couch, rubbing her injury.

"What the hell just happened?"

"Nothing," Pam hissed, ignoring the throbbing in her leg. "Selina, I need your help."

"I'd love to help. But there's not much I can do from another country."

"How do I get her to talk to me? I've tried everything I can think of."

"Except actually meeting her face-to-face?" Selina pointed out. "You said yourself, you two work right next to each other. Go find her while she's at the parlor."

"But Jay-" And suddenly it struck Pam how much of a coward she was being. She'd been so afraid of her interactions with Jay bringing harm to Harley, that she'd unintentionally given him more power over the situation. She'd been enabling the very man she wanted to stop. Pam sighed and dropped her head into her palm. "I'm an idiot."

"I mean, yeah…. But why this time?"

"Because, Selina!" Pam stood up from the couch, beginning to pace again, her free hand gesturing wildly as she spoke. "Because I've been a complete coward. Because I'm letting Jay win. Because I convinced myself that I'd done all I could for Harley when really I was being too selfish to see what she needed from me."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Selina asked slowly, trying to catch up with Pam's stream of consciousness.

"I'm going to do exactly what you said. I'm going to find Harley and make her talk to me."

 _No more passivity. No more waiting._

Pam was so caught up in the heat of the moment that she banged her shin on the table again. "Damn it!"

"You okay over there?"

"Fine. I'll call you back."

"Okay, bu-" Pam ended the call, shoved her phone into her back pocket, grabbed her keys from the hook by the door and bolted out the front door of her apartment. It was late in the day, well after six, but Pam knew the tattoo parlor would be open for a few more hours. If she hurried she could still catch Harley.

She was a sweating, panting mess by the time she reached the tattoo parlor, strands of her red hair plastered to her forehead. She paused in front of the door, pushing her hair away from her face and straightening her shirt. Hoping she didn't look like a complete disaster, Pam shoved the doors aside and stepped into the shop.

It looked the same as the first time she'd been there, of course, but this time Tatsu sat behind the front desk. She looked up from a magazine she'd been reading when Pam entered, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Pam." It was a question as much as it was a greeting.

"Tatsu." Pam nodded cordially. "I need to speak with Harley, is she here?"

The woman shook her head. "No. It's her day off."

 _Right, it's Monday. Damn it._

"Do you know where she might be?"

"Looking for Harley?" Pam turned to see Chato walking towards them. He leaned against the front desk, tattooed arms crossed over his chest. "I'm a little surprised."

Pam stifled the urge to roll her eyes. "I understand that what I said at the party was unwarranted, but-"

Chato shook his head. "Nah. I mean…kinda. You did rip into her pretty hard, but it's stuff we've been trying to tell her for years."

 _Not everything I said was appropriate…or kind._

"Regardless," Pam continued. "I need to find her. Do you know where she might be?"

Chato shrugged. "Sorry. Maybe check her apartment? I have no idea where that girl spends her free time…Thought it was with you."

Pam looked down at her feet, her stomach twisting with guilt. _It used to be. It should be._ Chato's comment stung, whether he'd meant it to or not.

"I appreciate your help," Pam mumbled to both tattoo artists before heading for the door.

"Hey Pam," Chato called after her. She stopped and looked back over her shoulder, bracing herself for another scathing comment. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

She nodded, an unexpected smile growing on her lips.

Unsure of where to head next, Pam instinctively made her way to Barbara's coffee shop. After almost a week and a half of brooding, Pam decided she needed to see a friendly face. The sun was beginning to set by the time she reached the cafe. Pushing the front door open, Pam made a beeline for the front counter when she saw-

"Harley."

Harley turned at the sound of her name. A dozen different emotions crossed her face at once when she saw who it was that had called to her. Pam backed towards the door, almost unconsciously, as if to keep Harley from escaping. Which, if her expression was anything to judge by, she really wanted to.

"Hey Red." Her voice was quiet, but her use of the affectionate nickname filled Pam with hope. Abandoning the door, she crossed the coffee shop quickly, her heart pounding in her chest as she drew closer.

"Can we talk?" Pam asked, now close enough to see a few fresh marks dotting Harley's neck. Guilt, anger and fear passed through her all at once, but Pam pushed her emotions back. She wouldn't scare Harley away a second time.

Harley hesitated, her eyes flickering away from Pam's. She was gripping her coffee cup so tightly that the lid was starting to pop off. Pam caught a glance of Barbara over Harley's shoulder. She was watching them closely, sympathy etched on her face. Pam didn't need sympathy, she just needed a chance to explain herself.

"Harley, please." She looked up again and nodded once after a few moments of careful consideration. Pam couldn't help herself, she smiled in spite of the obvious tension in the air and motioned for Harley to follow her to a table in the far corner of the coffee shop. It was Pam's hope that the public setting would put Harley more at ease, considering the last time they'd been alone was the reason they'd fallen into this mess in the first place.

Harley took a seat across the table, thumbing the lid of her coffee cup nervously.

"I got your flowers," she murmured before Pam could speak.

"And my messages?"

Harley blinked, clearly confused. "Messages?"

"Yes…my…" _Jay. I knew it. Intercepting her phone? Deleting my messages?_ "I've sent texts. I've been trying to reach you for over a week," Pam explained. Harley continued drawing random patterns on her cup, watching Pam with wide eyes. "I sent you a message asking to meet me at the park a few days ago. You never came."

Her statement was met with a blank stare.

"I waited for you for over an hour."

Harley's brows furrowed and she shook her head almost imperceptibly. "I didn't know. My phone… I lost track of it during the party and Jay found it all smashed up. I'm sorry, Red. I woulda come if I'd known that you…. Well, that you wanted to see me."

Pam was reveling in the warmth of knowing that Harley would have met her had she known, when the reality of what Harley was saying sank in. "Jay told you your phone was broken?

Harley nodded. "I couldn't find it anywhere, and Jay said he found it in the kitchen and the screen was all cracked and that he was gonna buy me a new one. I just got it this morning."

Pam reached into her pocket wordlessly, pulling out her own phone and laying it flat on the table for Harley to see. She scrolled through the dozens of messages she'd sent, watching Harley's eyes widen.

It made sense that Jay would simply switch Harley's old phone for a new one, presumably with a new number, rather than continue intercepting it to delete Pam's messages. Still, it made her blood boil to know that he could be so manipulative. So vindictive.

 _I knew it._ _I hate him. I hate him. I hate him._ The muscles in Pam's jaw twitched. But Harley just looked confused, her blue eyes narrowing.

"It's just convenient timing don't you think?" Pam clarified. "That your phone should 'break' right after I…After I said those things I did about Jay."

Harley frowned, finally catching on to what Pam was insinuating. "You think Jay broke my phone? On purpose?"

"I think he did a lot of things to make sure I couldn't speak to you."

Pam didn't explain further but, judging from the look of betrayal in Harley's eyes, she didn't need to. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, promising to come back to the topic of Jay's duplicity later, Pam continued in a level voice.

"Look, Harley, I-"

"You wanna talk about what happened at the party?" she interrupted.

"Yes."

Harley pursed her lips and looked down at the table, picking at its surface with a chipped nail. "You don't have to apologize."

"What? Yes I do. _Of course_ I do." Pam reached out for Harley's hand, only to draw back at the last moment when she saw Harley flinch ever so slightly. _Be careful. Too much too soon._ "Harley, I stand by what I said about Jay. I think he's a terrible human being." Harley looked away and Pam saw her jaw twitch. "But what I said about you…I've never been more wrong about anything in my entire life."

Harley peeked up at Pam from the corner of her eye.

 _Choose your words carefully, Pamela._ "I said things about you that I can't take back, Harley. I let my anger at Jay get the better of me, and I blamed you for his behavior. That was wrong. I was wrong. And I'm so sorry that I said what I did. I never wanted to hurt you." Pam reached out again, this time letting her fingers brush Harley's. Her gaze fell to their hands and then she laced her fingers with Pam's.

"I think…. Maybe you were right about some things though," she mumbled, keeping her eyes on their hands. "About me. I make Jay angry sometimes. I do stupid things."

"Stop," Pam said firmly, squeezing Harley's fingers. "You're not the problem. Please don't blame yourself. You deserve so much better."

Harley was silent, her lips twisted down. It was clear she didn't, or couldn't, believe Pam's words. Pam knew that getting Harley to believe in her self-worth would be a long and painstaking task. Now was not the time to push it, so they fell into a comfortable silence…the type that Pam missed from all those hours that Harley had spent in her shop drawing.

"I really missed the shop," Harley said suddenly as if she could read Pam's thoughts.

"You were… _are_ still welcome there," Pam replied. "I promised it would be a safe place and that hasn't changed."

"But I never got your messages. I never saw you come by the parlor. I thought you were still mad at me," Harley mumbled, her entire body drooping against her chair.

"No, Daffodil," Pam said softly. "I was never angry with you."

The nickname caught Harley off guard, and it did Pam a little as well. But a moment later, her face melted into a smile that squinted her blue eyes and relief washed through Pam. She'd forgotten how light that smile made her feel. Slowly, she untangled their fingers and rested her hand on Harley's bruised forearm instead, alternating between drawing gentle patterns around the dark marks and the diamond tqttoo on her wrist. Harley watched Pam's hand, her expression an odd mix of wariness and contentment.

"Can you forgive me for what I said?" Pam asked, lowering her voice to what she hoped was a soothing cadence.

Harley didn't hesitate. A soft smile appeared on her face and she nodded earnestly. "Of course I can, Red."

 _Of course you can,_ Pam repeated. _Because your heart is too big for your own good, Harley. I promise I won't abuse your trust again._

Pam cast a glance towards the counter where Barbara was still watching them from the corner of her eye. She caught Pam's gaze and offered her a smile and a subtle thumbs up.

"So, how have you been?" Pam asked, her attention returning to Harley. She didn't elaborate, but she knew Harley understood what she was really asking.

"I've been okay." She glanced down quickly at Pam's fingers again as they moved across her skin. "I gotta say though, it was really boring being cooped up in the parlor all week. I missed all your flowers."

"They missed you too." Pam smiled. "I've been talking with Selina, you know. She's dying to meet you."

"I really wanna meet her too! When will she be back in Gotham?"

"Soon," Pam replied noncommittally, recalling Selina's challenge to smooth things over with Harley before she returned. _Mission accomplished._

Harley opened her mouth to speak when her phone chimed. Taking her arm away from Pam, she gazed down at the screen, her face falling as she read. Pam didn't have to see the message to know who it was from.

"I gotta get goin'." She offered Pam a sad little smile.

"Will you come by the shop tomorrow?" Pam asked hopefully, as Harley stood and gathered her backpack and untouched coffee.

"'Course I will…. Oh." Harley paused for a moment before reaching for Pam's phone, typing in her new number and placing it back on the table. Pam smiled, pocketed the phone and glanced back up at Harley.

"Until tomorrow then," she said, resisting the urge to grab Harley and pull her back into her seat. She folded her hands on the table to keep them still.

Harley giggled and the sound made Pam's heart flutter. "You sound so serious, Red. It's not like I'm never comin' back."

 _I can only hope._

Harley grinned again and headed for the door, offering a final wave just before she left. Pam didn't move to get up from her seat, opting to stare down at the wooden table instead. She'd successfully reestablished her relationship with Harley. So why did she still feel like she'd failed?

 _Because she's still going back home to that monster. Because she's still trapped._

"How'd it go?" Pam's head shot up at the sounds of Barbara's voice. She hadn't heard the other woman wheel her way over to the table.

"Well, I think." Pam tried to sound more convinced than she felt.

"She'll be okay if she has you, Pam," Barbara said, placing a hand on Pam's shoulder. "Don't give up just yet." She smiled and then wheeled away, leaving Pam to ponder her words.

/

Harley didn't show up the next day, but she did send Pam a message explaining why.

 _so many clients today! rose lady is back can i come by tmrw?_

 _Anytime._

 _:-)_

Pam set her phone down and busied herself with organizing the latest shipment of supplies she'd received that morning, trying to ignore the disappointment that hung over her like a dark cloud.

Unfortunately, Harley didn't show up the next day either, only this time, Pam received no explanation for her absence. She checked her phone relentlessly, keeping it in her back pocket instead of the office like she usually did. But no messages came and she was kept busy by an unexpected rush of customers.

After closing her shop for the evening, Pam made the short walk to the tattoo parlor. Floyd was there to greet her this time.

"How's it goin, plant lady? Lookin' for Harley?"

Floyd cocked a single brow and smirked when Pam's only reply was a slightly flustered, "Y-yes."

He shrugged and shook his head, his knowing smirk fading. "Sorry, she left with Jay a few hours ago. No idea if they went home or not."

Pam nodded, dejected. "I see."

"For what it's worth," Floyd began. "She's been bouncing off the walls since you two started talking again." Pam just nodded again, unable to force a smile. "It's annoying as hell…."

She waited, sensing a 'but'.

"But I'll take hyper Harley over a mopey, depressed Harley any day. That shit was freaky."

Pam bid Floyd a goodnight shortly after and headed back to her apartment. There was no point in searching for Harley if she was out with Jay. She'd just have to wait to see if the blonde showed up at the flower shop tomorrow.

By the time Pam arrived home, an enormous thunderstorm had rolled into the city. She shut her blinds as lightning flashed across the sky, illuminating the silhouettes of the towering buildings that loomed over Gotham. The clouds above were dark and ominous, and a torrential rain poured onto the streets below. It battered Pam's windows, drowning out the sound of the television that she'd turned on. Pam huddled on the couch underneath a heavy blanket, cradling a cup of tea in her hands to warm them. It didn't help matters that her apartment's heating system had broken nearly a week ago and her landlord, Mr. Nygma, had still neglected to send someone to fix it. Eventually, Pam gave up on trying to watch TV over the sound of the rain. Pulling out her phone, she checked her texts again. Nothing. Maybe she'd put too much hope in their meeting at the coffee shop. Maybe Harley was still hurt. Maybe she'd told Pam what she wanted to hear to avoid further confrontation. Maybe she never intended to continue with their friendship. Maybe she—

 _Stop it, Pamela. You're being absolutely ridiculous. There has to be a rational explanation for why she hasn't contacted you. Maybe Jay again…._

Releasing a heavy sigh, Pam reached for a book on the coffee table when a knock on the door drew her attention. She stared dumbly at the door for a few moments, unsure of exactly who it could be visiting this late in the evening…with a pouring thunderstorm outside. Throwing the blanket off, Pam crossed to the door, opening it just a crack at first to keep out the cold. And then she recognized the figure shivering on her doorstep and threw it wide open.

"Harley, oh my god." The blonde was drenched from head to toe and shivering fiercely. Her lip was split, blood still oozing down her chin; a dark bruise was forming around her right eye and she cradled one arm close to her chest.

"Heya, Red," A weak smile appeared but she winced when the movement spread her split lip. "Can I come in? I didn't know where else to go."

Pam didn't reply. She stepped out into the rain and pulled Harley inside, careful to avoid touching her injured arm. Quickly, she led Harley to the couch, setting her down on the cushions and draping the heavy blanket over her shoulders.

"Wait here." Pam hurried to her bedroom and grabbed a soft t-shirt and old pair of sweatpants. It wasn't much, but getting Harley out of her torn, wet clothes was her priority. She rushed back to the living room, her heart breaking at the sight of the small, shivering figure huddled on her couch.

"Come with me," she said softly, helping Harley to her feet and leading her into the bathroom. She turned on the showerhead, cranking up the heat of the water until the little room filled with steam. Carefully, wordlessly, she helped Harley lift her wet t-shirt over her head.

She tossed the garment aside and placed her hands on Harley's shoulders to steady her. Pam's eyes drifted down to Harley's bare torso. Droplets of water ran in rivulets down the swell of her breasts, which were covered by a black bra with the little red diamond pattern Pam had grown so used to seeing. Her eyes followed the trail of water down to Harley's taught stomach, her smooth pale skin seeming to glow in the low light. Realizing too late that she'd stopped what she was doing to stare openly at Harley, Pam snapped her eyes back up to the blonde's face, only to find the same look of longing mirrored in those deep blue eyes.

Her hands still rested on Harley's shoulders and, slowly, she let them fall, the backs of her fingers trailing down her arms. Harley's breath visibly hitched, but her eyes never left Pam's. In fact, she seemed to lean closer the longer they stood in silence, like a flower reaching for sunlight. It wasn't until Pam's fingers brushed along her injured elbow that the moment was shattered. Harley flinched away, breaking the intense eye contact.

Pam blinked and shook her head, disgusted with herself for becoming distracted by…less than chaste thoughts, when Harley was so injured. Now was hardly the time or the place.

"What happened?" she asked, gently pulling the arm away from Harley's chest to examine it more closely. It was bruised and swollen. Not broken, from what she could tell, but severely sprained near the elbow.

"I…Me… and Jay…We…" Harley was shivering so badly, she kept tripping over her words. Pam shushed her and murmured, "Later." Harley's answer was a weak but genuine smile.

Setting a towel and the dry clothes on the bathroom counter, Pam pushed Harley towards the stream of hot water. "Take as long as you need, I'll be right outside the door, alright?"

Harley nodded and Pam took her cue to give the girl some privacy. She shut the bathroom door behind her, sagging against it and releasing a shaky sigh. She'd grown used to seeing bruises dotting Harley's body, but this was different…worse. It looked like Jay had actively been trying to…Pam couldn't finish the thought. Rage flooded her body until her limbs began to shake. She busied herself by gathering what few medical supplies she could find, all the while imagining punching Jay square in his wide, toothy smile the next time she saw him.

After nearly thirty minutes, Harley emerged from the bathroom dressed in Pam's clothes. Her hair was damp, it hung loosely around her face in blonde, pink and blue waves, and not her signature pigtails. Pam's breath caught in her throat when she saw her. She'd always thought that Harley was beautiful. But seeing her like this, long blonde hair curling around her cheeks, falling into her blue eyes, Pam couldn't help but stare.

She was still cradling her arm, but the shower seemed to have done wonders for her morale. She smiled shyly at Pam and joined her on the couch, where she was waiting with the first aid supplies she'd managed to scrounge up. Pam started with her split lip, dabbing a bit of white ointment into the open wound. Harley winced and Pam placed a hand on her cheek to keep her still.

"Jay did this to you." It wasn't a question. She moved on to a small cut on Harley's cheek, just below the bruise that swelled around her eye.

"Yeah."

"Another argument?"

"Yeah. I said some stupid things…I asked him about my phone and he got angry…..." Harley explained, keeping her eyes downcast. Finally, she murmured so quietly that Pam almost missed it. "Angry about you."

 _I'm not surprised._ But it was still painful to hear. Not for the first time, their relationship had brought harm to Harley. But this time, she'd made a different choice. She'd come to Pam for help, and there was nothing Pam would not do for this girl now to keep her safe.

"About me?"

"He said he didn't like me hangin' around your shop so much. Called you a bad influence." Pam snorted. "And when I told him that wasn't true he-…... I think you were right, Red."

Pam stopped dabbing at Harley's cuts and tried instead to read the blonde's expression. Her brows were furrowed over dark, stormy eyes, and a rueful smile played on her lips. "I don't think he really loves me anymore."

The tears that Harley had so desperately been trying to hold back suddenly spilled down her cheeks. Immediately, Pam pulled her into a tight embrace, one hand tangled in her waves of damp blonde hair, while the other moved soothingly up and down her back.

"It's alright, Daffodil," she murmured, her lips brushing Harley's ear. The blonde sniffled quietly and hid her face in the crook of Pam's neck. They sat together in silence for a long time, until Pam's legs went numb from their folded position on the couch, but still she didn't move. It wasn't until Harley pulled away of her own volition that Pam allowed herself to shift on the couch.

"Do you want to know why I really moved to Gotham?" she asked quietly, tucking a lock of hair behind Harley's ear. Her eyes widened slightly and then she nodded once.

"I moved because I couldn't stand being in Seattle anymore," Pam began, deciding it best to start from the very beginning. "I was born there and raised as an only child. My father was…distant. My mother controlling. I grew up in a place that made me feel like I was trapped. Like there was a limit to my potential." Pam paused and looked down at her lap. It had been a very long time since she'd spoken openly with someone about what Woodrue had done to her. Selina knew. Her parents knew, but that was hardly a consolation. The Seattle Police department had been privy to her story as well of course. But relaying her experiences to a clinical ear hadn't exactly been therapeutic.

But this was Harley. This was a woman who could very easily commiserate with Pam's own experience. And maybe, telling Harley her story, would help her begin to untangle herself from Jay.

"When I was still a student," Pam began again. "I became fascinated with one of my professors. Jason Woodrue. He was a very intelligent man. Charismatic. Commanding. And he was so passionate about the subjects he taught." Harley was watching her with owlish eyes. "I was everything he wasn't. Quiet, shy, insecure. I couldn't connect with my classmates. I'd never been able to connect well with people in general. But I connected with him. He took me under his wing, made me believe that I could do great things. That I was worth more than I thought I was. He said things that made me feel beautiful, smart. Powerful…And he meant none of them."

Harley had reached out, perhaps subconsciously, and was now playing with Pam's fingers. She took strength from the intimate gesture, hoping that she was really reconnecting with Harley, and pushed on with her story.

"He lied to me, he told me all the things he knew a sheltered little girl like me wanted to hear. And when I was entirely under his influence, he took me to his private lab. He told me he wanted me to be a part of his latest experiment. The talented, intelligent doctor wanted to share his work with _me._ " Pam trailed off, the words stuck in her throat. The feeling of Harley's hand in hers was the only thing keeping her from being consumed by her memories. "He held me down and covered my mouth when I tried to scream."

Harley was shaking again, her eyes fixed on Pam.

"And he raped me." The look on Harley's face could only be described as one of horror. She gaped at Pam, a choked sob escaping her lips. The words hung in the air, heavy between them. Saying them out loud after months of silence felt somehow liberating. And they'd clearly reached Harley. Her face had paled and her pink lips trembled.

"And when he was finished with me, he didn't say a word. He didn't need to. In that moment, he'd taken everything from me. My pride, my security…I felt broken. I felt like a fool for believing he actually cared for me. I wasn't sure what to do, or if I should tell someone. He didn't threaten me to keep quiet. He must have believed a timid girl like me would never speak up for herself." Pam paused again, trying to read Harley's expression. Their experiences didn't exactly mirror each other, but Pam found it hard to believe that every time Harley and Jay had been together was consensual. And he manipulated her in the same way Jason had. "It took me a long time to decide to tell anyone what had happened. I wasn't sure anyone would believe me and what's more, if they would sympathize with me and not Woodrue. He was the great and respected professor. I was just an nameless student. I started with Selina and she convinced me to tell my parents. My mother tried to pretend it hadn't happened and my father all but disappeared from my life, like he was ashamed to be associated with me."

Pam closed her eyes as she continued, focusing on the feel of Harley's warm hands in hers.

"By the time I spoke with the police, they told me that the evidence was 'inconclusive'. I had no proof but my own experience and that wasn't good enough for them. It was my word against his. The case was dropped before it even had a chance to get off the ground. Woodrue was never condemned for his actions and for the next year, until I graduated, I had to spend every day looking into the eyes of the man who had taken everything from me."

"Oh Red." Harley's voice was barely above a whisper.

"It took me a substantial amount of time to realize that I could still fight back. That what he did to me couldn't stop me from reaching my potential. I realized, eventually, that the only way I could prove that he hadn't broken me was to become everything I thought I could never be. So I completed my program, I obtained my doctorate and I moved away from Seattle to start a new life. One where he couldn't haunt me in every dark corner."

The silence that hung over the room was palpable, it rang in Pam's ears. Harley was crying again, but this time Pam knew the tears weren't for her own sake. She hadn't told Harley her story for sympathy, but even still, it gave her no small amount of relief to realize that her experience had affected Harley in some way.

"All of this to say, Harley…...I understand what it feels like to lose your dignity to someone who's made you believe they care about you. And I also know it's possible to regain that self-respect, that freedom, and live outside their abuse. You're here. You're safe now," Pam said, brushing a few tears away from Harley's cheek with her thumb. "That's all that matters. He can't hurt you anymore."

Harley lunged forward, throwing her good arm around Pam's shoulders and burying her tear stained face in her neck. It took Pam a moment to respond, but when she did, she closed her eyes and melted into Harley's embrace, breathing in her clean scent and allowing herself to feel everything the memories brought.

"That's why you got so mad at the party?" Harley said suddenly, pulling back just far enough to look into Pam's eyes. "Because what Jay said made you think of _him_?"

"In part," Pam admitted, although her anger had extended to much more than Jay's resemblance to Woodrue.

Harley leaned forward again, gripping Pam tightly in another quick hug and murmuring, "I'm so sorry."

"You don't need to apologize," Pam insisted, removing herself from Harley's grasp and grabbing the roll of gauze for her arm. "Nothing Jay said, and nothing I've shared, was your fault."

Afterwards, Harley watched Pam bandage her arm in uncharacteristic silence, taking in everything that had just been said. Pam didn't speak either. Her body felt heavy with everything she'd revealed. It was freeing, but equally draining. She could only hope that some of her words had gotten through to Harley. She could only hope that the parallels to Jay were clear. When Pam was finished bandaging her arm, she paused, considering what to do next in regards to their sleeping arrangement. It made the most sense for Harley to sleep in her bed while Pam took the couch, as tiny and uncomfortable as it was. Harley's well-being was more important than one sleepless night.

Still, the idea of spending the night in the same bed with her flitted through Pam's mind and the heat that had rushed through her in the bathroom returned. But Pam would never suggest it, especially not now, when Harley was still so vulnerable. Acting on her rampant emotions would be taking advantage of the blonde's current state. Silently admonishing herself, Pam stood and gestured towards the bedroom.

"You can use my bed. I'll take the couch. If you need me just-"

"Red, would you…" Harley trailed off, biting her lip and staring hard at her toes.

"Yes?"

"Could you stay with me tonight?" She caught Pam's surprised expression and quickly added, "I just…after everything you told me and…with the storm and all. I don't wanna be alone…."

A little stunned that Harley had suggested just what she'd been thinking, Pam nodded slowly and laced her fingers with Harley's, guiding her to the bedroom.

"Of course I'll stay."

* * *

 _Thank you for reading...until the next update._


	6. Collide

_**FLUFF!**_

* * *

The soft rays of the early morning sun poured through the cracks in the curtains, sending shafts of light across the bedroom. Slowly, Pam blinked her eyes open and was almost immediately blinded by a particularly bright ray of light. She was thinking about getting up to close the curtains and save her eyesight when she realized she was pinned to the bed by a soft, warm weight. Memories of the night before came rushing back to her and she craned her neck to get a better view of her new bedmate.

Harley was cuddly, even in sleep. She was draped over Pam like moss covering a stone, one arm slung over her waist and a single leg threaded between both of Pam's. Her cheek rested against Pam's shoulder, waves of blonde hair splayed out on their shared pillow, since she'd neglected to use her own. Pam could hear the soft snores and murmurs Harley was making in her sleep. She shifted every so often, snuggling closer to Pam, the tip of her nose brushing her neck. Pam felt a stirring deep in her belly as Harley's warm breath grazed against her skin. She tried not to flinch away from the tickling sensation, and instead kept very still, regulating her breathing to ensure she didn't wake Harley. Not anytime soon anyway. It was difficult, however, to keep her limbs from trembling when all she could focus on was Harley's soft body pressed against her own.

They hadn't been this close when they'd fallen asleep the night before. In fact, Harley had curled up on the opposite side of the bed even though Pam had done her best to comfort her. She'd stroked Harley's hair until she'd fallen asleep; the blonde mumbling a quiet 'thank you' just before her blue eyes closed. Pam couldn't help but wonder if Harley had moved closer purposefully, or if it had been an unconscious action.

Either way, she couldn't remember a moment before this that she'd felt more comfortable, content…. happy. In this moment, she could pretend Jay didn't exist, she could pretend Harley wasn't a patchwork of bruises and scrapes, she could pretend that waking up like this was something she could do everyday. She closed her eyes again and focused on memorizing the feel of Harley's body curled against hers. Every curve, every muscle; she timed every breath in and out.

Careful not to move too much, Pam turned her head to examine Harley's injuries. The arm that lay draped across her waist was still littered with bruises, and the one around her eye had turned a nasty yellowish, green. But the swelling had gone down, so Pam considered it a victory. The cut on her lip was already closing, thanks to the ointment Pam had applied, but she guessed that progress would be erased the second Harley gave her one of her trademark grins.

Pam looked over at the alarm clock on her bedside table, her eyes widening a split second before it struck 6 o'clock and the room filled with a loud, incessant ringing. Immediately, Pam flung out an arm to stop the alarm, cursing herself for bothering to set it in the first place when her internal clock always had her up and ready to go well before the mechanized one.

Harley groaned and shifted. Raising her head, she blinked at Pam with bleary eyes and then dropped back down onto the pillow and released a deep, contented sigh.

"Good morning," Pam prompted, smirking when Harley's nose wrinkled in disgust.

"S'too early to be mornin'," she slurred, her grip around Pam's waist tightening.

"Well the sun is up."

"The sun is stupid."

Pam laughed and brushed a few wild strands of hair away from Harley's face. "How do you feel?"

She was referring to the bruises, but Harley opened her eyes and pinned Pam with a gaze that could only be described as dreamy. "I feel like I slept on a cloud."

Harley screwed her eyes shut again and buried her face in Pam's neck, her lips brushing the soft skin just below the red head's jaw. Pam stiffened, failing to quell the thrill that shot through her as Harley's lips ghosted against her neck.

 _Did she just..? No. It was an accident. It had to be an accident._

Sure enough, Harley moved away, tucking her cheek against Pam's shoulder instead. Pam sank into the mattress, heavy with disappointment.

"We should get up," Pam tried again. She didn't intend on opening the shop today, but nursing Harley back to health meant a proper meal was in order. Harley made a few muffled noises against the collar of Pam's shirt.

"I'm sorry?"

"I said, I don't wanna get up. I'm too comfy right here," Harley complained, turning her head so that she could be heard, but electing to keep her eyes shut tight. Pam chuckled as Harley curled up again and squeezed her like a teddy bear.

"You stay here then," she said, trying to extricate herself from Harley's grip. "I'm going to go make breakfast."

Harley moaned something that sounded like her name as Pam finally managed to find her way out of the tangle of sheets and limbs and pull on a robe. Harley flopped an arm out over the side of the bed, reaching for Pam with limp fingers. She withdrew it when she realized she couldn't pull Pam back and squeezed a pillow instead, wriggling deeper into the mountain of covers. Pam watched her with a fond smile. The poor girl deserved to sleep in after the state she'd arrived in last night.

Pam wandered into the kitchen, her steps buoyant and her entire body tingling. She scoured the fridge, only to realize that she was in desperate need of a shopping trip. It was empty save for a half-used carton of eggs, a few organic cucumbers and a loaf of bread.

 _Eggs and toast it is then._

Not the most nutritious of breakfasts, but considering she had no idea when Harley's last meal was and what it consisted of, she figured it would do the job.

Pam had just begun scrambling the all the eggs that remained in the carton when her phone rang. Abandoning the skillet, she moved to the living room to retrieve her phone from where she'd left it lying on the coffee table the night before.

"Hello?"

"Pam! What the hell?"

"Good morning, Selina," Pam replied with a rueful smirk, returning to the crackling skillet with the phone tucked against her cheek and shoulder.

"Don't good morning me! The last time we talked you told me you'd call me right back…it's been three days, Pam!"

"Two actually."

"I swear to god…"

"Shouldn't you be enjoying your vacation? Or ogling the entire male population of Spain?" Pam teased, turning the eggs and popping a few slices of bread into the toaster.

"Your sass is unparalleled this morning, Pam, really. Sue me for taking an interest in your love life." Heat rose in Pam's cheeks at that. "I care about what happens to Harley too, you know. So…. what did happen? Did you find her?"

"Yes, I did. Actually, she ended up staying the night."

"WHAT?"

Pam processed what she'd just said and backpedaled furiously. "No, I meant-"

"Pamela!"

"Selina-"

"I mean, I know I told you I wanted to be shocked and disgusted, but I didn't _actually_ think you'd leave me shocked and disgusted. Mostly shocked. Not disgusted. But in two days no less!"

"Selina, stop. It wasn't like that," Pam interrupted as the toast popped out of the toaster. "She showed up at my door last night, in a thunderstorm, beaten to a pulp. She looked terrible. Worse than I've ever seen her."

"Oh," Selina murmured. "Oh god."

"I'm going to kill that man," Pam gritted, stabbing at the eggs with her spatula to illustrate her point.

"I'll cock the gun for you." There was a pregnant pause. "So…. what happens now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what about her job, Pam? She works with the guy. Are you just going to keep her locked in the apartment from now on? That hardly seems like something anyone would enjoy, let alone someone who's gone through what Harley has."

"I…" Truthfully, Pam hadn't thought about what came next, she was so focused on ensuring that Harley healed. Eventually, she would have to go back to work. Probably sooner rather than later. And when she did, she would have to face Jay, and Pam couldn't be there to help her. "I haven't really thought about it."

"Well, you'll have to figure something out. She's not going to be able to avoid Jay forever," Selina reminded her, although Pam had already reached that conclusion.

As she thought about it, Pam realized that the tattoo parlor was probably still a safe place for Harley. If Chato, Tatsu or Floyd were present, Jay couldn't do her any physical harm. He might torment her, but he wouldn't hurt her in public. And if she stayed with Pam, there was no way he could touch her outside of work. It was a flimsy plan, but it was all she had at the moment, her brain still a little muddled from sleep.

"I'll work something out," she promised. "And I'll keep you updated."

"I'm going to hold you to that," Selina said. Suddenly there was a shuffle and Pam heard her voice lilt into something akin to a purr. There was a deep voiced response and then Selina added, "Gotta go, Pam. Bruce is calling. Talk soon, tell Harley I said hi!"

Pam didn't have a chance to say goodbye before the line went dead and Selina was gone. Shaking her head, Pam dumped the eggs onto a plate and began putting the finishing touches on breakfast.

"Who was that?"

Pam spun around so fast that she nearly knocked the eggs onto the floor. Harley stood at the entrance to the kitchen, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Her hair hung in loose waves around her shoulders and, with the too-big t-shirt she wore, she looked years younger and extremely vulnerable. The sunlight streaming through the kitchen window made her bruises stand out in stark contrast to her pale skin. Pam had the sudden urge to cross the kitchen and wrap her in her arms. She resisted and lifted the phone instead.

"Selina called to check up on you."

"And I missed it?" Harley wailed. She crossed the kitchen and snatched the phone from Pam's hand, glaring at it as if it would bring Selina back if she stared hard enough. Pam smiled and gently pried the phone out of Harley's fingers, setting it on the kitchen table.

"You'll meet her soon enough. Now help me set these plates out. You are hungry right?"

"Starving," Harley grinned, wincing a second later when the smile cracked her split lip. She lifted her hand to the reopened cut, a smear of blood coming away on her fingers. Pam shook her head, amused that she'd predicted something like this would happen.

"Here." Pam grabbed a napkin and cupped Harley's cheek, dabbing at the injury with her other hand. Harley's bright blue eyes met Pam's green ones and Harley's breath caught. Her eyes fell suddenly to Pam's lips, and she could have sworn that a light pink hue tinged Harley's cheeks a second before she looked away and focused on something beyond Pam's shoulder. Deciding it was best not to push the tension between them, Pam took a step back and reached for the arm that Harley still held awkwardly against her chest.

"Can I?" Harley nodded and Pam took her arm in gentle hands, turning it slightly to examine the swelling at her elbow. The bandages she'd applied last night had done a decent job of keeping the joint steady, but she imagined Harley would need something for the pain very soon.

"Whatcha think, Doc?" Harley grinned again. "Ouch... dang it." She continued to smile through the pain of her split lip, her blue eyes sparkling with laughter. "Get it, cuz you're a doctor?"

Pam rolled her eyes despite the amused smile that played on her lips. "I'm not that kind of doctor, Daffodil." The nickname came out again before Pam could stop it. But Harley didn't seem to mind, in fact she positively glowed when Pam said it.

"I know, Red, yeesh. That's the joke!" Harley moved away, much to Pam's disappointment, and began setting plates on the table with one hand. "We'll work on your sense of humor, don't worry."

Pam helped her, all the while wondering how Harley managed to be so cheerful after the emotional storm of the night before. Humor was probably a coping mechanism that Harley relied on, she realized. And quite heavily. Or maybe she was so used to abuse at the hands of Jay that it just didn't phase her anymore. Maybe a little bit of both.

Harley ate with the voracity of a ravenous carnivore, shoveling food into her mouth and then scrambling for seconds. It made Pam wonder if this was how she regularly ate, or if it had been some time since she'd had a decent meal. After breakfast, Harley wandered back to the bedroom, collapsing on the soft sheets and leaving Pam to take care of the dishes. Not that she minded…She was more concerned with Harley's well being than her table manners. They could always work on those later. Pam stopped herself, processing what she'd just thought. She had no idea how Harley wanted to continue at this point. It was hardly prudent to be planning a future with her. Not when Jay was still an issue to be dealt with.

Pam waited until she was sure Harley had fallen asleep before slipping into the bedroom to grab a change of clothes. She needed to figure out how best to help Harley from this point forward, and to do that she needed someone to lend an ear and possibly a few suggestions. And who better than the Police Commissioner's daughter?

Grabbing her clothes, Pam crept towards the door. She paused suddenly, and moved towards the bed instead. Harley was wrapped snugly in the tangle of sheets, knees drawn up to her chest and her hands fisted in a pillow. She looked peaceful in her sleep, content, despite the many bruises that littered her body. Pam just watched her breathe for a few moments and then crouched next to the bed and reached out to brush the stray hair away from Harley's face. Gently, she traced the blonde's jaw with the backs of her fingers and then leaned forward, ever so slowly, and placed a tender kiss on her bruised cheek. Harley didn't stir and Pam allowed herself a few more seconds of contemplative silence before she grabbed her clothes and headed for the bathroom to change.

/

Harley woke with a start, sitting up in bed and glancing wildly around the room. She didn't recognize it at first and felt panic begin to rise in her throat until she remembered where she was.

 _Pammy's place._

The bed she sat in was warm and soft and the light green curtains allowed the gentle morning sun into the room, giving it a calming glow. The atmosphere was so drastically different from her own bedroom, it was no surprise that last night was the best night's sleep she'd had in ages. Although, the most important part—her bedmate—was missing.

Abruptly, her mind flitted back to the events that had brought her here. She'd gone looking for her old phone and she'd found it stashed in Jay's bedside drawer. The screen was shattered but the power still worked. She'd scrolled through Pam's messages, one after another, the same one's she'd seen at the coffee shop. An uncharacteristic anger had risen inside her. Pam had been right. Jay had hidden these from her, purposefully. He'd actively tried to make it seem like Pam didn't care, like she never wanted to speak to Harley again.

She'd made the mistake of asking Jay why. His expression twisted in anger when he saw her holding the damaged phone and he'd risen from the couch stalking towards her slowly.

 _Because that bitch is twisting your mind. She wants to turn you against me. She doesn't care about you. She's using you._

Harley didn't believe him, she couldn't. Pam wasn't like that. She did care, deeply. Harley had told him so; defended the woman who'd offered her shelter and safety, who saw that Harley was broken and sad but still wanted to know her, who believed whole heartedly that she deserved better. She told Jay he was wrong and he'd snapped.

Jay had grabbed her arm and twisted until she felt a white-hot pain that blinded her. He'd hit her too. Twice. His fist connecting with her chin first and then her eye. Then he'd left her in the living room, curled up on the floor. She'd waited until he disappeared and then she'd scampered for the door, her only thought to find Pam.

She'd walked all the way from her apartment to Pam's in the pouring rain, the lightning and thunder blinding and deafening her. She remembered the tips of her fingers going blue, so she'd tried to stick them underneath her armpits for warmth until the pain in her elbow stopped her. By the time she'd reached Pam's door, her entire body had gone numb from the cold. But the second Pam took her inside, she knew she'd be alright.

Harley recalled the conversation they'd had on the couch the night before, where Pam had bared her soul. Where she'd explained what had brought her to Gotham. Harley couldn't remember a time she'd felt more disgust or rage than she did when Pam told her about Woodrue. And what he'd done to her.

Pam didn't deserve what had happened to her. No one deserved that. But Pam least of all. She was so… good. And she seemed to genuinely care for Harley, despite how loud she was, how messy, flighty, broken, screwed up, sad. Pam cared. And Pam had tried to reach out to her for days, even after yelling at her. Even after making her feel like the smallest person on the planet.

Pam had a fire in her that couldn't be contained. But she soothed the burns she made. Harley closed her eyes and thought back to the way Pam had touched her last night, her capable fingers dancing across Harley's skin, caressing her bruises and cuts. She wanted those hands everywhere. Hands that were warm and gentle, but with rough palms from the hours she spent tending to her plants

She reflected on how gently Pam had touched her…like she was the most precious thing in the world. Nobody had ever made her feel that way. She didn't know intimacy _could_ feel that way. It certainly never had with Jay. He told her a lot of things that she imagined were supposed to be affectionate, he'd touched her plenty of times, but never the way Pam had.

Pam made her feel like she was worth something, and she didn't have to utter a single word.

She fell back against the mattress, burrowing into the sheets that still carried Pam's scent. She always smelled so good, like the flowers in her shop. And she could steal Harley's breath away with just a look from those moss green eyes.

Waking up curled around her this morning, nose buried in waves of soft red hair, had been more stimulating than Harley could have ever imagined. The skin she'd been able to reach was so smooth, and Pam's voice, still gravely with sleep, made Harley's heart do cartwheels in her chest.

Part of her was still confused. Part of her felt guilty for leaving Jay behind without an explanation. Realistically, she knew Pam was right. He hurt her. He probably hated her. She was his toy. But she couldn't shake him from her mind. It was wrong. It felt sick, like he was a virus swimming through her body. But Pam couldn't know. What would she say? Harley wasn't sure she could face Pam's fire again.

But the rest of her, the parts unoccupied by thoughts of Jay, knew very clearly that she'd been falling for Pam since the day they'd met. She just hadn't been able to see, not with Jay clouding her thoughts. But now, after the connection they'd made last night…. She'd just had to test those feelings this morning. Ghosting her lips across the unbearably soft skin of Pam's neck. God, it had done amazing things to her body. She wondered if Pam had been able to feel how hard her heart had been pounding, because the sound of it had all but filled Harley's ears.

And suddenly, Harley realized how quiet the apartment was. She sat up again, throwing off the covers, and padding into the living room in her bare feet. It was empty, as was the kitchen and the tiny bathroom. A strangling sense of panic began to rise in her chest until she saw the small note lying on the kitchen table.

 _Daffodil_ (She still couldn't get enough of the nickname Pam had given her.)

 _Stepped out for a bit. The apartment is yours, make yourself comfortable. Be back soon._

Harley set the note down and glanced around the small apartment. There wasn't much she could find that would occupy her time until Pam returned. There was a heavy book on the coffee table- _Plant Science: Growth, Development, and Utilization of Cultivated Plants-_ that Harley took one look at and then set back down, her nose wrinkling in disgust. The little television seemed to be Harley's only hope for entertainment, so she turned it on and huddled underneath the blanket from last night, the silence of the empty apartment ringing in her ears.

/

"Wow," Barbara breathed, leaning back in her wheelchair and shaking her head as she took in Pam's story. The coffee shop was quiet today, only a few customers scattered here and there, so Barbara had wheeled out from behind the counter and joined Pam at one of the tables.

"So, she's staying with you now? Permanently?"

"I haven't asked her yet," Pam admitted, taking a sip of her tea.

 _I want her to._

"Well, she can't go back to her own apartment," Barbara retorted, her fingers drumming nervously on the handlebars of her wheelchair. "Who knows what that monster will do to her if she does."

"It's her choice to make."

"You really think she'd choose to go back to him after what he did?" Barbara's brows were furrowed low over her eyes.

"I don't know." Harley's interest in Jay still didn't make sense to Pam. Her attraction felt rooted more in obsession than anything else. But surely, after what Pam had said at the party and after she'd suffered through one of Jay's more violent beatings, she _had_ to see that staying with Pam was the better option.

"Do you want me to get my Dad involved?" Barbara prompted when Pam continued to stare at the table in silence.

"That's also Harley's choice to make." There was a hint of defeat in Pam's tone. "If she decides she wants to press charges them yes, she'll need your father's help. Until then, there's not much we can do."

"Except keep her safe," Barbara added. "And convince her that going back to a psychopath like Jay is completely insane."

"I think she believes that now," Pam said, remembering how readily Harley had admitted that Jay didn't love her any more.

 _If he ever did._

"What about work?"

"That's a brilliant question," Pam replied with a wry smile. "One I have yet to answer." Barbara pursed her lips, her brow creasing again. "My thought is that she'll be safe from Jay as long as she has her coworkers nearby. They'll be willing to protect her."

"Yeah, but that won't stop Jay from firing her if he feels like he can't control her anymore."

Pam's lips twisted into a frown, she hadn't thought of that outcome. If Jay realized that she'd not only effectively 'dumped' him, but that she was staying with Pam instead of him, then he'd have no reason to keep her around. And where would Harley go without the tattoo parlor to occupy her time?

"Back to school," Pam mumbled to herself. Barbara looked up from her lap, confused.

"Huh?"

"Harley mentioned to me once that she wanted to go back to school, but the parlor…and Jay…kept her from revisiting that opportunity. Maybe losing her job at the tattoo parlor would be a blessing in disguise," Pam reasoned. Barbara looked thoughtful, her fingers drumming on the armrests again.

 _And if she needs money, the flower shop could always use an extra pair of hands._

"Maybe she could help out at your flower shop too," Barbara suggested, unaware that Pam had already reached that conclusion.

She smiled quietly. "Maybe she could."

"A lot of these decisions can't be made without Harley, unfortunately," Barbara sighed. "Where is she anyway?"

"Sleeping back at the apartment. I didn't want to disturb her. Not after the night she had."

"Do you think it was a good idea to leave her alone?"

Pam was almost certain Jay wouldn't be able to find her, there was no way he could get her address from any of Harley's coworkers and she'd bet anything he was expecting Harley to come back to him. He wouldn't go looking for her…Yet…. Maybe. Now that Barbara had brought it up, Pam wasn't so sure. Jay was unpredictable and the idea of finding him in her apartment with a weakened Harley filled her with dread.

"I should probably get going," Pam said, rising so quickly she almost knocked her chair over. Barbara nodded and wheeled her to the door.

"Hey, let me know if you need any more help, alright? I'll be here."

Pam smiled, thanked Barbara and hurried out the door, dashing down the street to her apartment.

/

"Red!" Pam was nearly knocked off her feet the second she walked in the door by the blonde rocket that was Harley. She threw her arms around Pam's neck, her voice muffled against the red head's collar when she spoke. "You're back."

"Did you get my note?" Pam asked, worried that Harley had been under the impression she'd simply left her alone without the intention of returning. Harley pulled back and held Pam at arms length.

"'Course I did. But it didn't say when you'd be comin' back."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you." Pam reached out and brushed Harley's bangs aside. She'd put her hair up in multicolored pigtails again and Pam supposed that was a good indicator that she was returning to her usual self.

"It's alright." Harley leaned into Pam's touch, her eyes fluttering closed. They snapped open a moment later, and she grabbed Pam's hand, dragging her into the living room. "Come on, now that you're here you gotta watch this movie with me."

Harley leapt onto the couch and dragged Pam down with her, her eyes zeroing in on the TV. Pam had been intending to talk to Harley about her options regarding the near future, but she looked so engrossed by the film playing on the television that she decided to save the conversation for later. It didn't take long, however, for Pam to begin expressing her distaste for the film.

"You're actually enjoying this nonsense?"

"It's not nonsense, it's funny."

"It's violent and crude."

"Yeah, but he's so quippy. And I like his costume."

Pam decided not to point out that quippy wasn't a word. "His 'jokes' are rather crass, don't you think?"

"That's _why_ it's funny! Seriously Red, we gotta work on your sense of humor."

"My sense of humor is fine, it's this disaster of a film that's off."

"Paaaaam. You're ruining the fun!"

Pam huffed and crossed her arms, opting to study Harley rather than pay anymore attention to the 'merc with a mouth'. Harley was still dressed in the clothes that Pam had lent her last night, and it struck her then that, even if she decided to stay, they would need to return to Harley's apartment to retrieve her belongings. She watched Harley's eyes light up as she laughed at some undoubtedly offensive joke Pam had missed. For someone who had been beaten as viciously as Harley had the night before, it was a wonder she was smiling at all.

Pam was so busy watching Harley enjoy the movie that she didn't realize it had ended. As soon as the credits began to roll, Harley turned to Pam and asked, "Whatcha think, Red?"

"I think it was an absolute-" Pam caught herself when she saw Harley's eager expression. Biting back her scathing review of the movie, she continued with, "-an entertaining film, if nothing else."

Harley smiled briefly and looked back at the TV, her eyes suddenly unfocused and distant. "Hey, if you could pick any superpower, what would it be?"

Pam considered her answer for a moment. The thought had never crossed her mind. But for someone like Harley, impossible instances must pass through her head every day.

"The power to save the planet," she answered, only somewhat jokingly.

Harley nodded. "Like…a crusader for Mother Nature."

"Something like that."

"I think I'd want to be able to fly."

 _Away from here?_

Harley's eyes were dim, her smile replaced with a thin-lipped grimace. She stared blankly at the rolling credits, until Pam reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I went to the coffee shop hopin' you'd find me, you know," Harley mumbled into her lap. It took a moment for Pam to catch up with Harley's train of thought. As always, she seemed to bounce from topic to topic on a whim.

"You mean after I…. after your party?"

"Yeah, I figured you'd end up there eventually, and I didn't know you were tryin' to get in touch with me, so I just went there and hoped you'd show up." Harley looked up, her eyes rising to meet Pam's. "And you did."

"Stay with me," she blurted. Harley blinked, her brows rising.

"Huh?"

"Stay with me," Pam repeated, with more confidence this time. "Here. Where he can't hurt you."

 _I can't stand to see you so broken again._

Harley cocked her head, as if she couldn't even fathom the offer. Her eyes flickered across Pam's face. "Stay here?"

"For as long as you like," Pam continued. "It's not a burden at all. We can go to your apartment together to gather your things and then… you can stay here, with me, where it's safe."

Harley stared at her, the expression on her face something Pam couldn't read. "What about work?"

"You can still keep your job." _Unless Jay decides otherwise._ "Chato, Tatsu, Floyd, they'll watch out for you."

Harley's face scrunched up as she considered Pam's offer. Pam reached out and took Harley's hand, holding it gently between both of her own. "It's your decision, Harley. Whatever you choose, I'll support you. But you have to consider what Jay might do to you if you go back. He's not going to change, he's a manipulative, abusive, horrible excuse for a man." She lifted one hand and graced her fingers across Harleys cheek. "And you deserve so much better."

"You really want me to stay?" Harley repeated.

"I really want you to stay." Pam waited with baited breath. This was not a trivial decision, she knew. If Harley agreed to stay, it was a massive indication of the trust that they'd managed to build in the span of a few short weeks. If she decided to stay, it meant one more step away from Jay. Away from the abuse. And another step closer to the life she deserved. Pam watched a slow grin light up Harley's face.

"Good," she said, squeezing Pam's hand. "Because I think I wanna stay too."


	7. She Is

_**A/N: Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**_

* * *

"Are you sure you want to come with us? You can stay here if you feel uncomfortable. Floyd and I are more than capable of doing this on our own."

"I'm sure, Red," Harley replied, scuffling her feet and tugging on the hem of the green sweater she'd borrowed, looking incredibly _unsure_. Pam struggled not to be distracted by the way the sweater clung to her slim form, highlighting every curve and muscle. She was failing miserably.

If Pam had her way, she'd have given it a few more days before confronting Jay. But if Harley was going to stay, she couldn't very well continue borrowing all of Pam's clothes. Although Pam didn't mind seeing her wearing them in the slightest. It made her feel close to Harley. Intimate, in a way Pam knew they couldn't be. Not right now anyway.

But the more time they spent together, the more the lines between friendship and…. something more, began to blur. Harley had curled up in bed with Pam again the night before, spooning her, one arm wrapped tightly around her waist. Pam hadn't been able to sleep soundly that night. She woke whenever Harley shifted-a common occurrence-and struggled to find sleep again, excruciatingly aware of the feel of Harley's…. everything, pressed against her back.

Pulling herself back to the present, Pam reached for Harley's hand. She perked up and grabbed it immediately, lacing their fingers together as they left the apartment. Floyd was waiting for them, leaning against the hood of his rusty pickup truck. He straightened when he saw the two women approaching.

"Ladies," he greeted, tugging open the side door for Harley, who grinned at him and squirmed into the middle seat.

"Thank you for doing this, Floyd," Pam murmured before taking her place beside Harley. He gave her a subtle nod and walked around to the driver's side of the truck. The old engine rattled to life, and Floyd pulled away from Pam's apartment complex, into the streets of Gotham.

Pam hadn't wanted to bring anybody else into their mess with Jay, especially not Harley's coworkers, who could easily lose their jobs if he found out they had helped. But it would have been impossible to walk all of Harley's things back to Pam's apartment. And Floyd had volunteered readily when Pam called him and relayed Harley's current predicament. It was a good sign that Floyd, and hopefully the rest of Harley's friends, seemed to be more loyal to her rather than Jay. They didn't appear to be afraid of him either, Pam noted. Which was important, since Pam knew she and Harley would need all the support they could get when, inevitably, they had to confront Jay.

The walk from Pam to Harley's apartment wasn't far, so the drive only took a couple of minutes. They'd arrived before Pam had time to ready herself for a possible confrontation with Jay. Seeming to sense her reluctance, Floyd killed the engine and said, "Jay's down at the shop today. We shouldn't have any trouble."

Pam nodded, glancing at Harley, who was bouncing her leg anxiously. Once Floyd stepped out of the truck, Pam placed her hand on Harley's knee, drawing the girl's attention.

"It's going to be alright."

The blonde nodded, forcing a smile and following Pam out of the car. Together, the three made the trek up to Harley and Jay's apartment. Harley scrounged around underneath the little welcome mat in front of the door before pulling out a small key.

"I lose my keys a lot," she explained with a sheepish shrug, although nobody had questioned it.

Fitting the key into the lock, she pushed the door open slowly, looking to Pam as if she were afraid Jay would jump out like a ghoul in a haunted house.

 _Apt comparison,_ Pam praised herself. _Although he's more of a clown than he is a ghoul._

Together, the three pushed into the apartment. It was quiet and dark, and there was no sign of Jay, like Floyd had promised. They decided to split up for efficiency's sake. Floyd took the living room, Harley the bathroom and that left the bedroom to Pam.

Stifling the wave of revulsion that washed over her at the thought of coming across anything Jay might keep there, Pam pushed the door open and crept inside.

It was dark, the yellowed blinds on the far side of the room blocking out the afternoon sun. Clothes were strewn haphazardly about the room, both Jay's and Harley's from the looks of it. And the sheets on the bed didn't fare much better. Pam picked her way across the clothes covered floor, rifling through one of the bedside dressers that she quickly realized must have been Jay's. Inside lay the handcuffs from Harley's birthday (Pam ignored those) and her shattered phone. Picking it up, Pam pressed down on the power button, not surprised when it turned on. She scrolled through the dozens of messages she'd sent, confirming what she already knew. Jay had taken Harley's phone in an attempt to break them apart.

Pam smirked. Manipulative as he may be, Jay had still failed and now Harley had chosen to fight back. He could break as many phones as he liked as far as Pam was concerned. He couldn't hurt Harley anymore and that was what mattered.

Pocketing the phone, Pam moved to the closet, grabbing as many of Harley's things as she could find and carrying them out into the living room. The three converged there and began making trips down the two flights of stairs to Floyd's truck.

They managed to fill the few cardboard boxes Floyd had brought and then some. Harley's more superfluous items littered the truck bed in the same haphazard way they'd been displayed in her apartment. After the final trip, Harley set her key back under the mat and paused in the doorway, one hand gripping the knob.

Pam stood behind her and waited, a silent supportive presence. No matter the abuse she'd faced here, Pam knew this moment couldn't be easy. The apartment was familiar, it had been home for Harley for the better part of three years. Or maybe home wasn't the best way to describe it. But leaving it meant leaving the comfort of her routine. It meant facing the unknown. It meant change.

 _I'll give you something so much better. Trust me._

Pam placed a hand on Harley's shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly. Harley turned and, to Pam's surprise, offered her a genuine smile. Closing the door behind her, Harley took Pam's hand and descended the flight of stairs for the final time.

She didn't look back.

/

Harley hummed to herself as she moved around the apartment, unpacking her things. Pam watched her pull her belongings out of the boxes Floyd had helped carry up and bounce from the bathroom to the bedroom and back to the living room, only to start the process all over again. Pam had offered to help, but Harley seemed determined to unpack on her own. And based on the speed at which Harley was moving around the apartment, Pam felt that she would only get in the way if she intervened.

It was almost comforting to watch Harley dash around the apartment, throwing her things in with Pam's. After what they'd had to go through to reach this point of complete trust, the act of unpacking felt like validation for the moments when Pam thought she'd shattered their friendship for good. But it was more than friendship now, Pam realized. It had to be. And living together meant broaching some of the things that had gone unspoken between them for too long. The things that made Pam question how Harley really felt about her. However, pushing the subject also held the potential of pushing Harley away. And the last thing Pam wanted to do was make Harley feel uncomfortable when she had nowhere else to go. As much as that thought unnerved Pam, she knew the conversation needed to happen, no matter the outcome.

"Hey, Red?" she called from the bedroom. "Left side or right?"

Pam blinked as Harley's question pulled her out of her thoughts. "I'm sorry?"

"Left or right?" Harley reiterated, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest. Pam gave her a blank stare. "For the closet! Which side do you want my stuff on?"

"Oh." _Was I supposed to reach that conclusion on my own? Come on, Harl._ "I really don't mind, Harley. Whatever you like."

Harley nodded and disappeared inside the bedroom again. Pam looked around at the items spread out across the living room that they'd yet to find a place for. Movies, comic books, make up, a pair of roller blades (Pam hadn't been expecting that one) and the giant stuffed dog Harley had insisted on bringing (Pam _really_ hadn't been expecting that one). Lou was it's name…or Bud. She couldn't remember, and it struck her as trivial that Harley had named a stuffed dog in the first place.

 _So long as it doesn't find its way into my… our… bedroom._

As strange as it was to think in those terms, there wasn't any other way to look at it now. This was no longer just her apartment. It was Harley's too. And that shared ownership didn't end at the bedroom. Heat rose in Pam's cheeks at the thought. _Our bedroom._ There was a certain intimacy to the implication that couldn't be ignored. Maybe acknowledging that would help her initiate the conversation she needed to have with Harley.

 _Just… maybe not tonight,_ Pam thought as anxiety rose in her chest. They had time now after all. And the subject was a heavy one. It would be better to discuss it once they weren't both so exhausted from the move.

She returned to the book she'd been trying to read just as Harley wandered back into the living room, clapping her hands together victoriously.

"All unpacked!" she declared, ignoring the various items still scattered across the living room. Hopping over the back of the couch, she plopped down next to Pam and reached for the TV remote. As she waited for the old television to come to life, she glanced over at Pam, cocking her head in an attempt to read the title of the book.

"Whatcha readin', Pam-a-lamb?"

"A book by Peter Raven. He's got a fascinating theory on the biology of plant life and how it pertains to-….What?"

Harley was staring, her blue eyes owlish. "You wear glasses?"

Pam had forgotten she'd been wearing the large, boxy brown frames. They weren't exactly flattering, but the function of her glasses was more important than their appearance. "Yes, I do. I need them to read."

"Oh." Harley's voice was small and she looked away quickly when Pam attempted to meet her gaze. But Pam could have sworn she saw a blush coloring Harley's cheeks.

"You look—they look…nice. Good! On you. They look good on you…" She trailed off, scrabbling for the remote and flipping through the channels rapidly. Pam watched Harley straighten, her eyes riveted to the TV, her knee bouncing up and down.

 _Does she….? Is she….? By my glasses?_

A grin spread across Pam's lips, but she returned to her book without pushing the subject. As subtle as Harley tried to be, Pam caught every glance she sent her way as she pretended to watch television. The act would have been more convincing if she hadn't been pretending to be riveted by a documentary on the indigenous people of the Ice Age.

Setting her book down after the documentary had ended, Pam stood and stretched, her shirt riding up with the movement. Harley's eyes fell to her midriff and then snapped back to the TV which had changed to show a rerun of an old cartoon.

"I think I'm going to call it a night, Harl." The unpacking had taken more energy than she thought it would. And technically, they still weren't done. "Turn off the lights when you come to bed?"

"Sure thing, Red." Harley eyes didn't waver from the TV. A little disconcerted by her suddenly solemn behavior, Pam paused in the doorway to the bedroom, studying Harley. She seemed frozen in place, her still form illuminated by the light of the TV.

Hoping it was the events of the day catching up with her and not something Pam had done, she left Harley to her cartoons and continued with her bedtime routine.

She could still hear the sounds of the TV by the time she slipped underneath the cool covers. Pam pulled them up to her chin, waiting anxiously for Harley to join her. After nearly an hour, the sounds quieted and the light from underneath the door disappeared. But still, Harley didn't come.

Quietly, Pam slipped out of bed and padded into the living room. Even through the darkness, Pam could see that Harley had curled up on the couch, clutching her stuffed dog to her chest.

Confused, and a little wounded that Harley had opted to sleep on her own, Pam returned to the bedroom and crawled underneath the covers again, suddenly much colder than when she first went to bed. She tossed and turned and wiggled and tried to find a position that would quiet the thoughts running rampant through her brain. Fleetingly, she thought back to the night before when Harley had so willingly snuggled against her. What had changed so drastically that she'd chosen to sleep alone tonight? On the uncomfortable little couch, no less. As hard as Pam tried to relax, sleep didn't come, and the one question that kept her awake continued to spin around and around in her mind.

 _Why?_

The next morning, Pam woke alone. She stared up at the ceiling as the rays of the early morning sun stretched across the bedroom floor. Part of her had expected Harley to join her sometime during the night. What struck Pam as odd wasn't the fact that Harley may have wanted some space after the move, but that she seemed unwilling to even look at Pam before she'd gone to bed.

 _Resentment?_

Harley had expressed nothing but gratitude after Pam had asked her to stay, but maybe the reality of the situation had finally hit her. Maybe she was already regretting her decision.

 _Or maybe…._

Finally, it came to her. Harley's entire demeanor had changed when she'd noticed Pam's glasses. And the looks she'd snuck while 'watching' the documentary….Pam frowned as she realized that it was entirely possible Harley had spent the night on the couch to avoid being close to her. The last thing Pam wanted was for Harley to feel uncomfortable in any way. It was time to discuss the unspoken tension between them.

Kicking off the covers, Pam shuffled into the living room and crept towards the couch. Harley was still asleep, of course, curled around her massive stuffed dog.

Pam watched her for a moment and then knelt beside the couch, gently brushing a few wayward strands of hair from Harley's face. Harley must have felt Pam's fingers drifting across her cheek, because a moment later, her blue eyes fluttered open and a tired grin appeared on her face.

"Mornin'."

"Did you sleep alright out here?" Pam asked, keeping her voice low.

"Mhmm," Harley mumbled, turning her face into the couch cushions as her body quivered with an enormous stretch. "Kinda lumpy. S'okay though. I'm used to it."

A million questions passed through Pam's mind all at once.

 _Why did you stay out here? Was it something I said? Did I make you uncomfortable? Are you going to stay out here every night?_

 _Do it, Pamela. Ask her._ Her nerve vanished and the questions Pam knew she needed to ask died on her tongue. Instead she settled on, "Do you want to help me make breakfast?"

Harley nodded, stretching again and squeezing Bud…or Lou. "You bet…just ten more minutes…."

/

Pam was beautiful. Really beautiful. The kind of beautiful that made anything she did look graceful. The kind of beautiful that made Harley feel scrawny and frumpy in comparison. The kind of beautiful a person could end up just staring at if they weren't careful.

And that was exactly what Harley was doing. Pam stood in front of the stove, the long t-shirt she wore riding up on her hips as she stretched to turn the temperature knob. Harley's eyes fell to the lacy green underwear she wore and then traveled slowly down her long shapely legs.

 _You're staring, Harleen._

Harley was too busy gawking at the way the light from the window haloed Pam's hair to acknowledge the voice in her head. Pam shifted, brushing that fiery red hair aside and exposing the long smooth line of her neck.

 _Oh my god…._

"Is it ready, Harley?"

Harley's eyes snapped immediately to Pam's questioning face….her sharp cheekbones, strong jawline….She stared dumbly into Pam's rich green eyes until the older woman raised a single perfect brow and pointed to the mixing bowl full of batter Harley was supposed to be finishing.

 _Good work. Smooth. 10/10 Harls. Keep it in your pants please._

"Uh…almost," Harley sputtered, rapidly beating the batter. Pam gave her a curious look, watching as flour jumped over the rim of the bowl and decorated the countertop.

Harley stared hard into the lumpy batter mixture, her cheeks beginning to burn. Pam was beautiful alright. And as much as she wanted to be closer to her new roommate, her confusing feelings had caught up with her the night before. Sleeping in the same bed after seeing Pam with those glasses….Harley was afraid she'd do something she might regret.

Because, for as head over heels as she was for Pam, she had no idea how the other woman felt. She was kind, she obviously cared about Harley's well being, she was gentle with her, patient, motherly. Friendly. She let Harley cuddle and hug her to bits, but there was no indication she wanted more. And why would she? She was Pamela Isley, PhD. Intelligent, powerful, confident.

 _STUPID HOT._

Harley ignored her mental peanut gallery. A woman like Pam wouldn't want someone like Harley. Drop-out, laden with emotional baggage, broken, directionless. And more importantly, Harley didn't want to do anything that might jeopardize the friendship they'd built.

Harley finished the batter in silence, handing the bowl to Pam when she was done, failing to notice the look of concern on the red head's face.

"Would you like to do the honors?" She held out a ladle for Harley and gestured to the bowl of pancake batter. Harley gave her a timid smile and reached for the ladle. Their fingers brushed and Harley imagined it would probably feel better to set her own face on fire than continue blushing as fiercely as she knew she was.

If Pam noticed, she didn't say anything. Lifting a scoop of batter, Harley began carefully pouring it onto the sizzling skillet.

"You know, when I was little, my ma and I used to make pancakes all the time," she began, unsure why she felt it was important to share this story. "But we'd always make shapes. Never normal pancakes."

Harley finished off her Mickey Mouse shaped pancake with a flourish. It took Pam a moment to recognize what it was, but when she did, she smiled brightly.

"That's very sweet."

"Yeah. Sometimes she'd let me use chocolate chips for eyes and stuff too," Harley continued, beginning a rocket ship. "You ever had chocolate chip pancakes, Red? To. Die. For."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Actually do you have any- Oh… Wow, okay, uh, let's toss this one." Harley's attempt at a rocket ship had gone awry and now resembled a generous example of male genitalia. Pam took one look and burst out laughing. Harley grinned. She loved that sound. It was deep and rich, and it made her insides tremble. And Pam always laughed at the things she said or did. Not vindictively. Not because she thought Harley was stupid. But because the things she did genuinely made Pam smile. _She_ made Pam smile…

"I promise I made much better ones as a kid," Harley said, dumping the ruined pancake onto the serving plate and beginning a flower.

"I don't know what you're talking about, these are fantastic." Pam was struggling to contain another fit of giggles.

"What can I say? I'm an exceptional artist," Harley replied jokingly.

"You are, you know."

"I am what?"

"An exceptional artist." Pam had calmed and was pinning her with that powerful green gaze that turned Harley's legs to mush.

"Thanks…" Harley murmured. "I kinda wonder if I'll ever be able to do it again."

"You don't have to leave your job, Harley," Pam said, watching her finish the flower shaped pancake. "Jay won't be able to hurt you when your coworkers are around."

"But what do I say to him, Red? He's not going to just ignore me. Not after what…. I don't know what I'm supposed to tell him."

"You tell him the truth," Pam said simply. "Tell him you're not going back to him, that you're staying with me, that you expect to maintain a professional working relationship with him in spite of the circumstances."

Harley stabbed her spatula into the flower, cutting it in half. "I dunno if that's gonna work on Jay."

"Well, if the parlor doesn't work out," Pam continued slowly. "You could always go back to school."

Not a bad idea. Not one Harley had actively considered. But she recalled the conversation they'd had during their first outing to the coffee shop together. So much had happened since then, it almost felt like that conversation had been in another lifetime.

 _Go back to school._

To be honest, the idea excited her. But the thought of losing her job in the process was crushing. She loved the tattoo parlor and she loved working with her clients. If Jay fired her now, in a fit of rage and resentment….She knew she'd made the right choice in leaving him. But even still...

Pam must have sensed how overwhelmed Harley felt, or maybe she'd read it on her face, because she placed a hand between Harley's shoulder blades and rubbed gently. Pam's touch was comforting, but it certainly wasn't helping to unscramble Harley's confused feelings.

"Harley? We have time. Why don't you help me with the flower shop for a few days? Give Jay some time and space and then, when you're ready, you can go back to work and talk with him." Harley nodded, avoiding Pam's gaze. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes and she didn't want Pam to see. It didn't matter really, because Pam placed warm fingers underneath her chin and turned Harley to face her.

"It's alright, Daffodil," she murmured. "Whatever happens, I'll be here for you. You're not alone."

' _Daffodil'….What would I do without you, Red?_

Pam pulled her into a hug and Harley immediately buried her face in waves of lavender scented red hair. Pam's arms tightened around her waist, sending Harley's heart into overdrive. She squeezed back, trying to memorize the feel of Pam's body against hers. But the moment was over all too quickly. Pam pulled away and gave her a reassuring smile, brushing her thumb across the small heart tattoo on Harley's cheek.

"Come on." She gave Harley's hand one final squeeze before reaching for the plate of pancakes. "Let's eat."

"Okay…Dibs on the wiener one."

/

Mrs. Pembroke was waiting outside the flower shop when they arrived.

"Pamela!" she pushed herself away from the door and hobbled towards them, leaning heavily on her cane. "I was starting to believe that you'd closed this place down without telling me."

"I'm sorry for the misunderstanding." Pam offered the old woman a smile as she unlocked the door. "I've been a little busy the last couple of days."

"It's quite alright, dear," Mrs. Pembroke said, following her inside. "I think a little personal time is warranted considering how hard you work. And Harley," she turned her attention to the blonde who trailed some distance behind them, somewhat shyly. "It's wonderful to see you again as well."

Harley grinned. "Sorry for keepin' Pammy away from the shop for so long."

"Keeping her away?"

"Yeah," Harley nodded earnestly, following Pam around the front desk. "She's been helpin' me with some personal stuff."

"Personal stuff," Mrs. Pembroke repeated, her gaze falling on the faded bruise around Harley's eye.

"We're roomies now!" she exclaimed, throwing an arm around Pam's shoulders, making her stumble.

A smile lit up Mrs. Pembroke's wrinkled face. "Well, that's wonderful news. You two seem like an excellent match."

Harley blushed and Pam cleared her throat a little too loudly. Fortunately, Mrs. Pembroke dragged Pam away after that, but not before Pam tasked Harley with watering every plant in the store.

Unlike with most things, Harley took her time, moving from plant to plant slowly, giving each one care and attention. She found she enjoyed the work. She liked sticking her nose into multicolored petals, or pushing her fingers into moistened soil, or running them along the delicate vines of the trailing ivies.

Pam was still busy with Mrs. Pembroke by the time Harley had finished, so she took a seat behind the front desk and glanced around for something to do. A moment later, her cell phone buzzed in her back pocket.

A grin spread across Harley's cheeks as she read the incoming message.

 _Hey dollface chato says he misses you wants you to come back to work. So get your pretty little ass back here soon k?_

Another buzz.

 _whatever floyd just said about me is a lie._

Buzz number three.

 _What I just said about chato is not a lie._

Harley giggled and set her phone down on the desk, rereading the messages until her cheeks hurt from smiling. As much as she enjoyed spending time with Pam, the impromptu messages solidified what Harley already knew. She had to find a way to go back to the tattoo parlor, in spite of Jay, in spite of what he might try to do to her. Her friends and her passion for her work were more important than him. She just had to figure out how to protect herself from his inevitable mental manipulation.

She was just about to send a response to the texts when Pam appeared, peeking over her shoulder. "Who's that?"

"Just the guys," Harley turned around, surprised to see a hard look in Pam's eyes until she saw Chato and Floyd's names on the screen. It confused her until she realized that Pam must have been worried that it was Jay trying to contact her. Which, Harley knew, was still a possibility, and a terrifying one at that. "They wanted to know how I was doin'."

"That's sweet of them." Pam's gaze softened. "Let them know I say hello."

"Will do!" Harley saluted.

 _What up plant lady_

 _careful harley doesn't wreck that flower shop of yours_

After a quick conversation, assuring her friends that she was fine and would be returning in a few days, Harley spent the rest of the day helping Pam with odd jobs around the shop. She was surprisingly exhausted by the time they locked up for the day and headed home.

Home. It was still strange for Harley to think of home as anywhere other than the apartment she'd shared with Jay. But already, Pam's place felt more welcoming and more comfortable than her other 'home' ever had.

There was a chill in the air that hadn't been there that morning. They huddled close together for warmth as they walked, which Harley didn't mind in the slightest. In fact, she kind of wished they'd both forget their coats more often.

By the time they reached the apartment, she was dizzy from the honeysuckle scent that wafted off Pam, and she kept sneaking glances at her from the corner of her eye. As subtle as she tried to be, Pam caught her gaze quite a few times. But she just smiled in return, reducing Harley's insides to goo in the process.

"I'll get dinner started," Pam said as they entered the apartment. Harley kicked off her shoes and pranced inside, while Pam took the time to methodically place hers (and now Harley's) on the small shoe rack by the door. Suddenly, Pam paused and turned to follow Harley into the living room. There was a strange expression on her face and an uncharacteristic hesitance in the way she spoke. "Harley…. I was wondering if we could talk for a moment-"

Both women paused when a knock on the door interrupted Pam. There were very few people who would call on Pam this late in the day. There was her landlord, Mr. Nygma, but the man was too neurotic to drop in without allotting Pam a specified time slot first. And Barbara would have made it known she was coming, unless it was some kind of emergency.

Another knock, this one louder. And suddenly, Harley's stomach filled with dread. She knew her friends wouldn't have told Jay where she was staying. But Jay wasn't stupid. In fact, he was incredibly clever when it came to getting what he wanted. He could have easily found Pam's address on his own. Harley glanced at Pam and saw from the look in her eyes that she'd reached the same conclusion.

"Red…" Harley attempted weakly as Pam moved slowly towards the door. Harley followed her, taking tentative steps. Pam paused, one hand on the door knob, and tugged Harley behind her, using her own body as a shield. There was a tense pause and then Pam flung the door wide open.

"Hey, Pammy. Long time no see."

* * *

 ** _Until the next update..._**


	8. Out of My League

_**A/N: I hope the wait was worth it, enjoy this long ass chapter ya'll!**_

* * *

"Selina!"

"Selina?" Harley parroted, peeking out from behind Pam's shoulder.

The brunette's painted red lips lifted into an amused smirk. "That's my name. What's up with you two? I feel like I should be on the ground in a chokehold right now."

"We just…I thought you were someone else," Pam admitted, finally taking a moment to absorb the fact that it was her best friend standing in the doorway and not Jay.

"Sorry to disappoint."

"Wait, what are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you back for another week."

"Surprise?" Selina shrugged and placed her hands on her hips. "You have Bruce to thank. You know how he is. Can't be away from his vast fortune for long. Besides, I think he missed Alfred."

"You're Selina!" Harley interrupted, stepping out from behind Pam and staring at the brunette with wide eyes.

"And you must be Harley?" Selina smiled when Harley's eyes grew even rounder at the mention of her name.

"You know my name?"

Selina nodded, clearly amused. "Pam's told me a lot about you."

"You told her about me?" Harley's voice had reached a pitch that made Pam flinch.

"I think the only thing I don't know about you is your favorite color."

"It's green!" She nearly shouted.

Selina laughed. "Okay well, now I know everything."

Harley launched herself at Selina, throwing her arms around her neck and hugging her so tightly it nearly knocked them both over. Selina blinked, gathering herself before returning Harley's hug.

"It's good to finally meet you face-to-face." Her voice was muffled against Harley's shoulder.

Pam gently tugged Harley to stand beside to her again when Selina's cheeks began turning a little bit purple. The blonde was vibrating with excitement, her blue eyes sparkling and an irrepressible grin taking over her face.

"Why don't you come in?" Pam offered, realizing that she'd kept Selina standing in the doorway far longer than was appropriate. Selina nodded, setting her shoes on the shoe rack (and Pam was reminded why this woman was her closest friend) and stepping into the living room. She spun in a slow circle, taking in the off-white walls, the small television, the old couch, Harley's scattered belongings and the small stack of books on the coffee table.

"I like what you've done with the place, Pam," she said, poking Harley's roller skates with her toe. "Very chic."

Pam knew she was being generous. Selina liked to tease her boyfriend for his excessive wealth, but the truth was, she wasn't wanting for money either. Selina lived in a flat downtown, in the ritzier part of Gotham. And her bedroom alone put Pam's entire apartment to shame.

"Thank you."

"I'm especially a fan of the undecorated walls. I forgot you never really were a poster type of girl…. I used to give her my old band posters," she explained to Harley, who had followed her into the living room, looking for all the world like an eager puppy. "And they all ended up in her parent's basement."

Harley gasped and gave Pam an incredulous look.

Pam frowned. "Idolatry is hardly an enviable trait, Selina."

"'Idolatry', she says." Selina snorted and smirked at Harley, who giggled in response. "They were Birds of Prey posters, Pam. Not advertisements for the occult."

"Oh! I love them!" Harley exclaimed.

"Good band. Their lead singer? Oh my god. Bruce is lucky I didn't meet Dinah Lance first."

" _Right_?"

Pam narrowed her eyes, watching Selina and Harley go back and forth. She was happy they were getting along, just…. unhappy that she had to be on the outside of things in order for it to happen. Harley was still staring at Selina with unadulterated fascination. It gave Pam a strange burning sensation in the pit of her belly. She wanted Harley to look at her that way. She wanted Selina gone. She wanted….

 _Jealousy? Really? Unwarranted. Ridiculous. Selina is your best friend. Get a hold of yourself, Pamela._

"The Police Commissioner's daughter is really good friends with Dinah, you know," Selina continued. "I should introduce you sometime."

"BABS IS FRIENDS WITH DINAH LANCE?"

Selina laughed loudly at the dazed expression on Harley's face. "Oh good, you already know her."

Seeming to realize that Pam was still standing awkwardly off to the side, Selina turned and asked, "I didn't interrupt anything, did I?" She pinned Pam with a meaningful gaze.

Pam shook her head quickly. "No, we were just about to get dinner started-"

"Oh! Great idea!" Selina said, clapping her hands. "Let's go out! My treat."

"But…"

"No 'buts' Pam," she interrupted. "It's been weeks since we've seen each other. I owe you a good time, and what better way for all three of us to get in some good old-fashioned female bonding? Right, Harley?"

"Right!"

"Right. Come on, Pam. Pick your jaw up off the floor, dust of your dancing shoes and let's hit the town."

Pam sighed and shook her head as Selina led a bouncing Harley out the front door. Selina was a lot to take in all at once, but at least Pam had been right about she and Harley hitting it off. Grabbing her jacket from the coat rack, pausing to bring one for Harley as well, Pam hurried out the door and chased her friends down the stairs.

/

Harley and Selina traipsed through the busy fairgrounds together. In the few short days that Selina had been back in Gotham, the two had bonded quickly. For which Harley was extremely grateful. She wasn't sure what she would have done if she hadn't gotten along with Pam's closest friend.

"I can't believe you got us in to meet the Flying Graysons!" Harley enthused around her mouthful of cotton candy.

"Dick's a nice guy. And a good friend of Bruce's." Selina waved a hand, nonchalant. "It's not hard to get an audience with him after a show. Besides, I'm a professional socialite." She winked and wiped a bit of cotton candy off Harley's cheek.

"I had no idea he was Babs' boyfriend. How come she knows all the coolest people?"

Selina just laughed and Harley scurried after her as she strode through the crowd of circus goers on her incredibly long legs. She hadn't quite known what to expect upon meeting Pam's childhood friend, but it was nowhere near what Selina actually was. Poised, funny, beautiful, quick-witted, kind. It had even been her idea to bring Harley to the Gotham City Circus while she took time off from the tattoo parlor. Pam elected to stay behind, claiming she needed to catch up with her work at the flower shop. At first, Harley had felt guilty about going without her, but Selina assured her Pam wouldn't have enjoyed the experience as much as they currently were.

It surprised her (and perhaps it was a little unfair of Harley to have judged Selina so quickly) that a woman as beautiful and composed as Selina Kyle would have enjoyed a place as rowdy and crowded as the circus. But she'd dragged Harley around the fairgrounds, challenging her to every game in sight. Harley had easily won the High Striker game, earning the raucous applause of every male gathered around her. And she'd graciously offered Selina her choice of prize. The brunette had picked out a pair of bright neon pink cat ears that she was still sporting as they made their way through the fairgrounds towards the enormous Ferris wheel. That and the small silver cat shaped pendant she wore around her neck had given Harley an easy nickname.

"Thanks for doing this, Kitty," Harley said as she tossed her now naked cotton candy cone into a nearby trash bin. "I can't tell you how many times I've tried draggin' my buddies down here. Kickin' and screamin'. Every one of 'em."

"No problem." Selina's lips quirked at the affectionate nickname. She'd taken to it more quickly than Harley had expected. "I figured you could use a day of unadulterated fun after… Well, you know, all the crap you've been through this week."

"Red told you about all that too, huh?" Harley stuffed her hands into her jean pockets, scuffing the ground with her heels as she walked.

"Only because she cares about you," Selina assured her. Harley's lips twisted into a frown. "She called me constantly after that nasty fight you two had at your birthday party. She was really worried about you."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm not sure you do, Harley," Selina retorted, leading the way to the front of the Ferris Wheel line and flashing the carny a twenty. He opened the gate of the gondola and ushered them inside. Once they were settled on opposite sides, Selina continued. "I mean, you've really gotten to her."

"Gotten to her?"

"Pam's not the touchy-feely type."

Harley giggled. "I've noticed."

"There are very few things in this world that she cares about more than that little flower shop of hers. Not even her parents make the cut. There's me, but I'm pretty sure that's just because I got on the inside before she got all jaded and cynical. There's her shop and her plants." Selina paused and pinned Harley with her sharp green gaze. "And you."

Harley couldn't hold Selina's eyes. She looked down at her scuffed Chuck Taylors and then over the side of the passenger car, watching the fairgrounds shrink below them.

"But why?" Harley asked quietly after the silence between them stretched a bit too long. It was a question she'd been asking herself since they met. Pam was something special, anyone could see that. She was smart, she was beautiful, she was strong. And Harley was…well, Harley. Not the type of person who _should_ have caught Pam's eye.

"But why what?" Selina was still pinning her with that intense stare.

"Why me?" Harley felt her cheeks beginning to burn. And then, without preamble, the concerns and fears that had been building inside of her for the past week bubbled out. "I mean, Pammy's so beautiful and she's strong and she's brave. She's a doctor for cryin' out loud! She's crazy smart. She could pick anyone in the world and they'd fall in love with her. Why would she pick me? I'm just…. Me."

"Don't sell yourself short, Harley," Selina replied, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms over her chest. "You're a good person. You're pretty, you're smart. And Pam's not perfect, no matter how hard she likes to pretend she is."

Harley's lips spread into an amused smile.

"She's got a lot of baggage. She doesn't open up to people well. She's haughty, self-righteous, she can be insensitive… Man. Why am I friends with her again?" Harley laughed. After a moment, Selina continued in a more serious tone. "But she's got this enormous heart that she likes to imagine doesn't exist. And for whatever reason, she's given it to you."

Harley's eyes widened, her own heart thumping wildly in her chest. "W-what?"

Selina nodded, a smirk tugging up the corner of her mouth. "I've known Pam a long time, and I know what it looks like when she's fallen for someone."

"Fallen for someone?" Harley was reduced to repeating Selina's words since her brain couldn't seem to process what they meant.

"That's you, Harley." Selina laughed at Harley's expression and leaned back against her seat. "Is this really brand new information?"

"I mean…. Yes? Or no? Kinda? I-I didn't know if she-"

"-Totally wanted to get into your pants?"

"Kitty!"

"I'm just saying."

Harley's face was on fire now, growing hotter under Selina's laughing eyes. But there was nowhere to escape unless she wanted to risk jumping over the side of the passenger car, possibly to her death. Which was starting to sound like an attractive option.

"Serious time?" Selina calmed enough to temper the shit-eating grin on her face. "Having Pam in your corner is one of the greatest things that could ever happen to you. Especially if you're dealing with a guy like Jay."

Swallowing her embarrassment, Harley nodded and looked down at her lap. "I have to go back to work soon."

"And when you do, you're not going to be alone. You've got Pam, you've got your friends and now you've got me." She grinned again, her impossibly white teeth gleaming. "Don't let that asshole scare you, Harley. There's no way you can fall with all of us behind you."

"Kitty, that was…"

"Eloquent. I know." She bounced her perfect brows once. "I'm right too."

"But what do I tell him?"

Selina ran a hand through her short dark hair before responding. "The truth? That he's a douche bag and you don't need his crap anymore. That you're staying with someone who treats you like a human being. That you expect him to maintain his professional relationship with you. That you'll press charges if he even thinks about putting his grimy hands on you again." Selina caught the panicked look in Harley's eye and leaned forward, taking one of Harley's hands and holding it gently between her own. "Okay, maybe go into the conversation a little gentler than that, but my points all stand. You don't owe him anything, Harley. And if he tries to take away your job because he can't have you anymore? Then there's legal action we can take. Remember, you're friends with the Police Commissioner's daughter. I know it sounds scary, it's a lot. But you've got a whole team of people that want to help you. You can do this."

Harley could feel pressure building behind her eyes. Selina smiled softly and ruffled her blonde hair.

"Most importantly, you've got time. You go back when you're ready. For now, let's enjoy the heck out of the circus, yeah?"

Harley nodded rapidly, blinking away her tears and forcing a brilliant smile. "Yeah."

/

"Red, I'm home!" Harley called as she pushed open the door to the apartment, putting her freshly minted key in the cubby next to the shoe rack where she knew she wouldn't lose it. Or she hoped so anyway….

"In here." She heard Pam's voice coming from the kitchen. Carefully setting her shoes in the shoe rack, Harley scampered through the living room into the kitchen. Immediately she was hit with the wonderful scent of dozens of exotic and flavorful spices. Pam stood over a skillet, pushing a few ingredients Harley couldn't identify around with a spatula. Her red hair was up in a loose bun, but a few strands had fallen out of place and rested against the smooth skin of her neck. She was wearing her reading glasses too, Harley noticed, although she didn't see a book anywhere nearby.

"Wow! Smells amazing," she said, moving up behind Pam, her eyes roaming fleetingly over the older woman's body. "Whatcha makin'?"

"Curried coconut quinoa," Pam replied, looking up from the skillet, her full red lips twitching into a warm smile.

 _Okay so... a step up from pancakes._

"How was the circus?"

"Great!" Harley hopped up onto the counter beside Pam, swinging her legs out. "Kitty is the best. She had a lotta things to say about Jay."

Pam didn't question the nickname. Instead she nodded and hummed. "I'll bet she did. Selina's a rather opinionated individual. And she can certainly be encouraging on occasion." Pam paused and dipped a wooden spoon into the mixture inside the skillet, blowing on it and then holding it out for Harley to taste. Harley leaned forward, her eyes fluttering shut as Pam's fingers came to rest underneath her chin. She took a sip of the liquid in the spoon, her eyes shooting open.

"That's amazing!"

Pam beamed and lifted the spatula once more, adding a few more spices before beginning to stir again. "So you had a good time?"

"A great time. I wish you coulda come with us though," Harley pouted. Pam gave her an adorably exasperated look.

"I had to take care of the shop, Daffodil."

 _Daffodil…_

Harley fell silent after that, watching Pam cook. Her eyes moved from Pam's untidy red hair, to the green tank top she wore that clung to her shapely figure, to her large glasses that made her bright green eyes pop. Pam peeked at Harley from underneath her eyelashes, smiling when their eyes met. Harley flushed but found herself unable to look away and so they both stared, smiling dumbly at one another.

"Here," Pam said suddenly, reaching out for Harley's face. "You've got a little…"

Dirt? Cotton Candy? Coconut whatever? It could have been radioactive sludge on her face for all Harley cared. What mattered was that Pam's soft hand was on her cheek and those piercing green eyes were staring into hers and she was getting closer and now Harley could feel her warm breath puffing against her own lips and…

 _Oh my god oh my god oh my god._

Pam's phone rang, startling them both so suddenly that Harley nearly toppled off the counter, and the spatula ended up on the floor.

 _Are you kidding me right now?!_

Pam turned away quickly, fishing the spatula off the floor and raising the phone to her ear. Even without the ability to see her face, Harley could have sworn Pam was blushing to the tips of her ears. Harley bit back a groan of frustration. Whoever had just interrupted the moment was now officially dead to her…. She hoped it wasn't Selina.

"H-hello?" Pam said in a shaky voice. A brief pause, and then, "Oh. Mr. Nygma. Yes, the heating system is still down…. Monday should be fine. I'll make a note of it."

 _Nygma….._

Harley hopped off the counter as Pam continued to speak with the landlord and hurried to the bathroom. She shut the door behind her, a little too hard, and turned towards the sink, splashing cool water on her burning cheeks.

Gripping the sides of the porcelain sink, Harley stared at the face looking back at her in the mirror. Wide blue eyes, reddened cheeks, windswept hair from a day spent at the busy fairgrounds. She looked down at her trembling hands, her knuckles white against the edge of the sink.

 _Pam almost kissed me. Right? That's what she was about to do…._

She'd gotten so close Harley could've counted her eyelashes. And she'd been enveloped by the scent of lavender and spices. She could feel the heat coming off Pam's body and then…. Mr. Nygma had ruined everything. Harley splashed another handful of water on her face. What was she supposed to do now? Should she acknowledge what had happened? Should she play it off? Laugh? Was there anything to worry about in the first place? Had Pam really been about to kiss her?

Distantly, she heard her name being called from outside the bathroom. "Coming!" she shouted through the door, drying her face off on the hanging hand towel. She cast one more glance at herself in the mirror, narrowing her eyes menacingly at her reflection.

 _Be cool, Harleen. Be cool._

/

Pam hung up the phone and turned around to apologize for the interruption, only to find that Harley had disappeared. Then she heard the bathroom door slam shut and fear flooded through her. She really had meant to clean a little dirt from the fairgrounds off Harley's cheek, but then they'd gotten so close and Harley's eyes were hypnotizing, framed by long dark lashes. They'd pulled her in and her parted lips had looked so enticing. She would have kissed her if not for Nygma's interruption. Despite the risks involved of doing it without discussing her budding feelings first. She would have done it. She hadn't been able to stop herself in the moment.

 _God, Pamela. What are you doing?_

But Harley hadn't protested. Pam had been moments away from closing the distance between them and Harley had done nothing to indicate that she didn't want the exact same thing Pam had. Then again, she'd run the second Pam had turned her back and hidden herself in the bathroom. Was she angry? Scared? Had Pam pushed too far? The idea that she'd made Harley upset was terrifying.

How should she move forward when Harley returned? Broach the subject of their relationship? She would have to do it eventually. Discuss what had just happened? But what if that made it worse? Ignore it for now? Pretend it had been a misunderstanding? The best thing she could think to do would be to continue with dinner as normal to diffuse the obvious tension. Maybe afterwards they could talk.

 _Keep it casual. Don't let her panic._ She took a deep cleansing breath and called Harley's name. _Relax, Pamela._

/

Harley hugged her pillow to her chest, her eyes glued to the darkened ceiling. Pam lay with her back to Harley, her breathing slow and even. Dinner hadn't been awkward, thanks to Pam, who picked up their conversation about the circus as if nothing had ever interrupted it. But Harley's mind was spinning.

Could what Selina had said at the park be true? Did Pam feel the same things Harley did? And if so, why hadn't see acted on them? Was she going to before Nygma interrupted? Should Harley try to initiate something again? But what if she was misreading things and she did something to push Pam away? What would she do then? She had nowhere else to go. If she ruined what she had with Pam, she'd never forgive herself.

Squeezing the pillow, Harley rolled onto her side, away from Pam and pulled the covers up to her chin. Frustrated tears rose unbidden to her eyes and she began to sniffle. She rubbed them away angrily, burying her face in the pillow to muffle the whimpers that escaped her.

"Harley?" Pam's voice was groggy. Harley squeezed her eyes shut as the bed shifted and she felt Pam's warmth against her back. "Are you alright?"

"Yup!" Harley tried to sound as chipper as possible, but her voice hitched and the stupid tears wouldn't stop coming. "I didn't mean to wake you up… I'm sorry." There was a weight to her words that didn't go unnoticed by Pam. She paused, her body tense, and then Harley felt Pam's arm sliding around her waist. Pam settled back into the mattress, her body aligned with Harley's, their feet tucked together (and Harley couldn't help but notice how warm Pam's were). She sighed heavily, her breath ghosting Harley's ear.

"It's alright, Daffodil," she whispered, and Harley believed her. Her anxiety faded as Pam held her. Suddenly, Harley didn't care about defining their relationship. Not right now anyway. They had this moment, and it was enough. She wiggled slightly in Pam's arms, pressing herself more firmly against the red head and allowing her encompassing warmth to lull her to sleep.

/

The end of the week came far too quickly, and along with it came Harley's decision to return to work. She and Pam stood outside the flower shop, finalizing the points of conversation Harley intended to hit with Jay.

"And I'll be right here if you need me," Pam said, gesturing vaguely towards her shop. "If it gets to be too much, or if he tries to do something to you, you come back here immediately."

Harley nodded. "I'll be okay, Red."

She smiled and turned on her heel, striding confidently towards the tattoo parlor, hoping Pam didn't notice the way her hands were trembling.

The second she stepped inside the parlor, she was greeted by exuberant shouts.

"There she is!" Floyd shouted, looking up from the man he was tattooing when he heard the door chime. "Craziness is back."

Tatsu accepted Harley's hug with a warm smile and Chato ruffled her hair, pushing her pigtails out of place.

"Good to see you again, Harley," Chato said, dodging Harley's attempt to smack him for ruining her hair. "How've you been?"

"Great! I'm stayin' with Pammy now," Harley chirped.

"I've heard." Chato nodded once, his expression tense as if he wanted to ask a question he was too afraid to voice.

"Is the plant lady taking good care of you?" Floyd asked. "Or do I need to have words with her?"

Harley giggled and shook her head, redirecting her attention to Chato.

"Is Mist-... Is Jay here?" It felt odd to use anything other than the nickname he'd insisted upon when they were at work together…. And at home more often than not. But that was before he'd tried to break her. That was before she'd met someone who'd opened her eyes to his awful behavior.

"He's in the back," Chato said, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder. Bracing herself for the inevitable confrontation, Harley started down the hall only to be stopped by Floyd, who called out, "Hey Harley. If you need anything… We're all right here, okay? We've got your back."

She grinned and gave Floyd a thumbs up before spinning on her heel and tiptoeing slowly down the hall towards the back room. Her hands shook and her heart throbbed in her chest as she walked. It was a strange feeling, knowing she was about to end things with the man she'd fallen for almost three years ago. But that was back when he'd been charming and sweet and she'd seen him as a lost soul. A boy looking for love and attention. Now, she supposed he'd been manipulating her all along and Pam's words rang in her ears.

 _This isn't love._

Harley knocked gently on the door, her voice quivering as she mumbled, "Puddin?"

The nickname came out before she could even think to stop it and she cringed slightly. She waited for a few tense moments, but there was no reply from inside. Slowly, Harley pushed the door open, peeking through the crack before stepping inside the tiny office, leaving the door slightly ajar behind her. Jay sat behind his desk. He looked up when Harley entered, a dangerous grin growing on his face.

"Harley girl," he cooed. "How have you been?"

His greeting knocked her off guard. He acted as though she hadn't removed all of her things from their…his…apartment, as if she hadn't missed work for nearly a week without explanation. He acted as if he didn't care at all that she'd been gone. As if he hadn't even noticed. And maybe that was exactly the situation she found herself in. Maybe she'd been right when she told Pam he didn't love her anymore. If he ever had…

"I've been good," she replied honestly. "Real good."

Jay bobbed his head blithely, as if they were discussing the weather. "Keeping yourself out of trouble? I know how naughty you can be." A disturbing smile spread across his face and Harley barely suppressed a shiver.

"No trouble," she replied, trying to match his casual tone. Jay's eyes narrowed the slightest bit and Harley knew she wasn't giving him the answers he was expecting. He wanted flirtation, he wanted her to come crawling back, he wanted to know she'd been miserable without him. Harley wasn't about to give him the satisfaction.

"Where have you been?" Jay asked, his voice suddenly very cold.

She paused, considering her next words carefully. She could always lie about where she'd been staying. Jay had made it very clear that he didn't care for Pam and telling him the truth could bring out his rage. But she couldn't very well expect to continue working with him without disclosing where she was actually staying. Besides, she wasn't embarrassed of the fact that she was staying with Pam. In fact, she was rather happy with the way things had turned out. "I've been stayin' with Pammy."

Jay's smile faltered and he cocked his head slowly. The gesture was disconcerting. "Oh? Staying with Pammy?" He repeated, popping the 'P' in her name.

"Ever since we…. Since you…." Harley trailed off, unwilling to remind him of the night he'd beaten her so badly she'd been unable to use her arm. Clearing her throat, she tried again. "Jay, I think we need to talk."

Harley's heart was beating out of her chest and she hadn't even begun to say what she needed to. Jay looked taken aback for a moment, confused by her confidence (and probably the use of his name), but he recovered quickly and stood, sweeping a chair out and gesturing grandly for her to take a seat. "By all means, let's talk! Like two well-mannered adults." He snickered to himself as if the very idea was a joke. Harley knew he didn't see her as an equal. He wasn't taking her seriously. Everything about this situation amused him.

Taking a seat across from him, Harley closed her eyes and took a deep steadying breath, trying to recall everything Selina and Pam had told her. Tell him what he does is wrong. Tell him you're leaving him. Tell him you've found something….someone, so much better.

"Jay," it was almost liberating to use his name again and watch the smile fade from his face. "I'm not comin' back. Red's lettin' me stay at her place now, and I think it's for the best that we don't see each other anymore." She paused to collect herself, her heart still hammering, but now it felt exhilarating, exciting. "These past few days have helped me realize some things. About us. About you. I still remember the day I met you, and I know I always will, but things are different now. I don't… want _us_ anymore."

It was true that she would never forget the day she met Jay, although not for lack of trying. In her obsession with him during the early days of their relationship, she'd made a few snap decisions. Namely, tattooing his name on her body. It would always be a reminder of the relationship, no matter how turbulent it had become. Still, she tried to be gentle. If she could get out of this conversation on good terms with Jay, she would consider it a victory. But the grimace forming on his face told her it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Tell me something, Harley," he began slowly, his green eyes boring into hers. Harley couldn't help but notice how much colder they were than Pam's. A hollow, pale green as opposed to the rich, warm green she'd become so accustomed to. "You and Pammy…. What is she to you?"

"She's… my friend."

Jay barked a short laugh and shook his head. "I know you love to play the fool, Harley. But don't you dare treat me like an idiot. What is she to you?"

Harley remained silent. She didn't have a clear answer. Pam was special. She was her friend, that was true. But Harley also wanted so much more, and she had no idea where Pam stood. Jay couldn't know that though, he'd jump on it, attack her like a predator hunting its prey. She had to lie, pretend that she believed her own answer.

"Let me make this easier on you," Jay sighed, clearly impatient. "Are you screwing her?"

Harley flushed a deep red, opening her mouth to respond, but no words came. Jay seemed to take her embarrassed silence as an answer. He laughed, but it was a cold, angry sound. A chuckle that emanated from deep within his chest.

"You and the flower shop girl. Our next-door neighbor," he mused. "How…. How wonderfully poetic. I never pegged you for such a cheating whore, Harley. But I suppose the world is full of surprises."

Harley's chest tightened painfully. But she stuffed down the guilt that threatened to rise at the insinuation that she'd been cheating on the man she was supposed to be in a relationship with. He didn't deserve the courtesy she was affording him right now, who cared what he thought of her and the relationship she had with Pam?

"What exactly makes you think that you have the right to do this to me?" Jay's voice elevated to a shout at the end, and Harley jumped in her seat. He slammed his hands down on the desk, his nostrils flaring with each sharp breath he took. "After all I've done for you!"

Harley steeled herself, hardening her resolve. She needed to do this, for her own sake. "You haven't done anythin' for me. I dropped outta school for you, I gave up visitin' my family for you, and you didn't do anythin' in return except hit me when you got angry!"

"I punished you when you deserved it," Jay snarled quietly, rising from his chair. "Which, considering your sorry intellect, was quite often."

"If I'm such a pain, then why do you care if I stay with Red?" Harley shot back. "It'll be better for you. Better for me."

Jay's eyes flashed and he was around the desk in less than a second, grabbing Harley's arm and dragging her up out of her chair. "This isn't a negotiation. You are mine."

"Don't touch me," Harley protested, trying to twist her arm out of his grasp, but Jay was strong and he was leaning closer now, a snarl pulling at his lips.

"I'll do whatever I want to you, and you'll be a good little girl and take it." He pushed her then, towards the far wall of the office, grabbing her other arm as she stumbled backwards and twisting slowly. Harley could feel that blinding hot pain growing as she struggled to free herself, her panic rising quickly. Then there was a loud bang and the office door swung open. Floyd stepped inside, anger hardening his features.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Floyd asked, taking a step towards the two of them. Jay's hand tightened around Harley's wrist as he turned his attention to Floyd.

"Why don't you mind your own damn business, Lawton. This is a personal matter."

Floyd's eyes flickered to Harley's for a brief second. When he spoke, his voice was low and surprisingly calm. "Let her go."

"Get out of my office. This is between Harley and me."

Floyd took two more steps forward. He was a good few inches taller than Jay and it showed now as he loomed over the green-haired man. "You have exactly two seconds to let her go before I snap your arm off."

A flash of fear passed through Jay's eyes, but he recovered quickly and released Harley, shoving her towards Floyd. Floyd caught her when she stumbled, scanning her face and nodding once she'd silently confirmed she was alright. He slung one arm around her shoulders, leading her out of the office and back down the hall. But Jay wasn't through with them yet.

He followed them into the lobby, his face twisted in anger and frustration. He was losing control of the situation and he knew it. Harley joined her coworkers in the middle of the parlor, glancing once over her shoulder at Jay and then directing her attention to her friends.

"Come on," Floyd said, his arm still looped protectively around her shoulders as he guided her to her work station. "Check it out, we kept everything the way you left it."

Jay laughed again, high and breathy. "And what makes you think I'll let her stay? You, my dear, can pack up your things and get the hell out."

Cold dread flooded through Harley, even though this was the reaction she'd been preparing for. She'd known it was a possibility, the most likely outcome, and still, her limbs began to tremble when Jay demanded that she leave.

"You're firing her?" Chato stepped forward, his tattooed arms crossed over his chest, the dark ink around his eyes making him look that much more intimidating. "On what grounds?"

"On the grounds that I own this shop, it's my business and I can do what I want."

Tatsu moved up behind Chato, pinning Jay with her dark gaze. "Unethical."

"Tatsu's right," Floyd added, still standing so close to Harley that she could feel his chest pressed against her shoulder. "You can't fire her because you 'feel like it'. She hasn't done anything wrong."

"Oh no? If I'm not mistaken, she hasn't shown up for work in nearly a week."

"Funny, you haven't given a shit about that until this particular moment," Floyd shot back.

Jay's eyes flickered between the group assembled before him, his malicious smile fading quickly. Harley had never seen him look genuinely afraid before, but it was empowering to watch the man that had abused her for so long suddenly wither in front of her.

"If Harley goes, we all go," Chato continued. "That's the deal, Jay. Still wanna fire her?"

A swell of affection for her friends filled Harley's chest as they moved to stand beside her. She hadn't counted on their unconditional support. But thanks to all of them, she was winning, she was overcoming Jay.

Jay growled, the muscles in his jaw clenching. A moment later, he beamed widely and laughed, although the anger still shone in his eyes. "Some people just can't take a joke!"

With that, he turned on his heel and retreated back into his office. To Harley, he looked like a whipped dog running away with his tail tucked between his legs. She watched him go, listening as the door to his office slammed. Suddenly, she was overcome with a wave of exhaustion. Her knees trembled beneath her and Floyd barely had time to pull up a chair before she collapsed into it.

"You alright there, dollface?" His voice was unusually gentle. Harley nodded, offering him a grin. "That was brave. Crazy. But brave. But I'm proud of you for standing up to that jackass."

"Thanks. For… You know."

Floyd nodded. "Anytime. I got your back."

Harley smiled. And suddenly it hit her that it was over. She'd officially freed herself from Jay. But that brought a whole slew of new problems. She'd convinced Jay that she was starting a relationship with Pam, but truthfully, Harley had no idea where they stood. Harley had put all of her trust in the idea that Pam wanted a relationship as much as she did, but she had no proof. This time, if she did mess things up with Pam, she would have nowhere else to go.

"Floyd." She grabbed his arm, panic creeping into her voice. "I told Jay it was over. But what do I…. I told him that Red and I….But I don't know if she…."

Harley couldn't finish, her brain running faster than her mouth, but Floyd seemed to understand. He put a hand on her shoulder to silence her.

"Pam cares about you, Harley. A lot. Okay? Even I can see that. There's not a lot of people out there who would have done half the things that lady has done for you." That gave Harley a little hope. "You know why you ended things with Jay. You know what you want. You know what's good for you." He paused and gave her a rare smile. "So go get it."

/

Pam was worried. Exceptionally worried. She struggled to focus on her work, but her mind was occupied with Harley. And to a lesser extent, Jay. What would he say to her? Would he fire her? Torment her? Or would he try to convince her to come back to him? Pretend he still loved her? Would Harley believe him? Would she leave?

The thought made Pam sick to her stomach. Taking a shaky breath to clear her mind, Pam went back to rearranging the shelf of rosebushes for the fifth time when suddenly the bell above the door chimed.

She turned to see Harley standing in the doorway. Her face was flushed, her hair a little askew and her mouth was set in a determined line.

"Harley?" Pam took a cautious step towards her. "Are you alright? What did Jay say? Did he-?"

Harley let the door swing shut behind her and she strode determinedly towards Pam, her eyes locked on the red head's. More than a little disconcerted, Pam was about to question her again when suddenly Harley stopped in front of her and lifted her warm hands to Pam's cheeks.

She hesitated, a hint of trepidation evident in her blue eyes as they flickered across Pam's face. Just before Pam opened her mouth to speak, Harley took a sharp breath and leaned in, touching her lips to Pam's.

The world came to a standstill, as did Pam's heart, when Harley's lips connected with hers. Too shocked to respond appropriately, she stood rigid as Harley's lips sIid across her own, her hands moving from Pam's cheeks to tangle in her hair instead. She pressed closer, and Pam could feel every inch of her body in exquisite detail.

Pam felt like her brain was short circuiting. Electricity flew down her spine, into her limbs, making her fingertips tingle. Suddenly, Harley seemed to realize that Pam wasn't responding. She opened her eyes (and only then did Pam realize hers had remained wide open this whole time) and took a quick step back, her hands falling to her sides. She began to shake, blue eyes wide and glassy.

"I…. I'm sorry…," she mumbled hastily, unable to hold Pam's gaze. "I'm sorry. I just…I thought…. you…. I-"

 _Move, Pamela!_

Forcing her limbs to obey, Pam closed the distance between them before Harley could continue. She cupped Harley's cheek with one hand, gripped her waist with the other, molding their bodies together again and pressing her lips firmly to the blonde's. Harley made a muffled exclamation, went rigid for a split second, and then melted into the kiss, resting her hands on Pam's hips.

It was bliss. It was electric. It was the culmination of every single moment between them that Pam had yearned for. Tentatively, she brushed her tongue along Harley's lower lip. Harley parted her lips immediately, her tongue coming into brief contact with Pam's, sending a shiver through both of them. A small whimper escaped Harley as the kiss deepened, and the sound just took Pam apart. She gripped Harley tighter, her fingers twisting in soft blonde hair. Harley's hands moved away from her hips, trailing up and down her sides instead, drawing a small contented moan from Pam.

She felt Harley's lips twitch into a smile against hers and fought to keep a straight face. She wasn't successful. The kiss ended in an awkward bump of teeth as they both broke out into beaming smiles. But Pam kept her eyes closed, her forehead pressed to Harley's, and basked in the moment. When she did open her eyes, green met blue and somehow her smile widened even more.

Slipping one hand around the back of Harley's neck, Pam pulled her in again and this time the kiss was deep, explosive. She felt Harley's tongue exploring her mouth thoroughly as her hands moved away from Pam's hips, drifting underneath the hem of her blouse instead. They crept upward, her fingers dancing over Pam's taught abdomen. The logical part of her brain couldn't believe she was allowing such a blatant display of affection to take place in the middle of her shop, during business hours, when anyone could walk in and see them. But the other half, the half completely wrapped up in Harley, couldn't have cared less. Harley's hands were so warm and her lips were so soft and her body was pressed so close to Pam's.

"Am I interrupting something?" Pam nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of a voice coming from the front door. Both women whipped around and Harley immediately withdrew her hands from underneath Pam's shirt. Selina leaned casually against the doorframe, a smug smirk playing on her lips, her eyes seeming to broadcast 'I told you so'. Pushing off the frame, she strode into the shop, trailing her fingers along the petals of a row of peonies. "As you were, ladies. I'm just browsing."

Pam looked back at Harley, who seemed to glow when she met Pam's gaze. Leaning up on her tip toes, she pressed a chaste kiss to Pam's lips and trailed her hands down her arms until she could lace their fingers together.

"I should get back to work," she murmured, her lips still within dangerous proximity to Pam's. "I've still got some stuff to take care of."

Pam nodded, dazed, her limbs trembling from the rush of adrenaline. And suddenly she realized she still had no idea what had happened to Harley once they'd parted ways that morning.

"But… Jay. What happened? What did he say?" She stuttered through her questions.

Harley shook her head. "I'll explain later. But don't worry. Everything's gonna be fine."

"I'll… See you after work, then?"

Harley winked, clearly amused by Pam's inability to form a coherent thought. "You bet." She hesitated, as if considering planting another kiss on Pam, but her eyes flickered to Selina, who was still wandering aimlessly around the shop, and changed her mind. Squeezing Pam's hands, she turned towards the door and practically skipped out of the shop. The doorbell and Harley was gone. Pam turned to Selina, who was watching her with an amused expression.

"Guess I owe you an apology for interrupting," she said, abandoning the peonies and leaning against the front desk instead. "Or maybe you should be thanking me. It probably would have been a bit more embarrassing if a random customer had walked in on you two going at it on a bed of rose petals."

Pam rolled her eyes, ignoring the blush that rose on her cheeks at the image Selina had conjured. "Did you come here just to torment me?"

"No! I really am browsing," Selina grinned. "I just walked in at the worst possible moment."

She reached out and caught Pam's arm as she passed. Pam tensed, only relaxing when she saw the gentle smile on Selina's face.

"Pam?" she said, her teasing tone gone. "I'm happy for you. Both of you."

"Um… Thank you. I…. I don't really understand what just happened," Pam admitted, glancing towards the door. "She just walked in and…."

"Kissed you?" Selina finished when Pam trailed off.

A wistful grin grew on her face. "Yes."

Selina chuckled. "Sounds like Harley. Do first, think later."

Pam just nodded, her brain still moving ten times slower than her body.

"Okay," Selina began, her smile growing mischievous again. "Now that the mushy shit is out of the way, I need your help finding something for Bruce."

"Something romantic?"

Selina shook her head. "No way, the asshole stood me up last night. How do I passive-aggressively say 'fuck you' in flower?"

/

Harley's lips were on Pam's again the moment they closed the door of the apartment. They had walked home together in a restrained but happy silence, holding hands the entire way. But they hadn't shared another kiss since the one…or two…in the flower shop. Harley's kiss was insistent this time, almost hungry. And Pam found herself pressed so firmly against the door that she could feel the knob digging into her back.

"Ow." Pam's half-hearted exclamation was muffled against Harley's lips. She jerked away almost immediately, her blue eyes wide with concern.

"I'm sorry!"

Pam's heart melted at the look of guilt etched on Harley's face. Smiling, she placed her hands on Harley's hips and shuffled them away from the door into the living room.

"You," she murmured, raising her hands to cup Harley's face instead. "Have absolutely nothing to be sorry for."

Pam kissed her again, keeping it tentative and soft this time. If she got any more carried away, they'd never discuss what Harley had said to Jay. Still, it was hard to contain herself when Harley kept making soft little moans as Pam kissed her.

Reluctantly, she pulled away, her hands falling away from Harley's cheeks and trailing down her arms instead. She could feel the goosebumps that rose on Harley's skin. Taking her hand, Pam led Harley to the couch, encouraging her to take a seat. Harley waited until Pam was settled too and then snuggled against her, staring up at her with powder blue eyes.

"I can't even tell you how long I've wanted to do that," Harley said, her eyes flickering once to Pam's mouth.

"I would assume about as long as I have."

Harley beamed and Pam was surprised to see a light blush color her cheeks. "You wanted to kiss me too?" Suddenly, Harley's face scrunched into a frown. "I guess we were both being kinda stupid…."

"Not stupid," Pam corrected, running a hand through Harley's pigtails. "Cautious. Not only did we have to deal with Jay as an obstacle, but there were plenty of risks in confessing feelings that may not have been returned. For example, if I had done something that made you feel like you could no longer stay in the apartment, then where would you have go-…. What?"

Harley was grinning at her. "You're cute."

 _Cute? Not a word I've been associated with before…._

She smiled nonetheless, it was impossible not to right now with Harley curled up against her. Her soft hair tickling Pam's chin and her pink lips still wet and enticing.

 _We can always have this conversation tomorrow._

Pam pushed a giggling Harley back into the couch cushions, nuzzling her face against the blonde's neck and planting warm wet kisses there. Harley wrapped her arms tightly around Pam's shoulders and sighed contentedly as the red head's lips caressed her neck.

"Did you—ah…. Was there something you…mmmm," she stuttered when Pam's tongue began tracing hot circles on her skin. "…Wanted t-to talk to me about?"

"It can wait." Pam chuckled low in her throat and pushed herself up onto her elbows, smiling at the disappointed pout Harley gave her. "I was only curious to know what you said to Jay."

"Oh." The light in Harley's eyes dimmed slightly. "Actually, we should probably talk about that now."

A little frustrated with herself for mentioning it, Pam sat up, pulling Harley with her. She listened intently as the blonde relayed what had happened between her and Jay in the tattoo parlor. Part of her was enraged that he tried to hurt Harley again, at the shop no less. And it concerned her that he might try to do it again. But then Harley relayed the way her friends had stood up for her, and Pam took comfort in the knowledge that they would continue to protect her. Still, she doubted it was the last they'd see of Jay. Harley still worked with him and that presented a slew of complications.

If she had learned one thing since meeting Jay, it was that he didn't like sharing Harley. And he certainly couldn't have enjoyed losing her entirely. He had to be scheming another plan to break them apart. They would still need to tread carefully around him.

"Red?" Harley's voice was small, and only then did Pam realize she was scowling, deep in thought.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, laying a reassuring hand on Harley's knee. "I was just…. processing."

Harley giggled, running her fingers over Pam's brow to smooth the concerned wrinkles there.

"I'm proud of you," she continued, catching Harley's hand as it fell away. "For standing up to Jay."

Harley shrugged a little self consciously. "I just said what you and Kitty told me to."

"Yes, but you made the decision to do it," Pam insisted. "You followed through." She paused to make sure her next words made an impact, her fingers tracing small circles on the inside of Harley's wrist. "You're an incredibly strong woman, Harley. A brave one too."

Harley's smile was unsure, like she couldn't believe Pam's words. "You really think so?"

Pam leaned forward until their noses were brushing and let her eyes slide shut. "I really do."

She kissed Harley again, colors exploding behind her eyes as she did. She'd lost count of how many times they'd already kissed since Harley had come flying into the flower shop, but she couldn't get enough.

"It's late…. We should probably get some sleep," Pam murmured, pulling away just enough to ensure her words weren't muffled. Harley nodded but didn't make a move to get up, seemingly satisfied to sit on the couch all night and continue making up for lost time.

Slowly, Pam forced herself to her feet, taking Harley's hand and pulling her up as well. They made their way to the bedroom, changed quickly, and snuggled together underneath the sheets. And for the first time in a long time, Pam slept deeply, comfortable in the knowledge that the girl she'd been falling for all this time wanted her too.

* * *

 _ **Until the next update...**_


	9. Splitting at the Seams

_A/N: Thank you all for continuing to review, I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

* * *

Harley had gotten used to waking up curled around Pam over the last week. (Or at least as used to it as she was ever going to get considering it was Pamela Isley she was waking up next to. She still couldn't quite believe it.) But this morning felt very different. More intimate in a way Harley couldn't really put her finger on.

Maybe it was the fact that they'd gone to bed sharing gentle kisses up until the moment they'd both closed their eyes and given in to sleep. Or the fact that they were so tangled together this morning that Harley was having trouble moving without risking waking Pam. Or maybe it was the fact that she'd just barely woken and more than anything, more than breathing, she just wanted to kiss Pam again. She wanted to explore her body, to worship this gorgeous woman lying next to her.

She squirmed with want, heat flooding through her as she watched Pam's peaceful face. It was rare for Harley to wake up before Pam, so she jumped on the opportunity to study the other woman, commit every detail of her face and body to memory.

Pam's brow twitched as she dreamed, her long lashes fluttering slightly. A light dusting of freckles covered her cheeks and, Harley now noticed, the tops of her shoulders. Her thick red hair was splayed out in waves on her pillow and Harley buried her nose in the curls, breathing in the fresh lavender scent. Seriously, how did she always smell so good?

Unable to contain herself any longer, Harley nuzzled against the curve of Pam's neck, nipping gently at the skin just below her ear and then letting her lips wander across her jaw, down to the hollow of her throat. She trailed soft kisses along Pam's collar, nudging the fabric of her shirt aside for better access.

Pam inhaled deeply, her chest expanding and lifting Harley's head so suddenly that she burst into a fit of giggles. Her exhale was shaky, interrupted by a deep chuckle as Harley squirmed back up her body and attacked her neck with kisses once more.

"Good morning." There was a smile in her voice as it rumbled against Harley's lips.

"Morphn'." Harley's reply was muffled. She raised her lips back to the skin just below Pam's ear and blew gently. Pam flinched away, tucking her chin to her chest and releasing a giggle-snort that Harley had never heard before. But the sound was so unbearably adorable that Harley couldn't help blowing against her skin again, hoping for the same reaction. She got it.

Pam laughed and struggled to escape Harley's grasp. But the blonde kept her pinned, rolling on top of her and pressing Pam into the mattress.

"Ticklish, Pammy?" She didn't wait for a response, bowing her head and pressing her lips to Pam's chest. Pam's hand slipped through her hair and tugged gently as Harley peppered kisses against the skin of her collarbone.

She moved lower, kissing Pam over the fabric of her shirt, her heart throbbing in her chest as she neared the swell of Pam's breasts. Suddenly, the world spun and she was on her back, Pam hovering over her. Her gaze was tender, affectionate, and full of something else Harley couldn't name.

Pam stroked wild blonde hair away from Harley's face, letting her fingers trail across Harley's cheek and down her neck, where they lingered against her pulse point. Pam leaned towards her, smiling when Harley's heartbeat quickened beneath her fingertips. And then she closed the distance between them.

Pam's kiss was somehow gentle and overwhelming at the same time. Her tongue probed Harley's lips and the blonde parted them eagerly. She moaned as Pam's tongue glided across her own, her hands wandering along Harley's body, gently caressing every inch of her.

Slowly, she lowered her weight and Harley welcomed her, wrapping her legs around Pam's waist, their hips pressed flush together. Harley slipped her hands beneath Pam's thin shirt, lightly dragging her nails down her back.

 _Oh my god! This is happening. Sex. Sex is about to happen._ The rush of blood filled Harley's ears. Her mind was spinning, lust clouding her thoughts. _I get to have this. I get to have her._

Suddenly, she felt Pam stiffen and pull away from the kiss. Harley tried to meet her eyes, but Pam ducked her head, hiding her face in the crook of Harley's neck and panting lightly. Confused by her sudden hesitation, Harley pushed her hips experimentally against Pam's. The sensation was incredible, even through the thin material of her pajama pants. Harley's eyes fluttered closed and she rocked her hips against Pam's again, only to feel her pulling away. She reached for Harley's thighs, gently untangling them from around her waist and rolling until she lay beside Harley instead of on top of her.

Harley stared at her, confusion and hurt etched on her face. The insecurities that had kept her from confessing her feelings to Pam in the first place began to bubble to the surface.

 _Does she not…. want me?_

"We have to get ready for work soon," Pam explained when she saw the hurt in Harley's expression. She reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind Harley's ear, a tight smile stretching her reddened lips. "If we don't slow down, I won't be leaving this bed all day."

Harley didn't believe her. Despite her smile, the calmness in her voice, there was a look in her eye that Harley found disconcerting. Almost like that of a cornered animal.

Pressing a chaste kiss to Harley's cheek, Pam slipped out of bed and reached for her robe. But not before Harley's eyes slid to her perfect rear, accentuated by the lacy green panties she wore. Harley looked away quickly, focusing on the ceiling instead.

She waited until Pam left the bedroom, trying to temper the desire still running rampant through her body. She wanted Pam, the heat pooling between her thighs was evidence enough of that. And after everything they'd confessed, after everything that had happened between them, Harley could have sworn Pam wanted the same thing. So, why the hesitation? It was possible that Pam really was just being time conscientious, that would certainly be in character for her. But Harley couldn't shake the look in her eyes. Like she'd been afraid. Repulsed. Confused. All at once.

After another few frustrating minutes, Harley decided to dowse herself in a cold shower before joining Pam in the kitchen. Throwing off the covers, she shuffled to the bathroom, drowning her concerns and fears in the rush of water. Or trying to at least. But by the time she stepped out of the shower, she was just as muddled as she'd been before. Sighing, she trudged to join Pam in the kitchen, resigning herself to a day of frustration.

/

Pam parted ways with Harley outside the flower shop, wrapping her arms around the blonde's waist and kissing her briefly before she left, hoping to assuage the confusion she knew she'd stirred within Harley that morning. As nonchalant as she'd tried to pretend to be during breakfast, Pam knew she'd upset Harley.

She hadn't meant to. She'd wanted to continue. She'd been dreaming of the moment she could give herself to Harley in the most important way, but once it arrived, she'd panicked.

All she'd felt were _his_ hands, heard _his_ voice. She hadn't been able to shake him from her mind, to differentiate Harley's body from his, and she'd very nearly lost control. If Harley ever saw that… saw the way she broke down when she fell too deep into her memories… Pam didn't know what she'd think, or do. And she didn't want to find out.

 _It'll be fine,_ she tried to convince herself as she unlocked the door. _Just tell her you need to take things slow. That will give you some time to…._

To what? To magically heal from the emotional and psychological scars Woodrue had left? It wouldn't be that easy, Pam knew that. But right now, she didn't have any answers.

She buried herself in her work to keep her mind from spinning. And she was successful, for a while. Mrs. Pembroke came in around noon and chatted her ear off, which wasn't a bad distraction either. By the end of the day, Pam was rather proud of how effectively she'd managed to ignore her own thoughts. Unfortunately, Harley wouldn't be done with work for another hour or so, and that left Pam with a dangerous lack of distraction.

So she made her way to Barbara's café. The smell of roasted coffee beans and baked goods flooded her senses the moment she walked in the door, melting the tension from her shoulders. Barbara spotted Pam immediately and waved her over to the counter. She smiled when she drew closer and saw that Barbara was quivering with excitement… and probably dozens of suppressed questions.

"How are you?" she blurted when Pam was close enough. "It's been _days_. I hadn't heard anything from you. I was starting to worry. How's Harley? Did she talk to Jay? Is she okay? How-"

Pam chuckled, holding up a hand to stem the flow of questions. "It's a bit of a story. Do you have some time to talk?"

"Absolutely, just give me a few minutes," Barbara said, nodding towards the small group of teenagers that had just ambled through the front door.

Pam took a seat at one of the nearby tables, scanning the store and its patrons as she waited for Barbara. Her phone buzzed suddenly in her pocket and Pam felt a small thrill shoot through her when she saw Harley's name on the screen.

 _hi you're amazing and gorgeous and im sorry about this morning :(_

A wave of guilt washed over Pam. Of course Harley would blame herself for Pam's hesitation. Of course she would.

 _You have nothing to apologize for, Daffodil._

The nickname would reassure her. It always did.

 _:) 3_

Barbara wheeled her way to the table before Pam could continue her conversation with Harley. What she'd said would have to be enough, for now.

"So," Barbara began, setting a tea in front of Pam and clapping her hands together. "What's been going on? Tell me everything."

It took a long time for Pam to explain everything that had happened since Harley had decided to stay, but Barbara was enraptured, her eyes never straying from Pam's face. Finally, when she'd finished detailing Harley's confrontation with Jay, Barbara blew out the breath she'd been holding.

"Good for Harley. That was brave. And she hasn't had any trouble with him since?"

"We'll see," Pam said. "It's only her second day back."

Barbara nodded slowly. "And now… You two are…."

 _Dating, girlfriends, together?_ Pam found herself unable to answer. She and Harley hadn't had a chance to talk about what they were now. They were something, clearly. But Pam wanted them to have a conversation before she began broadcasting their relationship.

Under the scrutiny of Barbara's stare, she finally settled on, "We're moving forward more… intimately than we were before."

Barbara snorted. "That's a weird way of saying you're dating."

Pam blushed, buying time by taking another sip of tea. "Well, we haven't talked about it yet. I don't want to push her into anything she might not be ready for."

"Pam, she's head over heels for you," Barbara said with a sly grin. "And I'd venture to say that you feel the same way. So, by all means, have the conversation. Ask the question. But I think you already know the answer."

Pam couldn't help but smile. "Have you ever thought of leaving the coffee shop and picking a career more suited to your capabilities?"

Barbara laughed. "Like, professional advice giver?"

"From what I understand, the term is 'therapist'."

She laughed again and shook her head. "I think I'll stick to coffee. At least for now."

Pam's phone buzzed again, making both women startle.

 _where r u?_

 _Finishing up with Barbara. Meet me at home?_

 _Oki doki_ There was a pause and then another buzz. _Ask her about Dinah Lance!_

Pam chuckled and set her phone down, directing her attention to Barbara. "You should know that Harley has been made aware of your connection to Dinah Lance."

"Oh boy," Barbara's grin widened. "Dinah's cool. I could probably get her to sign something… I think actually introducing them might be a little too… dangerous. For Dinah anyway."

/

It was dark by the time Pam reached the apartment. But not too dark for her to see Harley huddled on their doorstep, her knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around them.

"Harley?" Her head popped up when she heard Pam's voice. "What are you doing out here?"

Harley scrambled to her feet, straightening her shorts and shirt, trying to hide the embarrassed blush coloring her cheeks.

"I uh… I… maybe lost my key?" Harley admitted with a guilty shrug.

Sighing, Pam moved to unlock the door with her own key. "Did you put it in the cubby last night?"

"I thought I did!" Harley insisted, searching through the little cubby by the shoe rack as soon as Pam opened the door. She came up empty handed. "Nada." A frown crept onto her face and she stared down at her toes. "I'm real sorry, Red."

Pam smiled fondly and moved to wrap Harley in her arms, but the blonde flinched when she reached out. Pam pulled back, confused, until she remembered that Harley had mentioned she often lost the key to her old apartment with Jay. Had he ever punished her for that? Was it a sore spot? Did she genuinely think Pam was mad? Or that she'd ever hurt her?

"We'll get you a new one," Pam said softly, opening her arms and allowing Harley to bound into them on her own. "And maybe something to keep you from losing it again," she added, kissing the top of Harley's head to ensure the blonde knew she wasn't angry. That she wasn't Jay.

Harley squeezed her tightly, nuzzling her face against Pam's neck and murmuring, "I missed you today."

Her warm breath sent shivers down Pam's spine. She closed her eyes, burying her face in fine blonde hair as Harley's lips ghosted against her ear. And Pam realized, in that moment, just how much she'd missed Harley too. She'd never considered herself a codependent person. And she'd been so busy trying to distract herself at work that she hadn't noticed the tug. But now, holding Harley in her arms, she never wanted to let go. Holding her felt like breathing. Like living.

"And I'm real sorry about this mornin' too," she said, pulling away from Pam to look her in the eye.

"I told you that you don't need to apologize," Pam replied, kissing Harley's forehead. She didn't look convinced so Pam continued. "I just thought that… after what happened with Jay, and the fact that there's a period of adjustment that we'll both have to deal with now that you and I are… Well, now that we…"

 _God, why is this so hard? Stop blushing. Just say it. Answer the question._

"That we're… together," Pam finished, _finally_. The word didn't feel like enough, but Harley seemed pleased. She beamed and tightened her grip around Pam's waist. "I just thought it might be wise to take things slow."

Now Harley looked confused. She cocked her head, pigtails swaying. "Slow?"

"Y-yes." Pam couldn't understand why she was getting so tongue tied, but it was beyond frustrating. "At least on the physical side of things. For now."

Finally, Harley seemed to understand. "I gotcha, Red. Loud and clear. No bumpin' uglies."

Pam's mouth fell open. "Harley!"

Harley broke into a fit of laughter that had her doubled over in Pam's arms. Pam joined her after a moment, adding to the laughter by running her fingers up and down Harley's sides. Her laugh was clear and high and absolutely infectious and Pam's cheeks hurt by the time they'd managed to calm themselves.

"Did you have any trouble with Jay today?" Pam asked, leading a still giddy Harley into the kitchen.

"Nope!" Harley leapt up onto the counter, watching as Pam scrubbed away the dirt from the flower shop that clung to her hands. "Didn't even see him come outta his office. And Floyd was with me the whole day anyway."

 _Good. Let it stay that way._

Pam nodded solemnly, purposefully flicking a few droplets of water at Harley as she reached for a hand towel. The blonde squeaked and flinched, pulling the collar of her shirt up to shield her face. She peered at Pam through her shirt armor, blue eyes narrowing menacingly. Pam's lips lifted into a smirk as Harley tugged her shirt back into place, her face pulling into a pout.

"I'm gonna get you for that one, Red."

"I'd like to see you try," Pam teased, narrowing her eyes right back at Harley. The blonde's mock anger faded almost immediately and she giggled, reaching for the faucet and flicking a few water droplets back at Pam. She batted Harley's hands away, a small chuckle escaping her.

"Hey, Red?" Harley's voice was suddenly serious. She paused before continuing, wiping her damp hands on her shorts. "You said… At the door… That we were…."

Harley trailed off, but Pam smiled, finding an odd sense of comfort in the fact that Harley seemed to have just as much trouble putting their relationship into words as she did.

"You said we were 'together'." She paused again, staring unblinkingly at Pam. "So… Are you…" She cleared her throat and pursed her lips, looking frustrated with herself. "Am I your-"

"We don't have to-"

"-Girlfriend?"

They spoke at the same time, blinking at one another. Harley broke first, giggling lightly and Pam followed suit. Sobering, she nudged Harley's legs apart, settling herself between them and resting her hands against her smooth thighs. "I don't want to push you into another relationship if you're not ready, Harl. You just ended things with Jay and I know it must be a little overwhelming to consider-"

Harley cut her off, shaking her head rapidly. "No! No. You're not pushing me into anything. I do want you." She blushed, a shy smile creeping onto her face. "I've wanted you for a long time now."

Pam couldn't help but smile too. "If you're comfortable…"

"I am!"

"Then yes," Pam said, sliding her hands up Harley's thighs to rest on her waist. "Together, girlfriends, dating. Whatever you like."

Harley's grin was almost blinding. Wordlessly, she slung her arms around Pam's shoulders and kissed her deeply.

 _I'm yours._

/

Dick Grayson was a talker. Harley had learned that the first time she'd met him at the circus, but it was even more evident now that he'd been stuck in the chair for almost two hours. Harley didn't mind though. She enjoyed talking to her clients, especially now when she needed something to keep herself from spiraling. Pam had been growing increasingly anxious over the past couple of days.

She would instigate things, kisses, touches. Only to withdraw the second Harley began to push for more. She had no issue with Pam's desire to take things slow. What did concern her was the wild look in Pam's eyes that surfaced every time things got heated. The anxiety that Harley had no explanation for. It frightened her to think that Pam was retreating because of something she'd done. Harley didn't have any more time to ponder the idea as Dick began blabbering again.

"You know what a robin symbolizes?"

"Nope," Harley mumbled, her tongue poking out between her lips as she pushed the tattoo gun along the outline of a tiny robin beak.

"Renewal, rebirth, joy," Dick explained, his eyes glued to Harley's hand. "I like to think I'm a pretty happy guy. Always looking to improve myself, 'renew' myself. Plus, you know, I figured, what with the name 'Flying Grayson', a bird just fit."

"I think it's a great idea," Harley agreed, sitting back and cocking her head to admire her handiwork. She held up a mirror for Dick to see his new tattoo as well. He grinned, his eyes roaming over the trail of little robins that ran up his right bicep.

"Looks great! I love it. Babs is gonna flip." Harley accepted Dick's high five and set about dressing the raw skin around his tattoo. "Hey so, she told me you're staying with the flower girl next door."

"Yup, I'm stayin' with Red."

"Red? Is that her name?"

"Nah, it's plant lady," Floyd called from his own work station. Dick's face scrunched up in confusion.

"It's Pam," Chato clarified, shaking his head. "Ignore the peanut gallery."

Dick snickered and turned back to Harley. "How's that going? You two are…. a thing, yeah?"

Harley's chest swelled as she remembered the conversation they'd had just a few nights ago. "Yeah, we're together."

"Harley snagged herself the hottest chick in Gotham," Floyd continued, ignoring Chato. "I don't know how she did it."

"It's my natural charisma!"

Floyd snorted. "I dunno about that. Charisma? Sympathy, maybe."

Floyd's joke struck a chord buried not so deep within Harley. Was that why Pam had done all that she had for her? Did her feelings not extend beyond sympathy? It could explain her reluctance to engage in any real intimacy. She didn't realize she'd been frowning until Dick asked, "You alright?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine," she said, plastering on a smile. "Sorry. So remember to keep the dressing on for a few hours, be careful when you wash it, and don't forget to use that ointment. 'Kay?"

"You got it boss," Dick said, stretching his arm as soon as Harley finished dressing it. "Thanks Harley, seriously. This looks amazing."

Harley beamed, grateful she'd made a new friend in Dick, grateful he'd distracted her for the better part of two hours, grateful that he liked to chatter almost as much as she did. Luckily, she had another client lined up and ready to take Dick's place in the chair. She could continue avoiding her thoughts for another few hours, unless Floyd decided to run his mouth again.

"Hey Floyd," Harley called. Floyd looked up from his workbench. Harley raised her middle finger, sticking out her tongue and laughing when he tossed a roll of bandages at her.

/

For almost an entire week, Pam managed to circumnavigate the tension between them. Despite Harley's promise to avoid 'bumping uglies', she insisted on sleeping as close to Pam as she possibly could, and there were more than a few moments between them where chaste kisses escalated into something more heated. The battle between Pam's desire and her panic never lasted long though. Not only was she growing frustrated with herself, but physically she often went to bed itching to touch the girl lying next to her. But touching her would lead to kissing her which would lead, inevitably, to the same fear that threatened to drown her every time things escalated.

And Pam knew she wasn't the only one who was frustrated. It filled her with guilt to know she couldn't give Harley what she wanted. But to her credit, Harley kept to her word, allowing Pam to set the pace of their intimacy. Even still, it only took a week before the tension between them snapped like a wire.

They sat together in front of the TV, falling into the same routine they'd set almost every night since Harley had moved in. Pam sat at one end of the sofa, reading her book, while Harley snuggled against her side, her attention on some colorful cartoon that played on the TV.

"It's not fair," Harley murmured.

"What's not fair, Daffodil?" Pam asked, absently drawing patterns on Harley's thigh with her fingertips.

"These." She tapped the rim of Pam's reading glasses and sidled a little closer. "They make it really hard."

"Hard?" A slow smile lit up Pam's face as she caught on to the purr in Harley's voice

"Mhmm." She brushed her lips across Pam's jaw. "Hard to stop myself from kissing you senseless."

A shiver ran through Pam and judging from the way Harley smirked, she'd felt it. She leaned closer, laying one hand over the book resting in Pam's lap and suddenly shoving it to the floor. Pam opened her mouth to protest, but Harley was already pushing her back against the cushions.

She hovered above Pam on all fours, her hands braced outside the red head's shoulders, the ends of her pigtails tickling Pam's cheeks.

She hesitated, her breath quivering past her lips, wide blue eyes glued to Pam's. Very slowly, Pam reached up and set her glasses aside in preparation for what she knew was about to happen. Harley's tongue darted out to wet her lips, her eyes darkening.

"So whaddya say, Red? Can I kiss you?"

Pam didn't reply with words. Instead, she pushed herself onto her elbows and pressed her lips to Harley's. The kiss started out chaste enough, it always did. But then the itch, the hunger, returned and Pam craved more.

She threaded one hand into Harley's golden hair, tilting her chin to deepen the kiss. There was a short gasp, although honestly she wasn't sure which of them made the noise, and then she felt the scrape of teeth against her bottom lip. The sensation sent another pleasant shiver down her spine.

Pam couldn't hold back the small moan that escaped when Harley's tongue brushed against her lips. The moment she parted them, she felt Harley's tongue slide against her own, her hands coming up to tangle in Pam's red curls.

Harley lowered herself until Pam could feel every inch of her body pressed against her own. She took the opportunity to trail her hands down Harley's sides, memorizing the feel of her, mapping every curve. Her hands found their way under the hem of Harley's jeans, past her panties, and she stroked her fingers across the smooth skin of Harley's rear.

Harley whimpered against Pam's lips and the sound sent a jolt straight to her center. There wasn't much room to work with on the small couch, but Harley shifted smoothly and suddenly Pam felt a leg slide between her own. Pam's hips jerked upward, seeking friction that Harley was happy to provide. She leaned into her knee _,_ earning another wanton moan from Pam as she squeezed Harley's toned backside.

Harley pulled away from the kiss suddenly, and made her way across Pam's cheek, down her jaw to her neck where she began sucking little bruises into Pam's skin. She hissed with pleasure as Harley's tongue worked in tangent with her thigh.

"Harley…." Pam panted her name as the blonde's hand snaked its way up her shirt. Harley hummed in response, her fingers skimming the underside of Pam's bra. Suddenly, it wasn't Harley's hands and lips working over her body.

A deep voice sounded in her ear, followed by rapid, forceful grunts. Large rough hands clawed at her body, raking across her skin. A force too powerful to shake held her down and she was crying, shouting, struggling. She felt like she was suffocating, slowly being crushed as darkness invaded the corners of her vision. Gasping, she came back to reality, bracing her hands against Harley's shoulders and pushing. Harley leaned back immediately, her blue eyes dark. She didn't speak, but her face was twisted into one giant question mark.

"Harley, I…" Pam swallowed thickly in an attempt to compose herself. She struggled to find a way to explain the war between her body and mind. She wanted this, she was aching for Harley, her body screaming for them to continue. But her mind couldn't shake the image of Woodrue hovering above her, violating her, leaving her broken and trembling on a table.

"Pam?" Harley was sitting up now, her weight settled against Pam's hips. The sensation made her dizzy. She looked up at Harley, her heart still throbbing in her chest and her breath coming in short pants.

"I'm sorry _._ I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The words tumbled out of her in a quivering mess.

 _Don't do this. Don't break down. Breathe. You can handle this._

But the tears were already streaming down her cheeks. Harley looked horrified. Clearly under the impression that she'd been the cause of Pam's tears.

"I'm sorry," she said again, hating the way her voice quavered. Hating how she couldn't control herself.

 _This is Harley. Not him. It's Harley._

"What's wrong?" Harley asked tentatively. She leaned back, bracing to remove herself from Pam's lap, but Pam stopped her, gripping Harley's hips and pulling her back down.

Guilt overwhelmed her, making the tears come faster. Harley had done nothing wrong, but Pam couldn't find the breath to explain what was happening to her. She didn't know what to do and the loss of self-control was sending her into a tailspin.

Finally, she managed to choke out his name.

And Harley understood. She wrapped her arms around Pam's shoulders, cradling her against her chest and pressing a few gentle kisses to her hair.

"It's okay. Please don't cry, Red," she murmured, her voice sounded breathy and small. "We can stop. It's okay."

Pam clung to Harley, fingernails digging into her back, and sobbed. She was guilt-ridden, disgusted with herself, panicked. But above all else she was ashamed she'd let Harley see her break. She continued to whisper apologies over and over again until they seemed to blend together and Pam wasn't sure if she was even speaking aloud anymore. If it weren't for Harley, who held her and stroked her hair and murmured words of comfort, Pam would have been lost to the throes of her own mind, a victim of the memories.

"Pam." It threw her once again, to hear Harley use her name in place of a nickname. "Please stop. You don't have to be sorry."

Only then did Pam realize she was still muttering apologies.

"It's okay," she said again. Fleetingly, Pam wondered how Harley was managing to remain so calm. She'd half expected Harley to burst into tears with her. She drew back slightly, cupping Pam's cheeks and gazing down at her tenderly. "I'm sorry I pushed you."

And then Pam saw the unshed tears sparkling in Harley's blue eyes. She shook her head quickly, burying her face against Harley's neck and mumbling against her skin. "It's not your fault."

 _It's mine. It's mine…. This is my fault._

Harley let her sniffle in silence for a few more minutes, continuing to run her fingers through her hair. The gesture was soothing, and Pam soon found herself drooping against Harley, exhausted, beaten.

"I think… I think it might help you to see someone, Red," Harley said quietly. Pam pulled back, trying to escape Harley's arms, but the girl kept her trapped against her chest. "There's nothin' wrong with askin' for help. You told me that yourself, remember?"

Pam didn't need help. She could handle this on her own. She'd been on her own for months after the attack. She'd been on her own for weeks when she first moved to Gotham. She'd been on her own when the memories sometimes flooded through her late at night. She wasn't weak. She didn't need 'help'. She just needed…. What? Her relationship with Harley was already hampered and there'd been no sign of improvement. In fact, the situation she found herself in right now was proof that the panic had gotten worse.

"I know someone," Harley continued without Pam's input. "She was one of my professors back in college. She's an amazin' lady, Red. She can help you. If…" Harley pulled back again to meet Pam's gaze. "If you want it."

 _I don't want it. I don't need it…._ _I_ don't _need help._

Pam just nodded, numb, too tired to think about what therapy would entail in its entirety. She nuzzled against Harley again, arms tightening around her waist, incredibly grateful that her panic hadn't made her want to push Harley away.

They sat that way for a long time, clinging to one another. Finally, Harley stood up, wordlessly leading Pam to the bedroom, where she helped her change and then curled underneath the covers with her. Urging Pam to turn onto her side, Harley pressed herself against Pam's back, slinging one arm over her waist and pressing gentle kisses against the back of her neck.

Harley had fallen asleep long before Pam managed to shake the last vestiges of Woodrue from her mind. But her thoughts continued to spin. Accepting help meant accepting defeat. It meant that she'd lost to Woodrue, that he'd beaten her. But without help, she risked ruining her budding relationship with Harley. Torn, exhausted, ashamed, Pam finally managed to find sleep in the wee hours of the morning.

/

It was the lack of warmth that woke Pam. Flinging out an arm, she discovered that Harley was no longer in bed. She glanced over at her alarm clock to check the time, it wasn't often Harley woke earlier than she did.

 _10:00 am_

Pam's eyes shot open and she flew out of bed. She never overslept. And what was most concerning was that Harley had _let_ her. Rifling through her drawers, Pam pulled out a pair of pants and the only shirt she could find that wasn't an obscenely bright color and struggled to tug them on. She stumbled out of the bedroom to see Harley standing over the kitchen stove. And that was when she smelled the spices in the air.

Harley turned around, her face lifting into a smirk when she saw Pam. "Uh… wake up on the wrong side of the bed, Pammy?"

She gestured to Pam's 'everything' with the spatula she held. Confused, Pam looked down at her clothes, only now realizing that in her panic, she'd grabbed Harley's jeans and t-shirt instead of her own. At least that explained why her pants were so snug.

Deciding to ignore the issue of the clothes for now, Pam prowled into the kitchen, her voice laced with more venom than she'd intended, "Why didn't you wake me? I'm late for work. Catching up with what needs to get done today will be impossible."

Harley flinched, clutching the spatula to her chest. "I just figured… After last night… You could use a day off."

"I don't need a day off," Pam retorted, opening the fridge and grabbing the first container she could find. Whatever Harley had cooked, she didn't have time for it. Juice would have to suffice. "I need to get to the shop."

"Well I… I made you breakfast. You hungry?"

"I'll stick with this, thank you." Pam held up her glass of orange juice and proceeded to down it so that she didn't have to see the wounded look in Harley's eyes.

Slowly, Harley turned off the stove, grabbed a small piece of paper from the kitchen table and approached Pam as carefully as she'd approach a wild animal.

"I found Joan's card." She offered the paper up to Pam, who eyed it warily. "I haven't called her yet though. I figured that was somethin' you should do. But Red, she really is the nicest lady, and she's real smart too. I know she can help you."

Snatching the card out of Harley's hands, Pam shoved it deep into her back pocket and pinned Harley underneath her glare. "I don't need help."

Harley crumpled, averting her glassy eyes to the floor. Pam didn't give in to the guilt that washed over her. She knew she was acting out in rage, in embarrassment, in sadness. But she couldn't stop herself. It felt better than showing weakness. It felt better than sobbing on the sofa until her throat went raw. Spinning on her heel, Pam left Harley in the kitchen and stomped back into the bedroom to change, making sure to slam the door behind her.

Harley flinched at the sound of the door banging, her eyes still trained on her toes. She couldn't understand how Pam had gone from a shuddering sobbing mess of tears on the couch, to angry and bitter in the span of only a few hours. And in trying to help, Harley had somehow become the target of her contempt.

Clenching her jaw, Harley went back to the eggs she'd been scrambling, prodding at them limply with the spatula. She wasn't sure how to undo the damage she'd done by suggesting Pam see someone. But she knew that she was right (if Pam's breakdown and subsequent reaction was anything to judge by). She needed support. She was dealing with demons she couldn't handle on her own. Demons Harley couldn't help her with.

Harley pursed her lips, her mind reeling, trying to think of a way to convince Pam that the right thing to do was talk with someone who could commiserate with her experience. She had to keep pushing, no matter how angry Pam got. The only way they could move forward together was if Pam faced the ghosts she'd tried to leave behind in Seattle. And somehow Harley was going to find a way to support Pam. Whatever that looked like. Pam had saved Harley when it came to her own personal battle with Jay and now it was time to return the favor.


	10. Safer

_Sorry about the wait, ya'll_

* * *

"Hey, you made it," Selina said, opening the door to her apartment and greeting Harley with a large smile. "Most people have trouble finding the place. Come on in."

Harley stepped inside the lavish apartment, taking in the ornate furniture, large curtained windows, plush carpets and expensive looking paintings. She couldn't stop herself from releasing a low whistle.

"Nice digs, Kitty."

"I guess it's a step up from Pam's place, huh?"

Harley nodded, although she felt a little offended on Pam's behalf. Their apartment wasn't big, by any stretch of the imagination, but it was comfortable. It was home.

"You want anything to drink?" Selina asked, already rummaging around in the kitchen.

"Nah, I'm okay," Harley replied, jumping when a sleek black cat leapt onto the couch next to her. She leaned down to scratch his ears, giggling when he began purring loudly. "Who's this little guy?"

"That's Isis," Selina answered absently, pouring two glasses of water. "Don't fall for his good looks. He's a love you and leave you type of cat."

As if to prove Selina's point, Isis suddenly stiffened under Harley's fingers and bounded off the couch, dashing into some unseen corner of the apartment.

"So, what brings you here?" Selina asked, handing Harley the glass of water she'd declined a moment ago. "You sounded kind of serious over the phone."

"It's Pam." Harley took a nervous seat on the edge of the couch, her eyes following Selina, who plopped down a little more unceremoniously in the armchair across from her.

"What about Pam?" The question was muffled behind her glass.

"I… I really made her mad the other day," Harley admitted, fiddling with the rim of her own glass.

Selina cocked a thin brow. "Oh? If it's any consolation, it's pretty easy to push Pam's buttons."

"Yeah…" Harley still distinctly remembered the moment she'd invoked Pam's rage at her birthday party.

"What set her off this time?"

"Well… We… uh…" Harley took a deep breath. Selina wouldn't be able to help if she wasn't transparently honest. "Red's havin' trouble with the… intimate stuff."

"Intimate stuff?" A smirk was playing on Selina's lips.

 _God this is hard._

"Every time we start to… do stuff, she gets this weird look on her face and stops everythin'. Which is fine! I don't mind at all if she wants to take things slow." Harley was simply repeating Pam's words at this point. "But the other night… She started cryin', Kitty. She was thinkin' of _him._ The guy that did those terrible things to her."

Selina's smile faded and she looked down, studying a seam on her pant leg.

"I don't know how to help her. I… I don't think I _can_ help her." Harley didn't realize how much it hurt to admit that until she'd said the words out loud. "But I know someone who can and I asked Pam if she wanted to talk with her and she…. I messed up, Kitty."

"Harley." Selina moved from the armchair and sunk into the cushions next to her instead, laying a comforting hand on her thigh. "You didn't do _anything_ wrong. Pam's just stubborn. And scared. She thought she had this thing beat a long time ago. I think breaking down in front of you must have damaged her pride a little. Look, Pam doesn't have a lot of faith that coming forward with her assault will result in help and healing. Her parents and the police were hardly shining examples of support. She has me and she has you. And even still she keeps a lot of her feelings about what happened to her that day from us." Selina paused to ensure her words were sinking in. "To her, accepting professional help means accepting defeat."

"But I dunno what to do for her," Harley blurted, her eyes flickering over Selina's face, as if she could find answers there. "I can't get close to her. She won't talk to me. She slept on the couch last night." Harley's eyes dropped to her lap and she let out a long frustrated huff.

"Like I said, stubborn. The best thing we can do for her is let her work this out on her own. That's how Pam operates. You've provided a spark, an option, an instigator. Give her time to process it and I promise you she'll come around. In the meantime, keep talking up the wonders of therapy when you can, keep supporting her, give her space if she needs it, give her comfort when she wants it. Be patient with her, Harley." Selina placed her fingers underneath Harley's chin, prompting her to meet her eyes. "I promise she's just as worried about you as you are about her. She cares about you Harley, a whole god damn lot. Don't forget that."

A weak smile grew on Harley's face. "I should start payin' you by the hour, Kitty."

Selina snorted. "Shit, yeah. I'm turning into your very own relationship counselor." She smiled teasingly and patted Harley's knee. "Feel any better, kid?"

Harley nodded quickly. "Much."

"Good. You busy or do you want to come with Bruce and I to the Iceberg Lounge tonight? Do a little drinking, a little dancing?"

"Really?"

"I think you could use a night of fun."

"Three's kinda a crowd, dontcha think?"

"Trust me, if anyone's going to be the third wheel, it'll be Bruce," Selina said with a wink.

Harley giggled but shook her head. "I think I'll pass this time. I should be gettin' home."

"Alright well…. Do you at least want to stay and watch the season premiere of Gotham's Most Wanted?"

"I love that show!"

Selina was already searching for the remote. "I thought you might."

/

Harley wasn't expecting Pam to be waiting up for her when she got home, but she popped up from the couch the second Harley opened the door.

"Hi," she said, hurrying to meet Harley in the entryway.

"Hi," Harley replied a little nervously as she tossed her newly minted key (which she'd already nearly lost three times) into the cubby.

"I have something for you."

Harley blinked, unsure of what to expect. "Okay?"

Pam jerked her chin towards the cubby Harley had just put her key into and, slowly, she dug it back out. Pam stepped closer, bring her hands out from behind her back and placing something small and round in Harley's open palm. She examined the little black device curiously.

"What-"

"It's for your key," Pam explained. "It connects to your phone via a special app. As long as you don't lose your phone, you'll never lose your key again."

"Oh!" Harley struggled to attach the little device to her keyring and then jangled it around to make sure it would stay. "Thanks. This is great."

Pam's smile was weak. She stepped aside as Harley made her way into the kitchen, then followed her hesitantly.

"Where were you?" she asked, as Harley began searching through the cupboards for a cup.

"Selina's." Harley wasn't sure why she was acting so cold. That was the exact opposite of what she was supposed to do according to Selina's advice. Part of her was still a little hurt, she supposed. "Just hangin' out." She filled the glass with cold water from the sink, buying time. "We talked for a little bit about Bruce and I met her cat and we watched this show that I really think you would like. We should watch it together sometime. It's about these-"

"Harley." Pam put a hand on her arm to silence her. Harley set her glass down, forcing herself to turn and meet Pam's eyes. She was sucked into those moss green depths almost immediately, and her resolve to remain aloof failed entirely. Pam's eyes never wavered once as she said, "I'm sorry."

"About what?" _What? Are you seriously asking that? Whyyy?_

Pam's brow furrowed slightly. "About… What I said to you. For treating you so horribly when you were only trying to help."

Harley just nodded, the lump in her throat making it difficult to speak.

"I was angry and upset and I took it out on you and I'm sorry," she said again. Her voice was very quiet when she continued. "You're the last person I ever wanted to hurt, but I can't seem to stop myself from using you as a verbal punching bag whenever I lose my temper."

"Red, it's not…. You don't…"

"I promised myself I wouldn't be anything like him." For a second, Harley didn't know who she was referring to, and then it dawned on her.

"Who… Jay?"

Pam nodded, her expression dark, pained. For a moment, Harley was sure she'd say more. Sure she'd say she couldn't forgive herself. Sure that she'd tell Harley that she was better off without her. And it terrified Harley to think that Pam could even entertain the idea that there was _any_ comparison between the two of them. But if her expression was anything to judge by….

Before any of those thoughts could become a reality, Harley shook her head and reached out tentatively, taking Pam's hands.

"Baby, you're not anything like him." Pam didn't look convinced. In fact, her scowl only deepened. Harley wasn't quite sure what to say next, she wasn't used to being the one that navigated their relationship. "We're allowed to fight, you know. That wasn't even really a fight actually. But we don't have to get along all the time to still care about each other."

 _What would Selina say…._

"I know you were upset. But I still think Joan can help you. We don't have to talk about it now, I just think it's somethin' you should keep in mind." She lifted her hands slowly, placing them on Pam's cheeks and stroking her thumbs across the smooth skin. "I just want you to be okay. I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy," Pam replied immediately. "This," she rested one hand on top of Harley's. "This makes me happy."

Harley tried not to let her heart melt at Pam's confession, but damn she was making it hard.

"I've never been more grateful that I moved to Gotham." Setting her hands on Harley's waist, Pam moved in a little closer and leaned down to press her lips to Harley's. The kiss was quick and soft, like Pam was afraid to do anything more. And Harley knew she probably was. But it was enough for now.

She pulled away after a few moments and offered Harley a genuine smile. Harley grinned right back, her heart threatening to burst right out of her chest.

"So…" Pam shuffled her feet a little nervously. "Did you want to watch that TV show you mentioned?"

"Are you actually gonna watch it with me?"

"Of course."

"Good. As long as the readin' glasses stay off," Harley said, giving Pam a playful wink, hoping the subject wasn't a sore spot. Luckily, Pam smiled and allowed Harley to lead her into the living room.

/

Pam shifted underneath the covers, staring hard at the small white business card through the rays of early morning sunlight.

 _Joan Leland, PhD. Psychiatry_

There was a number on the back that Pam had memorized quickly for how many times she'd stared at it. Laying the card on the bedside table, she turned on her back, folding her hands over her stomach and studying the ceiling instead. Harley lay beside her, snoring softly. At least one of them was getting sleep.

Three days had passed since Pam had broken down in the living room, and despite Harley's encouraging words, the status of their relationship was not improving. If anything, it felt to Pam like there was a distance growing between them. A wall that made it impossible to move forward together. And it was her fault. Her stubbornness.

Glancing over at Harley, Pam watched the sun halo in her blonde hair and light upon her pale skin. Her eyes roamed over the little heart tattoo and the diamond pattern on her wrist. She watched Harley's chest rise and fall, slow and even.

 _Do it for her._

No matter how Pam felt about asking for help, no matter how she felt about exposing her fears and weaknesses, it paled in comparison to how she felt about the idea of losing Harley. She had to think about what she needed to do to ensure that Harley was happy. People made sacrifices for the ones they cared about. And if anyone was deserving of sacrifice, it was Harley.

Harley, who had suffered at the hands of an abusive manipulative man. Who had faced Pam's unwarranted wrath on multiple occasions. Who had dropped out of school, forgone following her passion, for someone who had never really loved her. She deserved happiness. And Pam could give it to her if she ignored her fear, if she put aside her pride.

 _Do it for her._

Turning on her side, Pam reached out and stroked her fingertips across Harley's cheek, following the line of her jaw. Harley didn't stir even when Pam squirmed closer, wrapping an arm around her waist and cradling the blonde against her chest.

It was still too early to call now. But in a few hours she would contact Dr. Leland. She would ask for help.

 _I'll do it for you._

/

Pam sat in the uncomfortable waiting room chair, her foot tapping nervously in the air. Harley sat beside her, engrossed in some gossip magazine whose cover was so full of headlines it made Pam dizzy. They hadn't been waiting long, but Pam could already feel the anxiety tightening into a ball that lodged itself in the center of her chest. Harley giggled at something in the magazine and glanced at Pam from the corner of her eye, offering her a small but reassuring smile. Pam couldn't return it.

A few short minutes later, the door that led to the back rooms opened up and a woman dressed in dark slacks and a blue button down dress shirt appeared. Harley leapt to her feet, immediately pulling the dark-haired woman into a tight hug.

"Hiya Joan!" she squeaked, earning a short chuckle from the older woman as she untangled herself from Harley.

"It's good to see you again, Harleen. How have you been?"

"Aces!" Harley replied, giving her a thumbs up. Pam rose hesitantly, smoothing down her skirt, and joining Joan and Harley in the center of the room.

"You must be Pamela," Joan said, holding out a hand for Pam to shake. "It's wonderful to meet you."

Pam nodded, her words catching in her throat. "Likewise. I appreciate you agreeing to see me on such short notice."

Joan smiled. "Not a problem at all. Are you ready?"

 _No._

Pam nodded again and Joan gestured for Harley to take a seat again. "We'll be back soon."

Joan turned towards the door and Pam followed, casting one final glance at Harley over her shoulder. The blonde hesitated and then bounded over to Pam, clutching her hands and planting a light kiss on her cheek.

"Proud of you," she whispered, her eyes flickering to the receptionist who was watching the exchange. Pam smiled tightly and then followed Joan into the back.

She led Pam to a small office, decorated only with a plush red rug, matching couch, and rolling chair, presumably for Joan.

"Have a seat," Joan said, closing the door behind them. The ball of anxiety in Pam's chest somehow tightened even more, but she did as she was told.

"Well," Joan said, plopping down in rolling chair and setting the clipboard she carried in her lap. "It's only noon and it's already been a day! At least for me. How has your day been?"

The informality of the question caught Pam off guard. All she could answer with was, "Good."

"It's been a long time since I've seen Harley. Almost three years, I think," Joan continued, crossing one leg over the other. "I'm happy she was here to support you today."

"She was one of your students."

"That's right, a promising one too." It saddened Pam to hear that. "It was an unfortunate day for the entire psychiatric profession when she decided to drop out of school."

"She wants to go back."

"Does she?" Joan didn't really look surprised. "Well, there will always be a spot open for her in the program. Now," Joan lifted her clipboard and pen. "Let's talk about you, Pamela. Or do you prefer Pam?"

Pam shrugged. "Whichever you like."

"How about we start with some family history, just so you and I can get to know each other a little better. Were you born in Gotham?"

"No, Seattle."

"Nice place. If you like rain."

"You could say the same for Gotham."

Joan laughed at that. "Very true. When did you move?"

"Almost two months ago."

"And your family? They still live in Seattle?"

"Yes, my mother and father still live there."

"No siblings then?"

"No."

Joan seemed to notice the agitation in her voice. "Is your family a point of contention?"

"We're not close."

Joan bobbed her head, scribbling something on her clipboard. For some reason, the silence calmed Pam. There was a certain no nonsense, straight to the point, aura about Joan that Pam could respect.

"But you've managed to make friends here in Gotham?"

"I have Harley. And Barbara. Selina too."

"Quality over quantity," Joan said with a smile. Pam agreed, although listing her only three friends out loud felt a little depressing. Did Floyd count? Maybe Chato if she stretched. At least _he_ knew her name.

"And why did you move to Gotham?"

"I… There was nothing left for me in Seattle."

"And Gotham presented… A professional opportunity? Personal?"

"Personal." _Expand on your answers please, Pamela. Or this is going to take all day._ "I needed a fresh start."

"Most of us do at one point or another." Joan was watching Pam carefully now, and it made her squirm. She didn't understand why Joan insisted on dancing around the issue. She knew why Pam was here. She'd been made aware of the situation, or at least her assistant had, upon making the appointment. "Although from what I understand, your situation was a little more dire than others."

Pam was silent. Joan took a sharp breath and leaned back in her chair.

"Why are you here today, Pam?"

"Harley suggested I see you."

"To what end?"

"I need help."

"I think the more important question, Pam, is do you want help?" Joan's expression was kind, but there was a hard look in her eyes.

"Yes."

Joan smiled. "I don't think you believe that." Pam opened her mouth but Joan continued without her input. "So tell me this, what exactly can I do for you? How will you get the most out of our sessions?"

 _I don't know. Isn't that your job to figure out? This was a mistake. I don't need this. I don't need help. I-_

An image of Harley's devastated face flashed in front of her eyes. If she gave up now, she had no way of fixing their fizzling relationship. Frustrated, embarrassed and confused, Pam chewed on her lip, mulling the question over. "I need to… heal."

"From what?"

"From what happened to me in Seattle."

"And what happened to you in Seattle?"

 _She wants you to say it._ The anxiety was back. It collected in Pam's chest, making it impossible to breathe. She met Joan's dark eyes and caught a hint of encouragement deep within them. Finally, Pam managed to choke the words out. "I was raped."

Joan nodded, but to Pam's surprise, offered no sympathy. She continued as if Pam had merely announced that she'd caught a cold. In a way, Pam appreciated the clinical detachment. The last thing she wanted was pity.

"Did you know your attacker?"

"He was my professor," Pam murmured, watching Joan scribble on her clipboard again. Pam waited for her to finish, her hands folded neatly in her lap.

Finally, Joan looked up. "If It's alright with you, Pam, I'd like to try something a little intense today. We're going to work on some Prolonged Exposure Therapy. Which means you will take as much time as you need to recount the details of the assault with as much accuracy as you can. During our next session, we'll do the same thing. And then again and again. The goal is to desensitize you to the memories, to take away the power they have over you." Joan paused. "Does that sound like something you can do?"

She'd done it before. She'd told her parents, Selina, Harley. Joan would be no different. Or at least that was what she told herself. It was the inclusion of minute details that worried her.

"Yes," she said after a beat. Joan flipped to a new page of paper on her clipboard.

"Whenever you're ready, Pamela." She offered another reassuring smile. "Remember, this is a safe place, don't be afraid. Like you said, you're here to heal."

 _Do it for her._

Taking a deep breath to center herself, Pam began.

/

"Sorry I'm late," Selina panted as she pushed through the front door and plopped down in a seat next to Harley. "What'd I miss?"

"Nothin'," Harley said, setting down the magazine she'd read five times at this point. "They're still in there."

"Damn." Selina checked her watch. "It's been almost two hours. How are you not bouncing off the walls?"

She nudged Harley playfully and she stuck her tongue out in return. A moment later the door to the back opened and Pam stepped out, followed closely by Joan. Harley rose quickly, taking in Pam's haggard expression, the droop in her shoulders. She looked completely exhausted and Harley had to fight the urge to run and cuddle her to bits.

"How'd it go, Doc?" Selina asked, rising a moment after Harley did.

"We had an excellent session," Joan said, eyeing Selina suspiciously. Turning to Harley, she continued, "Pam has requested that you be a part of her continued therapy."

Harley blinked. "Me?"

"That's correct. So, when the two of you have the time, I'd like you to participate in some Stress Inoculation Therapy."

"What does that mean?" Selina asked, raising a brow at Harley, who had turned a faint pink color.

"Simply put," Joan said. "Harley will attempt to engage in behaviors that trigger Pam's fear response. The idea is to expose and work through the moments of panic until they have less of an effect. I've given her plenty of strategies to test when the fear takes over."

A look of understanding dawned on Selina's face, followed by a barely contained grin. "So… the plan is to get hot and heavy, gotcha. And that happens here in the office?"

Joan narrowed her eyes at Selina who pasted on an innocently clueless expression.

"No. Pam and I will work on strategies here in the office that can be employed in the privacy of her own home."

Selina nodded solemnly, although she waggled her eyebrows playfully at both of them the second Joan's back was turned.

"I'd like to meet again in a few days, if that's alright with you, Pam."

Pam nodded, a small but genuine smile brightening her face. "I'd like that."

"I'll set the appointment up with my assistant. Until next week." Joan smiled at Pam and nodded to Harley and Selina before retreating into the back room again.

As soon as the three of them were alone (save for the receptionist, who kept her eyes on her computer screen) Harley took Pam's hands, lacing their fingers together and gazing up into her tired green eyes. "How do you feel? D'you want us to take you home?"

To Harley's surprise, Pam shook her head. "Actually, I think I'd like to visit the park."

"Great idea, Pam!" Selina interrupted, slinging an arm through Pam's. "We could all use some fresh air. Come on, let's get out of here."

Pam threw a helpless look over her shoulder as Selina dragged her out the front door. Harley hurried to grab Pam's bag, waved goodbye to the secretary and bolted after her friends.

/

"You're crazy, Kitty. Pistachio is not better than Rocky Road."

"Listen, just because you thrive on ten pounds of sugar a day doesn't mean the rest of us have to. For your information, Pistachio requires a refined palette."

"Whatever. You're eatin' garbage."

Pam quietly licked her own vanilla ice cream cone while Harley and Selina quarreled behind her. The vendor they'd bought the cones from at the entrance of Robinson Park had only served to egg them on, starting a feud that had now lasted the better part of five minutes.

The endless chatter was comforting background noise to the quiet buzz that filled Pam's head. She felt sluggish, slow, like her entire body was filled with fuzzy cotton. Even her thoughts moved like molasses. It had been exhausting and painful recounting her experience in detail. More than once she'd had to stop to catch her breath. But in the end, she couldn't deny the tiny sense of freedom it had given her. Like one of the many weights holding her down had been lifted. It gave her hope for her future sessions.

"What do you think, Pam? Which flavor is better? And don't say vanilla." Selina's voice turned into a threatening growl at the end.

"Huh?"

"Oh boy," Selina sighed. "She's off in la la land."

"Oh, we should see that movie!" Harley piped in, crunching on the cone part of her ice cream cone.

"Not a bad idea. We could make it a double date! As long as you two don't start making out in the theater."

Harley giggled. "I make no promises."

"What do you say, la la land?" Selina slung an arm over Pam's shoulder. "Want to go see La La Land?"

Pam, who was only just now tuning into the conversation, offered a half-hearted shrug. "Yes?"

"You alright?" Selina's voice carried a hint of concern now. "You don't look so good."

"D'you wanna head home, Red?" Harley asked, moving to Pam's other side and taking her hand.

"I'm fine," Pam grumbled, leaving her hand limp in Harley's. "You two don't need to treat me like a child." She held up her ice cream cone as evidence.

"We're not treating you like a child." Selina rolled her eyes. "We're treating you like someone who just got her brain picked for two hours. Who had to relive the most traumatic experience in her entire life and share it with a stranger. We're treating you like a human being, Pam. God forbid we show you a little TLC."

Pam quieted. She had no defense for her attitude. "I'm sorry."

Selina heaved a sigh and rubbed Pam's shoulder comfortingly. "Don't apologize. You did good today. We're proud of you. Right, Harl?"

"So proud," Harley agreed.

Pam looked at Harley just as she rose onto her tiptoes to plant a soft kiss on Pam's cheek. She missed and her lips touched Pam's.

It was incredibly brief, but Harley jerked away like she'd just been burned. For a second, Pam thought it was embarrassment that drew such an extreme reaction from her. After all, Selina hadn't exactly been subtle with her teasing back in the office. But then she saw the look of guilt that played on Harley's features. Like she was ashamed of herself.

Before Pam could say anything, Selina interrupted.

"Hey, hey, save the 'Stress Indocrination Therapy' for the bedroom."

"Inoculation," Pam corrected.

Selina waved her comment away, her smile fading into a pout. "Whatever." A terse silence fell over the group and Selina began glancing around at the park, as if searching for a point of conversation. She found one.

"You know, for the life of me I can't figure out why you wanted to come here to relax. The place is a wreck," Selina scoffed, eyeing the wilting bushes that lined the pathways. Pam could see a little bit of herself in the dying plants. Desperate for attention, care, but slowly wilting in the stone-cold environment they found themselves in.

"Everything's dead or dying," Selina continued, kicking a dried-up flower aside. "Winter's just around the corner, I suppose."

"I love that show too!" Pam and Selina both gave Harley confused looks.

"Winter is Just Around the Corner?" Selina clarified.

"No," Harley shook her head. "Winter is coming."

"That's not a show."

"But it's _in_ a show."

"What show?"

"I dunno, I forgot the name."

"But you said you love it?" Selina was clearly growing more baffled by the second.

"I do love it! I just can't remember the name." Harley's brow crinkled into a scowl. "I'll ask Babs, she'd know."

Selina blinked and shook her head, returning her attention to Pam. "Coming back from that tangent…. Good work today Pam!" She gave her friend a double thumbs up and grinned.

The three parted ways a little while later, promising to meet up for Selina's double date idea soon. Harley was unusually quiet on the walk home. She kept her eyes trained on the ground in front of her, one hand clutching Pam's.

"Are you alright?" Pam asked once they'd stepped into the apartment.

Harley spun around, looking for a second like she wanted to lunge at Pam, but she stopped herself and stood rigid, arms glued to her sides. "I'm sorry I just…. Selina told me you needed space, and after your session with Joan I didn't wanna push you, and I don't want you to think that I feel sorry for you or anythin' but you just looked so sad comin' outta that office and at the park and I really, really, just wanna kiss you and hold you and make you feel better and-" Pam could see Harley growing more agitated by the second.

When she stopped to breathe and Pam opened her arms. Immediately, they were filled with a quivering Harley. She latched onto Pam, her arms wrapped tightly around the red head's waist, face pressed against the crook of her neck. Pam held her close, hands running down her back, her arms, stroking her hair. It felt good to focus herself on the warmth between them and slowly, the tight little ball in her chest began to dissipate.

"Did you like Joan?" Harley mumbled against Pam's neck. She fought the urge to flinch away from the tickling sensation.

"I did. She's a very intelligent woman."

Harley pulled away to beam up at Pam. "I told you."

Pam didn't reply. Instead, she just smiled and smoothed Harley's hair away from her face. Her blue eyes fluttered shut and she leaned into Pam's touch. When they opened again, her eyes flickered once to Pam's lips. A look of guilt flashed across her face and Pam felt her arms begin to loosen their hold around her waist. Pam stopped her from stepping away and cupped her face with both hands.

"I don't want you to be afraid of this," she murmured, leaning close enough to ghost her lips against Harley's. She knew that caution must be ingrained in Harley by this point. But her first session with Joan had given her hope. Besides, if they were going to start practicing 'Stress Inoculation Therapy', a simple kiss was the least of her worries. Harley closed the distance between them, her lips gentle, tentative. There was a dazed look in her eyes when she pulled away that made Pam's heart flutter.

"Wanna go to bed?" Harley asked, her eyes widening when she realized what she'd said. "I—I just meant cuz you look so tired and not, like, we have to do anythin', that therapy or whatever, just… sleep."

She chuckled and took Harley's hand, leading her into the apartment. "Sleep sounds wonderful."


	11. Tear In My Heart

_Sorry for the wait, ya'll._

* * *

It was dark by the time Pam locked up the shop for the day. She'd been late closing almost every day for the past week, but business had been picking up and that meant longer hours. The tattoo parlor was still open, but Harley had already gone home, offering to wait for Pam, who insisted otherwise.

Now she wished she hadn't. The streetlamps flickered around her and a cold wind blew in the air, cutting through her jacket like a knife. She could hear a dog barking faintly in the distance, the shouts of an arguing couple, the cheers from a party being hosted in some faraway apartment.

Pulling her jacket more tightly around her, Pam shoved her keys in her pocket and hurried down the street towards the apartment. The wind rustled the fallen leaves on the sidewalk and her footsteps echoed as she passed darkened alleyways, making it sound as if she was joined by another walker. A quick glance over her shoulder told her otherwise. Still, Pam was nervous, her heart thumping against her ribs as she walked even faster. Every night that she walked home alone had an eerie air about it, but tonight, something felt… off. It occurred to her then, that all of Selina's words about carrying something for self-defense may have actually been warranted. Especially in a city like Gotham.

And that was when she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She looked around again, scanning the shadows behind her for a sign of movement, but there was nothing. She paused, listening through the wind and the rustle of leaves for any sound of another being. Nothing. But Pam could still distinctly feel a pair of eyes on her.

She felt panicked, trapped and suffocated all at once. It took her back to the lab. The table. His eyes on her, piercing and merciless. Taking a deep breath, she shoved the feelings deep down, swallowing them so that they couldn't swallow her. And then Pam dashed home as quickly as she could.

She paused outside the door before going inside, fighting to even her breathing. Harley didn't need to see her panicked, there was no reason for it. No one had bothered her on the way home. No one had followed her. She was safe. Besides they had an SIT session scheduled tonight and she didn't need anything to distract her. Plastering on a smile, Pam pushed open the door and stepped inside.

 _I can do this._

/

Progress was slow.

If Pam had to guess, a lot of Harley's ability to help her with her at home therapy sessions came from her own psychiatric training, limited as it may have been. For someone who had difficulty exhibiting even a modicum of patience, Harley was incredibly enduring when it came to Pam's Stress Inoculation Therapy.

The bedroom setting had been Pam's choice, but the rest was in Harley's control. Relinquishing control hadn't been easy, it brought the panic back, the dark thoughts. But Joan's advice was also at the forefront of her mind.

 _Breathe. Affirmation. Fear is normal. Feel it. Let it pass. Repeat._

"Is this okay, Red?" Harley asked, sensing the tension thrumming through Pam's body as she brushed her fingers across the red head's abdomen. Harley was already half-naked, her shirt abandoned somewhere in the corner of the room and Pam had an unabashed view of the tattoos that decorated her torso. For some reason, she found herself fixating on the tips of the looped letters just below Harley's navel: 'Lucky You'. There was also a small 'J' on the indent of her right hip; Pam decided to ignore that one.

"Pam?" The concern in Harley's voice pulled Pam out of her thoughts. She nodded to answer Harley's earlier question and the blonde mirrored her response, her fingers dancing lightly over Pam's ribcage. Pam twitched and cringed away from her feather light touch.

"That tickles," she explained in a grumpy murmur, making Harley giggle.

"Maybe that's a good thing?"

Pam raised a questioning brow.

"If we can help you associate these moments with things like joy and laughter, it will help combat your tendency to resort immediately to fear." Pam's jaw almost dropped. Almost a full week into their 'sessions', it still surprised her to hear Harley go into 'psychiatrist mode.'

"Is there a textbook printed on the inside of your eyelids?"

Harley laughed again, continuing to stroke Pam's sides gently. "Nope. But that was pretty impressive, huh?"

Pam shrugged, her mind beginning to wander to the wonderful pressure of Harley's hips pressed against hers. "It just proves what I've known about you from the beginning."

"What?"

"You're incredibly intelligent."

Harley blushed. "Nah. You're the doctor here."

"And you would be too," Pam countered. "Were it not for…." Her eyes flickered to the 'J' on Harley's hip and she trailed off.

"We don't have to talk about him right now," Harley murmured, shifting so that she could straddle Pam more comfortably. "Let's focus on this. Us." She let her hands drift higher, fingers grazing the underside of Pam's bra. "You tell me when to stop."

Pam sucked in a sharp breath when Harley leaned forward and began pressing soft kisses against her neck, trailing her lips just below Pam's ear down to the hollow of her throat, allowing her hands to lazily caress Pam's chest over her bra.

Pam's heart began to pound, her fingers clenching around Harley's hips. A mixture of animal arousal and panic rose within her chest. It was confusing, paralyzing, but she didn't tell Harley to stop.

 _Not yet. If you don't push yourself, you won't get anywhere…_

Sensing no resistance, Harley let her hands drop from Pam's chest to the waistband of her pajama pants. Slowly, Harley dipped her fingers just below the lip of her pants, stroking the warm skin between Pam's hips. Pam's breath hitched in her throat but Harley didn't give her a chance to catch it, moving to capture her in a deep kiss instead.

Harley's lips were hungry against hers, her fingers stroking lower and lower. It was bliss. It was overwhelming. It was too much.

Pam tore away from the kiss, struggling to catch her breath and Harley retreated immediately, removing her hands and lifting them to Pam's shoulders slowly, as if to let her see them coming.

"I'm sorry," Pam gasped, forcing herself to meet Harley's clouded gaze. The blonde shook her head and took Pam's face between her hands.

"Nope, stop. You don't get to apologize, remember? That's what Joan said." She stroked her fingers through Pam's hair, her smile kind, but tight. No matter how hard Pam tried, she couldn't stem the wave of disappointment that flowed through her. "This was great. You did great. That was my fault, I moved things a little too fast."

Pam hated this. She felt weak. Insecure. She felt like she'd failed. She felt… powerless.

She wasn't a maiden in need of defending. She wasn't a child that needed caring for. She wasn't a broken doll that needed to be handled gently. She was strong, she'd beaten Woodrue before. On her own, without silly breathing techniques or affirmation words, or SIT or whatever the hell else Joan had suggested. She was tired of struggling through every intimate exchange she had with Harley. She was tired in general. And she hated the man that had done this to her with an unquenchable passion. None of these thoughts would be running through her head now were it not for him. She wouldn't be trapped in this awful moment. She wouldn't have to struggle to prove to Harley how much she wanted—

"Hey, you in there?" Harley interrupted, patting her cheeks to bring her back to the present. "I lost ya for a sec."

 _No you didn't. You haven't lost me. You have all of me, I promise…. Keep going._

"Can I…" Pam paused, lifting her own hands for Harley to see. "Can I touch _you,_ Daffodil?"

Harley's eyes darkened and she nodded once, suddenly very quiet. Pam placed her palms on Harley's bare stomach, running then gently over smooth skin. She could feel taught muscle quivering just below the surface as her hands glided upwards.

She glanced quickly at Harley's face, smiling when she saw the blonde's eyes fluttering shut at her touch. Slowly, Pam pushed herself off the headboard, meeting Harley's lips in a kiss that was slow and sweet.

A small moan escaped her, sending a thrill through Pam. It was easier to touch Harley than it was to have Harley touch her. It was the control, she knew. The ability to make Harley fall apart with her own hands. To set the pace and limits. It was already doing wonders for her wounded confidence.

Harley's hands came up to tangle in her red hair and then drifted down to cup her cheeks.

"Is this…Are you okay?" she breathed, breaking away just far enough to ensure her words weren't muffled against Pam's lips.

"Yes." Pam's reply was equally breathless. "Are _you_ okay?"

"So good," Harley replied with a crooked grin that drew a chuckle from Pam. She paused, blue eyes boring into green and then, "Can I kiss you again?"

Pam raised a single brow. "I'm fairly certain you don't have to check in with me every step of the way."

Harley sat back on her haunches, her hands sliding to rest against Pam's shoulders again. She cocked her head in confusion. "Really? Because I'm pretty sure that's exactly what Joan said to do."

 _Fair point._

An amused smile spread across Pam's lips. Harley had been right about mood association. In the beginning, the panic had been overwhelming. Their sessions were tense, quick and often disappointing. But Harley had been patient and gentle, and now, a week in, it felt natural to crack a smile. It felt right to be giddy.

"Look at that, Red," Harley said softly, drawing her fingers through Pam's hair. "You're smilin'."

Pam's smile only widened as she leaned forward to press warm wet kisses against Harley's neck, nibbling and licking the sensitive spots she'd mapped.

 _Breathe. Affirm. Feel. Breathe._

Harley sighed, wrapping her arms around Pam's shoulders, her fingers clenching against whatever skin they could find. Pam let her hands slide away from Harley's stomach around to the slope of her rear. She slipped them beneath the waistband of Harley's pants, gently stroking the smooth skin there.

"Red…" Harley panted suddenly, her lips brushing Pam's ear. "We should probably stop."

Pam understood why she suggested it, but she couldn't quell the disappointment that swept through her.

"We don't have to stop," she insisted. "I'm alright."

"I believe you," Harley replied, untangling herself and sitting back to look Pam in the eye. "But we should probably quit while we're ahead. The worst thing we can do is push too far and ruin the progress we've made."

 _There's that textbook talk again._

Slowly, Pam pulled herself away, removing her hands and lips and resting her forehead against Harley's shoulder, taking deep breaths through her nose to center herself.

"Gee, Red," Harley chuckled after a few moments of tense silence. "You really know how to tease a girl." She lifted Pam off her shoulder and beamed.

Pam smiled back, running her fingers across Harley's flushed cheek. "I'm sorry."

"Okay, first, don't apologize for _that._ Ever. Second, you don't get to apologize period. Remember?" Harley's expression was equal parts amused and reprimanding and Pam found the contrast adorable. She smoothed the wrinkle between Harley's brow with her thumb.

"Then thank you."

"For gettin' you all hot and bothered?" Harley laughed when Pam snorted.

"For helping me," she amended.

"It's a pretty big sacrifice, ain't it?" Harley teased.

Pam scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest, her features pulling into a scowl. "I'm trying to be transparent with you."

"And I'm tryin' to make you laugh," Harley insisted, running her fingers down Pam's sides again. Her smile softened when Pam continued to pout and she stroked the red head's cheek gently. "I'm glad I can help you." She pushed her hips against Pam's. "Real glad."

Pam rolled her eyes when Harley winked lewdly, finally allowing a smile to crack her stern expression. "You're impossible."

"Awww, you love it." Harley climbed off Pam, rolled onto her side and pulled the covers up to her chin, patting the mattress beside her to signal that they were done for the night. But Pam didn't lie down right away, her mind was still stuck on Harley's words.

 _Love?_

She hadn't considered it. She'd never really loved anybody. Her parents were more of an obligatory affection. And there was Selina. But that wasn't a romantic love. Then again, Harley hadn't used the word in a strictly romantic context.

Still, she'd never needed another person to depend on. She had her studies, she had her plants, she had her shop. She didn't need anything else. Not until this tattooed bundle of sunshine had walked into her life and turned everything upside down. And Harley wasn't wrong.

 _I do love it when you tease. I love your smile and your laugh. I love how giddy you make me feel. I love that you're passionate about your work. I love that you're so patient with me. With this. I love that you're willing to help. I love that you feel things so deeply. I love…_

"Red?" Pam looked down to find Harley, who was still burritoed in the blankets, blinking up at her curiously. "You okay?"

Pam nodded, finally shifting so that she could lie comfortably next to Harley. She searched for Harley's hand beneath the covers, squeezing when she found it.

"Good night," she murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to Harley's forehead before settling back on her own pillow. Harley looked confused but she didn't question Pam again.

It took a while for Pam to find sleep, her mind returning to the moment she'd left the shop. The moment she'd felt someone's eyes on her. It had unnerved her, to say the least. She couldn't help but think it had been the reason that this session hadn't gone as far as she would have liked. A sudden shiver ran down her spine and Pam squeezed her eyes shut, trying to shake the uncomfortable feeling that had followed her home. She sidled closer to Harley, until they were practically sharing the same pillow, and allowed the girl's warmth to lull her to sleep.

But her dreams were haunted by a pair of dark eyes watching her from the shadows.

/

"Wow."

Pam looked up from where she'd been smoothing the already perfectly smooth fabric of her dress to find Harley standing in the doorway of their bedroom, staring at her with rounded eyes.

"Wow?" Pam repeated, quirking a brow and smiling when Harley's cheeks turned red. "How incredibly articulate of you, Harl."

"I'm sorry, it's just you look…hooaaappphh," Harley trailed off into a noise that Pam could only compare to an elephant. She snorted (a sound only Harley was familiar with) and propped one hand on her hip, pinning Harley with an admonishing gaze.

"Should I take that noise as a compliment?"

Harley bobbed her head quickly, her eyes roaming Pam's body and then snapping up to her face. "Definitely. I was gonna say you looked hot but I thought that might make you angry so then I was gonna go with 'absolutely amazing' but that didn't feel like enough, but 'fantastic' felt too easy so… Hooapph."

"You, on the other hand," Pam replied. "Look gorgeous."

"Aw, that's a good one." Harley smiled and looked down at her own outfit, a short powder blue dress that matched her eyes. Her multi colored hair had been pulled into a single ponytail, the pink and blue tips blending together. "Okay, I've got one."

"Not another sound effect, I hope?"

Harley shook her head. "Perfect. You look perfect." Her face scrunched into a frown. "That one was too cheesy, wasn't it?"

Pam sighed and reached around to gather her hair off her shoulders and pin it into a bun. She didn't miss the quiet whimper Harley emitted as she watched the process. She inched closer to Pam, surprisingly graceful in the heels she wore, and slid her arms around Pam's waist, brushing her lips against the older woman's bare shoulder.

"You sure you wanna go out tonight?" she murmured against Pam's skin.

"I don't think Selina and Bruce will appreciate us canceling on them," Pam replied, her hands coming to rest on top of Harley's. "Besides you were the one who wanted to see this movie."

Harley grumbled, her fingers tracing tiny circles in the fabric of Pam's dress. "Yeah, I just…."

"Just what?" A smile quirked Pam's lips when she felt Harley huff behind her.

"Just…. You look so good and the bed is right there and we haven't done any SIT today…."

"Come on." Pam turned in Harley's arms and brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "It'll be good for both of us to get out of the apartment for the night. Besides," she added. "The bed will still be here when we get back."

Harley grumbled again, but allowed Pam to lead her out of the room without further protest.

/

Harley was crying. She'd been crying since they left the theater, and Pam couldn't blame her. The end of the film had been touching, to say the least. Keeping one arm around Harley's shoulders, Pam guided the blonde down the street, trailing behind Bruce and Selina, who walked together several yards ahead of them.

"It was certainly a well-crafted film," Bruce commented, nudging Selina, who hung on his arm.

She shrugged. "I don't get musicals. All of that random singing kept pulling me out of the moment. And what was with the part where they started dancing...er flying…in the conservatorium?"

"I think it was meant to be symbolic," Bruce replied, an amused smirk tugging on his lips.

"Symbolic of what? Tripping?"

Bruce raised a brow. "Of falling in love."

"It was pretentious," Selina scoffed, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. "Unbelievable, romanticized."

"Romanticized, yes," Bruce countered. "But I don't think it was meant to come off as pretentious. It was artfully made. Beautiful camera work."

"That's the problem," Selina said. "Artsy for artsy's sake, does not a good movie make." Bruce grunted in response. Silence fell over the group until a hiccupping sob came from Harley.

Selina heaved a sigh. "Harley, are you still crying?"

"No," she whimpered unconvincingly. Pam squeezed her shoulders and Harley gave her a watery smile.

"It was just a movie, sweetie," Selina said.

"I know! But it was so sad. They loved each other so much and they didn't get to end up together but they both owed each other everythin' and they both got their dreams, but not together an' it's just…. Just… it wasn't fair."

"Life isn't always fair, Harl," Selina continued. "I think that's one of the points the movie was trying to make."

"Like a theme or a motif…. Some might even call it symbolic," Bruce added with another smirk.

"Exactly. I... Hey. Alright, one more peep out of you and there will be no sex tonight," Selina threatened through narrowed eyes. Bruce's shoulders bounced once in an amused chuckle. "Pam? Thoughts?"

"I think it was a painfully honest look at the complexities of human relationships," Pam offered.

Selina rolled her eyes. "English please."

Pam glowered back at her. _That was English. Just because you choose to play dumb to aggravate me doesn't mean-_

"I think that we meet many people over the course of our lives that push us to be better. They offer insight and understanding into our own character and change us in ways we couldn't have done on our own. And sometimes they drift out of our lives just as suddenly. Sometimes, the purpose of those fleeting relationships is to love and let go and move forward with the lessons they've taught us."

Selina nodded, seemingly satisfied. "Astute, Pam. Sounds like you're a romantic at heart."

Pam pursed her lips and glanced at Harley to find her staring with wide eyes, terror etched onto her face. "Red, you… You don't think… That's not us, is it?"

"Of course not!" Pam didn't bother to keep the astonishment out of her voice. "Of course not, Daffodil."

Harley's bottom lip was quivering again and tears shone in her blue eyes. Leaning forward, Pam pressed her lips to Harley's forehead, murmuring against her skin, "I'm not going to leave you."

Harley sniffled against Pam's neck, one hand slipping around her waist and clutching the fabric of her dress.

 _I love that you feel things so deeply_ , Pam thought again, for the second time in just as many days. _I love that you care so much._

Smiling, she removed her arm from around Harley's shoulders, taking her hand instead and pressing a soft kiss against her knuckles. Harley's cheeks were splotchy, her eyes swollen and red from crying and her makeup had started to run, but Pam couldn't stop herself from staring. Harley had mentioned love teasingly during their SIT session the day before, but Pam hadn't been able to shake it from her mind. And every moment since only reassured her of what she already knew. She was falling in love with this smart, silly, selfless mess of a girl. The kind of love that she'd felt was illustrated for her on that theater screen.

Not long ago, that realization might have scared her. Depending on another person was a frightening concept. It presented opportunities for weakness, selfishness and loss. But it also held the promise of support, happiness, and trust. Experiencing it firsthand gave Pam the desire to pursue it. She wanted Harley and she wanted whatever inevitable chaos that brought. The Pam from Seattle wouldn't have felt the same way, but that Pam was quickly being left behind in the wake of this Pam. The one who woke every day with a smile on her face.

Harley sniffled quietly again and Bruce shot a quick glance over his shoulder, the amused smirk dying on his lips as he caught a glimpse of something far behind her. He paused, Selina jerking to a stop next to him. She whipped her head around to see what the delay was.

"Bruce?"

"Sorry," he murmured, his eyes narrowing as he stared into the darkness behind Harley and Pam, who cast cautious glances over their own shoulders. "Thought I saw something."

"Uhhh…" Selina drifted off, glancing nervously between Bruce and the shadows. "Can we keep going then, please?"

Bruce nodded, wrapped his arm more tightly around Selina and beckoned for Harley and Pam to follow. They scurried after him and a chill went down Pam's spine that had nothing to do with the early winter air. She felt those eyes on her again and she clung to Harley, who was practically glued to her side.

Bruce led them downtown to the Iceberg Lounge, where they were immediately ushered inside the second Bruce dropped his name. The club was gorgeous, far more glamorous than Pam could ever hope to be. It wasn't hard to believe that Bruce and Selina visited the venue so often. They fit right into the ritzy crowd with their expensive clothing and confident strides. Pam on the other hand, was beginning to feel frumpy despite the fact she wore her most impressive dress.

Harley didn't seem to be bothered at all by their surroundings. In fact, she was absolutely in awe, her head swiveling on her shoulders as she tried to take it in all at once.

They were led to a white clothed table in a far corner of the dining hall. Bruce pulled out a chair for Selina, accepting the kiss she pressed to his cheek. Harley scrambled to do the same for Pam only to almost knock the chair over in the process, which in turn upset the candles on top of the table and they were only rescued from setting the whole club ablaze by Selina, who set the candles upright with uncanny speed.

Harley blushed a deep red, smiling apologetically as Pam helped her take a seat. As soon as they were all settled, Pam opened her menu to find dozens of dishes she couldn't even pronounce the names of. Harley was scanning the pages of her own menu, her brow twisting in confusion. She caught Pam's eye and leaned towards her, asking in a conspiratorial whisper, "Do you have any idea what all of this is?"

Pam shook her head, fighting a smile. "Nope."

Harley giggled and peeked over the top of her menu to find Selina giving them an 'if you two don't settle down right now…' glare. Ducking behind her menu again, Harley affected her most serious expression, glancing at Pam out the corner of her eye and breaking immediately.

Chuckling, Pam slipped her hand on top of Harley's thigh underneath the table, squeezing gently to calm her. Harley squirmed for another moment before settling into her chair, her eyes growing unfocused with the way Pam's fingertips stroked her skin. Selina was eyeing them again, but her gaze had softened considerably.

"So, Pam," Bruce said suddenly, setting his menu aside and folding his hands in front of him. "How do you like Gotham?"

"It's… pleasant."

"That's not exactly a ringing endorsement," Bruce chuckled.

Pam cleared her throat and sat a little straighter in her chair. "I've enjoyed my time here, but I've also noticed quite a few areas of the city that could use improvement."

"Oh?" Bruce was leaning forward now, intrigued.

"Robinson Park, for example, is in a horrible state of neglect. A large portion of the city's homeless have taken up residence there. And the crime rates in the neighborhood around my shop alone are appalling. The GCPD is either ignorant or incompetent. Or both. I-" Pam paused when she noticed Selina and Harley staring at her. "I… Understand that these aren't problems you're necessarily concerned with fixing, Mr. Wayne-"

"Bruce."

"…Bruce. But considering you are who you are… that is, one of the most influential men in Gotham, I'd venture to say you have a bit more pull than others when it comes to making changes within the city." Pam clasped her hands in her lap, her eyes trained on Bruce, who looked back at her with just as much intensity.

"I think I'd like to introduce you to the DA," he said after a pause. "You haven't met Harvey have you?"

"I haven't had the pleasure."

"I'm sure he'd be very interested to hear what you have to say about the state of the city. I could set up a meeting, if you're interested." Bruce caught the surprised look in Pam's eye and chuckled. "Don't worry about giving me an answer now. We're here to enjoy the night. We can talk shop later. So," he began again. "Selina mentioned you're a doctor?"

"I have a PhD," Pam answered, pride creeping into her voice when Bruce bobbed his head appreciatively. "I studied Botany and Biochemistry."

"But you're running a flower shop now?" Bruce questioned.

Selina sighed, dropping her head into her hand. "I thought we _weren't_ going to talk shop…"

Harley had resorted to making little figures out of torn pieces of her napkin.

Pam tried not to be offended by the surprise in Bruce's tone. "Yes. I run a flower shop at the moment. Gotham isn't exactly rife with opportunities for someone with my education."

"Not true." Bruce held up a finger. "Wayne Enterprises has a botanical branch that's looking to expand. We could use someone with as much intelligence and dedication as you. I usually like to employ branch directors from the inside, but I think I could make an exception, just this once. Of course, we'd still go through with an interview process. But I expect you'd fit in very well with the scientists there."

Pam was rendered speechless, Harley looked up from her torn napkin, and even Selina waited with baited breath for her response.

"I'd…I'll…I'll consider the offer."

Bruce nodded, offered a small smile and took Selina's hand, running his thumb across her knuckles before continuing. "That's all I can ask. But the avenue is open to you should you choose to… expand your horizons."

They were interrupted by obnoxious, nasally laughter and a loud, "Mr. Wayne! How lovely to see you again."

A short, fat, balding man wearing a sharp tuxedo and carrying a matching black cane, hobbled towards the table. He had a long hawkish nose and a single spectacle that covered one of his beady black eyes. Pam's nose wrinkled at the sight of him.

"Mr. Cobblepot." Bruce stood and shook the man's small hand cordially.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your business tonight?"

Bruce smiled tightly and took his seat again. "Just enjoying the night with a few new friends."

Cobblepot's dark eyes flickered over Harley and then landed on Pam and a smile more akin to a sneer spread across his face.

"What lovely company." He made a short little bow, tipping the hat he wore at Pam. "I don't believe we've met before, my dear. The name's Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot. Entrepreneur, owner of the Iceberg Lounge, and extremely pleased to meet your acquaintance, Miss….?"

"Isley."

"Miss Isley," the man repeated, clearly a little disappointed his 'charm' hadn't warranted a first name. Broadening his attention to Selina and Harley, he spread his arms and asked, "Are you ladies enjoying the club tonight?"

 _Hard to say. We just got here and were subsequently interrupted by a short, obnoxious, chauvinistic little-_

"We're having a lovely time, Oswald," Selina cut in, all charm and smiles. She shot Pam a look that said, 'chill the fuck out.' Pam glared right back at her.

"I love it!" Harley chirped, gesturing to the room around them. "I've never been anywhere so fancy."

Oswald chuckled. "The Lounge certainly has a sparkle, doesn't it? An air of 'joie de vivre'.

Harley nodded enthusiastically while Pam merely rolled her eyes.

"Well!" Cobblepot continued. "I've bothered the lot of you enough for the evening. Please, enjoy yourselves. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable and by all means, join us for the dancing later this evening."

The small man tipped his hat again, patted Bruce on the shoulder and waddled back the way he'd come. Harley watched him go, her head cocked curiously. Turning back to the group she cupped one hand to her mouth and whispered, "Is it just me or does he totally remind you guys of a penguin?"

Selina burst out laughing.

/

Harley flopped face first onto the bed, groaning as she rolled into the soft sheets. Pam plopped down beside her, every muscle in her body aching and tired.

"I'm gonna kiss you so hard…" Harley's voice was muffled by the pillow. "…Here I come." She didn't move and Pam giggled.

"I'm waiting."

Harley flopped out an arm, letting it come down on Pam's stomach where she patted her gently a few times.

"Gimme a sec."

Pam giggled again, the after effects of the alcohol they'd enjoyed at the Lounge making her feel giddy and floaty. She shifted to move closer to Harley, but the tight fabric of her dress restricted her movement. She looked down at herself and then at Harley, who hadn't even kicked off her heels.

"We should change."

" _You_ should change," Harley shot back, her eyes still closed. "I've never been more comfy."

"You can't sleep in that dress."

"Izzat a challenge?" Harley growled, her brows furrowing. Without waiting for a reply, she tugged the covers around her shoulders, finally pushing her heels to the floor and smooshing her face into the pillow again.

"Harley."

"Mmph."

Pam sighed and rose slowly to change into her pajamas, surprised when she couldn't even get Harley's attention by letting her dress pool around her ankles, leaving her only in her underwear.

 _She really is exhausted._

Throwing on her pajamas, Pam slipped underneath the covers, squirming across the mattress until she could press herself against Harley. She'd just closed her eyes when her phone buzzed on the bedside table. And then again. And again. Groaning, Pam rolled onto her side and picked up the phone, glaring at the screen. Selina. Of course.

 _Hey did you two enjoy the Lounge?_

 _You aren't up there doing your inoculated therapy thing are u?_

 _Paaaam I know you're awake answer me_

For a moment, Pam considered ignoring the texts, just to aggravate her. But then again, she couldn't be sure how persistent Selina would be. And if she wanted any sleep tonight, it would probably be in Pam's best interest to appease her.

 _Yes we enjoyed the Lounge, no we aren't in the middle of any therapy and I'm only awake thanks to you._

 _Listen,_ Selina continued unapologetic. _Bruce says he was serious about the whole job thing so you really should consider it. I mean…anything's going to be better than the shop right?_

Pam frowned, unsure why everyone jumped to the conclusion that she owned the shop out of some form of desperation. She enjoyed it there. It wasn't as rigorous as the jobs she knew must exist at Wayne Enterprises. But it made her happy and it had allowed her to meet Harley. That counted for something.

 _I'll keep it in mind._

 _Good! That's all he wants. By the way I just wanted to tell you how cute you and Harley were tonight girl can't dance but damn if she didn't try._

Pam chuckled under her breath. Harley wasn't the most coordinated of people, but she had tried when Pam asked her to dance after dinner. She'd thrown herself into it whole heartedly in spite of the odd glare, or sneer, the other patrons threw at her.

 _She's good for you Pam,_ Selina continued. _I'm glad you have her._

 _I am too,_ Pam thought to herself, replying instead with: _Shouldn't you be doing something besides bothering me? I don't know, say, 'not' having sex with your boyfriend?_

 _Who says I can't do both? It's called multitasking and I'm a master at it._

 _Disgusting._

 _Jealous? ;)_

 _I'm going to sleep. Good night._

 _Niiiiiggghtt 3_

Rolling her eyes, Pam set her phone down and snuggled against Harley again, sliding one arm around her waist. The blonde was already fast asleep, her breath coming slow and even. Pam pressed a gentle kiss against the back of her neck as Selina's words spun in her mind.

/

Jay scrolled slowly through the pages of dense text he'd collected. It hadn't been too difficult to find the information he needed in the Seattle Police Reports. Just a little patience, some diligent digging, a few called in favors, and he'd found all he needed to about Pamela Lillian Isley.

"What a tortured soul," Jay grinned to himself as he scrolled through the profile of one Professor Jason Woodrue and the resulting case file.

 _And what a twisted man._

An idea began to form in Jay's mind. A cruel one. A much deserved one.

Pammy, precious little Pammy, had shoved her way into his life. Taking what was his, spitting on his authority. And he deserved revenge. She should have known better than to fuck with a man like Jay. And she was about to learn what happened to those who did.

Closing his computer, Jay stretched and rose from the couch, crossing to the kitchen where he poured himself a glass of scotch, chuckling to himself all the while. He would need to be slow. Meticulous. He would need to take her apart piece by piece.

But what fun it would be to watch her slowly crumble right before his eyes.


	12. Backwards Walk

_A/N: Sorry for the wait everyone._

* * *

"How are things going at home?"

"Well, I think," Pam said, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back against the sofa she was sitting on. Joan scribbled something quickly on her clipboard and then looked back up at Pam.

"I'm certainly proud of the progress you and I have made here. You've done exceptionally well in the few weeks we've spent together, Pam."

"Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me," Joan objected. "Your progress is your own. You took the steps you needed, you persevered. You've done very well, not only for your relationship, but also for your own personal freedom."

Pam almost blurted thank you again, managing to hold her tongue at the last second and simply bobbing her head in response. Joan was correct. While originally, her mantra had been, _Do it for her_ , it had quickly evolved to include Pam in the equation as well.

"How does Harley feel about your progress?" Joan asked.

"I'm… not sure I can speak for her, but I imagine she's just as satisfied." That was a lie. She knew Harley was struggling. For as patient and kind as she had been with Pam over the past few weeks… She was human. They both were. And Pam knew she was growing increasingly frustrated… in all senses of the word. It was getting harder and harder to justify the validity of the SIT sessions in Pam's mind. They were beginning to feel unfair.

"How would you feel about bringing her in today? Just to see how she's feeling?" Joan suggested. Pam almost said no, afraid to hear Harley's real answer. And yet, she found herself nodding in agreement. Joan rose and left the office to bring Harley in from the lobby, who still insisted on coming with Pam to every appointment.

A moment later, Joan reappeared, Harley tiptoeing in a little nervously behind her. She smiled quietly at Pam and sunk into the cushions next to her, directing her attention to Joan.

"So, Harley," Joan began. "Pam and I were just discussing how she's been progressing at home and we wanted to hear your take on the situation. How do you feel things are going between the two of you?"

"Great!" Harley answered immediately. "Pammy's doin' fantastic. I'm real proud of her."

Joan's dark eyes locked onto Harley's. "And how about yourself?"

"Hmm?" Harley's cheerful expression faltered.

"Are you satisfied with the progress that's being made in regards to your relationship?"

"Well… Yeah." Harley looked scared now, like she was afraid of saying the wrong thing.

"This is a safe space, Harley. You can express yourself honestly."

"I... I am bein' honest. I'm proud of Pam and she's tryin' so hard and I don't mind bein' patient because I care about her. A lot. I want her to be comfortable." She glanced shyly at Pam, who placed her hand over Harley's and laced their fingers together. She could see the doubt flickering in Harley's eyes, the concern. "This is about her. Not me."

"You're right, Harley. This is about Pam's recovery. But I want to ensure that you two are moving forward together. That you're honest with one another and open about your feelings. That will play a large role in allowing Pam to continue healing," Joan assured her.

"Well, I'm tellin' the truth," Harley insisted, her lips pulling into a pout.

"I believe you," Joan chuckled. "I just want to make sure you're comfortable as well. Now, Pam," she continued, returning her attention to the red head. "I'm extremely proud of the progress you've made but I want you to continue at your own pace. The worst thing you can do to yourself is push too far and relapse. This is about you as much as it is about your relationship."

"I understand," Pam replied, squeezing Harley's hand. She felt the blonde squeeze back.

"Good," Joan took down a few more notes and then rose from her chair, straightening her pencil skirt. "I'm glad to hear you both feel things are going well. I expect to see you again at the same time next week, alright Pam?"

"Absolutely."

/

Harley had been scowling ever since they left Joan's office. Pam held her hand as they walked back to the apartment, their fingers loosely entwined.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Pam asked when the silence between them had become too tense to stand.

"Will you stop askin' me that?" Harley burst. "There's nothin' wrong with me, I'm fine!"

 _Well, your tone tells me otherwise._

"I'm not trying to upset you," Pam began calmly, in an attempt to diffuse the tension. "We're supposed to check in with one another as often as we can. Joan insists it's important that we discuss how we're feeling when it comes to our sessions, and I simply assumed that after having to wait so long without a 'payoff', for lack of a better term, that you might be-what?"

Harley gaped at her, wrenching her hand away and shoving it in her pocket instead.

"I can't believe you…" Harley murmured.

"What?" Pam was genuinely baffled. She was trying to be open to Harley's feelings, but the blonde's reaction confused her.

"I'm not some horny teenager, Pam!" Harley shot back, anger darkening her features. "I don't get why everyone's actin' like all I want from this is to get laid. It's not about that. I wanna help you. I thought I was helpin' you."

"You are helping," Pam assured her. "But, it's only human to expect a certain level of intimacy from one's partner, and with the intensity of our SIT sessions, I just-"

"Stop it." Harley's voice was hard and it startled Pam into silence. "Seriously, stop talkin'."

Pam blinked. She'd never seen Harley this upset before, and she wasn't quite sure how to proceed.

"Do you really feel that way?" she asked suddenly, turning on Pam with a pleading look in her eyes. There were a few ways Pam could respond, and all of her answers she foresaw offending Harley, so she stayed silent. Apparently, that answer wasn't any better because Harley scoffed and shook her head.

"Pam, I don't want to be with you just so I can _screw_ you." Harley's breath was quickening, and she began blinking furiously as frustrated tears came. "I want to be with you because you're smart and you're funny and you're beautiful and you really care about me. You," she screwed her face up to stop the tears. "You mean more to me than just a night in the sack, Red. I've had those. I've had plenty of those."

They were passing Robinson Park now and the volume of Harley's voice reached another couple walking nearby.

"Harley, let's continue this at home…"

"No!" Harley's exclamation echoed around the park. "I'm gonna continue it here."

"Calm dow-"

"You're different." Harley ignored her. "I don't care how long I have to wait. I don't care if it's somethin' we never do," she paused there and Pam knew that even Harley knew that was a lie. Still, she appreciated the sentiment. "I mean… I do want you… I'd have to be crazy not to. But, that's not important right now. Gettin' your confidence back is. Makin' you feel safe is. So… So stop treatin' me like I'm someone who just needs to jump your bones to survive, okay? I'm better than that."

A strangled mix of frustration and pride filled Pam's chest. Pride for the fact that finally, Harley saw herself as someone worthy of respect and genuine affection. And frustration because she didn't know how to respond. She'd assumed too much of Harley, maybe even projected some of her own concerns onto her, and she didn't know how to ease Harley's anger.

"I didn't mean to make it sounds like I thought you needed sex," Pam murmured, glancing quickly over her shoulder at the other couple. "All I meant to say was that, generally speaking, it's a natural progression in the intimate relationship of a couple and if you had any concerns, I wanted you to feel like you could be honest with me."

Harley's reply was unexpected. "That's not why you're doing this, is it?"

Pam was almost offended by the insinuation until she realized that was exactly why she was doing it. In the beginning anyway, that had been her mantra. Harley had been her inspiration. That had changed as her sessions with Joan went on, but Harley wasn't wrong in her assumption.

"I…Well, at first…"

Harley looked away, wrapping her arms around her middle, shutting herself off. "Come on, Red…."

"Harley, I didn't want to do any of this in the beginning. So, yes, I started seeing Joan for you. Because I was worried of what would happen to us if I didn't." The words spilled out of Pam in a torrent. "I didn't want to lose you, so I did what I thought I had to. I thought therapy would make you stay, I thought it could fix me quickly enough to give you what you wanted. Which… I now realize was short-sighted and foolish." Pam stopped, reaching out to grab Harley's arm and turning her around so they stood face to face. "All of this has been for you, because I want you to be happy. I wasn't sure what that looked like, I wasn't sure I would be enough."

Harley began to shake her head, her large blue eyes locked on Pam's. "Red…"

"I know, that was stupid. But it's the unfortunate truth. However, if it hadn't been for that particular motivation, I wouldn't be where I am with Joan now. _We_ wouldn't be here. I'm sorry for projecting my fears onto you," she sprinkled in some of Joan's couple's therapy. "I'm sorry for insinuating you only wanted me for sex. I'm sorry, Harl."

Harley blinked a few times and then launched herself at Pam, throwing her arms around her neck and pressing soft kisses against her cheek.

Knowing she was forgiven, Pam breathed a sigh of relief and threaded her arms around Harley's waist.

"I'm still mad at you," Harley mumbled, her lips tickling Pam's ear.

Pam chuckled. "Your anger is entirely warranted."

"You're gonna have to make it up to me."

"Ice cream?"

"You know me so well," Harley giggled, kissed Pam's cheek again, and grabbed her hand, dragging her towards the ice cream vendor at the entrance of the park.

/

In spite of their conversation at the park three days prior, Pam still struggled with a substantial amount of guilt when it came to their SIT sessions. Harley was insistent they continue and assured Pam she wasn't bothered or frustrated. But Pam certainly was. And maybe that was the crux of the issue. It wasn't Harley's problem, it was hers.

 _I'll speak with Joan. There has to be another form of therapy we can try that doesn't feel so unfair._

She knew the logical next step was to express her concerns to Harley, but the last thing she wanted was yet another argument so soon after the last one. But maybe if she explained that she didn't doubt Harley's patience, merely the effectiveness of SIT… Maybe if it came from Joan...

She walked home from work slowly, stewing in her own thoughts. By the time she reached the apartment, she was so distracted that she didn't notice the letter stuck in the doorjamb until it fluttered to the ground in front of her when she opened the door. Stooping to pick it up, she flipped it over in search of some form of return address, but the envelope was blank.

Moving to the kitchen, Pam set her bag on the table and tore the envelope open. What she pulled out made her blood run cold. There was a printed clipping inside from The Seattle Times titled: _Esteemed Professor Jason Woodrue reveals astounding new Growth Hormone for rare and exotic plant species._

And then she pulled the note out, a single word scribbled onto its surface: _**Remember.**_

Pam dropped both the clipping and the note as if she'd been burned, pacing backward until her back hit the kitchen wall. And then she froze, her eyes locked onto the pieces of paper lying on the table.

 _Who did this?_

Who knew except Harley? And Selina? And neither of them would have done this to her. But then who? Woodrue himself? Had he found her somehow? Had he seen how well she'd been doing for herself? Was he insistent of torturing her for however long he could?

But if it was him, then how had the letter arrived without a return address? Was he in Gotham? Did he have someone here tormenting her for him?

The walls closed in around her and her vision narrowed until all she could see was the letter; anxiety constricted her chest, making it difficult to breathe. He'd found her.

It had to be him. It had to be. No one else knew. No one else was cruel enough, cold-hearted enough, twisted enough. Quickly, she pushed herself off the wall, snatching the papers up and holding them over the sink. With her free hand, she reached for the kitchen lighter they kept in one of the drawers and set the papers aflame, watching as they crumbled and crackled in the sink until there was nothing but charred remains.

She'd just finished washing them down the garbage disposal when she heard the door opening again. Harley was home.

 _Relax. Act natural. She doesn't need to know. She doesn't need to worry. This doesn't concern her. This is about you._

She needed to protect Harley. The girl had gone through enough already. And she was so patient when it came to Pam's therapy. Adding another worry to her already substantial list was something Pam was not willing to do. Besides, maybe this was a onetime incident. Maybe this was the only letter she'd receive. A flash in the pan. A brief reminder. Realistically, Pam knew that couldn't be true. This was only the beginning.

"Hey!" Harley chirped when she saw Pam in the kitchen. "How was work?"

"Uneventful," Pam replied, plastering one what she hoped was a convincing smile. "You?"

"Wait, wait," Harley said, setting down her backpack and approaching Pam with a grin. She slipped her arms around Pam's waist and kissed her deeply, humming contentedly when Pam kissed her back. She pulled away after a moment, her fingers still teasing the hem of Pam's blouse.

"Okay. Better," She giggled, drawing a genuine smile from Pam this time. "Work was good. Didn't see much of Jay, which is always a plus. And Babs came in to say hi!"

"Oh? Is she getting a tattoo?" Pam asked, watching as Harley pulled the ties out of her hair, letting it fall around her shoulders. Her mouth went a little dry at the sight.

"She's thinkin' about it," Harley replied, removing her bracelets and stuffing them into the front pocket of her backpack. "She said she liked Dick's so much that she wanted to come in for a few ideas."

"I'm interested to see if she decides on anything." Pam was a little impressed with how well she was keeping up conversation, considering her mind was a whirlwind of panicked emotions.

"Same here," Harley stretched and headed towards the bathroom. She paused before disappearing inside, poking her head back out. "I'm gonna take a shower. Did you wanna watch Gotham's Most Wanted with me after?"

Pam gave her a weak thumbs up.

 _Why did you do that? You never do that. You're trying to convince her nothing is wrong. Pull yourself together._

Harley didn't seem to notice the uncharacteristic gesture. She grinned and closed the bathroom door and Pam heard the sounds of water hitting the tile a moment later.

Pam gazed into the empty sink, a shiver running down her spine. A single clipping, a menacing note. That was all it had taken to make her feel violated again. To drag her back into the past. As she settled herself in the living room, staring blankly at a dark television, she began praying to whatever, or whoever, might be listening that this didn't affect her sessions with Harley. Another setback was the last thing she needed.

And yet, deep down, she knew it would.

/

Pam trailed a path of deep kisses from Harley's shoulder to the sensitive spot just below her ear, where she sucked at Harley's throbbing pulse point. She let her fingers glide down Harley's bra covered breasts to her stomach, drawing circles around her navel before slipping them below the lip of her panties.

Harley's moan rumbled deep in her chest, and she clutched at the covers with one hand, burying her face in the crook of her own elbow as Pam continued to tease her. She lay on her side, Pam pressed against her back for easy access to her neck.

With her free hand, Pam brushed Harley's hair aside and caught her earlobe between her teeth, tugging gently and earning a soft gasp from Harley.

It was getting easier. The heat, the intimacy, the racing heartbeats and vulnerability. She wanted to push, she wanted to be completely ready, but there was still a line. Still a barrier she couldn't completely cross. And that line had been made even clearer with the multiple letters she'd received over the past few days. They all contained the same thing. Clippings, notes. All vague, but clear enough to make Pam feel tainted, horrified.

She knew she was already reaching her limit.

Dipping her fingers lower, she drew them along the crease of Harley's thigh. Harley jerked against her, her fingers coiling around the sheets.

"God, Red..." she breathed as Pam attacked her neck again teeth and tongue.

The whimper took Pam out of the moment. She had to stop. She knew she wasn't going to be able to go much farther. Touching Harley any more intimately would mean crossing that line, it would mean reciprocation, it would mean losing to the panic that had been building inside and outside the bedroom. She couldn't focus tonight anyway. The clippings she'd received over the past few days kept flashing before her eyes. So, slowly, painfully, she drew her hand away, rubbing Harley's side comfortingly as she did. She felt the blonde release a shuddering sigh before hiding her face against the pillow.

"Harley?" No response. "Are you alright?"

"Gimme a sec," was the tense reply. Harley was taught as a wire, her breathing shallow. And a wave of shame washed through Pam. These sessions weren't fair. They were one-sided, unintentionally cruel. Whether Harley was patient enough or not didn't matter. Teasing her like this felt like an abuse of power to Pam, and she hated the implication. Harley deserved more than that. No matter what she'd told Pam in the park.

"I'm sorry," she said, shifting until she was no longer touching Harley, but lying on her own side of the bed. "I'll speak with Joan tomorrow and discuss some alternate therapeutic methods. This isn't working anymore."

That got Harley's attention. She jerked her head around, peering at Pam over her shoulder through lust clouded eyes. "Whaddya mean it isn't working? We've been makin' so much progress."

"It isn't fair to you," Pam retaliated, feeling heat rise in her cheeks. "I feel I'm the only one benefitting from these sessions."

"That's—That's not true," Harley argued, rolling to face Pam. "I…benefit…too."

Pam searched her face for sincerity, sighing when Harley looked away, squirming under the scrutiny of her gaze.

"I'll talk to Joan," she repeated.

"What else can you do to get over the fear, Red?"

"Something."

Harley rolled her eyes and a flicker of annoyance rose in Pam's chest. "So, you think it's a better idea to just avoid me? Will I be allowed to hold your hand, or is that off limits too now?"

Pam knew Harley was only acting out in anger, but it was growing more difficult to keep her calm. "That's not what I said. I didn't insinuate we couldn't be remotely intimate, I just suggested we try something other than _this_."

" _This,"_ Harley stressed the word in a hiss. _"_ Ishow we're gonna get past everything, Red."

"There is always more than one way to reach a goal, Harley. Joan and I have been discussing various mental techniques I can practice. I would rather that than continue indulging in these sessions."

The furrow in Harley's brow deepened. "You're giving up?"

"I'm not giving up!" Pam's voice rose. "I'm suggesting a change for _your_ sake _._ "

"I don't need a change."

"You'd rather continue spending every night in a suspended state of frustration?"

"Who says I'm frustrated?" Harley argued. "I get to be with you. I get to touch you. That counts for something."

"But is it enough for you?"

"Right now? Yeah."

Pam narrowed her eyes. "I'd like the truth."

"That is the truth!" Harley's eyes were welling with angry tears. "We just talked about this the other day for cryin' out loud. Why can't you accept it?"

"Because no one could want this, Harley," Pam continued, her voice calmer than she felt. "No one could spend every night left… unsatisfied."

"I'm helping you."

"Yes, you are. But I want to help you too. A one-sided relationship is hardly a relationship at all."

Harley looked away, rubbing her eyes fiercely. "I'll say it one more time. I'm fine."

"And again, I insist we try another method."

Confused and clearly angry, Harley didn't argue, but rolled to face away from Pam.

"Harley…"

Silence.

"Daffodil," she tried. "Please look at me."

Harley pulled the covers up to her chin and reached out to turn off the lamp on the bedside table. Jaw clenching, Pam sighed and rolled away, burrowing into the sheets as well and resigning herself to a sleepless night.

/

"Why the long face, dollface?" Floyd asked, plopping down next to Harley in the break room and setting his bagged lunch on the table. Harley picked tiredly at her salad. She hadn't gotten much sleep the past couple of nights. True to her word, Pam no longer engaged in SIT sessions with her. She spent an hour before bed meditating… Or at least that's what it looked like to Harley. Pam had called it something else, attributing the fancy name to Joan, who had agreed to Pam's stupid idea to discontinue SIT.

"It's nothin'." She took a listless bite of the underdressed salad, grimacing as she chewed. She knew Pam had been trying to extend some comfort in packing her lunch for her this morning, but this salad was a perfect metaphor for their relationship right now…bland.

"It's clearly something," Floyd countered, dumping his lunch onto the table. "You're never quiet. And when you are, it means there's something wrong. Like that week after your birthday party when Plant Lady wouldn't talk to you."

Harley's mind drifted back to that night. If things had been complicated between them back then, they paled in comparison to how complicated things were now. A small part of Harley briefly wished she could return to that time: the harmless teasing, the simple yearning. It had been easier than this ache that anchored itself in the middle of her chest.

Floyd seemed to notice he'd triggered something. "You two on the ropes?"

"Kinda," Harley replied, pushing her salad aside after another bite.

"What happened this time?"

"It's really not any of your business, _Floyd_ ," Harley answered bitingly, stressing the use of his name, which she knew he hated.

Floyd raised his brows and took a slow bite of his sandwich, chewing thoughtfully before shaking a finger at Harley. "The attitude is really not appreciated."

Harley huffed and leaned against the table, propping her cheek in one hand. "Why do you care anyway?"

"Because it freaks me out to see you like this."

She snorted. "That's a dumb reason."

"You're dumb."

The ridiculous attempt at an insult made Harley giggle and she saw a small smile twitch Floyd's lips from the corner of her eye.

"You don't have to tell me," he continued, focusing on his sandwich. "But I figured you'd like someone to talk to."

"She doesn't trust me," Harley blurted. "She doesn't listen to me anymore." Harley paused, debating on how much to tell Floyd. She couldn't accurately describe her troubles unless she was pretty transparent about their situation. But she could trust Floyd. In the three, almost four, years she'd known him, he'd never let her down. And he'd even been the one to help her move out of Jay's apartment, to save her from their confrontation in his office, he'd pushed her to confess her feelings to Pam.

Yeah, she could trust him.

So she told him everything. From the night she discovered Pam had been raped, to her subsequent breakdown, the therapy, the SIT sessions and finally, Pam's decision to cut them off.

"She won't let me help her anymore because she thinks I can't handle the…'frustration'." She put air quotes around the word. "It's stupid! I'm not doin' it to get all hot and bothered. I want to help her, and this is the only way I _can_ help!" Harley threw her arms up in the air, bringing them back down to cup her face.

"Wow." Floyd blinked, crumbling up the bag he'd wrapped his sandwich in and pursing his lips thoughtfully. "That was a lot of information I'm not sure I wanted."

"You asked what was wrong!" Harley reminded him.

Floyd acknowledged the truth in that by bobbing his head. "So… You two aren't talking anymore because she doesn't want to do this therapy thing?"

"Yeah, she doesn't think it's fair to me. So now, she just doesn't come near me. Which I told her would happen, by the way. But did she listen to me? No. Because she thinks she's always right and my opinion only matters when things are going well."

"Woah, sounds like there are a few deep-seated issues you've got in there." He pointed at the center of her forehead.

"I don't have any deep-seated issues," Harley objected, batting his hand away. "I just hate when she does this. Whenever we have an argument she pulls back. She hides and draws inside herself until she decides she's ready to talk about it. And what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Nothin'. There's nothin' I can do, because she won't _let me in._ "

Harley paused, practically panting with the exertion of her rant.

"Maybe that has something to do with what happened to her?" Floyd offered. "Back in Seattle?"

"Well, obviously it does!"

"Alright, relax," Floyd's tone was infinitely more serious. "I'm trying to help here. I don't need you getting your panties in a twist."

Harley took a deep breath through her nose, releasing it slowly. Once she'd calmed, she continued. "Joan's been tryin' so hard to help her, and Pam's been tryin' so hard to do what she says that they leave me out of the equation. It's not fair. I—I-"

 _Do not cry in front of Floyd. Do. Not. Cry. In front of Floyd._

"Look, Harley," Floyd interrupted. "I've seen you in the depths of an awful relationship and I've seen you in the highs of a healthy one. Right now you two are going through a low point. All relationships have those. But, if you really care about Pam….and you do right?"

"'Course I do."

"Then you stay strong. You be patient. You find some way to talk to her and you work through your problems together."

"You're divorced," Harley said a little bitterly. "What makes you think you know how to fix a relationship?"

Floyd chuckled. "Because all I have to do is tell you to do the the opposite of what I did." He leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers behind his head. "Why do you want to fix things so bad?"

"What do you mean, why?"

Floyd shrugged. "Do you feel like it's something you have to do? Or is it something you want to do?"

"I wanna do it."

"Why?"

Confused, and a little irritated by his blasé tone, Harley burst out, "Because I care about her. A lot. She means… She's everything."

 _Because I love her…. I'm in love with her._

Harley had already known the words to be true for a long time, but admitting them to herself was… staggering. Her heart fluttered at the realization. She was in love. In love with a woman who cared about her, treated her with respect, who wanted her for who she was. She'd gone from a relationship that tore her apart, beat her down everyday, to one that made her feel like she could soar.

And then her heart sank because she realized in the same moment, that she couldn't tell Pam. Pam had cut off their SIT sessions. Pam didn't speak with her openly anymore. She didn't share her feelings. They didn't communicate. In the span of one night, they'd taken ten steps back. Telling Pam how she felt, how she _really_ felt…. It would be too much. It would scare her. It would push her further away. And more powerful than the desire to tell Pam how she felt, was the desire to keep her close. And that meant keeping her feelings locked inside. For now.

Floyd noticed her sudden silence and smirked, seeming to infer what she was thinking.

"Just tell her everything you told me, Harley," he encouraged, rising from his chair. "If you want this thing to work, you gotta be willing to fight through the rough shit."

Harley just nodded, sobered by her own realization.

"You seen Jay, by the way?" Floyd asked, tossing his bag in a trashcan as if he were shooting a basketball. "The guy keeps ditching. I swear he hasn't been in his office all week. Can he still be the boss if he pulls shit like that?"

Harley had noticed his absences too. He'd often leave work early or show up late and head immediately to his office. It was odd seeing him walk into the shop without sending a single glance, or sneer, her way. Something felt off.

"I don't know what he's been doin'," Harley admitted.

Floyd grunted. "Well, the less we see of him, the better I guess."

Harley had to wonder if that was really true.


	13. The Mess I've Made

Pam knew she should go to the police. The letters kept coming at irregular intervals, each one more intrusive than the last. The latest one had held a clipping of her old yearbook photo and a note that read: _**Slut**_. She knew she should contact Barbara, get her to arrange a meeting with her father. And yet, something held her back. Fear? Pride? She wasn't sure.

The last time she'd gone to the police to deal with Woodrue, they'd dismissed her. What would be different this time? She had no proof that the letters were being sent to her by an outside source. And what could the police do if they did find her antagonist? A light slap on the wrist? Could she push a restraining order? The complications that would go along with something like that were monumental. And they would only interfere further with her already strained relationship with Harley.

For almost two weeks, she'd kept her secret. Destroying the letters, burning the evidence, hiding her paranoia and fear in her meditation therapy. Harley had no idea. But, once again, there was a wall forming between them. A rift, due to Pam's unwillingness to engage in any SIT. As if she could, even if she wanted to. She felt eyes on her all the time now, and didn't want her paranoia to further upset their already crumbling relationship.

More terrifying than the letters, was the idea that someone was watching her. Following her. Finding ways to sneak their threats into her shop and her home and then leaving her to the throes of her own mind. It was cruel. It was evil.

Slowly, her suspicions began to turn to Jay. She had no proof besides a gut feeling. And yet, there was no way he could have known about what happened to her in Seattle. Harley would never have told him. She wouldn't tell anyone at the shop… Would she? If she had, it was possible it had leaked through one of them. And who else could it be? Who was horrible enough to do this to her?

Part of her wanted to confront Jay. But if she was wrong, then she risked enlightening him to her rape. She risked giving him power over her mental state.

She hadn't told Joan about the letters either, although it was clear from their sessions that she'd noticed a step backwards in Pam's progress. She'd been supportive of Pam's decision to stop SIT sessions at first, but grew increasingly concerned when Harley no longer came with Pam to her appointments.

"Are things alright at home, Pam?"

It was a question she heard over and over again in these sessions and it was beginning to grate on her.

"Things are fine."

"Fine?"

"Yes."

Joan stared hard at Pam and she stared right back, unwilling to yield. "Is there anything you would like to talk about today that you think will turn things from 'fine' to 'excellent'?"

"Things are going well enough, I don't see the need to strive for any improvement." Pam's tone was blasé, too terse. Joan noticed.

"There's always room for improvement when it comes to relationships, Pam," Joan insisted. "They constantly grow and change, as do the individuals involved. And in your case, when taking into account the lack of intimacy, it's more important than ever that you develop your communication skills."

"Noted." Pam put an end to the conversation. It was clear that Joan was disappointed with their progress by the end of the appointment.

"I'll see you in a few days then," she sighed, setting her clipboard aside and opening the office door. But before Pam could go, Joan put a firm hand on her shoulder, holding her in place. "Pam… I want you to take some time to consider the possible consequences of your actions. Harley is a very kindhearted young woman, but she can't shoulder a relationship on her own. You're going to have to communicate with her sooner rather than later if you want to avoid a serious conflict."

Pam nodded, a wave of guilt washing over her. Not only was she lying to herself, but to both of the people who were trying to help her. Whoever was sending her these letters was doing an excellent job of tearing her apart at the seams.

Pam made her way back to the apartment alone, the early winter breeze tousling her hair and whipping through the fabric of her jacket. Harley wouldn't be home yet; she'd told Pam she'd be working late for the next week and Pam couldn't help but think it was to avoid seeing her. Not that she could blame Harley. She hadn't been the most attentive or caring girlfriend. She'd been irritable, distant, cold. All of the things she'd hated about herself in Seattle, all of the things she'd been before meeting Harley. And it was pushing her away.

 _You're screwing up, Pamela. You're going to lose her._

Pam squeezed her eyes shut, ignoring the voice that whispered dark thoughts in her ear, instead focusing on the breathing techniques Joan had taught her. Despite her attempts to discredit the voice, she knew deep down that it was right.

She was losing Harley.

/

"I'm just sayin', it's weird we've all worked here together for, like, three years and we don't have anythin' to show for it," Harley said, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at her coworkers, who sat in a haphazard circle around her.

"I'm not following," Chato said, from his perch at his workbench. "What _would_ we show for it?"

"Matching tattoos, duh!" Harley threw her hands in the air. "Come on!"

"I ain't getting matching tattoos with you wackjobs," Floyd snorted. "Have you seen Chato's face. Guy has a seven on his fucking forehead."

"It's not a seven, it's a scythe," Chato huffed, rubbing his fingers over said tattoo.

"Because that's better."

"You're one to talk 'knuckles'." Chato gestured to the "love" and "hate" lettering tattooed on Floyd's fingers. "How fucking overdone is that? Why don't you just throw a tramp stamp on your ass and call it a day."

"Guys!" Harley drew their attention before they could start a brawl in the middle of the shop. "Relax, it doesn't have to be anything crazy. We could, I dunno, get a word. Or a symbol. And you can put it wherever you want to, Floyd." She added before he could protest.

"What word?" Tatsu piped in, running her hand over the sleeve of colorful flowers that covered her arm.

"Good question…." Harley pondered it. "Oh! I got it…. 'Squad'."

"Squad?" Floyd balked.

"Yeah, Squad, cuz that's what we are. But we'd have to spell it wrong."

"What the fuck? Why?" Floyd looked even more appalled.

"Aesthetic," Harley shrugged.

"That's stupid," Chato grumbled.

"I agree with Skeletor over there," Floyd jerked his thumb at Chato. "Dumb idea."

"Okay, well then _you_ guys come up with something better!" Harley shouted, throwing her arms in the air.

"Got one," Floyd said immediately. "Hear me out…. How about we _don't_ get matching tattoos?"

"Agreed," Chato said. Tatsu gave Harley an apologetic shrug when she pouted.

"You guys suck," she whined, plopping down into her work chair.

"Sorry," Floyd said, rising and grabbing his bag. "Not all ideas can be winners." He ruffled her hair as he walked by and she batted his hand away irritably. "Need a ride home?" he continued as if she hadn't just smacked him. "You're on the way."

"Uh…No. Thanks," Harley mumbled, glancing away. "I'm gonna stick around and get some more... sketches done."

Floyd's eyes flickered from her empty work station, the customer-less shop and then back to Harley. He knew she was stalling but, to his credit, he simply shrugged, bid the squad goodnight and walked out the door.

Harley watched him go and then swiveled in her chair, beginning to organize her already perfectly organized work bench. Chato and Tatsu moved around the shop, quietly cleaning up for the day. When they'd finished about an hour later, Chato headed to the back office to grab Jay and lock up for the night.

He came back to Harley and Tatsu a moment later, his face twisted in confusion. "Did anyone see Jay leave?"

"He's gone?" Harley asked, her expression matching Chato's.

"I didn't see him go," Tatsu added.

Chato shrugged and grabbed the spare set of keys from the front desk, gesturing for the ladies to head out before him.

"Whatever," he said as he locked the door. "The guy doesn't do anything for the business anyway. Who cares if he doesn't show up. Good riddance."

Harley agreed. But Jay's absences were stacking up and she couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong.

/

There was a thump against the front door that drew Pam out of the kitchen, where she'd been cooking dinner. When she opened it, she was met with an empty doorstep, save for another letter resting on the door mat. Stepping out into the hallway, Pam glanced left and right, scanning the darkness for any sign of movement. There was none. It was as if the letter had been left for her by a ghost.

Shivering, Pam snatched up the letter and slammed the door shut, locking it behind her. Should she even open this one? She knew what would be inside. Pacing back into the kitchen, Pam tossed the letter onto the table, only to pick it up again a moment later and grip it tightly in her hands. She'd just begun to rip it in two when she heard a key jingling from outside and a moment later, Harley entered the apartment.

True to her word, she'd stayed at work a good two hours longer than she normally did. And what was worse was how quiet she was when she came in. No playful, 'Honey, I'm home!'. No scrambling through the apartment to find Pam and kiss her over and over again until they were both grinning like idiots. Bitterly, Pam recalled how much she'd anticipated those arrivals. How she'd begin to smile when she heard Harley's key jingling in the lock. Or how she'd pretend not to notice Harley's (occasionally) sneaky entrances, just to hear her ringing laughter when she 'succeeded' in surprising Pam with dangerously tight hugs.

This time, Harley wandered into the kitchen slowly, probably enticed by the scent of dinner, and offered Pam a weak smile. "Hey."

"How was work?" was all Pam could think to ask as she subtly dropped the letter into one of the drawers behind her.

Harley plucked an apple from the fruit bowl on the table and plopped down into a chair. "It was okay, I guess. Tried to convince the crew to get matching tattoos. Didn't really go over well."

"That's a shame."

Harley nodded, crunching quietly on her apple as an uncomfortable silence fell over them. Clearing her throat, Pam returned her attention to the skillet on the stove, while Harley picked at the chipped wooden surface of the table.

"You haven't had any trouble with Jay lately, have you?" Pam asked, scrambling for a topic of conversation.

"No. Haven't seen him around at all actually. He just doesn't show up anymore, or if he does, he hides in his office all day." Harley's face scrunched up in thought. "It's kinda creepy. No one knows what he's been up to."

Pam narrowed her eyes, her mind beginning to turn. "You… Don't see him around anymore?"

"Not really."

"Do you happen to notice when he does show up? Time of day? Frequency?"

Harley looked a little disconcerted by Pam's questions. "Uh… It's pretty random, actually."

That certainly fit within the delivery of the letters. Pam hadn't been able to find a pattern. Could it be him? She'd need more than the randomness of Jay's work schedule as proof before she could truly determine if it was him.

"And then he stays in his office?"

"Yeah…"

"Does he let any of you in?"

"Well, no… But he's never really done that."

If only she could find a way inside to snoop through his things. Find out if he had clippings stored in his desk drawers or on his computer. Then again, even if he was the one sending the notes, there was no guarantee he kept everything in his office, although that would explain why he spent so much time locked away in there.

"Why?" Harley asked, drawing Pam from her thoughts.

Pam froze. She'd been keeping this secret from Harley for so long that it felt wrong to tell her now. Maybe she could continue to solve it on her own? And Harley would be none the wiser? Or maybe she could enlist Harley's help. Maybe she could have her find a way into the office and see if Pam's suspicions were correct.

But telling Harley now would reveal that she had been lying. It was a calculated risk, considering Harley's propensity for extreme emotional reactions. If she could just explain that she'd kept the secret to protect their struggling relationship, that might gain her some sympathy. It wasn't a decision to be made lightly, and Pam needed to think.

"No reason in particular," she answered, shrugging. "It just seems odd."

Turning off the heat on the stove, Pam quickly made her way towards the bathroom. "Dinner just needs to simmer for a little while longer. I'm going to take a quick shower and we can eat when I'm done. Be back in a bit." She gestured vaguely in the direction of the living room. "I think one of your shows is on in the meantime."

Harley watched her go, confused by the suddenness in which she left. But she nodded nonetheless, rising from her chair and ambling towards the living room.

Pam grabbed a quick change of clothes and locked herself in the bathroom, turning on the spray and allowing the hot steam to clear her head.

She knew she couldn't hide this secret from Harley for much longer. And really, what would be the harm in telling her? The only issue she could foresee was the fact that she'd hidden it for so long. Harley would be hurt, that much was undeniable. But the guilt had been eating away at Pam and to finally have this off her chest…

Besides that, Harley was in a much better position to keep tabs on Jay and his movements. If he was behind the letters, she had a better chance at catching him than Pam did. And two heads were always better than one.

/

Harley plopped down on the couch with a weary sigh. Pam's distant behavior wasn't new, but she'd seemed particularly jittery when Harley had mentioned Jay. It confused her as much as it frustrated her, because she clearly wasn't going to get any answers from Pam. Secretive, short-tempered, detached Pam.

Deciding not to worry about it now, Harley reached for the remote sitting on the coffee table, growling to herself when it failed to turn the television on. She clicked the power button a few more times and smacked it against her thigh for good measure. When neither strategy worked, she hauled herself to her feet and wandered back into the kitchen, pausing in the entrance and frowning.

 _Where do we keep the batteries again?_

Harley sifted through a few drawers, growing more and more aggravated when she came up empty. Finally, she opened the drawer closest to the stove and found a wrinkled envelope stuffed inside. Curious, she pulled it out and examined it more closely. There was no return address, nothing to suggest where it had come from. And Harley couldn't think of a reason why it had been shoved into the drawer, somewhat haphazardly from the looks of it. Glancing over her shoulder, Harley carefully tore the lip of the envelope open and pulled out the contents folded inside.

/

Deciding that she didn't really have a choice in the matter anymore, Pam took a few more minutes in the shower to center herself, dried off, and headed for the living room, steeling herself for the inevitable confrontation with Harley. Except Harley wasn't there. Confused, Pam moved back into the kitchen, cold dread blooming in her gut as she took in the scene before her.

Harley stood over the open drawer, the television remote in one hand and the opened letter in the other. Pam put the pieces together quickly, before Harley even had a chance to notice she was there. She'd accidentally uncovered Pam's secret. And that left her at a serious disadvantage. She hadn't had the chance to come clean first, and now Harley knew. Judging by the devastated expression on her face when she turned around, she was well aware that she'd been lied to.

"What's this?" she asked, holding the letter up a little higher, clutching it so tightly it began to crinkle.

"Harley…" Pam began, taking a slow step towards her as if she were approaching a wild animal. "I was going to tell you-"

"What is it?" she asked again, her tone more demanding.

Pam took a deep breath, keeping her eyes on Harley's. "I've been receiving letters like that one over the past two weeks." She watched as Harley examined the envelope again. "I wasn't sure who could have been behind them, but Jay's recent behavior makes me think he may have something to do with it. And even if he doesn't, which I highly doubt… He's the only one who I can possibly imagine would be cruel enough… I don't think it would hurt to know what he's been doing that keeps him out of the shop so much. Whether or not he's a part of these letters, he's clearly up to something."

Pam waited for Harley's reply but she remained silent, staring down at the letter, her hands trembling. When she looked up, Pam was surprised to see her eyes were glistening, and full of anger.

"Two weeks? You—These…For two weeks? You lied to me?" Her fingers twisted in the paper, ripping the edges. Suddenly, she threw the letter and the remote onto the table. They landed with a clatter that made Pam flinch. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Pam opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Why hadn't she told Harley? To protect her, right? It felt like a stupid decision now. "I… Didn't think it was necessary. I felt I had the situation under control-"

"You didn't think it was necessary?" Harley's voice rose a few octaves and Pam suddenly realized that she had chosen the absolute worst thing to say. "Under control? Pam, someone is stalking you! Threatening you! And you thought it would be a good idea to handle it on your own? What happened to all of those communication exercises Joan gave us?" Harley threw her arms out, as if daring Pam to challenge her. "Did you forget? Or do they just not matter to you anymore?"

"Of course they matter." There was an edge to Pam's voice. "I kept it from you because I didn't want you to worry."

"You didn't want me to worry?" Harley's cheeks had turned a furious red. "Are you hearin' yourself right now? How do you know these letters will be all this…whoever this is…does to you? What if I found you dead in some alley one day? What if you just disappeared and I had no idea why? What would I do then, Pam? How could you think this would be a good idea? You know for someone so smart, you can be real stupid sometimes."

"I may not have considered all of the possible consequences," Pam admitted, ignoring the jibe. "But I had the best intentions."

"Why?" Harley burst, she was yelling now, "Why won't you let me help you? Why is it so hard for you to let me in? I thought you cared about me, about this." She gestured back and forth at the space between them.

"I do!" Pam shot back, her rage matching Harley's now. "That's _why_ I kept it from you."

"That makes no sense!"

"Look, Harley, you know now. So what's the point of arguing? We can figure it out together from here."

"Because it's not about the letters," Harley continued, angry tears now evident in her eyes. "It's about the fact that you can't trust me. You don't talk to me. You shut me out whenever I get too close. How am I supposed to keep going like this, Pam?"

"This was _for_ you!"

"No, this was for you and don't you dare pretend you don't know that," Harley shot back, rubbing the heels of her palms against her eyes to stem the flow of tears.

 _Calm her down. Appease her._

"Harley…" Pam took a step toward her, reaching out, but Harley slapped her hand away. Pulling back, Pam tried for an even gentler approach. "Daffodil, I just thought, with everything we've been struggling with, the last thing you needed was to deal with these letters. I was trying to ensure that you didn't have another issue to worry about when it comes to… Well, when it comes to this." She too gestured to the space between them.

"But don't you get how stupid that is?" Harley countered. "Don't you see how that just makes things worse? We're supposed to be a team. You're supposed to tell me things and let me help you… Just like you helped me."

That gave Pam pause. Harley had been open with her in the beginning. She'd come to Pam when Jay had beaten her, she'd trusted Pam with her safety. Harley had opened up to her when she had nowhere else to turn. But this was different… Right?

"I do let you help me. The SIT-"

"The SIT that you cut off?" Harley interrupted. "That you thought I couldn't handle? That SIT?"

Pam's jaw clenched, it was hard to feel sympathetic when Harley's tone was dripping with sarcasm. "I stand by that decision."

Harley's mouth fell slack and she shook her head slowly. "I can't believe you… You don't hear me. You don't care."

"Of course I care! Harley, stop and think for a minute about what I was trying to do for you-"

Harley clamped her hands over her ears in a display that was so childish it would have made Pam laugh under any other circumstance. "Stop sayin' that! If you actually were trying to do anything for me, you would have let me help you. You wouldn't have lied to me. For _weeks_ , Pam. I can't… I can't…" Harley's breath was coming in rapid gasps now, her eyes too wide. She was panicked, losing control, and Pam's heart was beginning to flutter nervously in her chest.

"You can't what?" she prodded, her voice too sharp.

Harley's shoulders slumped, her entire body seeming to sag under an enormous weight. She met Pam's gaze and when she spoke, her voice was very small. "I can't… do this anymore."

Pam felt her heart drop into her stomach as the world twisted around her. "What?"

"This is never gonna work if you don't let me in." Harley picked up her backpack and strode out of the kitchen, pushing past Pam as she went. Pam followed her, panic making her limbs tremble.

"Harley, wait. Please. Let's talk about this rationally."

 _Please don't go. Don't leave me._

"I've said everything I have to say."

 _You don't understand. I didn't mean to hurt you. Don't go._

"Where are you going?"

Harley didn't look back, she continued for the door, shouldering her backpack and wrenching the door open harder than was necessary.

"I dunno. Away from here."

"Harley…"

Harley opened the door and then stood silently, her knuckles white on the knob. After a few moments of tense silence, she looked over her shoulder, her reddened eyes boring into Pam's. "I've never met anyone like you before, ya know. You were the one that taught me to respect myself. You made me believe… _really_ believe, that I was worth somethin'. That I shouldn't let myself be pushed around by someone who thinks they're better than me, smarter than me, stronger than me. _You_ taught me that." Harley continued before Pam could object, her chin trembling. "So I'm not gonna." She looked away from Pam, hesitant, and then her resolve hardened. "If you can't let me in, there's nowhere else for us to go… Figure out what you want, Red."

Pam opened her mouth to respond, but she choked on her words and watched helplessly as Harley walked out the door. Only when it clicked shut behind her did the magnitude of what she'd done hit Pam like a brick wall. Harley was gone. Pushed away by Pam's stubbornness, by her pride. She was gone. And Pam had no one to blame but herself.

She stumbled back into the living room, collapsing onto the couch and staring at the ragged carpet beneath her toes. She didn't know where Harley was going or if she was coming back. She didn't know if there was anything she could possibly do or say to make amends. Or if she should even try.

 _Of course you should try. You can't just let her go. Go, follow her._

 _What would I say?_

 _Does it matter? Anything, just go!_

But she didn't. She sat frozen on the couch. And then Pam felt warm tears dripping down her cheeks. She lifted a hand, staring at the wet drops that came away on her fingers. Pamela Isley didn't cry. She just didn't. There was no point, crying didn't solve any problems. And yet, despite the logic that told her to do otherwise, Pam curled around a pillow at the far end of the couch and sobbed.

She cried until there was nothing left inside of her. Then she lay there shivering as fear and despair washed over her in waves. Eventually, exhaustion crept through her body, draping itself over her like a heavy blanket, until she couldn't stand to keep her eyes open any longer and she fell asleep nestled in between the old hardened couch cushions.

/

Selina's call came early the next morning. The ringing of her cellphone jolted Pam awake. Her face was sticky from dried tears and her back ached from sleeping on the old couch all night. Reaching out for the phone on the coffee table, she checked the caller ID before answering.

"Hello?" she croaked, her voice cracked and tired.

"Pam? It's me." There was a heaviness in her tone that Pam hadn't expected. "I just thought you should know that Harley showed up on my doorstep last night."

 _She's safe._

Relief washed through Pam, but it was quickly replaced with anxiety. "She's at your apartment?" Pam rose on unsteady legs, moving to the bedroom to grab a fresh set of clothes. "I'm coming over. I need to talk to her. I-"

"Pam." Selina interrupted quietly. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Pam stopped in her tracks, a hole opening in her chest. She fell silent, waiting for Selina to continue. And she did, after a heavy sigh.

"She told me what happened… I think… She needs some space."

Pam didn't respond. She couldn't find the words to express how much it broke her to hear that.

"I'll look out for her, okay?" Selina assured her, apparently not needing her input. "I'll make sure she's safe… But Pam, you need help."

"I have help," she mumbled, thinking of Joan.

"No… You need _help_. You need to go to the police, you need to find whoever's sending you these letters. And then you need to figure out how you're going to fix things with this girl, who cares more about you than I think you realize."

"I…" Pam trailed off, she had no argument. Selina was right.

"She doesn't deserve this."

There was a heavy silence that followed. And then finally,"Selina?" Pam swallowed thickly, attempting to gather enough courage to mutter her next words.

"Yeah?"

"Will you tell her I'm sorry?" She knew it wouldn't be enough. It couldn't be. But she had to offer something. Selina seemed to be of the same mind. There was a long pause before she replied.

"I'll tell her."

"Thank you."

"Let me know if you need me to get Bruce involved. And Pam, take care of yourself." It was a plea as much as it was a demand, and then Selina hung up, leaving Pam alone.

/

Harley woke with an ache in her chest so powerful, it hurt to breathe. She rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling of Selina's guest bedroom as sunlight flooded through the windows. Every part of her body felt like it was tied down by a heavy weight. Even her eyelids couldn't seem to stay open. She closed them again and focused on her breathing, trying to fight the tears that threatened to surface as memories of the night before came rushing back to her.

 _Crying, always crying._

She could hear Selina outside, bustling around in the kitchen, probably starting breakfast, which only made the pain worse. Her mind flitted back to the many, many happy mornings she'd spent with Pam. Waking her with sweet, slow kisses and cuddling with her as they both struggled to rise for the day. Although, it was usually so warm between the two of them that they often fell right back to sleep. And then Pam's alarm would go off and she'd leap out of bed and leave Harley groaning.

Pancakes had become a ritual of theirs. Ever since Harley had shared the story of how she and her Ma made shapes with the batter. Pam latched onto the idea, although she mostly just made different types of flowers. Finally able to drag herself out of bed, Harley would join her in the kitchen, slip her arms around Pam's waist and kiss the slope of her neck. It never failed to draw a shiver from the red head.

Harley wasn't sure she'd have mornings like that again, and it filled her with dread. The fight they'd had last night… It had brought to light many things about Pam that Harley had been too love-struck to see. She was selfish, she didn't trust, she was stubborn, she was unwilling to let Harley get too close… and had been all along. While Harley was busy giving all of herself to this woman, Pam was still building walls to keep her out.

And that realization hurt more than anything Pam had said last night.

Harley had always been a fool when it came to love. She fell too fast. Too deeply. And always, it seemed, with the wrong people.

Slowly, she kicked off the covers, still dressed in her clothes from the day before. She'd left the apartment in such a rush that she didn't even have her toothbrush with her, just her things from work. Luckily, Selina was a gracious host and intended to supply her with everything she'd need this morning.

Shuffling out of the guest bedroom, Harley found Selina in the kitchen, setting plates and silverware on the table. She looked up when she heard Harley approach and grinned.

"Hey! How'd you sleep? I know that mattress is a little lumpy."

 _Is she kidding?_

Everything in Selina's apartment was lavish, including the guest bed. It had felt like sleeping on a cloud.

"I slept great," Harley assured her. She gestured to the large breakfast Selina had laid out on the table. "This looks amazing! Thank you, Kitty."

Deciding not to tell Selina that her stomach was currently organizing a protest against food, she sat down, picking up her silverware and forcing down a few bites of oatmeal.

Selina sat across from her, nursing a small cup of black coffee. She watched Harley with a careful expression and although she pretended not to notice, Selina's stare was beginning to make her squirm.

"You going into work today?" Selina asked, clearly trying to keep the conversation light.

"Yup. I have a few clients lined up that wouldn't be too happy if I didn't show," Harley replied, pushing the oatmeal away and picking at a few grapes instead.

Selina bobbed her head, running her finger around the rim of her cup. "Would you… Do you need to borrow some clothes?"

Harley paused then sniffed at the sleeve of the shirt she wore. "Nah, I'll be okay in these. For today, at least."

"We'll grab some more outfits for you tonight."

"Ooh, shopping spree?"

Selina chuckled. "More like bare essentials spree. I just want to make sure you have what you need until you go back…"

She trailed off and Harley's smile vanished. She stared down at her nearly untouched plate of food, her stomach beginning to rumble in protest.

"Harley, I spoke with Pam this morning. She wanted me to-"

"I don't really wanna talk about it. If it's all the same to you, Kitty." Harley kept her tone light, but Selina saw through the front. She met Harley's gaze, her lips twisting into a grimace.

"It's just that-"

"Please…?"

"Okay," she agreed after a moment, holding up her hands. "We won't talk about it."

Harley cleared her throat and pushed away from the table. "I'm gonna go get ready for work. Thanks again for… all of this."

She gestured to the food, but she knew Selina understood she was also thanking her for her hospitality. She nodded quietly, watching Harley go. Only after she'd disappeared into the bathroom did Selina heave a sigh and begin gathering up the untouched plates of food.

 _God, Pam…What have you done?_

/

Three days had passed since their argument. Three days of waking up without Harley, hoping she'd come back, and knowing she was still angry and hurting. Three days of living with the perpetual ache that had settled itself in Pam's gut.

She hadn't even managed to catch a glimpse of Harley in passing out of her shop window, and god knows she'd tried. The hours ticked by slowly as she sat huddled behind the front desk, mindlessly sorting through paperwork. She jumped when the door chimed and looked up, briefly allowing herself to believe that it was Harley walking through the door. Until she registered the wide smile, the dozens of ridiculous tattoos and sharp green eyes.

"Jay."

"Pammy." He matched her irritated tone and grinned. "How have you been?"

She wasn't fooled by his familiarity, although it did confuse her. After everything she'd done to frustrate him, she didn't expect even a hint of courtesy from him, feigned or not. "What are you doing here?"

"Is it too much to believe that I'm here to catch up with an old friend?" Jay asked, leaning against the front desk.

"We're not friends."

Jay pursed his lips, putting on an exaggerated pout. "Acquaintances then? Neighbors? No? We at least have something in common, don't we?" His tone took on a malicious bite. "We both know how to cut Harley down a size or two, although you seem much better at it than I ever was."

He smiled at her again, and Pam dug her nails into the wood desk to keep from decking him square in the jaw.

"Now, the difference between the two of us," Jay continued, pushing off the desk and moving around the store. "Is that I intend to patch things up between me and the kid. Flowers seem to be her thing, so I'm extending an olive branch… if you will."

He moved towards a row of assorted daisies and carefully examined the various pots. "I really do have to applaud you though. I've never seen Harley so out of sorts. Amazing what a few cutting words can do to such a happy couple." He smiled at her again, but there was a dangerous glint in his eyes. "Communication is key, as they say. You don't need a therapist to tell you that, do you Pammy?"

Pam's anger faded and was quickly replaced by shock. Harley and Selina were the only ones who knew about Joan, and neither of them would go around broadcasting Pam's personal life without her permission. As far as Pam knew, not even Bruce was aware of her sessions with Dr. Leland. Jay couldn't know. He _shouldn't_ know. And yet, his remark was too pointed to be a coincidence. That left Pam with one conclusion.

Jay was the one leaving the letters. He was the one who had dug deep and discovered her history in Seattle. He was the one tormenting her to keep her locked in the past. And now, he was the one inadvertently…or perhaps purposefully…revealing himself as her stalker.

Jay had picked up a pot of daises and lay a crisp twenty-dollar bill on the counter before Pam could object.

"Don't take it too hard," he soothed, his smile never fading. "I'm sure Harley'll come around. And if she doesn't, well, I'll make sure she has somewhere to come crawling back to."

He laughed and then the door chimed again and Pam was alone, her heart racing in her chest.

/

Pam found herself inside Barbara's café the next morning, the latest letter in hand. She hadn't opened it, she didn't need to. It was evidence now.

It was proof that she was under scrutiny and attack. It was how she would find true freedom from the shackles of her past. It was how she would apologize to Harley. It was how she would fix everything. It had to be.

She waited until the line in front of the counter had thinned before approaching Barbara.

"Pam!" the younger red head exclaimed. "So good to see you. How are you?" Pam set the unopened letter on the counter. "….What's this?"

"Barbara." The girl looked up at her, eyes wary. Pam took a deep breath to steady herself. "I need to speak with your father."


	14. Don't Give Up On Us Now

Two weeks…. Fourteen days.

That's how long she'd gone without Harley. And Pam had felt every moment in agonizing detail. She'd always been comfortable living on her own, she'd never needed another person, never been dependent on anyone. It was strange how quickly that had changed since Harley had come into her life. And now that Harley was gone, everything Pam had begun to build for herself in Gotham was crashing down around her.

The GCPD had been surprisingly accommodating when Pam had approached them with the issue of the letters. Commissioner Gordon, in particular, had seemed especially concerned for her safety. Although Pam attributed it to her connection with Barbara, it had still been a significantly different experience than her previous one with the Seattle Police Department.

The Comissioner had assigned her a personal bodyguard while they searched for the perpetrator of the letters. Renee Montoya was a nice enough woman. Intelligent, and on call whenever Pam needed her. Which, Gordon had decided, was whenever Pam went to and from work.

Although Pam had shared her suspicions regarding Jay's involvement in the letters, the GCPD had yet to find any damning evidence to support her claim. They couldn't even find traces of DNA on the letters. Jay was either innocent, or incredibly slippery. Pam didn't need to think too hard to know which one it was.

The letters stopped coming once the GCPD had been made aware of her situation, which only made Pam more suspicious. She saw Jay entering the parlor occasionally. And he sent a glance her way now and then, offering her a beaming grin every time their eyes met. She never saw Harley, however, who seemed to time her arrivals and departures from the parlor so that Pam never crossed paths with her.

Renee suggested Pam try and push a restraining order if she was so certain of Jay's involvement in the case. Pam told her she'd pursue it if and when the letters began coming again. Montoya didn't look appeased by her answer, but to her credit she didn't argue. Much.

Although the letters were no longer a present concern, Pam didn't find much peace at home. In fact, she stayed late at the shop most days. Both in hopes of seeing Harley and to avoid the loneliness and guilt that crushed her when she was at home. She came home late, cooked herself dinner and fell into a cold, empty bed only to repeat the same routine the next day.

She heard from Selina occasionally. She called every few days to let Pam know that Harley was alright. And for that Pam was grateful, although every call made her feel emptier. She knew she needed to find a way to speak to Harley. But she wasn't even sure how to begin patching things up between them. What she'd done to Harley was inexcusable, indefensible. And if she couldn't forgive herself, how could she expect Harley to?

As per Selina's request, she'd given Harley time and space. But it would only be so long before that became a detriment to their fizzling relationship rather than a benefit.

 _Give me a chance to apologize._ She begged to no one in particular as she fell asleep, curled around Harley's pillow one night, breathing in the faint scent that was left. _And I promise this will be the last time. I won't hurt you anymore._

/

Harley stared at the drooping white petals of the daisies on her work desk. Jay had brought them in for her almost two weeks ago. And while it repulsed Harley at the time, she couldn't bring herself to throw them away. She knew they were from Pam's shop. Because only Jay would be vindictive enough to pour salt in the wound and veil it as an apology.

Still, throwing them away felt too final, too symbolic. They were Pam's, not Jay's. So Harley had done her best to take care of them, much to the satisfaction of Jay, who probably imagined she'd done it for his sake. But despite her best attempts, the flowers were slowly wilting. And if that wasn't a perfect metaphor for her own life, then Harley didn't know what was.

She sighed and leaned forward against her desk, tracing listless circles on its smooth surface. There were no clients to distract her, no sketches to be done. All she could do was watch the minutes tick by on the clock across from her and try not to think about how badly she missed Pam.

It was different from the first fight they'd had when they hadn't spoken to one another. This one was so much bigger, so much more painful. And back then, Pam had tried to reach out to her, even though Harley had been unaware of her efforts. This time, Pam kept her distance. But Harley couldn't put all the blame on her. She'd been doing her best to avoid Pam too; no easy feat, considering the proximity of their shops.

Harley couldn't remember a time she'd felt more distraught. It was a deep sadness. An ache. A pain inside that coiled itself in her gut and sat there, clawing at her insides. She wanted to slap some sense into Pam almost as badly as she wanted to confront her and kiss her and make this all go away. But it wouldn't be that easy, Harley knew. Not this time. Pam had issues that Harley couldn't help her with, not that she had even been allowed to try.

The 'ding' of the bell above the door pulled Harley out of her thoughts and she brightened when she saw Barbara wheel her way into the shop.

"Babs!" she greeted, scooting around the counter to hold the door open for her friend. "How are ya? Did you decide on a tattoo?"

"I think so?" Barbara said, scrunching up her nose in a display that was not sure at all. "But that's not really why I'm here."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I thought we could talk for a bit. Do you have some time?"

Harley glanced back up at the clock. Her lunch break wasn't for another hour, but business was slow and Jay was never around to keep an eye on things anymore so….

"Gimme a sec."

After a few brief minutes of convincing Floyd to watch the front desk for a while, which he agreed to only on the grounds that Harley pay for his lunch, Harley joined Barbara at the door and followed her outside. They began walking, and wheeling, down the street in the direction of Barbara's café.

They passed the flower shop and Harley kept her eyes on the ground. She knew Pam was in there, probably watching her pass by too. And she couldn't decide if it hurt worse to know that Pam didn't notice her walking by, or did and simply decided not to do anything about it.

Barbara noticed the shift in her expression, not that Harley was doing much to hide it.

"Pam's been talking to my father," she said suddenly, and Harley turned to look at her, surprised.

"She has?"

"Yeah. She showed him the letters. You know about the letters?" Barbara's voice was airy, almost too relaxed.

"Yeah, I know about the letters," Harley admitted, shame flooding through her.

Barbara's expression hardened and Harley felt the disappointment coming off her in waves. "That's a scary thing to deal with." Harley nodded. "Especially alone."

Then Harley bristled. This wasn't Barbara's business. And whether or not she was trying to help, Harley couldn't bite back her irritated response. "If she didn't wanna handle it alone, she shouldn't have tried to."

 _She was trying to protect you._

Barbara just pursed her lips and nodded.

 _She was being stupid and unfair._

"Is… She okay?"

"As far as I know," Barbara replied. "Dad hasn't been able to find a lead on the case, but Pam is convinced the letters are coming from your boss."

Harley briefly remembered Pam mentioning that she suspected Jay. It had been the catalyst for their argument. And maybe she was right… Maybe Harley could do some digging.

 _She doesn't want help._

Harley frowned, setting her jaw and stuffing her hands into her pockets.

 _Man, you're as stubborn as she is._

"You two had a big blowout?" Barbara asked, her eyes on the sidewalk ahead of them.

"She told you?" Harley gaped.

"No," Barbara replied with a smirk. "You did. Just now. But I figured when I didn't see you around the station with her."

Harley huffed, feeling heat rush into her cheeks. "That wasn't very nice, Babs."

"Not that it's any of my business," Barbara continued. "But I think you should talk to her again. She's been dealing with a lot."

 _Yeah, well so have I!_ Harley thought indignantly. _Why doesn't anyone care about what I have to deal with?_

Outwardly, she said, "She can take care of herself."

Barbara's shoulders slumped and she gestured for Harley to turn around so they could loop back around to the shop. "You're right. I guess she can. But you haven't seen her in a while, have you?"

"Two weeks," Harley mumbled. She'd counted the days.

"Well two weeks of isolation can do a number on anyone. I don't think I've ever seen her look so… bad."

Harley's stomach twisted with guilt, but she shoved the feeling down. Pam didn't need her help. She didn't want her help. She'd made that clear over and over again.

"Whatever you decide to do, Harley," Barbara said as they stopped outside the tattoo parlor's doors. "Watch out for Jay. The guy's a snake. And whether or not he's behind the letters, he's dangerous." She paused. "My dad's gonna prove it somehow. I promise you that."

/

"How is she?" Pam asked, clutching her cell phone tightly, almost afraid to hear the answer. She sat camped out on her couch, a blanket around her shoulders and a steaming cup of tea on the coffee table. The TV was playing in the background but Pam wasn't paying attention.

"She's fine," Selina told her. Pam heard the distant sound of a door closing and assumed Selina had gone into another room for some privacy. "She's currently binging reruns of some old cartoon. It's ridiculous how many hours that girl will spend in front of the TV."

Pam smiled. Selina wasn't wrong. There had been many nights when Pam had to lure Harley away from the TV with promises of intimacy. It was almost impossible to get her to move otherwise.

"How are you, Pam? Any leads on the letters? Trouble?"

"No," she replied, heaving a sigh. "Nothing."

"You still think Jay is behind it?"

"I do. Unfortunately, he's very good at covering his tracks. The Commissioner doesn't have enough to convict him with, especially now that the letters have stopped coming."

Selina hummed thoughtfully before an awkward silence fell over the line.

"Will you tell her I'm sorry?" Pam asked again. Every time she spoke to Selina over the phone, she made sure to ask. One of her apologies had to sink in eventually. It had to open a door.

"I'll try." Selina's patented response.

Pam was beginning to wonder what would happen if Harley decided to cut ties with her for good. Would she stay with Selina permanently? That might cause some trouble with her and Bruce. It was possible Harley would strike out on her own. She was strong enough now, without Jay to leach on her confidence. She knew Selina would gladly help Harley fund her own apartment. And the thought of Harley moving on without her terrified Pam.

"I should probably go," Selina continued. "Gotta get dinner started. Harley can eat. Don't know where she puts it, honestly." There was levity in Selina's voice, but it failed to hearten Pam. All she could think of was spending another night alone.

She bid Selina a farewell and shut off the TV, staring down at her lap as the darkness of the living room closed in on her.

The little apartment felt hollow without Harley. And Pam hadn't realized how much life Harley had brought to it before now. Her laughter, her bright voice, her (many) ridiculous jokes, the warmth of her body and the tenderness of her kisses. Pam had grown so accustomed to it all in such a short period of time.

She _needed_ Harley now. She didn't want to need her. Needing her meant vulnerability. And Pam was nothing if not vulnerable now. But Harley had changed her. Was still changing her, even in her absence.

Pam lay down against the couch cushions, deciding to spend the night outside the bedroom. The sheets still smelled like Harley, and it made it impossible to sleep without aching for her. She wasn't sure what it would take to make Harley come home, but Pam knew she had to try something. Moving on without Harley was… unthinkable. She couldn't picture it. And the thought that she might have to scared her more than anything.

/

The tension in Joan's office was palpable. It had taken all the courage Pam had to admit that she'd been lying to Joan for the better part of two weeks. And her obvious disappointment hurt almost as much as Harley's.

"What's important now is your safety," Joan said, finally breaking the silence. "You need to get the police involved. There's no shame in that. It was a very dangerous decision to think you could handle this on your own."

Annoyance flared in Pam's chest, although she knew Joan was completely correct. No matter how badly she'd screwed up, she hated being talked down to.

"The Commissioner is aware of my situation now," Pam assured, her voice tight. "And he's ensured I have protection while he searches for the culprit."

Joan leaned back in her chair, relief obvious on her face. "That's good to hear. I applaud your courage Pam. I know how difficult it is for you to ask for help when you need it."

Pam's jaw clenched. This session was already beginning to frustrate her. Having her weakness pointed out to her while she'd already fallen so far was salt in the wound.

"And you neglected to tell Harley about these letters?" Joan reiterated, tapping lightly on her clipboard.

Pam nodded silently.

"Why?"

That was a loaded question that Pam still had trouble answering. At first, she'd felt she was protecting Harley. But as the days passed, she began to realize that she'd just been afraid. She didn't know what the letters would do to their relationship and the easiest way to ignore the possible consequences had been to pretend they didn't exist.

"I thought I could protect her," Pam answered. "I didn't want her to worry. We were already struggling, I thought the letters would make things worse."

"So you lied to her?"

Pam nodded again, fighting the anger that tightened her chest.

"Were you practicing your communication exercises?"

"No."

"Why not?"

 _I don't know. Stop asking me questions I don't know the answers to. Just help me fix this._

"I don't know."

Joan nodded and took a moment to write something on her clipboard. Pam waited in angry silence. She knew, going in, that this session would be much more difficult than her previous ones. But she'd at least expected it to bolster her confidence. Instead it felt more like an attack.

"Where is Harley now?" Joan asked, looking back up at Pam.

"She's staying with a friend."

"And have you spoken with her since the argument?"

Pam shook her head. "No. Selina seemed convinced that she needed space."

"Pam." The displeasure in Joan's tone made Pam flush. "You're a brilliant woman. You're strong and you're brave. But you've been taking steps backwards and they're going to damage your relationship with Harley. You know that, don't you?"

Again, Pam nodded.

"How can I help you today to get you back on track?" There was a touch of sympathy in Joan's tone now and Pam hated it. She felt like a child again, being lectured by her angry mother.

"I need to fix things with Harley," she answered.

"And how do you imagine you'll be able to begin patching things up?"

"I need to talk to her."

Joan nodded. "That's exactly right. You need to communicate with her Pam. The same way we've been practicing here. And you need to continue communicating with her after this argument passes. I'm not going to force you to do anything that you feel uncomfortable with, but I do suggest you consider resuming your SIT sessions. Harley has expressed her willingness to help you more than once, and the progress you were making together was exceptional."

"I didn't mean to hurt her," Pam said, suddenly weak and emotionally exhausted. She was tired. Too overwrought from the investigation of the letters. Desperately missing Harley. Lonely from spending days in her shop alone. She needed Joan to give her an answer. She needed simple step-by-step directions for how to fix things. And yet, she knew Joan wouldn't be able to provide that. This was her mess to clean up.

"I understand that Pam," Joan replied gently. "And I'm sure Harley does too. But correcting the mistake you made is going to take work and dedication. The first step is talking to Harley. Do you think you'll be able to do that?"

"Yes."

"Good. As soon as she's willing, I ask that you have her continue coming to sessions with you. I think you both can benefit from practicing some communication in a safe space."

Pam agreed and Joan wrapped up their session soon after. She led Pam to the door, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder just before she left.

"Pam, keep your chin up. You have the power to make things right. And I genuinely believe Harley cares for you enough to meet you halfway. Don't give up hope yet."

/

Pam found herself outside Selina's door late Saturday evening. She hadn't called ahead for fear Selina might reject her request to visit. But showing up unexpected might elicit a negative reaction from both her and Harley. Still, Pam knew she had to try. The continued silence was doing nothing to repair their relationship. Joan had been right. Communication was what was most important now. That, and apologizing.

Raising a fist, she rapped lightly on the door and waited anxiously. After a few tense moments, the door swung open and Selina appeared.

"Pam." She sounded surprised. "Hey. Are you okay? What are you doing here?"

"I need to speak with Harley," Pam said with a finality she hoped Selina couldn't deny.

To her surprise, Selina nodded immediately. She opened the door a little further and gestured her inside. "I think that's a good idea."

A little taken aback that she had not had to fight her way in, Pam followed Selina into the apartment. She led Pam into the living room where Harley was sitting on the couch, her eyes glued to the flat screen television in front of her.

"Harley." Selina drew her attention. Harley looked up, her eyes widening when she saw Pam standing there. She rose to her feet, but kept her distance, her body language wary.

"Can we talk?" Pam blurted. Seeing Harley again, after two and a half weeks without her, elicited a reaction that made her feel like she was a little bit drunk. Her heart pounded in her chest and her palms began to sweat.

The world seemed to shrink around her, until there was nothing but Harley, standing across from her, hands clenching and unclenching at her sides. It hit her then that this moment was pivotal in deciding what her future looked like. If she couldn't convince Harley to come home, she risked losing her forever. If her apology wasn't enough, it meant moving on. Panic began to spread through her, making her limbs tremble and her mouth go dry. The confidence she'd collected on the way here quickly evaporated, leaving her a quivering mess.

Finally, Harley nodded 'yes' and Selina quickly excused herself.

"I'll give you two a minute," she said, slipping away. Pam waited until she heard the sound of the bedroom door click shut before she began. She took a cautious step forward, figuring it was a good thing that Harley didn't back away.

"Hi," she began.

A small smile quirked Harley's lips, but it faded just as quickly. "Hey."

"How have you been?"

 _What are you doing? This is ridiculous._ Talk _to her._

Harley shrugged, running one hand up and down her arm nervously. "I've been okay. You?"

 _Awful._

"Harley," she paused. _Where to even begin_? "I shouldn't have waited so long to speak with you. Selina suggested I give you space. But I can't help but think I should have reached out much sooner."

She took another few steps forward as she spoke and Harley's eyes stayed locked on hers. Fleetingly, Pam thought she registered a glimmer of hope in those bright blue depths.

"I shouldn't have lied to you," she said. Another step. "I shouldn't have kept the letters from you." Another. "But after I discontinued our SIT sessions, I didn't want there to be anything else that drove a wedge between us." She was close enough now to reach out and take Harley's hand, but she didn't. "It didn't occur to me that ignoring the problem would cause an even bigger issue. I was… I was stupid."

She wanted to reach out, to hold Harley close and kiss her and beg her forgiveness and remember what it felt like to mold their bodies together. She wanted Harley's warmth and her gentle touches and her soft lips and bright grin. So she stood there silently, drinking all of Harley in. And Harley stared right back, her fists balled at her sides and her body quivering. She looked either ready to punch Pam or launch herself into her arms. Although Pam was hoping it was the latter, she couldn't rule out the former, so she held her ground.

Then Pam noticed the sheen in Harley's eyes. Somewhere during Pam's apology she'd begun to cry. Of course she had. This was Harley. The display of emotion bolstered Pam's confidence. She took one final step, bringing her tantalizingly close to Harley and reached out, running her thumb along Harley's jaw.

"I never meant to hurt you…"

"You don't have to be sorry," Harley cut her short, meeting Pam's gaze with an earnest smile, but Pam couldn't let it end there.

"No, I do. I need to say this. I need to apologize." But once Harley was looking at her expectantly, she found she had no idea how to even begin.

"I… " _Communicate. Tell her the truth_. "I was an idiot, Harley. Cruel to you, manipulative, horrible."

Harley opened her mouth to argue but Pam cut her off. "I was. I know I was. But I couldn't see it. I was so convinced I was doing what was best for you that I didn't allow you to be an equal partner in this relationship. I didn't let you express your opinions or your feelings and that was wrong of me. I don't mean to make this seem like some enormous excuse, but I've never… felt the way about anyone the way I feel about you. I've never…" _Been so in love? So lost at the same time?_ "…Had to navigate living with another person. Coming to compromises and communicating, it just doesn't come naturally to me."

Pam paused to let her words sink in. Harley's eyes were trained on hers and they didn't waver once, although it was clear from the way her body trembled that she was itching to respond.

"And I know that's exactly what I was supposed to be seeing Joan for… I just got so caught up in guilt and confusion and then the letters arrived and I shut you out because… I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought I was protecting you. I didn't realize…." She stopped and gave a halfhearted smile. "I still have a lot to work on. A lot that I need to change about myself. In fact… I've come to realize that the only way I'll be able to do this...to have any chance of healing, is with you by my side." Pam inched closer to Harley again and tentatively laced their fingers together. "I was wrong, Harley. And I will _never_ keep something like this from you again. From now on, you will be a part of every pivotal decision I make. I promise... Would you… Can you forgive me, Harley? Will you come home?"

Harley tensed, her eyes falling to the ground, and for a moment Pam was certain she'd say no. Her heart stilled in her chest as she imagined leaving this apartment without Harley despite what she'd said. The silence stretched between them too long, and the panic returned, making her hands tremble.

"Harley? Do you want me to stay? Or go?"

Harley didn't look at her, remaining quiet. Pam clenched her jaw and squeezed her eyes shut, letting go of Harley's hands and steeling herself for the inevitable, when suddenly a force of quivering energy barreled into her, nearly knocking her off her feet.

Harley had launched herself at Pam, throwing her arms around her neck kissing her, hard. Pam could feel the warm tears wetting her own cheeks and Harley's hands gripping her, twisting in the fabric of her shirt. Pam allowed the kiss to continue until the need for air overpowered everything else. Finally, she pulled away, resting her forehead against Harley's, their breath mingling.

"I'm sorry," Pam whispered, her eyes still closed, hands rising to cup Harley's face. "I'm so sorry."

Harley whimpered in reply and pressed her lips to Pam's again, frantic and needy. Pam let her take control, let her take whatever she needed from her. Harley's kiss was intense, persistent, and she pushed closer, knocking Pam off balance in her frenzy. They collapsed onto the couch together and Harley nearly slipped off the edge in the tumble. But she caught herself and scrambled upwards, her body sliding sinuously against Pam's.

"I kinda hate you," Harley murmured, before capturing Pam's lips again, and then again and again until they both lay panting against one another.

"I know," she murmured, stroking her hands down Harley's arms. "I'm not exactly fond of myself right now either… Harley what I did was inexcusable. But I hope you can find it in yourself to give me another chance."

"Yes." Harley's voice was little more than a grateful whisper, but Pam couldn't keep the smile off her face. And then Harley was kissing her again, her hands tangling in Pam's hair, tugging her close.

"I missed you," she breathed, pulling far enough away to make sure her words weren't muffled. Pam could only nod her agreement before closing the distance between them again, unable to get close enough after two weeks without her.

They were forced to separate when Selina reentered the living room. She looked torn between berating them for such a blatant display of affection, and applauding them for resolving their fight. Apparently, she settled on the former.

"Alright, enough of that shit in my apartment," she groaned, rolling her eyes teasingly. "I don't want to pay to have that couch cleaned."

Pam flushed and Harley giggled. Both women struggled to untangle themselves and then stood together, facing Selina who was watching them with a smirk.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she jerked her thumb towards the bedroom. "Harley's got quite a few new outfits you're going to have to lug home."

Harley turned back to Pam with an embarrassed smile. "She took me shoppin'."

"I'll pay you back," Pam told Selina, but she shook her head.

"Not necessary. Anything for you two." She grinned again, a mischievous spark in her eyes. "Besides, you'd be paying me back for a long time on that flower shop salary."

Pam returned her smile and met her best friend's gaze, unwaveringly. "Thank you, Selina."

/

"You don't get to do that anymore. No more secrets, no more lies. We gotta talk to each other," Harley insisted as she sat across from Pam on the bed, cross legged. "Do you remember how mad ya got when you found out I'd been keepin' what Jay did to me a secret?"

"I do."

"Well, you made me just as mad when you lied about those letters. So now we're square and we can't do that anymore. Deal?"

The furrow in Harley's brow, coupled with her pouting pink lips almost made Pam chuckle, but she bit her lip and held it in. "Deal."

Harley nodded firmly and then her serious expression faded and she gazed at Pam with soft, expressive eyes.

"What?" Pam asked, pursing her lips to contain her amused smile.

"Nothin'," Harley said after a brief pause.

"What happened to no secrets?" Pam teased.

Harley looked down at her lap, toying with her fingers. "It's not a secret… It's just… hard to say."

Pam reached for one of her hands and held it tight, bringing it up to her lips so that she could press a kiss to Harley's knuckles. "You can talk to me, Daffodil."

"Can we, maybe, work on some SIT again?" she asked quickly, like she was afraid her request would be interrupted halfway through. "You seemed so much happier when we did it and even Joan said you were makin' good progress. And I know you're worried about me, but it's so much more frustrating not getting to touch you at all than it is getting to touch you a little."

Pam hadn't thought about it like that, but it made sense. And Joan had suggested resuming SIT as well. As long as Harley was comfortable, as long as she communicated her concerns, then… there wasn't much harm in it, right?

"If that's what you want," she said, and Harley frowned.

"Is it what _you_ want?"

Pam had to think about it for a moment before she realized she was of the same mind as Harley. Breaking off their intimacy entirely had been a terrible decision. And the fight had only made her realize that Harley's frustration didn't stem from her boundaries, but from her unwillingness to compromise.

"Yes, it's what I want," Pam replied, pulling on Harley's hand and bringing her close so that she could tuck herself against Pam's side. Harley nestled against Pam and sighed contentedly as she drew her fingers through Harley's cotton candy colored hair.

"I had a lotta time to think while I was at Selina's," she murmured, her lips brushing Pam's neck.

"About what?"

"About this."

"And what did you come up with?" Pam asked, tilting her head so that she could meet Harley's gaze. She stared up into Pam's green eyes for a long time, silently studying her.

Finally, she smiled and mumbled, "That you can be a big jerk."

"Fair enough," Pam conceded with a chuckle.

"But also that…" she paused, seeming to struggle with the words. "That you mean more to me than I thought you did."

Pam waited in silence, her chest filling with warmth as Harley gazed at her.

"When I was at Selina's, I felt so outta place. Not that she wasn't the best host, she bought me, like, ten outfits for cryin' out loud. But it wasn't right. It didn't feel… like home. And then I realized Jay's never felt like home either. It was just a place I came back to every night."

"And you feel like this is home?" Pam gestured to the room around them.

But Harley shook her head. "No, it's not… I mean, it is. More than the others… but… When I saw you standin' there in the middle of Kitty's apartment, the way you looked at me. It all clicked, you know?"

"I… I'm not sure I follow," Pam admitted as Harley squirmed closer, tucking her face into the crook of Pam's neck.

"You're my home, Red," she murmured. "You're my home…"


	15. Wait It Out

"Alright Harley, we'll start with you. Three things." Joan prepared her clipboard and gazed expectantly at Harley.

The blonde straightened out her crinkled paper and cleared her throat, casting a nervous glance at Pam, who sat next to her on the couch.

"Do I start with the positives or the negatives?"

"Why don't we start with the positives?"

"Okay," Harley cleared her throat again. "Number one, you," she glanced up at Pam. "Helped me escape a relationship that wasn't good for me."

"And what quality does that represent in Pam?" Joan prompted.

Harley thought about it. "She's supportive?" She amended her question into a statement when Joan raised a brow. "She's supportive."

"Excellent. Two?"

"Number two," Harley continued, looking down at her paper again. "She's caring. She let me into her home when I had nowhere else to go."

"Caring. Good."

"And three is, she makes me feel like I'm the most special person in the world," Harley looked up, meeting Pam's gaze shyly. "I'm not sure what 'quality that represents', but it's true."

Joan smiled and scratched a few notes down on her clipboard. "Very good points, Harley. Let's hear your negatives now."

"She can be too," Harley seemed to struggle with finding the right word. "Controlling. Like with the SIT and the letters. She had to be in charge of everythin'."

Joan bobbed her head and Pam felt a wave of shame flow through her.

"Two is, she doesn't like bein'…vulnerable. And that's okay sometimes. But when she doesn't let me in, I can't help her and then we just get stuck spinnin' our wheels."

"Keep going, Harley," Joan prompted.

"Sometimes she doesn't—"

"You feel, she doesn't," Joan corrected.

"I feel like she doesn't…respect me enough to let me be a…to treat me like an equal. I don't always feel like she trusts me." Harley's lips twisted into a pout and she glanced apologetically at Pam, who offered her a reassuring smile in return.

"Thank you for your honesty, Harley." Harley set her paper down and folded her hands neatly in her lap. "Now Pam, we'll hear from you. Positives first."

Pam didn't need to look at the list she'd written down to remember what she'd decided on, but she did so anyway to put Harley at ease. "One, Harley is incredibly loyal. No matter the situation. She always seems to stand behind my decisions. Whether she truly agrees with them or not." Harley was watching her with wide eyes. "Two, she's genuine and honest. And three, she gives wholeheartedly. She doesn't hold anything, or any emotion, back."

She paused and looked up at Harley and Joan, her eyes flickering between the two of them. Harley was smiling and Joan was writing quickly on her clipboard.

"Now your negatives," she said, and Harley's smile faded.

"I only have one," Pam said. "Occasionally, I feel Harley's eagerness, her desire for closeness, can be… overwhelming. It's not something I'm used to and when it gets to be too much, I've come to realize that I shut her out instead of expressing myself."

"That's a powerful analysis of your feelings, Pam. Harley, your thoughts?" Joan asked.

"I'm sorry, Red. I-"

"No, Harley. Don't apologize," Joan interrupted before Pam could. "This is about honesty and understanding. We're doing this so that the two of you can communicate better when problems arise in the future."

"I…" Harley paused, pondering how to respond. "I don't mean to overwhelm you, I didn't realize you felt that way. I just…" Harley's mouth opened and then snapped shut as if she'd decided against what she wanted to say. "I just care about you… a lot. I wanna be around you. I promise I'll try to pull things back a little."

Pam was shaking her head before Harley had even finished speaking. "No, Harley. You haven't done anything wrong. I simply want you to understand why I thought it was necessary to discontinue SIT, and why I hid the letters, why I was so hesitant to visit Joan in the beginning. I didn't realize I was struggling so much with being… emotionally intimate with you, until it was too late."

Joan smiled widely, looking about ready to applaud Pam for her confession. "Excellent work, Pam. While I highly recommend you two resume SIT sessions, I think it's even more important that you work on strengthening, as Pam said, your emotional intimacy. More often than not, _that_ is the most difficult and intimidating part of a relationship. But addressing it is the first step."

Joan rose from her chair, signaling they were done for the day, and Pam and Harley followed suit. "I'd like to see you both back in a few days. In the interim, I advise you to practice your active listening when it comes to conversation and begin testing the boundaries of SIT when you can. Does that sound like something you both can do?"

Pam and Harley nodded in unison.

"Excellent."

/

"I think you should do it, Pam," Selina said, taking a small sip of her coffee. "File a restraining order. I mean, if you're so convinced it's Jay, it can't hurt to have something in place in case he decides to keep harassing you."

Pam chewed her lip thoughtfully, staring down into her tea cup. She and Selina sat outside Barbara's café, enjoying the brisk autumn afternoon. Unfortunately, the light conversation had just taken a turn Pam didn't want to deal with.

"I don't have any evidence that the letters are connected to him," Pam argued.

"Not really necessary," Selina replied. "You have one of the letters, period, and you have your suspicions of Jay. Plus, the guy's hated you since he met you, it's possible the Commissioner can pull some strings for you. I mean, you're good friends with his daughter, so you have a little bit of an advantage, don't you think? Either way, you're clearly the victim of harassment. And honestly, I can't think of anyone other than Jay that would do this to you. Who else could have found out about Woodrue?"

Pam bobbed her head, running her thumbs around the rim of her cup. Filing a restraining order against Jay could certainly prove useful. Especially if he was behind the letters. None had arrived since the day of her fight with Harley, but if they did start showing up again, she would have an opportunity to keep him out of her (and Harley's) life for good.

"I could speak with Montoya…" She began. "She's been rather adamant about pushing a restraining order as well."

"Listen to the cops, Pam. They're trying to help you." She paused, picking at a thread on the sleeve of her sweater. "What's Harley think of all this?"

"She's suggested it as well," Pam admitted, feeling a little foolish now that she'd yet to follow through. "But she's promised she'll support my decision either way."

"It'd keep her safe too, you know," Selina added. "If he can't target you, he may go after her and since the two of you are almost always together, that could land him in hot water as well. I just think it's the best way to proceed. I… I don't want to see anything happen to you."

Reaching across the table, Selina placed her hand over Pam's. She gave Selina a warm smile and gripped her fingers briefly.

"And Bruce will help you with all the legal shit, if you want," Selina added, retracting her hand. "It can get a little complicated. You want me to talk to him?"

"I'll meet with Officer Montoya first, I'm sure she'll be just as eager to assist me," Pam assured her.

Selina nodded. "Alright, good. As long as you have a game plan." Suddenly, her brow twisted in confusion. "Where is Harley by the way? I figured she'd want to join us for coffee today."

"She said she had something important to take care of at work," Pam shrugged. "Although what that could be, I have absolutely no clue."

/

 _God damn stupid dumb shitty lock._

Harley shuffled, lowering herself onto her knees and shoving the two bobby pins she held deeper into the lock, her tongue poking between her lips as she worked. She had no idea what she was doing, but she figured jiggling the pins around in the lock long enough would eventually produce some results.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Harley yelped, nearly leaping out of her skin when she heard Floyd's voice behind her. Turning around, she frowned and narrowed her eyes at Floyd as if daring him to challenge her.

"I'm tryin' to pick the lock to Jay's office, what's it look like?"

"Are you crazy?" Floyd asked, and then shook his head. "Dumb question. Of course you are. Breaking into Jay's office, really? You're going to get yourself in serious trouble."

"No, I'm not." Harley brushed him off and returned to her work. "Not if he doesn't find out. And I'm gonna be like a ninja. In and out. No evidence."

"Uh huh," Floyd said, his tone unconvinced. "And why are you doing this?"

"Because I know he's behind the letters Pammy's been gettin', and I'm gonna prove it so the police can finally do somethin'."

"You're doing that wrong," Floyd said, gesturing to the bobby pins, one of which had just gotten jammed in the lock.

"Well then help me!" Harley hissed, struggling to free the pin.

Floyd shook his head and crossed his arms. "No way. I'm not helping you break any laws. I'd like to keep my ass _out_ of jail, thank you."

"If you're not gonna help, then leave me alone," Harley said, finally succeeding in pulling the pin out of the lock.

"Nope, you're coming with me. Enough of this shit." Floyd grabbed Harley's arm, tugging her upward so quickly, she dropped the pins.

"Floyd!" She struggled to free herself from his grasp. "Stop, let me go."

"I'm saving you from some stupid charges, craziness. You'll thank me later," Floyd said, leading her back down the hall.

"I've gotta help Pam!"

"Think you can do that from jail?"

Harley groused, but relented and followed Floyd back out into the lobby. A few moments later, Jay walked through the front door, giving the group a suspicious glance through narrowed eyes before heading to his office in silence. He stopped suddenly, scooping something off the floor and peering at it with a grimace. With a jolt, Harley realized it was one of her bobby pins. Panic flooded through her, constricting in her throat. Would Jay connect the dots? What could she say to explain it? Would he even question it?

Jay cast another glance at the group over his shoulder and then tossed the pin into a nearby trash bin and continued towards his office. Harley breathed an audible sigh of relief.

"See?" Floyd hissed under his breath. "Just saved your ass. You're welcome."

Harley tore her arm away from him and crossed them over her chest, huffing. Floyd smirked and returned to his work station.

"Where have you two been?" Chato asked, looking up from the man he was tattooing.

"Harley's trying to get herself a misdemeanor."

"Flooooyd."

Chato just rolled his eyes and returned to his work.

"Trust me," Floyd said. "The best way to corner Jay is to let him walk into it himself. Guy's a douche bag, and an overconfident one at that. He'll get himself caught without your help."

Harley sighed, taking a seat at her work station and toying with one of her tattoo guns. It was probably for the best that Floyd had stopped her, although she'd never admit that to him. Her plan to find evidence on Jay would definitely have landed her in hot water if she'd been caught. But more than anything she wanted to help Pam. Whatever that looked like.

/

"Pam, I'm glad you decided to follow through with this," Montoya said, greeting both Pam and Harley as they made their way into the station. "I know it's a little overwhelming, but it's going to be worth it in the long run, especially if we can find some evidence on this guy."

Harley followed behind the Montoya and Pam a little more slowly, taking in the GCPD station with wide curious eyes.

"You must be Harley?" Montoya asked as they walked. "I've heard quite a bit about you."

"That's me. Pleased to meetcha Officer…." Harley peered at the woman's name tag. "Montoya."

"Call me Renee," she smiled and then returned her attention to Pam. "I've already spoken with the Commissioner about filing an order. Now, to be honest with you, the case is slowing to a crawl. Without any more letters to examine, or threats to consider, there's little he can do for you. But what the Commissioner has planned will put a couple of things in place that'll allow us to convict your suspect if he steps out of line again. Okay?"

Pam nodded, smiling when Harley slipped a hand into hers and squeezed.

"We'll deal with the logistics today and then you may have to attend a court hearing. But it should be smooth sailing from there. Sound like a plan?"

Once again Pam nodded, earning a smile from Montoya. "I think this is a smart move, Pam. I know it's not always easy to ask for help in these situations. But you've made the right decision."

Montoya led them to the end of a long hallway and knocked on the door with a golden plaque that displayed Commissioner Gordon's name. She paused, waiting for his response, a gruff 'come in', and then led Harley and Pam into the small office.

"Commissioner, Miss Isley's here to see you," Montoya said, standing a little straighter when Gordon spun in his chair to greet them. He leaned forward against his desk and gestured for Pam and Harley to take a seat across from him.

"Good to see you again, Miss Isley. Although I wish it were under better circumstances," he said, rubbing his fingers across his mustache thoughtfully. "Thank you, Montoya."

Montoya dipped her chin and left, the door closing with a soft click. Once they were alone, Gordon leaned back in his chair, threading his hands together and appraising Pam over the rim of his glasses.

"Montoya tells me you want to move things along with a restraining order?"

"That's correct."

Gordon murmured thoughtfully. "Unfortunately, in reviewing your case again, it could be difficult to push that through. We're lacking significant evidence. All we have now is the single letter you brought in. And as you know, we haven't been able to find anything on it in terms of a DNA sample." He noticed the fall in Pam's expression and continued. "However, I know a few people. Some good judges. And Barbara's vouched for you already. I believe your story and your suspicions, Miss Isley. I'll see what strings I can pull for you as we move forward. We'll find some way to keep this guy on his toes and slam him if he tries anything."

Pam just nodded, really it didn't matter to her what they did, so long as Jay stayed far away from her.

"And what about you?"

Pam was confused until she realized that Gordon had directed his attention to Harley.

"Me? Oh, I'm… I'm just here with her," Harley wrung her hands together and stared down into her lap.

It suddenly occurred to Pam how much pressure they could put on Jay if Harley came forward with how he'd abused her. Two orders against him would be far more powerful than one. And even though Harley no longer sported any physical signs of abuse, she was still capable of sharing her psychological scars. Gordon would believe her. And it would give them a good offense against Jay. But they hadn't discussed it beforehand and Pam wasn't about to force Harley to do something she was uncomfortable with.

"You a friend?" Gordon asked gruffly.

"Um… girlfriend," Harley corrected, unable to meet Gordon's eyes. But the Commissioner continued without missing a beat.

"Then this involves you too. Have you ever come into negative contact with the man in question?"

It took Harley a moment to catch up and when she did, she looked to Pam for help. Pam could read it in her eyes. _Do I tell him?_ At first, she wasn't sure how to respond. Yes, no?... Ultimately, it was Harley's decision. But she'd hidden Jay's behavior for so long, from Pam even, that it was also possible she just needed a push. And it was clear to Pam that telling Gordon would be better for both of them in the long run.

So, tentatively, Pam gave her a subtle nod. Harley turned back to Gordon and copied Pam. "I know him. I used to date him."

Gordon's bushy brows rose. "Oh?"

"He… He used to hit me. He'd get angry, or… bored sometimes, I guess. And he'd hit me."

The Commissioner's face hardened, his mouth forming a grim line. "He hit you…. Not an uncommon thing to hear around here, unfortunately. Domestic abuse is something we deal with a lot… And even more so with people like you, who don't come forward with the truth."

Harley ducked her head and Pam almost rose to her defense when Gordon held up a hand. "I understand why you didn't. Trust me, I've dealt with plenty of young women, sometimes men, just like you. There's always a reason. Pretty good ones too. But the important thing is that you're here now, and you've shared your experience, so we can set some things up to keep you safe as well."

Gordon opened his desk drawer, rifling through stacks of papers. "Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to set you both up with a PPO. Now the benefit of one of these is that even though it generally only applies to domestic abuse, we can put multiple people under its protection. That means both of you will have a line of defense. Pam, you believe Mr. Napier has been stalking and threatening you, and Harley has faced abuse from him in the past. Considering the timeline, it's going to be a bit harder to prove, but again… I want to help the both of you however I can. If that means busting through some red tape for you, I'll do it. Now ladies, this isn't going to be easy. There's a lot of paperwork to deal with, court hearings, all that bullshit. But I promise you, giving you both a PPO against this guy is going to be incredibly important in the future. We want to make sure you're safe. We want to make sure this idiot can't do anything to intrude in your lives. A little bit of a headache now for a whole lot of peace afterwards."

He drew two forms out of his desk and slid them towards Pam and Harley. "This is entirely optional, it's up to you how you want to proceed. But I do think this is the right way to go. And my team and I will be there with you every step of the way." He leaned back in his chair again and peered at both of them. "Well? What do you say?"

Pam looked at Harley, who met her gaze in return, and then together they reached for the forms Gordon had laid out before them.

/

The bedroom was quiet save for the occasional gasp or shuffle of sheets. Pam lay with Harley on the bed, her hands roaming across smooth skin. Her heart throbbed in her chest as she kissed down Harley's neck. Pam wasn't sure if it was the length of time they'd gone without doing this, or if she was just growing more comfortable with pushing her boundaries, but this SIT session was stimulating her more than usual. Harley's hands slipped through her hair, down her shoulders and her back until they rested lightly against her rear.

Slowly, Pam adjusted herself, pushing Harley's thighs apart and settling her slightly more generous hips between them. Pam could have sworn she felt Harley squeeze a little, her hands returning to her hair and tangling in her red locks as their mouths met in another slow kiss.

"You're so beautiful, Pam-a-lamb," she murmured when they separated, earning a gentle smile from Pam. She struggled to formulate a reply that would possibly express what she felt for Harley in this moment. But her tongue twisted in her mouth and she resorted to burying herself in Harley's neck again, kissing the sensitive spot just beneath her ear.

Harley sighed and sunk deeper into the mattress, locking her legs around Pam's waist. But Pam noticed she kept her own hips still, probably worried that moving them might be pushing Pam a little too far. In an attempt to relax her, Pam ran her hands up and down down Harley's smooth thighs, smiling when the blonde wriggled beneath her. Moving away from her neck, Pam peppered kisses across the top of her chest when suddenly Harley spoke.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and Pam drew back, confused. She propped herself on her elbows and gazed down at Harley, searching her face for an explanation.

"What are you sorry for?" She asked, brushing Harley's hair from her face. Suddenly, Harley looked very close to tears. Her face scrunched up and she bit her bottom lip. Pam had to stifle the panic that coursed through her. "What's wrong?"

"It's just unfair," she murmured. "Everything that's happened to you here. After what you went through back in Seattle… Gotham seems just as bad. With Jay and the letters and all our stupid fights. It feels like you can't catch a break."

Pam blinked, confused as to how Harley's mind had gone from their session to…all of that. Had they been weighing on her mind for some time? Or had Pam done something just now to warrant the response? Not that it really mattered at this point. If Pam had learned anything, it was that Harley could jump from topic to topic on a whim. And her worries needed resolving either way.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered again.

 _Pity?_ That thought elicited a little annoyance, but Pam quickly corrected herself. _She doesn't pity you. She cares about your happiness._

"Such is life, Daffodil," she replied. "You don't need to apologize for things that are out of your control. And there are plenty positives in my coming to Gotham that far outweigh the negatives."

"Like what?" Harley asked, her bottom lip still caught between her teeth.

"Like this," she stroked a hand down Harley's side. "You. And the friends I've made here. I never had any true friends in Seattle. But now I have Selina, Joan, and Renee and Barbara and… I suppose Floyd." She smiled again when Harley giggled and kissed the tip of her nose. "And Bruce has offered me a prominent position at his company should I choose to accept it. I appreciate your sympathy, but it's not necessary. In spite of the… setbacks we've faced. I've never been happier than I am right now."

"You promise?" Harley asked, still sounding unsure.

"I promise," Pam replied, relaxing against Harley and capturing her lips in a languid kiss.

"Okay," Harley said as soon as they broke apart. "'Cuz me too. Ever since that day you walked into the tattoo parlor, you changed everything."

 _No, you changed everything._

Pam wasn't sure why she didn't say the words out loud. Maybe she was afraid of shattering the tenderness of the moment as Harley gazed up at her and stroked her cheeks gently. Or maybe it was because she still hadn't found the words to tell Harley how she felt. They were on the tip of her tongue, at the front of her mind, but the moment needed to be perfect. When she told Harley how she felt, how she really felt, she didn't want the threat of Jay clouding the recesses of her mind. She didn't want to be held back by the boundaries of their SIT sessions.

So in lieu of a response, she slipped her arms between Harley and the mattress and rolled until Harley rested on top of her. She sat up, the curve of her ass settled between Pam's hips, and blinked curiously. Pam smiled quietly and took Harley's hand, guiding it to her chest where it rested limply against the lace of her bra.

Again, Harley looked almost hesitant. Very rarely did Pam give her control during their sessions, preferring to set the pace herself. But Pam hoped Harley would take this as a message. An apology as well as an assurance.

 _I trust you._

Seeming to catch the look in Pam's eye, Harley leaned down and kissed her as her hand began to gently massage Pam's breast. And as the initial panic faded, Pam inhaled deeply and allowed herself to surrender to the moment.

She allowed herself to be vulnerable.


	16. Unconditional

_And now, the moment you've been waiting for?_

* * *

Pam stared up at the bedroom ceiling. The spot beside her in the bed was cold, and she could hear the banging of pots and pans through the closed door. Harley had already been up for awhile.

 _Thirty years old…_

She hadn't planned on spending her thirtieth birthday pushing a PPO against the man who had once abused her girlfriend and harassed Pam relentlessly… it was certainly an unexpected situation. But there wasn't much she could do about it now. She might as well try to enjoy her birthday as much as she could.

Pam was about to get up to face the day, when suddenly the bedroom door swung open and Harley burst into the room, jumping onto the bed and pouncing on Pam.

"Morning!" she beamed, pressing little kisses all over Pam's face.

"Good morning," Pam replied, unable to contain her smile. She opened her eyes when Harley's assault ended and gazed up into a pair of sparkling blue eyes.

"Happy birthday," Harley murmured, stroking Pam's cheek.

Pam blinked. She had never mentioned when her birthday was in the time they'd been together and she hadn't really planned on that changing today. "How did you know today was my birthday?"

"Selina told me," Harley replied with an admonishing pout. "And you should be ashamed for not telling me first."

"It's just a day," Pam said, setting her hands on Harley's hips and squeezing gently. "I didn't want to make a big deal out of it."

"But it is a big deal!" Harley objected. "Thirty is a big birthday!"

Pam wrinkled her nose. "I feel old."

Harley scoffed, leaning down to kiss her again. "You're not old. Thirty isn't old. You're beautiful, and brave, and sexy, and thirty. Now kiss me back."

Pam did, although it was hard to accomplish through her grin.

"So what do you wanna do today?" Harley asked, rolling onto her side, one hand resting on Pam's taught stomach.

"I have work today, Daffodil," Pam sighed. "As do you."

Harley pursed her lips. "Come on, It's your birthday! Take the day off."

Pam chuckled and shook her head. "I'm not leaving the shop unattended. We can celebrate tonight, if you insist."

"I do insist," Harley said, her frown fading. "And I'm gonna spoil you, so be prepared."

"I don't want you to do anything extravagant," Pam insisted, turning on her side to face Harley. "There's no sense in spending too much time and energy on one day."

"You're such a party pooper, Red!" Harley said, sticking her tongue out. "Don't worry… I've got it all planned. And it totally does make sense to spend a lotta time 'n energy on one day, especially today, so shut your mouth."

Pam almost snorted out loud, amused by Harley's insistence, and resigned herself to the fact that she wasn't going to win this particular argument.

"I promise you'll love it," Harley said as she shuffled towards the edge of the bed. "Come on, I made you breakfast. I can bring it in here if you want. Breakfast in bed kinda thi-"

Pam stopped her, tugging on Harley's arm until she lay draped halfway on top of her.

"I'm sure what you've made is absolutely fantastic," Pam said, nuzzling her nose against Harley's. "But I don't feel like leaving this bed quite yet. And seeing as it is my birthday…."

"Oh, so now you're in the spirit?" Harley teased, nipping playfully at Pam's bottom lip.

"Mhmm," Pam murmured. "If you insist that I'm entitled to special treatment, I plan on taking full advantage."

Harley giggled as Pam rolled the blonde beneath her, pressing her into the mattress and sweeping her into a deep kiss.

/

Pam practically floated through the shop, tending to the plants with a constant smile playing on her lips. Her morning with Harley had left her giddy and light, and the promise of more to come tonight kept her heart fluttering in her chest. She'd never been more excited for her own birthday.

The door chimed and Pam looked up, expecting Mrs. Pembroke. She was surprised to see Selina walk through the doors instead, carrying a small package with her.

"Selina," Pam set down her watering can and moved to greet her. "What are you doing here?"

Selina held out the package. "I wanted to come by and wish you a happy birthday. So… Happy Birthday."

"You didn't have to get me anything," Pam said, turning the package over in her hands, and admiring the neat wrapping.

"Of course I did," Selina scoffed. "What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't? I was going to take you out tonight, but Harley told me she already has plans for the two of you." Pam's smile widened and Selina raised a brow, fighting to contain her own grin. "Falling hard are we, Pammy?"

A blush colored Pam's cheeks and she gestured to the package in lieu of a response. "May I open it?"

"You may."

Pam carefully tore the paper away, revealing a small white box. Inside lay a sterling silver necklace, on which hung a small emerald pendant.

"This is beautiful," she breathed, holding the necklace up to the light. "Thank you, Selina."

The brunette shrugged nonchalantly, but accepted Pam's hug nonetheless. "Figured you could use a little more bling in your wardrobe. And maybe it'll come in handy for whatever Harley has planned for you."

"Do you… know what it is she has planned?" Pam asked.

"Maybe," Selina winked. "But why would I ruin the surprise? That's half the fun."

A flicker of anxiety passed through Pam. If Harley planned on giving her a birthday celebration that was anything close to what her own had been, Pam wasn't sure she'd be able to stand it. Thinking of Boomer, and Jay's gift, still made her shiver.

Seeming to catch the look in her eye, Selina said, "Don't freak, Pam. Harley knows you, she's not going to throw you some rager. She'll do something you'll enjoy. Don't let the word 'surprise' scare you."

Pam pursed her lips. "I'm not scared."

Selina raised a brow and crossed her arms over her chest, fighting a smirk. "Mmmm. Okay. Whatever you say." She patted Pam's shoulder and turned towards the door. "Enjoy your night! Just remember that I'm going to want to hear every last little dirty detail next time I see you."

The door 'dinged' and Selina was gone before Pam had a chance to admonish her. She returned to the plants, but not before looping the necklace around her neck, touching the emerald reverently. A small smile quirked her lips. She'd never felt luckier than she did now to have people like Harley and Selina in her life. People who made her feel special, who made her feel loved… Safe.

/

The apartment was oddly quiet when Pam opened the door. She'd been expecting a greeting from Harley, who had left work earlier in order, Pam assumed, to prepare for the celebration.

She stepped inside the dim apartment, and caught a faint yellow glow coming from the bedroom. Setting down her bag, Pam made her way towards the light curiously. She pushed open the door, and was met with a presentation of red rose petals spread across the bed. Dozens of tea lights lit the room. And standing in the middle of it all, was Harley, wearing a bright red dress and a brilliant smile.

"Hey," she said softly, her demeanor shifting into something a little more hesitant.

"What is all this?" Pam asked dumbly, moving into the room.

"It's for your birthday," Harley replied. "I figured I'd set up something for you to come home to. But! We aren't staying. So throw on something nice 'cuz I'm taking you out."

Pam chuckled and took Harley's hands between her own, kissing her knuckles. "Where are we going?"

"I figured we could do some dinner and dancing at the Lounge," Harley replied, gazing at Pam with a dreamy look in her eyes.

Pam frowned. "The Lounge? Harley, I don't want you to spend money on something as frivolous as-"

"It's not frivolous," Harley objected. "It's your birthday and it's important, and I've been savin' so don't worry about it, okay? I wanna do it."

After a moment of contemplative silence, Pam relented. "Alright."

"So go get dressed," Harley insisted, turning her around and patting her rear playfully. Pam shot an astonished look over her shoulder that made Harley giggle.

"Go," she commanded, and Pam obliged, her mind flitting to Selina's gift.

Either she'd been a part of Harley's plan, or it was the most coincidental gift ever given. Pam had to assume the former. Moving into the closet, Pam grabbed her forest green dress, the one she'd worn for Harley's birthday and moved into the bathroom to change.

She fluffed her hair, put on her most expensive perfume (which wasn't that expensive, all things considered, but it would do the job) and adjusted the emerald necklace. Harley was waiting anxiously in the living room when Pam was finished.

When Harley looked up, her mouth fell open.

"Wow," she breathed. "I dunno how you do it, but every time I see you all dressed up, you look even more beautiful."

Pam beamed and crossed the room, holding out her arm for Harley, who took it and led her towards the door.

 _Quite the couple_ , Pam thought to herself, her eyes roaming over Harley's body, the tattoos visible on her chest and arms. And Pam with her perfectly prim dress and subtle makeup. The differences between them were obvious, but Pam had never known another person who complimented her so well.

 _Lucky… So lucky._

Harley opened the door and gestured her out into the early evening. "After you."

Pam scoffed, but played along with the game, sashaying outside with a bit of extra sway in her hips. She shot a look over her shoulder, not surprised to see that Harley's eyes had strayed to her ass. She snapped her eyes back up and grinned sheepishly, taking Pam's arm again.

"I'm not even sorry," she giggled.

By the time they made it to the Lounge, it was already busy, and the dance floor even busier. Full of bodies swaying together to the waves of light music floating through the air. Harley dragged Pam out onto the dance floor the moment they'd finished dinner. Just like the first time they'd come here with Bruce and Selina, Harley struggled to maintain even a modicum of grace. But she tried, and she let Pam lead, giggling every time she stumbled.

Pam held her close, one arm wrapped around her waist. The music made the room feel ethereal, like she was lost in some perfect dream, and gazing into Harley's bright blue eyes only added to the sensation. After the fifth dance, Harley stepped away once the music ended and gave a little curtesy that made Pam chuckle.

They left the Lounge soon after and made their way towards Robinson Park. The cool air was a refreshing contrast to the stuffy heat of the busy Lounge. Harley slipped her arm through Pam's, resting her head on her shoulder and gazing up at the stars as they walked.

"Did you enjoy your birthday?" she asked, her voice quiet, like she was afraid of interrupting the night.

"I loved it," Pam replied, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead. "Thank you."

Harley snuggled against her shoulder as they fell into another comfortable silence, allowing Pam the time to contemplate how true that statement really was. She'd never enjoyed a birthday more than she had this one. Harley made her feel so light, despite the looming issue of Jay and the protection order. And despite her continued therapy sessions. She was content with Harley beside her. No, more than content. Happy. For the first time in her life, she was truly, deeply happy.

They passed through the center of the park before Pam spoke again.

"I think I'm going to take Bruce's offer," she began.

Harley lifted her head of Pam's shoulder. "Really?"

"It sounds like a wonderful opportunity to put my degree to good use. And the thought of a more challenging career is… exciting, to say the least."

"What about the shop?" Harley sounded despondent.

"I don't know. I suppose I'll have to sell it."

"Oh."

"Is everything alright?" Pam asked, a little hurt by Harley's lack of excitement. "I thought you'd be happy about this."

"I am!" Harley assured her. "Of course I am. It's just… the shop… we wouldn't've met without it. And it'll be weird goin' to work and knowin' you're not next door. That's all. But I'll get used to it, I promise! This is good, I'm happy for you. I am."

"Things will be different," Pam said, watching as Harley drifted away from her slightly, until they were connected only by their laced fingers. "But different doesn't necessarily mean 'bad'."

Harley nodded, giggling when Pam took advantage of their position to turn her in a little spin.

"I know. It's just…" she huffed and glanced back up at the stars.

Pam came to a stop underneath the light of a street lamp and pulled Harley around to look at her. "The shop will always be special, but I don't believe that we wouldn't have met otherwise."

Harley cocked her head. "You don't?"

"No, I don't," Pam said. "I wholeheartedly believe that you and I were meant to find each other. We would have found a way, even without the shop."

"Kinda like fate? Or destiny?" Harley asked, a grin growing on her face.

"Something like that." Pam paused to take in the girl before her, her hair and eyes lit by the glow of the moon. Selina had been right back at the shop. She'd fallen hard, and she'd never felt it more clearly than she did in this moment. Even though the future before them was hazy, Pam felt confident. Secure in the knowledge that she had a constant by her side. Someone to support her no matter what came next.

"You gonna kiss me or what?" Harley interrupted her thoughts, taking Pam's hands and placing them on her hips.

Pam chuckled, leaning in and touching her lips to Harley's, light and sweet. Harley melted against her, hands rising to cup Pam's cheeks as they were swept away beneath the moonlight.

/

They stripped out of their dresses the second they got home, throwing on baggy pajamas and plopping down in front of the TV. Pam, for her part, enjoyed this part of the evening even more than the Lounge. Harley threw a blanket over both of them, curled against Pam's side and rested her head on her shoulder. They bickered for a while about what to watch, Pam insisting Harley deserved first pick since she'd done such a wonderful job with the birthday celebration. Eventually, Harley relented, and the next thing Pam knew, the room was filled with the sounds of some ridiculous cartoon. Harley giggled and snorted every now and then as she watched the screen, but Pam kept her eyes on Harley, focusing on the heat of her body and the joy on her face.

She'd never looked more beautiful. Grinning and laughing, her soft blonde hair falling around her shoulders. Pam couldn't stop herself from pressing a kiss to the top of her head, and Harley looked up at her, bright blue eyes roaming her face. After a moment, she lifted herself off Pam's shoulder and kissed her, lips soft and warm.

As Pam kissed her back, she raised her hand from where it rested against Harley's hip, slipping it underneath the fabric of her shirt and stroking her fingers along smooth skin. Harley's own hand found its way to Pam's thigh, inching inwards until Pam could feel her fingertips against the inseam of her pants. Harley paused there, her hand still, unmoving. And Pam found herself itching for a more intimate touch. With a jolt, she realized the faint restraint she always felt in these moments was gone. She was buzzing from the effects of the night and wrapped up in Harley. Wanting her… more than anything.

She wasn't afraid anymore.

Maybe it was the afterglow of a wonderful night, maybe it had something to do with Selina's light hearted jab, or maybe it was weeks and weeks of therapy finally paying off… She could sit here and analyze what had changed all night, but she wasn't about to waste another second.

"Harley," she murmured, pulling away.

"Mmm?" Harley's eyes were closed, lips still searching for Pam's.

Pam stopped her, placing gentle fingers underneath her chin. Harley opened her eyes slowly, they were clouded with confusion.

"I think… I'm ready," she said, voice quiet.

Harley blinked, the confusion deepening. "Ready for what?"

Pam gave her a meaningful look, her hand falling away from Harley's chin and stroking down her neck, her chest, coming to rest on her thigh.

"Oh! Oh…. O-oh." Harley swallowed thickly, her eyes going impossibly wide. "I… We could… If you wanted to try. Um…" She glanced at the couch they sat on and picked up one of the end pillows, fluffing it, and setting it against the armrest. "We could do it-try it-here. Or, the bedroom. Maybe the bedroom. That'd probably be more comfortable. And that's where it usually… happens."

Harley glanced up at Pam, a quiver passing through her as she caught the look of heady desire in those green eyes. They were dark, hooded, and effectively turning Harley into a puddle of goo. Part of her couldn't believe this was happening. Maybe she'd had too much to drink at the Lounge and passed out and this was some sort of fantasy. Maybe she'd fallen asleep in front of the TV and it was just a wonderful dream. But then Pam was reaching for her, warm palms sliding against Harley's, and all attempts to justify what was happening just sort of… stopped. Nothing was important anymore except for the way Pam was looking at her.

Taking Harley's hands, Pam stood and helped her off the couch, leading her to the bedroom, almost surprised by her own calm. Harley followed her silently, her eyes never leaving Pam's face. The cartoon was still playing on the television, but neither of them paid it enough attention to turn it off.

Harley's lips were on hers as soon as Pam shut the door behind them. The kiss was bruising, heated. Harley's fingers gripped Pam's hips, then twisted in her shirt and tugged. Her movements were jerky and hurried, like she was afraid the moment would end if she didn't tackle it head on. Pam took her hands and laced their fingers together. She tempered the kiss, parting her lips and allowing her tongue to glide against Harley's. That drew a low moan from the blonde and she began to follow Pam's lead, her actions becoming just a slow and measured.

Pam wanted Harley to savor this moment with her. Harley was chaos, she was energy, she was movement. But this was too important to take quickly. She walked Harley backwards, until her legs hit the edge of the mattress and she plopped down onto the bed, forced to remove her lips from Pam's now that there was a significant difference in height. Pam smiled down at her, cupping her face and brushing her thumbs across her cheeks. Harley reached for the hem of her shirt and this time Pam helped her remove it, revealing the lacy bra she wore underneath. Harley's eyes dropped to her chest and she leaned forward, pressing soft kisses over the swell of Pam's breasts. As she did, she gently tugged the cup of her bra down a little to reveal Pam's nipple. Gently, she ran her thumb over the soft peak, marveling as it hardened under her touch. Pam's breath hitched ever so slightly, her eyes fluttering closed.

"Is this alright?" Harley's warm breath puffed against Pam's skin, sending shivers down her spine. Pam slid a hand around the back of Harley's neck in response, tangling her fingers in her loose blonde curls and sighing.

 _Yes, this is alright. This is more than alright. This is perfect._

"Red?" Harley had moved away and was looking up at her, a hint of trepidation in her eyes.

"Yes," she confirmed slipping her fingers underneath the hem of Harley's shirt. Harley lifted her arms and Pam tossed the shirt across the room. She pulled Harley into another kiss and, while Harley was busy trying to unscramble the short circuit in her brain, Pam snuck her hands behind the blonde's back and unclasped her bra, dropping it to the ground. She cupped the blonde's breasts in rough palms, slipping her tongue into Harley's mouth when she gasped.

Letting her hands fall away from Harley's chest after a gentle squeeze, Pam trailed them down Harley's arms, lacing their fingers together and then guiding Harley's hands to the clasp of her own bra. Harley fumbled for a moment, her fingers shaking. She pressed her face into Pam's neck, attempting to kiss her and work the clasp at the same time.

"Dammit," Harley hissed, drawing a chuckle from Pam, who leaned forward in her embrace in an attempt to assist her.

"Ah ha!" Harley grinned, momentarily shattering the heat of the moment as she held the bra up victoriously. Then her eyes fell to Pam's now bare breasts and her smile faded, replaced with a look halfway between disbelief and ecstasy.

Pam's smile seemed to reassure her and as they tangled in another embrace, Harley pushed her hands between them, running her fingertips along the underside of Pam's breasts. She moaned softly into Harley's mouth, pushing her back against the mattress, bracing her knees on either side of Harley's hips and following her down. She skimmed her lips against Harley's neck, letting them drift—just barely touching-down her jaw, towards the hollow of her throat and then back up again. Pam lowered herself onto her elbows, her body sliding fluidly against Harley's. A shuddering breath escaped her lips as Harley's hardened nipples brushed against her own. Pam shifted, just to feel it again, when suddenly, Harley went limp beneath her. Confused, Pam pulled away, surprised by the look of apprehension on Harley's face.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Harley nodded quickly. "Yeah, yes. I am… Just, I was letting you do… what you want… with me."

Pam cocked her head. "Do what I want with you? No, Harley…. Generally, this requires two people. I'd like you to participate." She tried to add a little levity to her voice, but it seemed to go unnoticed.

"Oh, okay," Harley mumbled, remaining still.

Pam found herself wondering if she was falling back on what she'd experienced with Jay. Submitting to someone who didn't care if she was really pleasured. Or cherished.

"Touch me, Harley," she whispered and finally Harley raised her hands to Pam's hips and then around to the small of her back. She leaned up to meet Pam's languid kiss, fingernails digging into her skin when Pam's tongue brushed lightly against her lips. The second Harley parted them, Pam pulled away, smiled, and then kissed her again, teasingly, over and over and until Harley whimpered with want.

Deciding she was done with the game, Harley denied Pam's next kiss and instead attached her lips to Pam's neck, sucking until a dark mark bloomed underneath her skin. Growing bolder with Pam's moan, Harley kissed down her neck, over her collar, to the top of her chest. Pinned underneath Pam, Harley was unable to move her attention to her breasts. So she moved back up instead, licking a hot path from the hollow to Pam's throat to just below her ear and then flopped back against the pillow, her eyes opening to meet Pam's.

Pam gazed down at the girl lying beneath her. Her blue eyes were wide, sparkling, cheeks flushed. She rose up onto her hands and knees, creating some space between then, and took in Harley's body. It was almost strange seeing her bare torso. Pam's eyes roamed over the many tattoos that stained her skin, the taught plane of her stomach, her pert breasts.

Harley opened her mouth to say something, or maybe crack some sort of joke to alleviate the tension, but Pam didn't give her a chance. She took one of Harley's nipples into her mouth, her tongue rolling circles around the sensitive bud. And whatever Harley had meant to say, turned into a breathy moan.

Pam took her time, slowly teasing one breast with gentle flicks of her tongue, while her hand massaged the other. And then she switched, glancing up at Harley, heat flooding straight to her core when she saw the look of pure bliss on Harley's face. Her eyes were closed, lips parted. One of her hands found Pam's and she gripped it tightly, moving with it as Pam continued caressing her.

Harley couldn't feel anything except for Pam's body pressed against her own. Anywhere they weren't touching didn't exist. But Pam's mouth existed. And her warm wet tongue was doing wonderful things to Harley. It rasped against the peak of her nipple and then swirled around it as her gentle fingers tweaked the other. Harley felt an insurmountable pressure building between her thighs. She knew the feeling, and yet, at the same time, it was almost unfamiliar. Because she'd never felt it this intensely. Suddenly, Pam hummed and sucked, and the pressure between Harley's thighs reached its breaking point. She shuddered and clamped her legs together and let out a strangled sob. Pam drew back, confusion obvious in her expression.

"Did you just-" She trailed off and Harley flushed with embarrassment.

"Sorry."

Pam's light smile immediately turned into a scowl and she shook her head, waves of red hair falling over her shoulders. She captured Harley in another heated kiss and stroked her belly softly.

"You don't get to apologize," Pam murmured against her lips, echoing the same words Harley had used over and over again during their SIT sessions. Harley made the connection and a shy smile lit up her face.

"That's what I want to see…" Pam ran her thumb along the curve of Harley's lips, studying her face. She wanted Harley to feel loved. More so than she had with Jay, or any other partner. So, in an attempt to soothe her, Pam pressed her lips to Harley's neck and breathed against her skin, "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

"I'm not so beautiful," Harley disagreed in a quiet voice and once again, Pam drew back to stare at her, stunned that she couldn't see herself in the same light Pam did.

"I-I'm kinda small." She gestured to her chest. "And I got all these tattoos." She pointed to the tattoos on her legs, the ones dedicated to Jay. A permanent reminder. But Pam didn't care. They were a part of Harley, no matter the implication, and she loved all of Harley. She just needed to show her.

Starting at her neck again, Pam moved downward, pressing her lips tenderly to the tattoos that littered Harley's skin. Pam kissed over her breasts again, then across the lithe planes of her stomach that quivered underneath Pam's lips. She paused to dip her tongue into Harley's belly button, grinning when it earned a small giggle and another shiver.

Pam didn't stop at her belly button though. She kissed lower, her teeth scraping Harley's the 'Lucky you' lettering between Harley's hips.

"What're you-?"

"These tattoos don't make you any less beautiful," she said, slipping her fingers under the hem of Harley's sweatpants and tugging. Harley lifted her hips, wiggling as Pam pulled them down her legs and discarded them, leaving Harley in only her black boy shorts. Pam paused to take in the image in front of her. Harley, golden hair splayed out on the pillow, pale skin reflecting the soft yellow glow of the tea lights, body bare save for the black underwear that accentuated the perfect curve of her hips. All of it fueled Pam's desire. Leaning down, Pam began kissing each sketchy tattoo that decorated her thighs. She took her time, teasing the soft skin with gentle bites.

"These are part of your charm, part of your talent. Part of you," she said, continuing to trail kisses up her legs until she reached the edge of Harley's shorts. Locking eyes with her, Pam bumped her nose against Harley's mound and then kissed her sex through the fabric of her shorts. Harley groaned and tossed her head back against the pillow, murmuring something that sounded like, "Yes, Pam."

Pam continued to tease; licking, kissing, tugging on the shorts with her teeth, and finding that they were already soaked through. Harley had clearly already peaked once, but Pam wasn't finished with her yet. She pulled on the hem of Harley's shorts, and Harley lifted her hips once again, allowing Pam to slide them down her legs, leaving her completely naked. Taking a moment to compose herself, Pam dropped onto her elbows, breathing lightly against Harley's clit, enjoying the shiver that passed through her.

Harley was watching Pam with eyes as round as saucers, her breath coming in short gasps, and Pam hadn't even touched her yet.

"Daffodil?" she asked, realizing that her eagerness might not be matched. After everything they'd been through to get to this moment, she needed Harley to want it too. "Do you want me to stop?"

Harley shook her head quickly, everything in her expression begging Pam to continue. "No… Don't stop."

Pam nodded, a flash of nervousness filling her chest. But it disappeared just as quickly and Pam reached for Harley's hand, lacing their fingers together. Slowly, she bowed her head and licked up her length, from where she was wet and glistening to her sensitive clit. Pam couldn't help closing her eyes for a moment, taking in Harley's scent, almost losing herself in it. How she'd managed to deprive herself of this feeling for so long, she didn't know.

Harley's fingers tightened around hers and she moaned low in her throat, her hips rising to meet Pam's long strokes. She licked her again, bottom to top, relishing the feel, the taste. The lack of fear, the desire.

"Oh Pam…" Harley groaned her name and a jolt of longing shot through her. The sound boosted her confidence, it filled her with hunger.

She licked Harley one more time with a flat tongue before teasing her clit with quick flicks. Then rolling it in gentle circles. Harley bucked again, her hips moving more vigorously now.

She moaned Pam's name again and Pam slipped one hand underneath Harley's ass, squeezing and angling her hips off the bed, going deeper, her tongue punishingly intense. Harley reached for her, hands fisting in Pam's hair almost painfully, but Pam didn't relent.

With her free hand, she stroked a single slender finger through Harley's silky wetness before sliding it inside of her, curling it to find that sweet spot deep inside. Pam could already feel Harley's inner walls starting to pulse around her finger. Harley's hands tightened in her hair and she fought to keep her legs from closing around Pam's head. Pam helped her, releasing her hips and pushing Harley's thighs apart, spreading her wider and adding a second finger, pumping in and out of her at a methodical pace.

Harley couldn't really breath at this point. She knew she had to be. She was still conscious. But everything was Pam. Every gasp, every wave of pleasure, every touch and lick and tease, every throb of her pulse, it was all Pam. She'd never felt anything so excruciatingly intense before, and Pam was relentless. She didn't give Harley a moment to try and collect herself. Pam chased her building orgasm fiercely and Harley knew she wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer. But more than anything, she wanted to freeze inside this moment. This moment where she was toeing the pinnacle of absolute bliss, tangled with the woman she loved, subject to her talented fingers and tongue. Squeezing her eyes shut, she struggled to think of anything that might distract her, keep her from coming. She was almost successful too, forcing herself to recreate the episode of the cartoon they'd been watching and then…. In the next instant she forgot everything as Pam curled her fingers again, and Harley slammed her hand down on the mattress, twisting the sheets in white knuckles.

"Fuck, Red!" She _felt_ Pam smile and nearly lost it right then and there.

Harley squirmed, pushing herself against Pam's face, trying to get somehow closer as Pam began pumping her fingers faster. She gasped, Pam's name falling like a prayer from her lips.

Pam could feel how close Harley was in the way she writhed, the way her walls tightened around Pam's fingers and her chest heaved as she gasped for breath. Wrapping her lips around Harley's clit once more, Pam sucked, hard, and Harley crested.

A sudden, powerful tremor passed through Harley's legs and her back arched off the bed as she came with a long, drawn out cry. Her body rolled with the waves of her orgasm, a thin sheen of sweat making her skin glow in the low light.

It was the most beautiful thing Pam had ever seen.

Harley's cry turned into a deep sigh and she fell back against the mattress, panting, her body going limp. Gently, Pam withdrew her fingers, and sat up, wiping her mouth clean and crawling up the bed, hovering over Harley. Her eyes were still closed, her chest heaving and her limbs trembling slightly as she recovered. Pam leaned down to kiss her when suddenly Harley's face twisted and she hiccupped. The next thing Pam knew, she was sobbing.

"Daffodil?" Pam asked, concerned. "Harley?" She rolled onto her side and pulled Harley against her chest, her warm tears dripping onto Pam's shoulder. "What's the matter?"

For a moment, Pam was worried she'd done something wrong. What else could explain her tears? She lay there, worrying, stroking Harley's back and hair and kissing her forehead and murmuring apologies.

Finally, Harley shook her head, managing to gather herself enough to gasp, "It's not you. I… just… I've never… I didn't know it could be…"

 _Oh._

So Pam had been right in her assumption that Jay had never loved her the way she needed it. If Pam had learned one thing, it was that Harley thrived on affection. She was starved for it. And it must have been so long since she'd felt it as deeply as this. She'd been with Jay and then waited so patiently for weeks for Pam. This must have been overwhelming, but from the way she clutched at Pam, she was confident that Harley had wanted it as much as she had.

Pam held her close, continuing to stroke her softly and kiss the tears from her cheeks, and pull the blankets tighter around them until finally, Harley's sobs quieted and she fell asleep in Pam's arms.


	17. Those Three Words

Harley woke slowly, a little disoriented. Her head was fuzzy and her body light; she felt as if she could float right off the bed. Slowly, memories of the night before came flooding back to her, one incredible moment after another. Part of her was convinced that last night had been a dream. A wonderful, powerful dream. And then she shifted and felt the sheets slide against her naked skin and a delicious tingle flew down her spine.

Harley glanced over at Pam, who lay facing her, her shoulders rising and falling slowly as she slept. Carefully, Harley reached out and traced her fingers along Pam's jaw, counting the faint freckles on her cheeks. Last night had been the most emotionally intense experience of Harley's life. It wasn't just sex, Harley knew all too well what that felt like. Pam had made love to her in every sense of the word. She had felt sensations that never, in her wildest dreams, did she ever think she'd feel. She'd wanted it, wanted Pam, for so long, no matter how hard she'd tried to convince herself otherwise. And it had been so worth the wait, so _good_. The way Pam touched her… in the end it had brought Harley to tears.

She remembered her confession last night, and the look on Pam's face. The mask of concern that melted into adoration as soon as Harley had found the breath to explain herself. And then she'd held Harley as she cried, until both of them fell into a peaceful sleep.

Turning on her side, Harley squirmed closer to Pam, resting one hand on her hip, reveling in the feel of her soft skin. She closed her eyes and pressed a brief kiss to Pam's nose, giggling when she wrinkled it in protest.

A moment later, Pam's green eyes opened, still clouded from sleep. But they cleared as she took in Harley's face and a drowsy smile spread across her lips.

"G'morning," Harley whispered, afraid of shattering the tender moment if she spoke any louder.

Pam didn't respond at first, she squeezed her eyes shut, and when she opened them again, Harley could see a strange look deep inside them. For a moment, she panicked. Was Pam feeling the after _shock_ rather than the afterglow? What if last night had been too fast? What if she really hadn't been ready? Did she regret what they'd done?

But then Pam silenced her fears when she snaked her arm around Harley's waist and pulled her close, warm lips colliding with hers.

Harley melted into her embrace, caressing Pam's face. She was starving for Pam's affection, like last night hadn't been enough. It only made her hungrier, more in love, more dedicated to the woman lying next to her.

"Thank you," she blurted once the kiss had ended. Pam blinked, clearly confused. She propped herself up on one elbow, the sheets sliding away from her chest, and Harley couldn't stop her eyes from straying.

"Why are you thanking me?" she asked, a chuckle in her voice.

"For... Last night. It was… You were… I've never…" Harley knew she was just repeating the confession she'd made last night, but everything still felt so raw. She felt naked-which… she was- but also exposed and vulnerable. And while she trusted Pam, it was still a scary realization. Pam had seen the deepest side of her, the broken side that she hid behind the mask of constant happiness. And yet, Pam was still here. She hadn't run, she hadn't judged Harley.

"Don't thank me," Pam interrupted, cupping Harley's face and stroking her thumb across her cheek. "It wasn't a favor. It was…" she blew out an amused breath. "…a long time coming."

Harley snickered, "Coming."

Pam rolled her eyes and lay against the pillow again, resting her forehead against Harley's. "What am I going to do with you…"

"Hey," Harley began, ignoring that particular question. "Last night wasn't… too much, was it? You're okay, right? And remember, no lies, you have to be honest."

Pam smiled, although her eyes remained closed. "I'm more than okay, Daffodil. I told you I was ready, and I was. That hasn't changed this morning."

"Good," Harley breathed, genuinely relieved. "Then can we, maybe, do that again sometime? Preferably… soon?"

Pam opened her eyes again, gazing into Harley's with that same look that she hadn't been able to describe. She seemed hesitant, her jaw twitching like she was preparing to say something. But she didn't. She remained silent, her eyes continuing to roam Harley's face.

Beginning to squirm with anxiety, Harley quickly broke the silence. "We don't have to, if you don't want to. We can wait. I'm good at waiting, remember?" She tried to giggle but it came out like more of a strangled choking noise and still, Pam kept her mouth shut, that look in her eyes growing more prevalent. "It's totally your call. You decide when and what we do, I'm okay with that. I mean it-"

Then Pam stretched up, her body sliding against Harley's and pressed an affectionate kiss to her forehead, murmuring against her skin, "I love you."

"-Because last night was amazing. But as much as I want… you. I want you to be comfortable more, so- Wait, what?"

Harley's breath hitched in her throat and the world flipped upside down around her. She didn't have a chance to respond, or even think, before Pam was kissing her again, tenderly.

"Wait," Harley pushed her away, struggling to form a coherent thought. Pam looked concerned, a little hurt even, that Harley had rejected her. And Harley saw her begin to close off in the way her face hardened. Quickly, to remedy the situation, she spluttered, "Y-you love me?"

Pam's expression softened again and she nodded, biting her lip. Harley couldn't begin to unravel the tangle of emotions rolling through her. She'd known she was in love with Pam for ages… But to hear that her feelings were reciprocated. To hear the words coming from Pam's perfect lips. It was almost too much to take in.

"You love me." It wasn't a question this time, so much as it was Harley trying to understand the words. "Can you…" She hesitated, embarrassed by her own request. "Can you say it again?"

Pam's smile widened and she wriggled across the mattress, pulling Harley close until their bodies were pressed together. Once Harley was close enough to count the golden specks in Pam's green eyes, she said it again. "I love you, Harley Quinn. Harleen Francis Quinzel. All of you. I've loved you for a long time… And… I'm sorry it's taken me until now to tell you."

"No, no, no, no," Harley shook her head rapidly, raising a hand to stroke Pam's cheek. "Don't you dare apologize. Hearin' it now is enough." And then she realized she'd skipped one very important thing. Harley wet her lips with a brief flick of her tongue and whispered, "I love you too."

The grin on Pam's face filled Harley with indescribable joy. And she thought maybe _this_ was what real love felt like. Caring so much for the other person that their happiness was yours. It was making sacrifices and standing at their side. It was fighting and forgiving and enjoying every part of them, even the broken parts. For the first time in her life, the words felt real. And they made her want to cry again. But Pam was already rolling Harley underneath her, her thigh slotting itself between Harley's legs as she kissed her, deep and warm. She pulled back slightly to gaze down at Harley, eyes roaming her face in a silent question. Harley nodded, her mouth going dry as she felt Pam's lean into her thigh, pressing against Harley, who rocked her hips in response. She reached for Pam, threading her fingers through her hair and pulling her down for another kiss.

 _I love you, I love you, I love you_ , she thought, the words playing in her head over and over as Pam slipped a hand between their bodies, her fingers sliding through Harley's cleft. She caught Harley's earlobe between her teeth as her fingers began rubbing slow circles on her clit.

"Wait…" Harley gasped, fighting not to lose herself in the pleasure. "Pam… Stop."

Pam pulled back immediately, bracing herself on her elbows and gazing down at Harley with concern. Harley ignored the arousal tingling in her belly and pushed on Pam's shoulders until their positions had been reversed.

"Last night was all about me," she explained, moving to straddle Pam. "I want this morning to be all about you."

Harley saw a flicker of hesitation in Pam's green eyes and leaned down to kiss her forehead, hands rising to cup both cheeks.

 _It's okay. Trust me. I won't hurt you._

"Red…?" she murmured. "Can I touch you?"

Pam didn't answer verbally, surging upwards instead and capturing Harley's lips in a kiss that was all teeth and tongue and wanting. Harley let her fingers trail down Pam's body, feeling the shiver that passed through her. She stopped just above the waistband of Pam's panties, drumming her fingers against smooth skin. But Pam didn't stop her. She slipped her arms around Harley's waist and moved her kisses to her chest. Satisfied with her wordless consent, Harley dipped her fingers into Pam's waiting wetness, both of them gasping when Harley made contact. Pam tensed and then relaxed just as quickly when Harley began to stroke her, moaning quietly.

Harley buried her face in Pam's red hair, attempting to compose herself. She'd wanted control this morning, but was already losing it... Because finally getting to touch Pam this intimately was sort of blowing her mind.

Pam moaned again, a little more loudly this time, and pressed her face into the crook of Harley's neck, panting lightly as the blonde continued to stroke her.

Harley cupped her cheek with one hand, lifting Pam's face until she could look her in the eye.

"I love you, Pamela," she murmured and Pam smiled, a bright beaming smile that assured Harley she was alright. That she really could fight the fear now.

Harley lowered her to the mattress, kissing her cheek and then her nose and finally her lips, her fingers continuing to slide slowly through Pam's sex. Pam dragged her nails down Harley's back as the tension finally melted from her body. Arching into her touch, Harley placed one more heated kiss on Pam's lips and then slid down her body, mouth latching onto Pam's nipple. She wasn't sure which one of them moaned at the contact, but she heard it clearly, even over the roar of blood rushing in her ears. Pam's hands wove their way into Harley's hair and tugged, and Harley's eyes slid shut, although her mouth and tongue continued to work.

Even though it was Harley's turn this morning, she felt close to the edge already. Watching Pam relax, close her eyes, give into the pleasure, was about as arousing as receiving it herself. Finally, allowing herself to be vulnerable. It was a privilege and Harley wasn't about to abuse it.

She let her free hand wander down Pam's side, nails dragging along her soft skin, not with the intention to hurt her but hard enough for Pam to feel the catch. Pam's breath hitched as Harley trailed her fingernails down over her belly, scraping lightly around her navel. Her green eyes shot open and she grabbed Harley's shoulders, pulling her up for a wet kiss.

Harley groaned against her lips, rocking her hips against Pam's thigh as their tongues tangled, fingers continuing to stroke her. She was panting heavily by the time Pam pulled away to let her breath. Without waiting another moment-for fear of being sidetracked by Pam's mouth again-Harley placed a brief kiss on her nose and then slid down her body once more, wiggling until she rested between Pam's thighs.

Harley tugged on the hem of Pam's panties, sliding them down her long legs and tossing them over her shoulder unceremoniously. Then Harley placed her hands on the inside of Pam's thighs, gently pushing them apart only to be met with resistance. She looked up, confused, her eyes finding Pam's. And she was surprised to see a look of fear there.

Releasing Pam's thighs, Harley rose back onto her hands and knees, trailing tiny kisses up Pam's body until she reached her lips again.

"Are you alright?" She breathed the words they'd asked one another over and over during their SIT sessions. "Do you want me to stop?" It was almost funny, Harley thought, to be echoing the same words Pam had used last night. And odd, that they both found themselves in the same place when it came to intimacy. Broken, a little scared, but wanting and willing.

Pam shook her head, although it was clear from her expression that she was still uncertain.

"We don't have to do this," Harley insisted, ignoring the disappointment that stabbed at her. Again, Pam shook her head, although her voice trembled slightly when she spoke.

"I want to."

Harley allowed her hand to wander between Pam's legs again. "Do you trust me?"

Pam hesitated, her wide eyes searching Harley's. Harley kissed her cheek and then her neck, sucking on the soft skin, smiling inwardly at the marks that she'd already left there. She heard Pam whimper and rose to look into her face again.

"Red?" Her question had still gone unanswered, and she wasn't about to force Pam to do anything she was uncomfortable with.

"I trust you," Pam replied. Harley smiled, letting her nose brush Pam's, and began making her way down her body again.

This time, when she settled between Pam's thighs, Harley was able to ease them apart. She took a shuddering breath, her eyes falling away from Pam's, and she licked her lips before bowing her head.

Haley ran her tongue up the length of her sex slowly, once, twice, three times, ending each stroke by suckling gently on Pam's sensitive nub. Pam gasped softly, her hips rising to meet each of Harley's strokes. Harley continued with slow licks, until Pam began to writhe, and then Harley wrapped her arms around Pam's thighs and began working her clit with quick flicks of her tongue.

The sensation was incredible. Harley was already losing herself in Pam's taste, in her scent, and then Pam's hands were in her hair, fisting and tugging, hard, and Harley's eyes nearly rolled into the back of her head.

 _You've gotta kink, Quinzel._

She ignored her inner voice, moaning against Pam's center when she pulled again. The resulting vibration had Pam fisting the sheets in one hand, her back arching slightly as Harley's tongue continued its relentless assault.

Adjusting her grip, Harley pushed Pam's thighs up, hooking them over her shoulders, her tongue reaching deeper. Pam tossed her head back against the pillow, entirely lost in her own pleasure now. She groaned and sighed and tangled her fingers in Harley's hair and then the sheets, and back again, until her body began to shake with the intensity of her building orgasm.

Releasing one of Pam's thighs, Harley slid two fingers along Pam's slit, silently preparing her before pushing them inside. Harley groaned again, unable to contain herself. Pam was so warm and wet, and her walls pulsed and tightened around Harley's fingers.

She pumped them slowly, listening for any sign of discomfort from Pam, but there was nothing but her pleasured moans. It didn't take much longer. In fact, Harley thought it all happened rather quickly.

She sucked on Pam's clit and curled her fingers deep inside. Pam's wall jerked around Harley's fingers and she jolted on the bed, her body trembling fiercely as she came in a series of breathy whimpers.

Harley didn't want to let go. She continued swirling her tongue around Pam's clit, curling her fingers, milking everything she could out of Pam's orgasm.

Finally, when Pam's collapsed on the bed, her body twitching, Harley gently removed her fingers and placed a final kiss on Pam's center before crawling up the bed to lie beside her. Pam's hands had risen to cover her face and her chest still heaved as she struggled to normalize her breathing.

"Pam?" Harley slid an arm around her waist, nervous now that she still hadn't spoken. "You okay?" Her voice cracked weakly.

 _Please be okay. That was… incredible._

Pam nodded, her face still hidden behind her hands.

"I'm proud of you," Harley murmured, sidling closer to Pam until her head rested on the same pillow. "After everythin' that happened to you. After Woodrue and Jay and… me. And I'm not sayin' that because I don't think you're strong. You're the strongest person I know. It's not pity." She reached up and brushed a few strands of hair away from Pam's covered face. "I knew you'd beat this, beat _him_ , eventually. And you did. And I'm a part of it. And I can't… I don't… "

Harley felt tears coming to her eyes.

 _Oh come on… Don't do this now! This is about her not you._

Finally, Pam lowered her hands and Harley saw the glassy sheen in her eyes. She turned onto her side, wrapping her arms around Harley and rolling until they lay in a tangle of limbs and sweat damp skin. Pam pressed her lips to Harley's ear and then her cheek and her brow, and just below her eye. She didn't say anything, but Harley didn't need her to. She could feel the joy radiating off Pam, the high, the love.

"Was it okay?" Harley murmured, her voice muffled by Pam's hair. Pam elected to stay hidden in Harley's neck, kissing her there, lips tender and soft. After another moment of silence, she finally pulled back and graced Harley's cheek with the back of her hand.

"I'm glad it was you."

"Glad what was me?" Harley asked.

Pam smiled and ran a thumb across Harley's bottom lip. "I'm glad it was you who saved me."

/

"What's with you?" Floyd asked, as Harley practically skipped through the front door of the tattoo parlor.

"Nothin'," she beamed, giggling at the befuddled expression Floyd gave her.

"No, seriously," Chato cut in. "You're happier than normal and that's just too fucking much."

Harley shrugged, her smile growing wider. "What, I'm not allowed to be happy anymore?"

"Not this happy."

Suddenly, understanding dawned on Floyd's face and he snorted loudly. "Girl just got laid."

"Floyd!" Harley gasped, her hand flying to her chest. She broke a moment later and giggled again. "You're right."

Chato shook his head and turned away, but Floyd held up his hand, gesturing Harley towards him. "Bring it in."

Harley bounced to his side, accepting his fist bump and grinning widely at him.

"I think you owe me for filling the role of your wingman," he said, taking a seat at his workbench.

"Wingman?"

"Hell yeah. Who was the one who told you to go tell Plant Lady how you felt?"

"You, I guess."

"Damn straight. And who was the one who helped you move into her apartment?"

Harley narrowed her eyes. "You."

Floyd bounced his brows. "That's right. And who was the one who gave you that advice when the two of you were on the outs?"

"Okay!" Harley threw her arms in the air. "You're my wingman!"

"That's all I'm sayin'," he said with a smirk. "So next time I need a favor, you pay up."

"Is that how bein' a wingman works?"

"That's how it's gonna work for me."

Harley waved him away and moved to her work station.

"Yo, Harley," Floyd called to her, and she turned to face him again. "It's uh… It's good to see you like this…. Especially after… You know." He jerked his head towards Jay's office.

She hadn't expected such sentimentality from Floyd, and it threw her for a second. "T-thank you."

Floyd pursed his lips and cleared his throat. Harley did the same, a quiet smile playing on her lips.

 _Thank you…you grumpy ass teddy bear._

Suddenly, the front door swung open and Harley saw Officer Montoya entering the shop.

"Renee!" she hurried to the officer's side. "You uh… here for a tattoo?

Renee chuckled. "Afraid not, Harley." She held up a packet of papers. "I'm here to serve Mr. Napier his papers."

"Oh." Harley wasn't sure how to feel about that. Part of her was excited to finally establish a line of defense against Jay. The other was afraid of being here when he found out.

 _He can't hurt you. Renee is literally making sure of that right now._

It was strange to think how far she'd come. A few short months ago, she'd be falling at Jay's feet. And now she was serving him a court order to stay the hell away from her.

"Is he here?" Renee drew Harley out of her thoughts.

She jerked her thumb towards his office. "In the back."

Renee nodded firmly and made her way down the hall, Harley staring after her.

"What the hell's going on?" Floyd asked, coming to stand beside her.

"Pam and I filed a protection order against Jay," she explained.

"Damn." Floyd sounded genuinely impressed. He ran his fingers over his chin in thought. "Can't wait to see how he takes that."

They both heard a shout from the back room.

"Not well apparently," Harley murmured as a devious grin grew on Floyd's face.

"Follow me," he said, taking Harley's hand and leading her down the hall. He took her to the office door and held a finger to his lips when Harley opened her mouth to object. Relenting out of sheer curiosity, Harley pressed her ear against the door and listened.

"You can't do this to me." Jay's voice. "You have no proof."

"Actually we do," Montoya replied calmly. "And if you read the documents you'll see exactly what we have against you."

"And Pamela Isley is behind this?"

"She's the one who filed the PPO, yes. She's also the one protected under those papers."

 _So don't try anything._ It went unsaid.

Jay barked a laugh. "You can't tell me she actually believes that I'm going to take this lying down."

Renee didn't respond but Harley didn't need to see her to sense her anger.

"The papers detail your court date. I would suggest you bring your best defense."

"Oh, I'll be there," Jay replied, his voice suddenly cool and collected. "And I'll be ready."

"Then I'll leave you to the rest of your day." There was a thud of boots against the floor and Harley and Floyd scrambled away from the door, tripping over one another as they rushed down the hall. Unfortunately, they weren't fast enough.

"What were you two doing?" They turned slowly to see Montoya standing behind them, hands on her hips as Jay's office door swung shut behind her.

"Uh…" Harley struggled for an excuse and came up empty. "Eavesdropping?"

Montoya sighed, although a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"Mr. Napier's papers have been served," she informed them unnecessarily. "You shouldn't have any more trouble with him, Harley. And if you do… Well, he gets to deal with me."

"That bastard going to jail?" Floyd asked.

"If he steps out of line, it's definitely a possibility," Montoya said. She jerked her chin and led them both down the hall. "I'll be around to check up on things, Harley. If you need help, don't hesitate to call me."

She smiled, bid them goodbye and stepped out the door. Harley and Floyd stood in silence, taking it all in.

"Wow." Floyd blew out a breath. "Finally putting Jay in his place. It's about damn time."

He clapped Harley on the shoulder and then left her to her thoughts. Harley pulled out her phone after a moment and sent a quick text to Pam.

 _Renee stopped by jay officially has the papers_

Her reply was immediate.

 _Good. Are you alright?_

 _Yup! pretty excited actually…_

 _Are you safe?_

 _course I am Jay can't touch me…us…anymore remember?_

 _I remember. :)_

A grin broke out on Harley's face when Pam sent her the emoji.

 _you're adorable see u at home?_

 _Of course. ;) ;) ;)_

Harley's grin widened as she pocketed her phone. No Jay, no fights, no miscommunications. In love. Things had never looked brighter.

/

"Question."

"Yes?"

"Why the fuck are you wearing a turtleneck?" Selina asked as she and Pam took a seat at a corner table in Barbara's coffee shop.

"Is there a reason I shouldn't be?" Pam returned.

"No, except for the fact that you've worn a turtleneck sweater only ONE other time in the many years I've known you. And you ended up burning it because Alec Holland said you looked like an actual turtle… To be fair, you did have some massive glasses back when you were in school."

Pam flushed, the memory filling her with equal amounts anger and embarrassment. "That was years ago. I'm not so petty as to let it keep me from wearing a shirt, Selina. It's… I'm trying something new."

Selina narrowed her eyes. "You're a terrible liar."

"I'm not lying!"

"Then roll the collar down," Selina challenged.

"Wha—why? What is that going to prove?"

"That you're hiding something," Selina said, leaning forward on the table. "And I'll bet I already know what it is." She bounced her eyebrows and grinned.

"Stop acting like a child," Pam admonished.

"I will if you show me what's under that turtleneck."

"You're not helping your cause."

Selina held up her hands and sat back. "Fine. Okay. You win. You're just making a fashion statement. I believe you."

Pam just barely held herself back from breathing an audible sigh of relief. Suddenly, Selina lunged forward, hooking her fingers over the lip of Pam's collar and tugging it down before she could react. Selina's eyes grew wide and she smiled a toothy grin, plopping back in her seat when Pam shoved her away.

"What do you think you're doing?" she hissed, adjusting the sweater to cover the dark marks on her neck again.

"I knew it," Selina hissed back. "Things got hot and heavy last night. Happy Birthday to you."

Pam's jaw clenched and she took a furious sip of her tea. Selina was watching her, amusement sparkling in her eyes.

"How far did things get?"

Pam had to fight to stop herself from slamming her cup back down onto the table. "It's really not any of your business," she gritted.

Selina's smile only grew. "Pretty far if those hickeys are anything to go by."

"Would you stop?"

"I'm just curious!" she relented. "You two have been working a long time to get past those blocks of yours." Pam nodded but remained silent, tapping her fingernails against her ceramic mug. "So…. Far?"

"….Yes," Pam admitted after a significant pause.

"Pretty far?" Selina pushed.

Pam nodded and the blush that colored her cheeks finally tipped Selina off.

"Oh my god…Did you?… You did. You two had sex!" she exclaimed her voice growing in volume.

"Tell the whole café, would you? I don't think Barbara heard," Pam spat, hands clenching around her mug.

"Oh, good point! Hey Babs-" Selina turned, hand cupped around her mouth when Pam reached out and yanked her back around. "Ow… Jesus."

"What is your problem?"

"Okay, Okay, I'm sorry," Selina whispered, calming and straightening the shirt sleeve Pam had wrinkled. "I got carried away… But Pam! This is fantastic!"

A small smile tugged at the corners of Pam's mouth despite her irritation.

"Seriously, after everything the two of you have been through, more specifically, after what _you've_ been through… For you to finally trust her enough to well… to do some aggressive cuddling. That's great news!" Selina paused. "So how was it?"

"You're really toeing the line today," Pam replied, jaw clenching.

"I'm your best friend! You tell me these things."

"Is that how it works?" Pam smirked, raising a brow.

Selina threw her arms in the air. "Yes! Tell me! Or I really will tell the whole café."

Pam took a moment to ponder her answer. She considered the marks hidden underneath her collar, the ones on her inner thighs, the lightly raised red lines that trailed down her back. Her mind flitted back to that morning, the pivotal moment when fear had become bliss. When the dark memories of her past had been wiped away by Harley' words and gentle touch. She recalled how patient she'd been, how attentive. How Pam's comfort had meant more to her than her own pleasure. It was something she'd never felt before, something she never thought she _could_ feel. And she wasn't sure how to convey that feeling to Selina. So she settled on…

"Good."

Selina's jaw dropped. "Good? That's all you're giving me is good? Pam, come on! You've waited for this for well over a year. And all you've got to say is 'good'?"

Pam shrugged.

"'Good'," Selina echoed bitterly. "God, I know you don't exactly wear your heart on your sleeve, but you'd think sleeping together would have opened the doors a little."

Heaving a sigh, Pam set her mug aside and met Selina's gaze. "It was wonderful." Selina leaned forward, excited now. " _She_ was wonderful. Gentle, sweet. Everything I didn't know I needed. And after we made love we-"

"Hold up!" Selina snorted, waving her hands up. "Made love? What are you, 90-years-old?"

Pam scowled. "You are moments away from receiving a severe third degree burn," she said, pointing at her tea.

"Made love. Got it," Selina reiterated, miming zipping her lips.

"After the first time-"

Selina's eyes bulged. "The first time? How many-"

She seemed to recognize her mistake immediately and hunched back in her chair, lips locked, shoulders quivering. Pam waited a few seconds to see if she would keep her word before speaking again. "Afterwards, she told me how much it meant to her. With Jay she'd never… I mean, he had never…"

"I got it," Selina interrupted, her expression dark. "Bastard."

"And this morning," Pam continued. "I was finally able to tell her how much she meant to me."

Selina was silent, clearly waiting for more.

"I… told her I loved her," Pam continued haltingly, suddenly feeling very warm under the sweater.

"Were you able to…" Selina suddenly hesitated, her lips twisting. "I mean, could you…? That is, did you let her…."

Pam had to smile; it wasn't often that Selina struggled for words. Especially not after she'd spent the majority of their conversation, up until this point, flustering Pam.

"Did I let her what?" Pam teased.

Selina shifted in her seat, frowning. "You know what I'm asking. Were you able to let her… take the lead?"

Pam paused, her eyes flickering around the room as if she were afraid someone would overhear them. "Yes."

"That's huge." Selina expression melted into a gentle smile. "Pam, that's amazing." She reached across the table and placed her hand over Pam's, redrawing her attention. "You've come a long way since Seattle."

Pam didn't have the words to respond, she simply nodded and fought the lump rising in her throat.

Sensing her discomfort, Selina moved her hand away and took a loud sip of her coffee. "Mushy shit aside... Point is, you got laid! You're in love! Harley's probably bouncing off the walls! When's the wedding?"

"Wedding?" Pam spluttered, nearly choking on her tea. "I don't think we're nearly ready for anything like that."

"But someday, right?" Selina insisted. "I mean, you love her, she loves you, you're not planning on leaving her soooo…. that's the inevitable conclusion, am I right? Or did I miss a step?"

Pam stared down at her cup. Selina wasn't necessarily wrong, but everything still felt so new between them. They had time. She wasn't about to ruin a good thing because Selina was being pushy…. And mildly intrusive. Even still, the idea wasn't an unwelcome one. In fact, it made her glow. Marrying Harley….

"Pam?" Selina was staring at her, obviously confused by her sudden silence.

"Someday," she said, a small smile playing on her lips. Selina's features softened again and then she regained her edge.

"I'd better be one of your guys' maid of honor or I swear to god…"

"I'm not so sure," Pam mused, raising her cup to her lips. "Barbara seems like a far less overbearing candidate."

Selina's mouth opened and then she whirled around to glare at Barbara (who sat behind the counter, completely unsuspecting) and then turned back to Pam, her eyes narrowing when she saw the smirk on her face.

"You're a bitch." She pointed an accusatory finger.

"And you're nosy and rude," Pam retorted, setting her cup down and laying one hand over the other calmly. Selina's eyes narrowed further.

"Okay…fine… No more 'intrusive' questions," she put air quotes around the word. "And you let me be in your eventual wedding party."

"Deal," Pam smiled, raising her mug again as Selina picked at the surface of the table, lips pulled into a pout.

After the silence stretched a few beats, Pam added, "Although, you are, and always were, a part of the plan anyway."

"God damn it, Pam."

/

"So," Joan began, leaning back in her chair and focusing her gaze on Harley and Pam. "Your communication has improved dramatically. No more arguments, I assume?"

Pam nodded, glancing at Harley out of the corner of her eye. The blonde was practically vibrating in her seat, bottom lip caught between her teeth as she struggled to contain herself.

"Wonderful. And your SIT sessions," Joan continued. "Have you been able to test your boundaries?"

Harley snickered despite herself and Joan looked up from her notes, giving her a perplexed look. Pam hurried to intervene before she blurted something that might embarrass them both.

"The SIT sessions won't be necessary anymore," Pam explained coolly, crossing her hands in her lap.

Joan's eyes narrowed. "The last time the two of you decided to put an end to the SIT sessions, it resulted in an enormous argument. Are you sure dropping them again won't be an issue?"

"I'm sure," Pam said. Harley squirmed and looked back and forth between Pam and Joan, practically bursting at the seams.

"Harley?" Joan noticed her barely contained excitement. "Something to say? Do you agree with Pam?"

"Oh, you bet I do," Harley grinned, bobbing her head up and down.

Joan still didn't look convinced. "Might I ask why you feel it's appropriate to stop them?"

Pam opened her mouth, prepared to explain the situation in the most delicate way she could manage, when Harley finally burst.

"Because we totally did it, that's why!" Harley bit her lip again when both Joan and Pam whipped around to look at her. She raised her shoulders in a sheepish shrug, a smile tugging at her lips. "Sorry… but we did. A few times actually. Pammy's not afraid anymore."

Joan turned her attention to Pam, clearly struggling to maintain her professionalism. "Pam? Thoughts? Do you really believe you've broken through what was holding you back?"

"I do," she said, fighting the heat that rose in her cheeks when Joan smiled.

"That's wonderful news. I'm proud of the progress the two of you have made individually and as a couple. A healthy sex life can drastically improve the strength of a relationship." Harley set her hand down on the couch, wiggling her fingers in a sign that said to Pam, 'hold me'.

"However," Joan said, watching as Pam lay her hand over Harley's. "I would still like to see the both of you for the next few months. Perhaps not as frequently. But the last thing I want is for the two of you to take a step backwards in your progress. Agreed?"

Pam nodded and Harley gave Joan a thumbs up, an enormous grin still threatening to split her face.

"Well then ladies, I'll let you go for the day."

Harley bounded out of her seat, racing for the door while Joan and Pam stood more slowly.

"Joan, I want to thank you," Pam said, pausing in the doorway. "I couldn't have gotten this far without you."

Joan studied Pam for a moment and then her face melted into a smile, eyes crinkling at the corners. "You had the power to face your fears inside you all along. All I did was help you realize it."

"Then thank you for helping me realize," Pam insisted. Joan had been there for her from the beginning, through her lowest points. She'd kick started her healing. Pam wasn't about to let the older woman off without accepting her thanks.

Seeming to sense this, Joan relented. "You're welcome. Stay strong. You've made incredible progress and I sense you haven't finished growing just yet. Keep your mind and you heart open and someday, Pam, you'll be completely free."

/

Jay threw the papers down onto his kitchen table, scowling at them as they scattered across its surface. He hadn't bothered to read past the first paragraph. He was too infuriated. He was seething. He was humiliated. Pamela Isley had thwarted him at every turn. She'd taken Harley, pulled in the police to keep him away and now this, a PPO that ensured his arrest if he was caught near her again.

She seemed untouchable and Jay couldn't stand it. He growled and turned away from the papers, beginning to pace the living room. He had a week until his court date. A week to file a motion against Pamela's accusations. But should he bother? Even if he managed to discredit the PPO, she'd find some other way to stop him.

For weeks he'd spent time memorizing her schedule, following her home, eavesdropping as Harley unloaded her worries to Floyd, finding the right moments to plant the letters. Catering them to her fears, pulling her away from Harley. He'd been meticulous, cautious, patient. And still, he'd failed.

Jay wanted revenge. He wanted to hurt her, make her bleed, crush her pride and her spirit. He needed to be cunning, crafty in how he proceeded.

He would fight her PPO, discredit her 'evidence' and while he did that… he'd find another way to destroy Pamela Isley.

And then it struck him. Pamela had a strong defense against him, but even more so than that, she had a dangerous weakness that Jay knew how to exploit. One that he was angry enough to take advantage of.

He would have to be cautious. He would make it look like an accident, like a set up. He would give it time. Lower their defenses. He could make it work. And he could crush Pamela in the process. After all, he hadn't seen Harley's name from what he'd read of the PPO. A grin spread his lips, a plan beginning to take shape in his mind. To finally put an end to the nuisance that was Pamela Isley…

He would target Harley instead.


	18. You Get To Be Happy

It had taken another week for Pam to make her decision, but finally, she found herself outside Wayne Tower. It was even larger than Pam had expected. It sported dozens upon dozens of large glass windows built into a cold grey exterior, and a giant 'W' at the top.

 _Subtle._

Pam stopped at the entrance, adjusting the suit jacket she'd bought with Selina's help and then pushed past the large doors. The lobby was spacious, polished stone floors and an ornate front desk in what was otherwise an austere room.

The woman behind the desk looked up when Pam approached. "May I help you?"

"I have an appointment with Mr. Wayne," she said, a hint of uncharacteristic nervousness fluttering in her chest. "Pamela Isley."

The woman's face brightened with recognition. "Of course. Mr. Wayne mentioned you'd be coming by. He seemed particularly enthusiastic to see you."

 _Well that's a good sign, I suppose._

"Right this way." The woman led Pam to the elevators, pressing the button for the seventh floor. She began chattering away, but Pam wasn't paying attention. She was busy going over the speech she'd rehearsed over and over again in front of the bathroom mirror, and later for Harley, who seemed impressed even when Pam stumbled. The elevator opened again far too soon for Pam's liking, and the secretary led her to an enormous wooden door with bright brass knobs.

She knocked lightly. "Mr. Wayne? Pamela Isley is here to see you."

Pam heard Bruce's deep voice even through the thick wooden door. "Come in."

The secretary led her inside and Bruce stood up from behind his desk, walking around it to greet Pam with a solid handshake.

"I'm glad you decided to come," he said, acknowledging his secretary with a polite smile before she slipped out of the office. Bruce led Pam to his desk, pulling out a chair for her before returning to his own.

"So," he began, lacing his hands together and leaning forward on the desk. "I assume you're here to talk about my offer."

"That's correct. Does it… still stand?" It had been a few long, very difficult, weeks since Bruce had offered her the position.

"Of course it does. We'd be lucky to have someone as intelligent as you working for the company."

Pam frowned. Bruce wasn't following the script she'd set up in her head. She'd expected she'd need to do a lot more convincing. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out the resume she'd brought and Bruce gave it a quick glance before setting it aside.

"When can you start?"

"I… Wouldn't you like to interview me first?"

"We'll get to that," Bruce assured her. "I'd just like a few preliminary questions answered."

"Well, I'd have to sell the shop before I could dedicate my time to your company entirely…"

"I can assist you there," Bruce replied. "In fact, I'd be happy to buy it from you."

"What?"

"Wayne Enterprises would own the property and pay to keep it up, employ it, but the shop would still be open to you. Does that sound like something you would want?"

"Yes. That… would be ideal," Pam replied. Keeping the shop close, property of Wayne Industries, and Bruce specifically…. They wouldn't really lose it after all.

"Excellent," Bruce replied. "Now that we've settled that, let's take a look at this resume, shall we?"

/

The first snow of the season came early. And the moment Harley saw the heavy flakes falling outside their bedroom window, she bounded out of bed and snatched up her cellphone, dialing everyone they knew and begging them to join her for a snow excursion. Pam watched her with amusement, reveling in the joyful glow Harley seemed to emit. It wasn't long before she'd gathered a small group of willing participants and began throwing on her winter clothes as fast as she possibly could, while Pam followed more slowly. Once they were both ready, Harley grabbed Pam's hand and dragged her down to Robinson Park, where they met the others at the entrance. By the time they got there, a few inches of snow had already accumulated on the ground, blanketing the park and turning it into a winter wonderland, hiding the ugliness that Pam had seen when she first arrived in Gotham.

Fat fluffy snowflakes drifted down from the endless gray sky, collecting in Pam's hair and eyelashes. As they crystallized, she realized belatedly that she probably should have worn a hat. But they had left in such a rush…. She glanced over at Harley, who trudged beside her in heavy boots, purposefully scuffing the soles against the ground to leave track marks behind her. Pam eyed her red and black beanie, and matching scarf, with jealousy.

Harley seemed unaffected by the chill in the air. Her eyes danced around the white wonderland that lay before them, rosy cheeks spread by an enormous smile.

Selina and Bruce walked nearby, enjoying a much more leisurely pace. And both were appropriately bundled up against the weather. Selina hung onto Bruce's arm, her head resting against his broad shoulder. They looked content and somehow still incredibly graceful in their boots and heavy coats. Pam hadn't been prepared for the early snow. And in Gotham, it seemed particularly cold.

Floyd and his daughter, Zoe, walked on their other side. Zoe kept tugging on her father's arm, pointing out lights that hung around the park and the various wildlife that peeked out through the snow-covered underbrush. Floyd laughed as he watched his daughter chase a flock of geese until they all took flight.

Barbara and Dick had set up camp near the entrance to the park since Barbara's wheelchair wouldn't allow her to move through the heavy snow. But she'd insisted on being a part of the outing anyway, so she'd convinced her boyfriend to huddle with her near a few of the park's picnic tables. They did look happy, Pam noted, casting a quick glance behind her to see them cuddled close together, and watching the snow drift down from the sky.

Suddenly, Pam felt a gloved hand slip into her own and she looked over to see Harley grinning at her from behind her scarf.

"Whatcha think, Pam-a-lamb?" she asked, her breath puffing out in a white cloud. She gestured to the falling snow and the dazzling lights around them, but all Pam could focus on was the fact that the chill was already creeping through her light coat and leggings.

"I think I've lost all feeling in my face," she replied.

" _Oh, I can't feel my face when I'm with you_!" Harley burst into song, earning an eye roll from Pam.

"Harley."

" _But I love it."_ She cackled giddily when Pam swung her around and silenced her with a quick kiss. She pulled away, running her thumb along Harley's bottom lip and raising a challenging brow.

"As much as I love your singing. I'm not _ever_ in the mood for The Weeknd."

Harley grinned wider, if that was at all possible, her blue eyes twinkling. She raised her gloved hands to Pam's reddened cheeks and patted them gently before reaching around and unwinding the red and black scarf she wore.

"Here you go." Harley wrapped the scarf around Pam's neck before she could protest, coiling the material until it covered Pam's mouth, leaving only her nose exposed. Pam blinked at her, a little surprised at the speed of which Harley had transferred the scarf. She giggled and kissed the tip of Pam's red nose.

"What about you?" Pam asked, tugging the scarf away from her mouth. Harley just shook her head, small snowflakes falling off her beanie.

"This ain't my first winter in Gotham," she replied "I'll be just fine. Plus, I have you to keep me warm!" She grabbed Pam's arm and wrapped it around her own shoulders, burrowing against Pam's side and nuzzling her cheek with a cold nose. Pam smiled, the warmth filling her having nothing to do with her new scarf. The group continued through the park, Zoe begging her father to help her climb one of the decorated trees. Floyd almost looked convinced until Selina pointed out the dangers of climbing a tall icy object in the middle of winter.

Harley had drifted away from Pam. They were connected now only by their laced fingers, and she gazed up at the sky, sticking out her tongue to catch a few fat snowflakes. They fell mostly in her eyes instead and she flinched away, letting go of Pam's hand and rubbing one eye furiously, frowning when Pam began to laugh.

"Hey, it's not funny," she whined. "Snow hurts."

"Maybe it wasn't the best idea to stick your face directly into it then?"

Harley pouted. "Catching snow on your tongue is like…a winter tradition. Look! Even Bruce is doing it!"

Pam glanced over her shoulder to see Bruce doing nothing of the sort. In fact, he was busy studying his boots, and that was when Pam felt the wet ball of snow smack her square in the back of the head. She stumbled forward, whipping around just in time to see Harley packing another snowball. She squeaked and launched it at Pam. It nailed her in the chest, just below the bottom of her scarf. Pam's eyes rose slowly from the smear of snow on her coat to Harley, who giggled. Then she saw the look in Pam's eyes and bolted, nearly slipping in the process.

Pamela would have calmly brushed the snow from her coat and continued with her leisurely walk. Pamela wouldn't have thought twice about involving herself in a snowball fight. It was juvenile. It wasn't behavior befitting of a lady. It was messy and pointless. But Pamela had been left behind in Seattle a long time ago.

And Pam was dead set on getting revenge. Scooping up a handful of snow, Pam packed it into a tight ball and dashed after Harley as quickly as her booted feet would carry her. Harley looked over her shoulder and yelped, scurrying away even faster towards Floyd and Zoe.

"Save me!" she shrieked, laughing all the while. "I'm being chased by a mad woman!"

She scurried behind Floyd, just as Pam threw her snowball. It smacked Floyd in the chest and in a manner similar to Pam, he studied it before raising his eyes to pin her with a challenging glare.

"She started it," Pam mumbled sheepishly. A slow grin grew on Floyd's face and then he shook Harley off his shoulder and scooped up his own handful of snow.

"Snowball fight!" He declared, launching his snowball at Pam. She ducked and the projectile flew through the air, hitting Selina's shoulder.

"What the hell?" Her voice echoed through the park, accompanied by Bruce's laugh. It wasn't a moment later that Selina retaliated, misjudging the distance of her throw and hitting Pam again. Harley fell into a fit of giggles until Floyd nailed her with two snowballs, the force of which nearly drove her to the ground.

"Floyd!"

"They don't call me Deadshot for nothin', sweetcheeks!" he laughed, ducking behind the cover of a frozen bush.

"No one calls you that!"

Pam took advantage of Harley's distraction, pelting her with another snowball. Harley whirled around, a grin breaking out on her snow-covered face and she chased after Pam with two fistfuls of snow. Bruce and Selina joined the war, focusing their attention of Floyd and Zoe who had taken up cover behind a row of hedges. And Barbara and Dick cheered from the sidelines, calling out fouls and headshots.

Pam ducked behind a tree, panting, her breath coming out in wispy clouds. She peeked around the side of the tree carefully.

 _No sign of Harley—_

The blonde appeared out of nowhere, popping up in front of Pam and smooshing wet snow all over her jacket.

"Harley, those weren't even snowballs!"

Harley simply laughed in response. She was an absolute mess, hair sticking to her forehead, beanie falling off, clothes caked in snow. But she looked so wonderfully happy that Pam couldn't help but find her beautiful. Harley turned to run again when Pam lunged forward, grabbing her around the waist, as the two tumbled into the snow together.

Pam rolled them through the heavy snow until she lay above Harley, propped up only by her elbows. Harley's sparkling eyes met hers and then she stuck her tongue out, squirming underneath Pam in an attempt to free herself. Pam didn't waste any time leaning down and pressing her lips to Harley's. She made a muffled squeak, followed by a short moan, and then her hands were in Pam's snow covered hair, then running down her back to gently cup her rear.

Pam couldn't even feel the cold anymore, she was so wrapped up in Harley. Coaxing Harley's lips open, she slid her tongue against the one that had been mocking her a few moments before. Harley whined, her hips moving slightly against Pam's when suddenly they heard Selina's voice right above them.

"Ahem." They tore apart quickly, glancing up at Selina, who stood over them with her arms crossed, like she was a mother who had just walked in on two very naughty teenagers. "There are literally children here."

"Child," Pam corrected. "Singular."

Selina rolled her eyes. "Point is, watching you two getting down and dirty in the snow is definitely not what the rest of us signed up for today."

"Sorry Kitty," Harley grinned, not looking sorry in the slightest. A small smile broke Selina's cold expression and she shook her head, the snow falling off her short hair.

"Just…. take it behind a tree or something."

Harley saluted, pursing her lips in the most serious expression she could manage, while Pam rolled off her and pulled her to her feet. She popped up, giggling, and cupped Pam's cheeks, pressing a tender kiss to her chapped lips. They stood there for another moment, smiling dumbly at one another until another snowball nailed Harley in the shoulder.

"Hey! Get your head in the game!" Floyd shouted from his impromptu snow fort.

"Oh, it's on, deadhead!" Harley released Pam and scurried through the snow, grabbing handfuls of it as she went. Pam watched her go with a soft smile, taking in the scene around her. Never in her life would she have imagined that she'd end up here, surrounded by friends, playing in the snow, deeply in love…. happy. Not after Woodrue. Not when she was growing up, lonely, and crushed beneath the weight of her parent's expectations. And she had Harley to thank for this newfound sense of freedom.

Filled with a joy that made her buoyant, Pam bent and packed a few snowballs. She charged after Harley with her armful of ammo, prepared to make Floyd eat his words.

/

Before long, the group decided to call it a day. They were cold, soaked and tired, but the promise of warm fireplaces and hot cocoa kept smiles on their faces. Everyone went their separate ways at the park entrance. Pam made her way down the street to their apartment, Harley shivering beside her, her hands tucked underneath her armpits.

"Almost there," she encouraged, when Harley sniffed and rubbed her reddening nose.

"I'm fine!" Harley promised, unwilling to let go of her pride. "This is nothin'." Her red coat was soaked through, and she'd lost one of her gloves in the snow fight. Her hat was askew and Pam still had her scarf. They would have to break out the space heater the moment they got home. Not exactly as romantic as a real fireplace, but it would have to do.

Harley kicked her boots off on the welcome mat as they stepped through the door of the apartment, leaving fluffy piles of snow behind. Pam tried not to grimace as she tracked snow through the apartment too, shedding her clothes as she went. Pam undressed a little more carefully, picking up Harley's things and hanging them on the chairs around the kitchen table to dry. By the time she'd finished cleaning up, Harley was already huddled in front of the space heater, holding her hands out to warm them.

Pam didn't join her until she'd made two mugs of hot cocoa. Then she carried them carefully into the living room, sidling up behind Harley and handing her a mug. She took it gratefully, not even waiting for it to cool down before taking an enormous gulp.

"Gak!" She choked on the steaming liquid and Pam couldn't help but laugh. She pulled a large blanket around both of them and leaned back against the edge of the couch for support.

"You deserved that," she teased, pulling Harley back against her chest. Harley was too busy blowing on her cocoa to respond. She did, however, shoot Pam a sheepish smile over her shoulder. Setting her mug down, Harley leaned back, settling against Pam and sighing. The warm air from the heater buffeted them, partnered with the warmth their body heat created underneath the blanket.

"I'm sorry there's no fireplace," Pam lamented, unable to erase the image of what it would have been like to curl up with Harley in front of one.

"That's okay." Harley straightened suddenly. "Oh! I know." She scrambled out from underneath the blanket and reached for the TV remote, flipping through the channels until she found the one displaying a crackling yule tide log. Pam laughed again as Harley crawled back under the blanket with her.

"That's… comparable, I suppose."

"Discount fireplace," Harley giggled, leaning back against Pam once again. They sat in comfortable silence, the whir of the space heater the only sound filling the room. Harley sighed again and turned her head, her lips finding the underside of Pam's jaw. She let them linger there for a moment, enjoying the soft whimper Pam made, before placing a small kiss on the skin just below her ear.

"Thank you," she said softly, her voice rumbling against Pam's neck.

"For what?"

"For today. I know it probably wasn't that much fun for you with the cold and the snow balls and-"

"Harley, I really enjoyed myself," she interrupted, kissing Harley's forehead. "I wasn't sure I would, I'm not exactly a 'snow ball fight' type of person."

"But…?" Harley drew the word out playfully.

"But, it was the most fun I've had in a long time."

Harley beamed and turned back to face the yule log, squirming against Pam until she was comfortable again. "Me too."

"And that's thanks to you," Pam continued, nuzzling Harley's cheek. "I have a lot of things to thank you for."

Harley hummed. "Like mind blowing sex?"

"Charming," Pam snorted. Harley bounced her eyebrows up and down, laughing when Pam rolled her eyes.

"Sorry," she said, managing to get a hold of herself, although her body still quivered with suppressed giggles. "Serious time. Go."

"Nope, you've ruined the moment." Pam slid her arms around Harley's middle, squeezing gently when the blonde pouted.

"I'm _really_ sorry?" she tried. Pam just smiled and shook her head.

"Mmm, you're not weaseling your way out of this one."

Putting her gymnastic training to good use, Harley suddenly twisted in Pam's grasp and straddled her, wrapping both legs around her waist. She lifted her hands, cupping Pam's cheeks, and leaned forward until their noses brushed.

"Oh no?"

Pam dragged her eyes away from Harley's lips and locked gazes with her. Her blue eyes were smiling, a hint of hunger deep within them. Their lips met a moment later in a slow kiss and one of Harley's hands slid around the back of Pam's neck, pulling her closer. Her fingers twisted in Harley's shirt when she felt a soft tongue swiping across her bottom lip.

The blanket covering them began slipping off Harley's shoulders as she started moving on top of Pam, sweeping her hips back and forth, almost imperceptibly. But it was enough to make Pam's breath catch. She kept her hands on those rolling hips, squeezing whenever Harley ground against her at just the right angle.

Harley seemed to be getting lost in the moment too. She twisted her fingers in red locks and moaned into Pam's mouth, her gentle thrusts becoming more insistent. Pam parted her lips readily, meeting Harley's tongue in a frantic dance.

Harley pulled away abruptly and Pam groaned at the sudden loss of contact. The smirk on Harley's face was proof that she'd won their little stand-off.

"So…. I was thinkin'," she trailed off, letting her hand slide away from Pam's cheek and down towards her chest, where her fingers tapped idly against Pam's collar. "Whaddya say we pick up where we left off at the park?... D'you wanna-"

Pam was on her feet before Harley could finish her sentence, hoisting the blonde up with her. Harley yelped and wrapped her legs tighter around Pam's waist. Their lips connected again in a sloppy kiss as Pam blindly made her way to the bedroom, trusting her feet not to lead her into any walls.

Miraculously, they made it to the bedroom without breaking the kiss. Pam's knees hit the edge of the bed and Harley flopped back onto the sheets, her legs falling away from Pam's waist.

Harley gazed up at her through hooded eyes. Powder blue had turned dark with lust, her reddened lips parted slightly as she panted. She smiled invitingly at Pam, who quickly tore her shirt over her head, leaving her hair a tangled mess. Harley giggled and reached for her, catching Pam in a tight embrace as she dove in for another kiss.

/

Pam stroked her fingers through Harley's tangled blonde hair. The blue and pink tips had all but faded, she noted. They would need to be redone soon. Harley was wrapped around her, her sweat damp skin pressed against Pam's. She could feel the rapid thump of Harley's heart against her own ribs and the blonde's breath was still coming in heavy pants.

Her eyes were closed, though, as Pam stroked her hair rhythmically. Pam watched her face quietly, smiling when her features began to relax. It wasn't hard to put Harley to sleep on a good day, but it was especially easy after a satisfying orgasm.

She held very still, soaking in the warmth of another body pressed tightly against hers. Shivering as gentle fingers traced slow patterns on her waist, and gentle puffs of breath tickled her neck.

Tucked away in bed with the girl who meant more to her than anything in the world.

Pam turned and pressed a kiss to Harley's forehead. She closed her eyes, sighing, and then rested her cheek against the top of Harley's head, while the snow fell silently outside the window and the icy tree branches blew in a frigid wind that they couldn't feel.

"I've been thinkin'," Harley murmured suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence.

"A dangerous pastime," Pam teased, earning a pinch from Harley.

"Pammy, I'm bein' serious."

"I'm sorry," she said, a broad grin appearing on her face anyway. She mimicked Harley's earlier words, "Serious time, go."

Harley pursed her lips and traced small circles around Pam's navel. "I've been thinkin' about school. About goin' back."

Pam could still remember the conversation they'd had months ago, back when they were nothing more than next door neighbors. Reveling in the memory almost made her miss Harley's next words.

"I dunno if I could do it. I think… I know I wanna. But," she paused and heaved a weary sigh. "All this stuff with Jay…"

"Don't let Jay be the reason you don't go back to school," Pam admonished. "That gives him power."

"I know, I know," Harley said, rolling away from Pam and onto her back, staring up at the chipped paint in the ceiling. "But there's other stuff too. Like, you just got your new job with Bruce and the parlor's getting busier. If I left it now I'd be lettin' the guys down-"

"Harley," Pam stopped her mental spiral. "Do you really think that's what's stopping you?" She turned onto her side, propping herself on her elbow and gazing down at Harley. Her face twisted and she refused to meet Pam's eyes.

"Maybe it's just that you're afraid to go out onto a limb," Pam tried. "I know this is something you want. _You_ know… You just need to convince yourself to follow through."

"But what if I'm not… good enough?" she said, her voice quiet. "What if I'm not smart enough? I had so much trouble the first time. And the money…."

"I work for Bruce Wayne. I'll help you cover your tuition," Pam replied, sliding a hand across Harley's stomach. Harley didn't seem convinced. Her lips twisted into a frown, but finally she met Pam's gaze. "There's nothing wrong with needing help. If anyone knows that, it's me."

"Why do you care so much? What would me goin' back to school do for you?"

"It's not about what it would do for me. It's about what it would do for you, your confidence, your future." Pam explained. "And shouldn't I want the world to see the brilliant girl that inspires me? Don't you think that now is as good a time as any to be ambitious? To try something new?"

Pam sat up, pulling Harley with her. "Don't be afraid to say goodbye to the shop. It's part of your past. It got you here. But now it's time to welcome what you can be." She spread her hands out in front of her, painting a picture. "Doctor Harleen Francis Quinzel, a successful, confident, well-renowned psychiatrist."

Harley's face lit up, her eyes trained on the space in front of them, as if she could see the future rolling out before her. "You really think I could do it?"

"I think you can do anything you set your mind to," Pam replied. "And more importantly, I think you deserve to be happy." She pulled Harley close and, just as the girl let her guard down and sunk against her, Pam's ran her fingers up and down her sides. Harley squeaked and burst into a fit of giggles, squirming away. But Pam followed her and they fell against the mattress, Pam tickling relentlessly while Harley kicked at the covers and wriggled and laughed until tears gathered at the corners of her eyes.

"Happy yet?" Pam dodged Harley's attempt to shove her away. Finally, Pam relented, panting and grinning. She trapped Harley underneath her, waiting until she'd regained her breath, and then stroked a gentle hand across her cheek. "Take a breath, Harley. Take a step. Take a chance."

Harley's own grin softened into a small smile at Pam's words. Leaning down, Pam pressed a featherlight kiss to her lips, and when she drew back she saw a glassy sheen in Harley's blue eyes.

"Have I mentioned today," she whispered, her thumb brushing the small heart on Harley's cheek. "How lucky I am… to be in love with you?"


	19. Too Close

"I give up!"

A rain of papers fluttered down from the ceiling, decorating the beige carpet like giant snowflakes, mirroring the ones that fell outside the window.

Pam looked up from where she sat next to Harley on the couch, fingers freezing over her laptop keyboard. The blonde had curled inward on herself, resting her head on the cushion beside Pam's thigh, angrily nudging piles of papers off the side and onto the floor to join the others.

"This is stupid and impossible," Harley pouted, scooting up the couch to rest her head in Pam's lap. "I don't wanna."

Chuckling, Pam ran her fingers through Harley's hair, tucking her bangs back behind her ear. "Do you want help?"

"Of course I want help!" Harley bolted upwards suddenly, almost knocking Pam in the chin as she did. "What is this garbage? What does FAFSA even stand for? Fucking Ass Fuck Shit Ass?"

It was rare to hear Harley swear-she only did it when she was truly frustrated.

"As much as I'd like to agree with your interpretation of the acronym, it actually stands for Free Application for Federal Student Aid," Pam explained, pushing her glasses up her nose.

"Now is not the time, Pammy," Harley warned, narrowing her eyes in a glare. Hiding her amused smile, Pam set her laptop on the coffee table and bent to gather the papers Harley had tossed onto the floor.

"You can do all of these digitally, you know," she said, stacking the papers neatly. "It might make it easier."

"It's not the paper," Harley moaned, flopping against the back of the couch, her head hanging over the edge. "It's the _dozens_ of ridiculous questions. I don't know what my untaxed income is Pam!"

"Well, that's why you have the guide."

Harley moaned again and slid down the couch until she was lying flat, her neck pressed at an awkward angle against the back cushion.

Pam glanced at her phone when it buzzed, signaling that she only had about 20 minutes to get to work at the lab. "I'll help you with this tonight." Leaning over, she pressed a quick kiss to Harley's forehead, who was too busy pouting to reciprocate. "Why don't you forget about this for now and get ready for work?"

Heaving an enormous sigh, Harley pushed herself off the couch and slumped to the bedroom to change out of the pajamas she was still wearing. Pam watched her go, eyes falling to her underwear clad rear. Harley, seeming to sense Pam's eyes on her, threw a glance over her shoulder that immediately turned mischievous.

"See somethin' you like?" she teased, leaning seductively against the door frame. Pam's heartbeat sped up a little as her eyes fell over the curves of Harley's hips.

"We don't have time."

Harley shrugged and brushed her hair over her shoulder, exposing the smooth pale skin of her neck. "Mmm, too bad. Guess you'll have to wait until this evening then. How long you workin' again?"

"Until six…"

"That's a long time."

Jaw clenching, Pam turned away, closing her laptop and rising slowly, determined not to lose to Harley in this game of seduction.

"It is a long time. And unfortunately, this evening is going to be spent working on finishing your FAFSA forms."

Harley's face fell, her entire body drooping with it. Recovering quickly, she pushed herself off the doorway and sauntered into the bedroom throwing a 'that's a darn shame' over her shoulder.

A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, and stayed there, as Pam gathered her bag and coat. Unlike Harley, she'd prepared for work earlier this morning and was ready to leave before Harley had even finished putting on her shirt.

She came back into the living room, tugging the faded Birds of Prey t-shirt over her midriff, in a final attempt to tease. Crossing the room quickly, she snuggled into Pam's open arms, kissing her chin then her cheek and finally her lips, where she lingered before letting her eyes slide open.

"See you tonight?"

"See you tonight," Pam confirmed. "Have a good day."

She untangled herself from Harley's grasp and slipped out the front door into the frigid Gotham winter.

/

"Mr. Wayne was smart to bring you on staff, Pam," Luisa said, watching carefully as Pam transplanted a rare specimen of _titan arum_ into the well fertilized soil in its new place in the lab's greenhouse.

"Tell that to Grimely," Pam smirked, shooting a glance at the old scientist who sat in his wheelchair, glaring daggers at both of them.

"Oh, ignore him," Luisa scoffed, bringing her coffee mug to her lips. "He still believes women have no place in the sciences. Especially plant sciences. Although, I did show him your research on transgenic hybrids."

Pam chuckled. "That was a long time ago. It was my thesis in school."

"And still fascinating," Luisa praised.

"Okay, class, gather round!" came a shrill voice, interrupting whatever else Luisa might have said.

"Are those… children?" Pam asked, peering over Luisa's shoulder. It was more than odd to have a gaggle of children filling the greenhouse, and Luisa had said nothing that might have prepared her.

"Students from Gotham Academy," Luisa explained in a whisper.

Pam studied the kids. All young, but still clearly old enough to look bored at being forced on a field trip to the Gotham Botanical Gardens. One young man—who insisted on wearing a pair of aviators indoors-smirked at Pam when they made eye contact. Deciding she'd be better off _not_ having to interact with a group of surly looking teenagers, Pam quickly scrapped together an excuse.

"I need to...check on my experiments," Pam tried, but Luisa grabbed the sleeve of her lab coat.

"Oh no you don't. I'm not doing this alone," she half whispered, half hissed. Pam relented, hiding slightly behind Luisa as she addressed the kids.

"Hello, Class, I'm Doctor Luisa Cruz, one of the plant sciences specialists here. You're just in time to see Doctor Pamela Isley, our newest researcher, planting our latest acquisition." The kids looked supremely apathetic. "It's called the living fossil. Anyone know why?

There was silence, until one girl called out in a monotone, "Cuz it's old?"

Pam grimaced, but Luisa seemed happy. "Exactly. _Thousands_ of years old. _Taxas baccata,_ the yew. Anyone want to guess how long this tree can live?"

"500 years?" answered another girl.

"Try five thousand years," Pam offered, unable to stop herself. The kids looked just as surprised as she was that she'd spoken.

"Lots of plants live longer than animals," Luisa continued, giving Pam a quiet thumbs up. " _Birch, maple, ash_ -These trees can live between 100 and 120 years. The willow can live up to 400 years."

One of the younger boys wandered towards a tree, toying with the bright red berries that hung from its branches.

"Wouldn't do that if I were you," Pam mumbled, sidling up to him and leaning down to his level. "Those berries are very poisonous."

The boy made a strangled sound of surprise and dropped the berries immediately. Pam chuckled to herself-they were harmless. But frightening the boy gave her a rather perverse sense of amusement.

"Now Doctor Isley will show you what we're working on together. Let's go into the lab shall we?"

To Pam, letting the kids into the lab sounded even more dangerous that letting them into the greenhouse. But Luisa didn't seemed worried, so Pam followed her lead.

Taking a deep breath, she marched through the lab doors, speaking to the children over her shoulder. "Imagine if we could take the most desirable traits of all species, plant or animal, and combine them."

"Aren't plants and animals really different?" said the same boy who had examine the berries. He seemed eager now.

"Well, yes and no. All living organisms share similar DNA. Sixty percent of human DNA is actually the same as a banana." The kids snickered over that.

Except for one boy, who said, "Well, that's all nice in theory. So are you creating new GMO hybrids?"

 _Smart kid._

"It's more than theoretical," Pam explained. "For example-"

Pam's phone buzzed in her pocket. Ignoring it, she cleared her throat and tried to continue, when it buzzed again, and then again, and again. Confused, she glanced pleadingly at Luisa, who quickly moved to take her place.

Mildly annoyed, Pam pulled out her phone, expecting to see a slew of texts from Harley-who was supposed to know better than to contact her while she was at work—when she saw Floyd's name on the call screen.

Anxiety filled her chest now. Floyd had no reason to call her… unless something had happened at the parlor. Something with Harley, that made her incapable of calling.

"Floyd?"

There was no preamble. "Pam? You have to get down here as soon as you can."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Jay attacked Harley."

/

"Hey, hey, hey, hey!" Floyd shouted, holding up a hand as Harley pushed her way inside the tattoo parlor. She froze, one foot in the air, her arms still wrapped tightly around her middle.

"Don't be tracking that shit inside." He pointed to the slush on her boots and then the snow mat at her feet. Grumbling, Harley stomped her boots off and then hung her bag and coat on the rack by the door.

"I'm surprised you came in," Chato said, from where he stood behind the front desk. "It's been dead today. No customers want to come in during a snow storm."

"It's not that bad." Harley waved his comment away with a vague gesture. "Just a little nippy."

"Apparently, the rest of Gotham disagrees," Tatsu shot back, eyes never leaving the magazine in her lap.

"Where's Jay?" It was a question Harley asked often since they'd enforced the PPO. She still didn't trust it would keep him away for good. Jay was slippery and determined.

"Office?" Floyd shrugged. "Honestly, I haven't checked. And I don't really care."

The answer didn't really reassure her, but she accepted it anyway and made her way to her station, beginning to organize her tools. Unfortunately, the two clients she had lined up today called a few minutes later, both canceling their appointments and leaving Harley even grumpier than she'd been when she first came in.

Eventually, Floyd pulled out a set of cards he kept in his bag and the four of them began a game of Blackjack. Tatsu left halfway through the game, however, deciding there was no point in the four of them being there with no customers coming in.

And even with the game as a distraction, the hours left in Harley's shift passed slowly-she kept checking her phone for texts from Pam to keep her occupied.

Nothing.

 _She's busy, she's got a harder job than you and the weather isn't going to affect her._

Still, the lack of communication further added to Harley's sour mood. By the time Chato and Floyd let her leave for the day, there was a dark cloud hanging over her head that matched the ones outside. Grabbing her coat, she waved goodbye to the boys and headed back into the wet cold, shivering the second she stepped outside.

It wasn't even four o'clock yet, but the dark clouds overhead made it seem much later than it really was. Light snowflakes still fell from the sky, blanketing the dirty streets. Pulling her coat tighter around her body, Harley began the long walk home, her nose and cheeks already turning red. The city was quiet, so much so that she could practically hear the snowflakes falling around her. There was no one else on the streets—an odd and rare thing to see in Gotham.

The silence was so pervasive that Harley nearly leapt into the air when she heard a voice calling her name.

"Harley girl, leaving early?"

Whirling around, Harley saw Jay leaning against the wet bricks of an alleyway next to Pam's shop, arms crossed over his chest, a gleeful smile on his face.

"I…." She hadn't expected to see him outside of work, and the fact that he'd seemed to be waiting for her set her on edge. "There were no customers. I… We just thought, it'd be better not to waste like, labor hours and stuff."

"Oh, I'm not mad," Jay assured her, pushing off the wall and taking a step towards her. "Quite the opposite. I've been meaning to speak with you for some time."

Harley was frozen in place under the intensity of his stare.

 _He can't hurt you… You have the PPO. He can't hurt you._

Her words rang hollow.

"All of this business with Pammy and the protection order," Jay drawled, continuing to make his way towards her. "It's all so silly, don't you think? Just one big joke."

Harley shook her head, flakes of snow falling off her hair. "It's not."

"Oh come on now, Pumpkin." Harley flinched at the nickname. "You and I may have had our rough patches. But this? It's not necessary. I let you continue to work for me, didn't I? And have I ever bothered you in the time we've been apart?"

"You tried to hurt, Red."

Jay's smile faltered, a dangerous look flashing in his eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You sent her those letters," Harley accused, taking a step back. Jay was too close now, and his face was set in stone-it was a terrible contrast to his smile.

"Where's your proof, Harley?" She opened her mouth, but apparently, it had been a rhetorical question. "We're getting sidetracked. I just want to talk. Will you talk with me?"

"I should be gettin' home," Harley objected, she took another step back, only to be matched by Jay taking a synchronized step forward. "We… We can talk tomorrow. In your office."

 _With others nearby_.

"But we're both here now," Jay justified. "And it'll be quick and painless, I promise."

The words didn't reassure Harley, so she turned to leave when Jay reached out and grabbed her by the collar, yanking her backwards into the alleyway. A loud ' _rip'_ filled the silence and Harley felt the collar of her shirt tear. She opened her mouth to cry out when Jay cupped his hand over her face, pushing her back against the bricks with such force that she knocked her head against them.

Blinking away the pain, Harley began to struggle and squirm, but Jay's grip was iron. With one arm, he barred her torso, digging into her stomach as he pushed her more firmly against the wall, while slowly lowering the one over her mouth.

"I'm going to move my hand now," he cooed in a voice that belayed their current position. "And if you make another sound, I won't be as forgiving."

Harley swallowed, her chest heaving, heart fluttering in terror. Ignoring Jay's words, she opened her mouth again, prepared to scream when-quick as lightening-Jay's hand tightened around her throat.

"You're not very good at following directions, Poo," he said, his fingers clenching tightly enough to leave marks. Harley's vision darkened, but Jay kept her conscious, just enough to continue speaking to her.

"It's unfortunate really, Harley, what happened to us. We were happy, don't you think?" Harley squirmed again, unable to shake her head through Jay's grip. Jay sighed. "I gave you a job, a home, a good fuck. What more could you want?" His eyes darkened as did his voice. "What does she give you that I didn't?"

Well, Harley had a slew of answers, but she was quickly losing the ability to breath, her chest jerking with each movement she made.

"And what's worse. You kept your job. I left you to your little fairytale romance. I've done nothing to hurt you, and you spit in my face. That's not very fair, Harleen." A lopsided smile cracked his lips, and his mood suddenly switched dramatically. "Although, truth be told, I'm happy for you. That's what I've always wanted. I want you to be happy, Harley. Are you happy with Pammy?"

Harley said nothing…not that she technically could.

"It must be hard though. There's always going to be something keeping you apart. A wall you can't break down. After all, it's not every day someone goes through what poor, poor Pammy did in Seattle."

Harley's eyes widened. If they hadn't had solid proof before, he'd just given her some now. But why? Did he expect she'd keep quiet? Or did he intend to somehow ensure her silence….

Cold dread bloomed in Harley's stomach and she fought again, only to have Jay press her more firmly to the wall.

"You'll never understand her, not completely."

"Y…you…were….the…one-" Harley choked and in the next instant a sharp, blinding pain stung her cheek. Jay drew his hand away, one of his knuckles split from the force with which he'd hit her.

"What did I say about making a sound?" he snarled, waiting for Harley to make another move. She didn't, the pain in her face too intense for her to focus. Once again, his voice softened. "I feel for you, Harley. I do. And as a show of good faith, I want to help. If you're happy with Pammy, then I'll help you break down that wall."

Confused, Harley just stared at him, pulled in by his angry green eyes. Jay leaned forward, his cold lips brushing Harley's ear—sending a shiver down her spine.

"Don't you think you should know what it felt like? Don't you think that would help the two of you grow closer? I'm here to help, Harley."

And then it struck her what he intended to do, and Harley squirmed and struggled and fought to escape Jay's grasp, but his hand tightened around her neck and the other landed on her cheek again, knocking her head to the side.

"The less you fight, the easier this will be, Pumpkin Pie," Jay laughed, his hand wandering towards the button on his pants-Harley's heart began beating violently in her chest.

She was going to die. Here in this alley. Jay was going to use her up and spit her back out. It would all be over. She was never going to see Pam again. And she hadn't even told her she loved her this morning.

Harley's limbs were beginning to go numb, but not from the cold. She fought again, struggling, trying to scream-someone had to hear her. A passerby, Chato, Floyd, anyone.

Jay's grip was tighter now and without air, Harley couldn't find the energy to continue fighting. She choked and kicked weakly and then Jay was pressed against her, his hot breath on her neck and Harley let out a strangled sob.

Just before Harley gave up her last shred of hope, a roar sounded in her ear. A wordless shout. It echoed around the alleyway and then Jay was being torn away from her so roughly it took her to the ground. She fell into the snow, choking and gasping for air, her body heaving and trembling from the rush of adrenaline.

Dimly, she became aware of the sound of a body hitting the ground, a fist pounding into flesh over and over again. But she was shaking too fiercely to even attempt to make sense of the situation. The sounds stopped after a while and a loud groan filled the air, and then Floyd was kneeling in front of her, his large hands gripping her shoulders.

"Harley, can you hear me? I'm going to need you to get up. Come on, you can stand. You've got this." Floyd slipped one hand underneath her armpit, the other gripping the back of her coat and he pulled her up like a rag doll. She stood on shaky legs, finally looking up into Floyd's face. It was filled with cold fury, and contrasting relief.

"You okay?"

 _No, no, I'm not. But you saved me._

Harley launched herself at Floyd, throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his broad chest. It took him a moment to lace his strong arms around her and squeeze.

"You're okay," he affirmed. "I got you."

The tears didn't come. They burned at the back of her eyes, but they wouldn't spill down her cheeks. Shock? She didn't know. She couldn't think clearly.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jay lying in a bloody heap in the snow. Still conscious, but only barely.

"Let's get inside," Floyd urged, looping one arm around Harley's waist and helping her out of the alley. "We're gonna call the cops and then we're gonna call Pam, okay? Pam's gonna come get you."

Nodding numbly, Harley leaned heavily into Floyd's embrace, trying to absorb his words.

 _Pam's coming. Pam's coming. She's coming. You're going to be okay._

 _/_

Pam burst into the tattoo parlor, nearly nailing Chato in the nose with the door as he attempted to make his way outside.

"Jesus, Pam," he spat, stumbling backwards a few steps and straightening quickly to maintain his pride.

"Where is she?"

Chato didn't have time to answer before Pam spotted Harley sitting with Floyd in the center of the parlor. Her right eye was bruised and swollen and there was a bit of dried blood underneath her nose. Her hair had frizzed out of its pigtails and the collar of her shirt was torn, a company of dark circles decorating her throat. The sight made Pam's stomach twist.

Pam strode across the parlor, her eyes glued to Harley, who looked up when she heard the clack of footsteps. She rose quickly, the blanket that had been draped around her shoulders falling to the floor, and flew at Pam, throwing her arms around her neck.

Pam squeezed her eyes shut, threading one arm around Harley's waist and cradling the back of her head with the other.

"Thank god you're okay," she breathed, absorbing the trembles that passed through Harley's lean frame.

Harley drew back to look her in the eye and flashed a weak grin. "You bet. Ain't no way Jay was gonna take me down." But there was a flicker of doubt in her eyes, like she didn't believe her own words.

Pam took advantage of their position to slide her hands around the back of Harley's neck and pull her into a rough and sloppy kiss, the sharp tang of blood flooding her mouth. She knew their audience probably didn't appreciate it, but she couldn't help herself. To think that she could have lost Harley…. And to that monster no less.

"What happened?" Pam asked as she pulled away, brushing Harley's wild hair out of her face.

Harley heaved a trembling breath, leaning heavily against Pam, who took her weight with ease and stroked her hands down the blonde's sides comfortingly.

"Everythin' happened so fast," Harley began. "I left work right after sayin' goodbye to the guys. It was kinda dark but not too bad yet and I thought I'd be fine if I walked quick. But Jay popped outta nowhere and he cornered me in the alley by your shop." She paused to wet her lips, her wide blue eyes flickering to Pam's. "He said so many awful things about you, Red. Awful, awful things… And when I tried to fight back, he did this." She pointed to the bruise on her face. "And then he laughed and pinned me to the wall and told me that if I was gonna be with you, I should know what it felt like to experience what you did in Seattle."

Pam's heart seized at the implication, her blood beginning to boil. She'd never wanted to tear Jay's throat out more than she did right now.

"An' I did all I could to try and shake him, but he was too strong. He wouldn't let me go, Red." She looked plaintively at Pam, almost guilty, and Pam kissed her forehead to reassure her. "I thought I was done for and then Floyd showed up and practically beat Jay into the ground."

Pam caught Floyd's eye over Harley's shoulder. He gave her a subtle nod, and Pam didn't need to exchange a single word with him to know he understood how grateful she was. He looked away, rubbing his nose with bloody knuckles.

"It's alright, Daffodil," she murmured. "He can't hurt you anymore. Here… Sit for a moment."

Pam helped Harley back into her seat, pushing her hair back from her swollen cheek again and pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head before approaching Floyd. Whether a verbal thank you was necessary or not, Floyd at least deserved acknowledgement for what he'd done.

"Floyd," Pam began uncertainly, picking absently at a thread on her coat. "What you did-"

"I'd do over again in a heartbeat," he interrupted, rubbing his knuckles-which Pam realized now was probably a soothing gesture as the skin was still cracked and raw. "Asshole had it comin'. He actually thought he was gonna hurt Harley. No way, I was going to let that happen."

"If you hadn't been there…."

Floyd held up his hands. "No use thinkin' that…. I was, and she's fine. That prick's goin' to jail. Let's leave it at that."

"But how did you know?" Pam asked, unable to let it go entirely. If he' only been a moment later…

Floyd's rolled his broad shoulders once. "A feeling? Saw Jay come into the office early and disappear like always. Went into the back to see if he'd be cool with closing early once Harley left and the guy was gone. Knew he couldn't be up to anything good, sneakin' off like that. So I decided to follow after Harley just to be sure-left Chato to keep watch here- and… there you go."

Pam glanced over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of the squad car Jay was in through the window and then returned her attention to Floyd.

"Thank you, Floyd."

He dipped his chin. "You keep her safe now."

"Can we go home?" Harley asked, abandoning her seat to join them and bumping her forehead gently against the back of Pam's shoulder.

"Soon, sweetheart," Pam replied, turning and running her fingers lightly over the bruise underneath her eye. "We need to settle things with Renee first."

It was at that moment that Montoya chose to join them.

"You feeling alright, Harley?" she asked. "You sure you don't want an escort to the hospital?"

Harley shook her head. "It's just a bruise, I'll be okay."

Montoya pursed her lips and set her hands on her hips but didn't argue further. "Jay breached the boundaries of the PPO tonight," she explained. "We're taking him down to the station and he'll be transported to Gotham's high security prison from there…" She let out a dark chuckle. "Can you believe the guy was too stupid to read his own papers? He insists Harley's name wasn't on the order. As if that even matters at this point. He's still going to be charged for assault along with whatever else the PPO can nail him with."

 _Good riddance._

"He'll stand trial of course, but I'm confident he's not going to get out of this one easily. He won't be bothering either of you ladies anymore."

Harley slid her arm around Pam's waist, hiding her face in the crook of her neck. Pam squeezed her shoulders comfortingly.

"Thank you, sincerely. Everything you've done for us…."

Montoya held up a hand. "Totally unnecessary, Pam. I'm glad I could help and get a scumbag like him off the streets."

Montoya and her team made sure to take down eye witness accounts from everyone in the parlor, Harley and Floyd especially. By the time they were allowed to leave, Harley was visibly exhausted. Montoya offered them a ride home in the squad car and Pam jumped at the opportunity, allowing Harley to lean heavily on her shoulder during the ride, her eyes fluttering closed every now and then.

Pam stripped Harley of her torn clothes once they were safely inside the apartment and then helped her shower, washing the blood from her face and massaging her scalp gently as she washed her hair. Harley mewed with pleasure, despite her exhaustion.

As soon as they were finished, Pam took Harley into the bedroom, where she flopped down on the bed immediately, burrowing into the sheets with a groan.

"Everythin' hurts," she mumbled as Pam lay down behind her, running a gentle hand through her hair and down her side.

"I know, Daffodil." She kissed Harley's temple. "You'll feel better in the morning."

Harley's eyes were already closing, her breath slowing. Pam brushed her blonde curls aside and nuzzled against the back of her neck, pressing tender kisses there.

"Just sleep," she said-an unnecessary suggestion considering Harley was already halfway there.

 _I won't let anything hurt you now._

As soon as Harley fell asleep, Pam slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her against her chest. The idea that she'd almost lost Harley kept tugging at the back of her mind. And maybe she wouldn't have lost her physically, but mentally. If Harley had suffered the same fate she had in Seattle-it would have broken Pam as well.

There was no use ruminating on 'what ifs', she knew that. Harley was safe and Jay was going to prison.

Pam closed her eyes, listening to the sound of Harley breathing in and out, in and out. And eventually, the rhythm lulled her to sleep too.

/

Harley jolted awake, her body covered in a cold sweat, face sore and pounding where Jay had hit her. He'd followed her into her dreams. But there had been no Floyd this time. No one to save her. And she'd seen what could have happened in horrifying detail.

It was still early, barely past five in the morning according to the clock on the bedside table. Groaning, Harley rolled onto her back to see Pam still lying beside her, eyelids fluttering as she slept.

She watched Pam in silence for a while, taking in the face she thought she'd never see again when she was in that alley. Turning onto her side, she tucked her hands under her cheek, and stared harder, trying to memorize Pam's features. The light freckles that dusted her cheeks, waves of copper hair, strong, sharp jawline, full lips, and the deep green eyes she couldn't see.

And as Harley watched her sleep, tears began forming in the corner of her eyes. She squeezed them shut as the nightmares came back, a tiny whimper escaping her. Pam's eyes opened immediately and she lifted herself up onto her elbow. "Harley?"

"I'm so sorry," Harley sniffed, her shoulders beginning to shake.

Wordlessly, Pam took her in her arms and rolled until Harley lay draped on top of her. She buried her face in Pam's chest and began to sob, deep, hysterical sobs that made her whole body heave.

"He was gonna—He was gonna-" She couldn't finish, breaking down into even louder sobs.

Pam stroked her hair and back and kissed her temple, held her as close as she possibly could, her heart aching for Harley. "Shhh. You're safe, sweetpea. I've got you. You're home and he can't hurt you anymore."

Harley nodded against Pam's chest, her shirt dampened with a mixture of salty tears and snot. Pam lay still, continuing to comfort Harley with gentle touches and murmurs until finally, she fell silent, her body sagging against Pam's.

"You know that even if he had hurt you," Pam began after a stretch of silence. "I would have been there for you. As would Joan. And Floyd, Barbara, Selina. We would have worked through it together and you would have healed just like I did."

"You wouldn't have left me?" Harley whispered, fingers clenching Pam's shirt.

"Never. I'll look out for you… always."

Finally, Harley raised her head, searching Pam's face with reddened eyes before leaning in and pressing a wet kiss to her lips, salty tears slipping onto her cheeks.

"I love you," she murmured softly, resting her forehead against Pam's and letting her eyes slide shut.

Pam did the same, reveling in her warmth and the fact that she was safe. "I love you more."

Harley released a wet chuckle and kissed Pam's cheek before letting go and rolling to her side of the bed. "So should we do that FAFSA stuff now?"

While Pam appreciated her try for humor, she wasn't at all in the mood to let Harley do anything other than rest.

"No," Pam ordered, pulling her back onto the pillows and drawing the covers up around her chin. "You stay here and rest, and I'm going to make you something to eat and then you're going back to sleep."

"Yes ma'am," Harley murmured, her blue eyes wide. There was a brief, tense pause between them. "Can I at least camp on the couch and watch some TV?"

Face softening into a smile, Pam relented, "Alright." But she didn't move, gazing down into Harley's face instead, ghosting her fingers across her cheek, tucking her hair back.

"You okay?" Harley asked after a moment. And then Pam broke, because of course Harley would ask her if _she_ was okay, after what she'd been through. She was that selfless, that loving-and Pam had almost lost her.

Biting her lip, Pam shook her head, tracing the soft curve of Harley's brow with her fingertips. "I've never been more scared than I was today, Harley." Harley remained silent, watching her with enormous blue eyes. "When I got the call from Floyd… It was all I could do not to tear apart the city to get to you in time. The ride to the tattoo parlor was-" she squeezed her eyes shut-"Torturously slow."

"But probably faster than runnin', huh?" Harley tried quietly, smiling timidly when Pam opened her eyes again.

A smile rose unbidden to Pam's lips, before trembling and falling away. "I thought I was going to lose you today. Nothing has ever terrified me more than that thought."

"Well I bet Seattle 'n Woodrue was a lot scarier-" Harley's try for levity fell flat when Pam shook her head firmly.

" _Nothing_ …Harley. Nothing…What happened to me back then-it pales in comparison."

Finally, Harley was left speechless. She stared up at Pam, her blue eyes swimming as her fingers toyed with the fraying edges of the blanket tucked underneath her chin.

"I'll never be able to thank Floyd properly," Pam admitted and Harley agreed with a quiet chuckle. Releasing a heavy sigh through her nose, Pam lay back down against the sheets, curling against Harley's side and tucking her head underneath the blonde's chin, pressing soft kisses to the dark circles on her neck. They lay in silence for a while, Harley accepting the swift role reversal of 'comforter'. She stroked Pam's back gently, taking extra care when she felt the red head's body shake in her arms.

"We should leave the city," Pam mumbled suddenly, her voice hidden in Harley's neck. "Just for a while. Just to get a break."

"Like a vacation?" Harley clarified, her eyes roaming the chipped paint in the ceiling as her fingers ran listlessly through Pam's hair.

"Exactly," Pam agreed. "A vacation… I promise. As soon as I'm settled with this new job and once we've filed your school forms. We can go somewhere… Pretend this city doesn't exist."

Harley wanted nothing more. The last few months had been more exhausting than she allowed herself to realize. Taking some time to just escape it all, with the woman she loved….

"Think Kitty'll be jealous if we leave her behind?"

Pam shrugged. "I honestly don't care."

Harley's shoulders bounced as she giggled, forcing Pam to lift her head. She smiled tenderly and kissed Harley's bruised cheek.

"I just need some time," Pam continued. "Just us. Nothing else."

Fighting the flutter in her chest, Harley grinned and teased, "Don't'cha think it'll get a little boring? Just you and me?"

"Boring?" Pam snorted. "Harley, have you met yourself? Have you met us?"

Giggling again, the bruise on her cheek aching, Harley squirmed deeper into the covers, shuffling until she was snuggled beneath Pam again. "I'll be boring someday though."

"I promise you, that will never be true," Pam replied.

"Not even when I'm ugly and old and play Scrabble all day?"

Pam looked mildly offended at the insinuation that Scrabble was only for the elderly. "Not even then."

A wrinkle formed between Harley's brow suddenly, marring the smooth skin. "Will we… Will you still be around, then? To play Scrabble with me and stuff?"

It took Pam a moment to understand what Harley was implying and when she did, she had to fight the enormous grin that threatened to split her face.

"Do you want me to be there?"

Harley's expression was solemn-she nodded silently, one hand twisting in the fabric of Pam's blouse. "Yeah. I do want you there."

"Then I will be," Pam breathed, finally closing the small space between them and pressing her lips to Harley's, featherlight and sweet. "As long as you'll have me."


End file.
